Rory's Proposal (22 page)

Mum refills glasses as we wait.

‘Flopperflora, Florabomber …’

‘
Well, we’re not using florabomber,’ I interrupt. ‘I’ll be arrested as a potential terrorist.’

‘
Floozy Flora, Flora babe …’

‘
Oh come on,’ I say irritably. ‘There must be better ones than that.’

‘
I think they’re cool,’ says Ryan.

‘
How about fightwithflora or campaignflora?’

A top-up of wine and
a vote later and we go for
fightwithflora
.

‘
I’ve updated the Twitter page. Made it clear on your profile what we’re doing and I’ve tweeted the place date and time of the protest, and we now have four more followers,’ says Sandy proudly.

‘
Wow, careful we don’t go viral,’ quips Ryan.

‘
If we could stay positive,’ snaps Rosalind as Sadistic Harry farts in agreement.

‘Christ
, he farts for England that one, what are you feeding him on?’ Ryan snaps.

‘
My breast, anything else you want to say?’

‘
Yes, I think that last one wasn’t a fart, not judging by your jeans.’

‘
Ah Christ. The little sod, won’t be a sec,’ she says dashing to the loo.

I bet Tom Cruise wouldn
’t put up with this.

‘
I’ll be in charge of the Twitter page and I’ll update every day. We need someone to take on publicity. Ryan, can you do that? Contact the local papers and stuff like that. Posters in the library, you know the kind of thing?

He nods
.

‘
Ryan, Publicity Manager,’ says Devon scribbling in her WH Smith notebook.

‘
Jeth said you need strategies to make Rory’s look bad,’ says Sandy.

‘
You mean put it about that they have bad hygiene and stuff like that?’ asks Ryan. ‘Seems a bit underhand don’t you think?’

‘
And stealing our prescription idea wasn’t?’ I say.

‘
I agree with Ryan. You can’t do anything too extreme,’ says Devon topping up our glasses. ‘Nothing illegal or untrue or it will weaken our cause. You need to do little things that will cause a bit of mayhem now and then. You know, protesting outside with
placards and stuff. We need lots of leaflets too.’

‘
That’s going to be bloody expensive,’ says Rosalind returning from the loo and smelling of ‘Womanity’. I raise my eyebrows.

‘
I didn’t think you’d mind. Trust me the other smell is worse.’

‘
She’s right. The leaflets are the most expensive. And it would be good to get more stickers,’ adds Sandy.

I find myself wriggling with excitement.

‘Adam said he knows people in the printing trade. He may be able to get the leaflets.’

‘
Adam?’ queries Rosalind.

‘
The guy upstairs.’

‘
That’s a nice name. Very biblical,’ says Mum.

‘
Two more followers,’ squeals Sandy, holding up the laptop. ‘One has tweeted us.’

We all hover around the laptop.

@fightwithflora This is awful, we
’ll be there. Keep up the good work.’

‘Great, more people for the protest,’ says Ryan. ‘These Chilli crackers are nice Mrs R.’

Mum smiles.

‘Yes special offer from …’

We all glare at her.

‘Next rule,’ I say. ‘We all boycott Rory’s and do our shopping elsewhere. There’s an Aldi not too far away and a Tesco off Ladbroke Road.’

‘
Aldi,’ says Mum indignantly. ‘What if my friends at Health and Beauty find out, and Tesco, do I really have to?’

‘
Don’t be a snob.’

‘
What if someone else gets it for me?’ she asks hopefully.

‘
The whole point is that we don’t give Rory’s the custom Mum.’

‘
Yeah, we’ll show them,’ says Ryan. ‘Seven people boycotting Rory’s, Christ, they won’t know what’s hit them.’

I groan. He
’s quite right of course. It really doesn’t matter one way or the other if my mum shops there or not. It will need more than seven of us to make a difference. Even seven hundred people wouldn’t bother Rory’s. It’s a complete and total waste of time.

‘
You’re right. Why are we even bothering?’ I say sorrowfully. ‘I might as well give them the salon and be done with it.’

‘
I thought you were up for a fight,’ scolds Devon. ‘Didn’t take you long to cave in did it?’

‘
And what about our jobs?’ says Sandy, becoming tearful.

‘
Yes, sweetie, what about our jobs?’ echoes Ryan.

‘
I could take the salon in the East End of London,’ I say meekly. ‘Or meet Thomas Rory and discuss another site. He did say he could offer me one in a good area.’

Just saying his name conjures up his gorgeous face and I can hear his soft well-spoken voice in my head. Don
’t think about it, don’t think about it but how can I not think about it? No one ever made me feel the way he did. It’s not like the salon is in fantastic condition is it? In fact the whole place is becoming a headache in more ways than one. Luke wasn’t wrong about that. There’s no harm in meeting up with Tom is there, just to discuss other sites. It would be good to see him again. What if Rosalind is right and he does like me? Don’t think about it, don’t think about it but how can I not think about it? Surely if he really liked me he wouldn’t have deceived me.

