Roping the Rancher (Harlequin American Romance) (17 page)

“Really?”

She sank onto the couch beside him. He told her how he’d missed the signs Jess sent out about needing him around more. He hadn’t wanted to see them because he knew if he did he’d have to make changes in his life. He’d have to give up the career he loved. Then he explained about the troubles Reed and Jess had while he was in Afghanistan and how Jess ran away. “I learned something else while I was gone. Teenagers aren’t really kids anymore.”

“That may be true, but they’re not old enough to make their own decisions, either. Ryan has to go back with me. He’s not old enough to be on his own.”

“Right now you don’t have a choice. You can’t make him go with you, and you don’t have time to convince him. Focus on your mother and getting her help. Let Ryan stay here with me and Jess.”

“I don’t know if I can bear letting him go.”

“You’ve basically been Ryan’s parent. Part of taking on that job means sucking it up and taking a hit because you want what’s best for your child.”

“Like you gave up your military career.”

He nodded.

“My mother never learned that lesson. I always said I’d never make the mistakes she did.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I have to let him go, don’t I?”

Colt nodded and wrapped his arms around her. He held her for a minute while she cried. Then when she’d gotten everything out of her system, together they walked into the kitchen and he stood beside her as she told her brother she was leaving for California, but he could stay.

Ryan turned to his sister, his eyes wide. “You’re letting me live here with Colt and Jess? Permanently?”

Stacy bit her lip and nodded. She was trying so hard to hold it together. “I want you to be happy.”

“Thanks.” Ryan strode across the room and wrapped his sister in a big hug. “When do you think you’ll be back?”

The reality of her leaving and that she might not return hit Colt head-on. The ache, the pain coursing through him threatened to bring him to his knees. He held his breath and his palms grew sweaty as he waited for her to answer Ryan’s question.

The silence stretched. That wasn’t a good sign and he knew it.

What had he expected her to do? Say she couldn’t wait to come back? That she’d give up her life, her career to see if they could make a go of being a family?

“I don’t know. It’ll depend on how Mom does. I start shooting my next movie in six weeks, but if she goes into a mental hospital, who knows how long it’ll be before I can leave her.” She turned in Colt’s direction, but she failed to meet his gaze as she nibbled on her lower lip. “Thank you for taking Ryan in. I’ll call to discuss the legal issues and support payments.”

The last bit of his hope that her going was only temporary, that she’d say she couldn’t leave him for good, that she loved him and wanted him in her life withered and died. What she’d just said made it clear that she wasn’t coming back any time soon.

“I don’t need your money.”

I need you.
The words hovered in his mind, but he shoved them aside. If she’d give him a sliver of hope, maybe he could tell her how he felt. He could ask her to come back to him when her mother was better, but only an idiot spilled his guts to a woman after she gave him a giant “it’s over” signal like Stacy just had.

“I know, but I’m going to help with his support anyway.”

He peered into her beautiful blue eyes. He thought Lynn leaving him hurt. That was nothing compared to what he felt now. Lynn had been the love of his youth. Stacy was the love of his life. “When’s your flight?”

“Nine-twenty tonight.”

He nodded, not sure what to say or do. Should he smile at the woman he loved, say things were fun while they lasted and ask if they could keep in touch via Skype or Facebook?

He wanted her in his life forever, but their lives were so different. He couldn’t move to California. He thought about how unhappy Lynn had been when she’d given up her dreams of living in the city for him. He wouldn’t make that mistake with a woman again. He loved Stacy, but he had to let her go.

She nodded, as well. Then she walked across the room, kissed him on the cheek and walked out the door.

At least if Ryan moved in with him and Jess maybe he’d see Stacy when she visited her brother. Would having her in his life that way be better or worse than not having a relationship with her? Talk about exquisite torture, and how pathetic was he to consider being willing to accept that?

The deafening sound of the door closing behind her echoed through his silent house.

“Why are you letting her go?” Jess swatted him on the arm. “Do something.”

He’d had all could take. “I’m not discussing this.” He turned to Ryan. “We need to get your things.”

Then Colt headed for the door as well, the teenager trailing after him. When they reached his driveway, Stacy’s car was nowhere in sight. His heart sank. Had he really expected her to be sitting in her car waiting to tell him she’d changed her mind?

After a couple of minutes of awkward silence on the road, Ryan said, “I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but you care about my sister. What I don’t get is why you’re letting her go back to California.”

“Give a guy a heads-up before you toss out a bomb like that, especially when he’s driving.”

“You’re avoiding my question.”

Damn straight. “I didn’t
let
Stacy do anything. Weren’t you listening to the conversations she had with you today? She’s got a mind of her own, and she made it clear to both of us that her life’s in California. Now change the subject.”

“There are some things you need to know about my sister, so I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen.”

Colt thought about arguing with Ryan, but truth be told he didn’t have the strength. It would be easier to tune the kid out.

“Stacy’s always been too nice, and our mother’s used that and her mind games to keep Stacy under her thumb. Without Stacy, our mom would have to take care of herself. She would have to get a job if Stacy quit bailing her out financially.”

“She supports your mom?”

Ryan nodded. “I don’t know about right after Dad died because I was a baby, but I do know about the past few years. Mom loves the Hollywood lifestyle. She spends her days working with her personal trainer, shopping and having three-hour lunches with her friends at four-star restaurants.” Ryan told Colt how Andrea lost a good part of the money her first husband left her in a divorce settlement with her second. “Stacy hasn’t had much luck getting our mother to live within her means, and she can’t say no when Mom comes up short.”

Life had forced Stacy to grow up as fast as he had. They’d both had parents who bailed on them. Ones who couldn’t cope with life. Colt’s father crawled into a bottle and lashed out with his fists. Stacy’s mom tried to fill the void with men and a lavish lifestyle.

“Did you ask Stacy to stay?” Ryan asked.

“Not outright, but I hinted at it.”

“What did you say? Something like if you want to, you could stay here for a while?”

Pretty much, and hearing Ryan parrot basically what he’d said to Stacy didn’t make the words sound any better than when he’d originally uttered them. What woman would take a man up on a botched invitation like that?

“What if she’s waiting for you to say you
want
her to stay?”

One thing he admired about Stacy was how she spoke her mind. He never had to guess with her, and since he’d known her, she’d been clear that her career and her life were in California.

“Your sister’s not a beat-around-the-bush kind of gal.”

“But she’s not big on asking for stuff for herself because people always expect her to be strong. Andrea once told her she never had to worry about her because she’ll always be all right.”

Colt shook his head. “Your mom’s a piece of work.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Stacy. When I was younger I used to ask our mom to do things with me, read to me or take me places. She always had an excuse why she couldn’t. She was busy. She couldn’t leave her husband alone for us to go somewhere for the day. Whatever. I learned to ask Stacy instead. She always had time for me. Growing up Stacy didn’t have anyone else to turn to. I think the way she coped was she learned to quit asking.”

Life with a father who responded to requests for help with a quick fist and criticism taught Colt to be self-sufficient. What if Stacy learned a similar lesson? What had Ryan just said? Stacy learned to quit asking. What if they’d both been sitting back waiting for the other to open up? Were he and Stacy two people who’d been so overlooked by their families that they’d grown afraid to reach out to anyone for fear they’d end up getting knocked down?

Colt pulled up to the cabin where Ryan and his sister had been staying. If he never told Stacy he loved her and asked her to be part of his life, he’d always wonder what she would’ve said. Sure it was a risk and he could get hurt if she rejected him, but what if she said yes?

The biggest rewards often required the biggest risk. “Since you’re here talking to me like this, I’m guessing you approve of me seeing your sister?”

“That question’s so stupid I’m not going to answer it.”

He had Ryan’s blessing, now he needed his daughter’s.

* * *

A
N
HOUR
LATER
when Colt and Ryan returned to the house, Ryan went upstairs to settle into the guest room while Colt asked Jess to join him in the living room. He couldn’t ask Stacy to be a part of his life unless his daughter supported his decision. When they’d placed the squalling wrinkled pink bundle in his arms almost sixteen years ago, he’d entered into a lifelong commitment.

He’d screwed up when he’d learned of his deployment by not laying everything out with Jess. He’d talked to her, but they never really had a heart-to-heart, compromise and work it out discussion. He may not be Albert Einstein, but he was smart enough to learn from his mistakes. He knew that, but he wasn’t quite sure how to start. “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier.”

“That’s not what you want to talk to me about. I know something’s up because you’re acting like you do whenever you’ve got something to discuss that you don’t want to talk about.”

“How did you get to be so smart?”

“Good genes.” She grinned, looking so much like her mother. He and Lynn may have failed at marriage, but they’d created something incredible in this amazing young woman.

“I’m in love with Stacy.”

“I know. You have that same look in your eyes that Uncle Reed does when he looks at Avery. The question is what are you going to do about it?”

His daughter’s words nearly knocked him over. She’d grown up so fast. He’d been right when he told Stacy earlier that teenagers really weren’t kids anymore. “I want to ask her to marry me, but before I do, I want to make sure you’re okay with it.”

“What if I said I’m not?”

“Then I wouldn’t ask her to marry me, but I won’t stop seeing her.” He searched his daughter’s young face, trying to read her thoughts and then decided to quit guessing. “Are you saying you’re not okay with it?”

“She’s cool. I like how she makes you happy.” Jess’s brows furrowed in thought. He braced himself. Experience taught him her looking like that or thinking that hard never led to something he wanted to hear. “What will that make Ryan? My stepuncle? That borders on creepy.”

“You may not have to worry about that. Stacy may turn me down.”

His daughter laughed until her eyes watered. “Really, Dad? Come on. The woman ran into a burning barn to save you.”

Maybe there was hope for him.

* * *

S
TACY
SAT
IN
the unforgiving plastic chairs connected like train cars in the Denver airport and realized she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

She was leaving behind everyone who filled her life with light. Ryan, Jess and, most importantly, Colt. She’d finally found a man she wanted to share her life with, one who’d stood beside her, one who hadn’t bailed on her when she needed him or told her she was more trouble than she was worth, and what was she doing? Walking away from him, and for what? A needy, self-centered mother and a career that made a roller-coaster ride look like a smooth experience.

Hardly a fair trade.

Nannette’s words hammered in Stacy’s mind.
You’re not your mother’s keeper. You have the right to live your own life.

As a child she’d lacked the power to do anything about Andrea relying on her as a confidant and a source of financial support. At some point that was no longer true. Since then, by allowing the unhealthy patterns she and Andrea had settled into to continue, Stacy had become part of the problem.

But no more.

She refused to sacrifice her life for her mother any longer. She’d tell Andrea she’d always be there for her, but she wouldn’t continue to rescue her. Stacy vowed she’d get her through this rough time with Grant, but then her mother was going to have to learn to stand on her own two feet, to call her own repairmen and live within her own means.

I deserve that.

Nannette had been right. Everyone’s life was tough. The giant weight that had been resting on Stacy’s chest tumbled off.

Colt had shown her what life could be like, and she intended to do whatever she could to hold on to that. Nothing in her life meant anything if she wasn’t with him.

She couldn’t leave with things unsettled between them, without telling him how much she loved him. She wanted him in her life. However she could have him. Her hand shaking, she clutched her cell phone and called the man she loved.

When he answered, she plunged forward before she lost her courage. She stared at the floor as she struggled to control her racing thoughts. “I should have said this earlier, but I was afraid to. I’d like us to keep seeing each other even though I’m moving back to California. Once I help my mom through this latest crisis then I can think about the future. I know this is a lot to ask of you because I travel so much for my job and long-distance relationships are hard. I know this isn’t the kind of thing people usually discuss over the phone, but—”