‘
Have you lost leave of your senses?’ snaps Devon. ‘The man deceived you, bought the other two properties behind your back, announces your idea at a big charity do as his own and embarrasses you in the papers and …’

‘
She’s in love with him,’ interrupts Rosalind bluntly.

‘
Well, it doesn’t sound like the feeling’s mutual darling, if you don’t mind me saying,’ says Ryan.

‘
It might be,’ says Mum hopefully. ‘They did have a good time by all accounts, from the photos in the …’

‘
It could be mutual. He may not have known what was going on,’ says Rosalind, giving me a smile.

‘
He’s the bloody company CEO. Of course he did,’ snaps Sandy.

‘
You’re right, it just seemed hopeless for a minute,’ I say.

What am I thinking? I told Tom it was war. I can
’t give in this soon.

‘
You’ve got to fight,’ says Devon. ‘Fight for others if not for yourself because people like him don’t stop at just one person.’

She
’s quite right of course. He’s nothing but a bully who needs to be stopped.

‘
So our rules are,’ says Sandy firmly, while eyeing my mother. ‘No shopping at Rory’s. We boycott them and try to get as many people as we can to boycott too. One of us needs to go round some of the smaller shops and see if they will reduce their prices so they undercut Rory’s. We should follow all the local shops if they’re on Twitter, get them on our side and perhaps even follow Rory’s.’

There is a shocked silence broken only by a fart from Sadistic Harry.

‘That’s a bit crazy isn’t it?’ says Rosalind, popping out an engorged breast and pushing Sadistic Harry onto it. ‘What if they follow back? They’ll know everything we’re up to.’

‘
Well, that’s put me off the cashews,’ groans Ryan, grimacing at the sight of Rosalind’s breast.

‘
Don’t you get it, they’ll see how many followers we’re getting?’ says Sandy. ‘We don’t tell them all our underhand tricks obviously, just our rallies and petitions. Talking of which we should set up an online petition too.’

‘
Five more followers,’ she announces. ‘Three messages, all saying good for you @fightwithflora #downwithrory’

‘
I’ll go round the local shops,’ offers Devon.

‘
I’ll do some too,’ I add.

‘
I’ll prepare the placards,’ suggests Ryan.

‘
Jeremy’s mate owns a
joke shop. I could pop in there see what they have. You know, for props and stuff,’ says Rosalind.

‘
Fab idea,’ says Sandy excitedly.

‘
I’ll look into jokes and research ideas,’ adds Devon.

‘
Okay Devon, you’re Projects Manager,’ I say. ‘I’m in charge of Social Media and Rosalind you do what you can.’

A terrible thought occurs to me.

‘What if Thomas Rory follows me?’

‘
I’d do him for stalking love,’ says Ryan seriously, uncorking another bottle.

‘
On Twitter I mean. What if he follows fightwithflora?’

‘
All the better;
we’ll know he’s worried.’

And if he tweets me I
’ll have to tweet back won’t I? After all it would be rude not to. I find myself hoping he does.

‘
I don’t have a job,’ pipes up Mum, raising a hand.

Just as well
.

‘
You can be Human Resources manager,’ I say. ‘You’re In charge of drinks, food, and entertainment
for our meeting and rallies.’

‘
Someone has to be in charge of the PG Tips, who better than you love?’ grins Ryan.

‘
Lovely,’ smiles Mum.

‘
Is this meeting at an end then, because I should get Sadistic Harry home?’

‘You’re not going to christen
him Sadistic Harry are you?’ asks Devon.

‘
I think the vicar might have a problem with that,’ grins Rosalind. ‘We’ll just have it as his little pet name shall we?’

‘
Is there any other business?’ I say in an official tone.

Sadistic Harry burps. I
bet Team Rory, if there is a Team Rory, doesn’t have to put up with this
.

‘
Oh shit,’ I scream. ‘Did you see that, there’s a mouse in the salon.’

I jump onto a chair sending it swivelling around, making me feel sick

‘Where did it go?’ I squeal.

‘
I didn’t see anything,’ says a calm Sandy.

‘
There was a mouse. I saw it. It ran right in front of me as I opened the door.’

Ryan looks around the salon.

‘Must have run out,’ he says nonchalantly.

I scan the floor anxiously.

‘We can’t have mice in here,’ I say, my voice trembling and my heart hammering. ‘What if the clients see it?’

‘
If it has run out they won’t see it will they darling. I’ll put the kettle on. I would pop and get some doughnuts from R …’

Sandy glares at him. Shit, I hate mice. What is happening to my little salon? I
’ve got cracks and now mice. I won’t be able to sell to Rory’s soon even if I wanted to.

‘
I bet it’s those cracks,’ I say.

‘
It must be a mouse on a diet to get through those,’ grins Ryan.

‘
It’s all the bloody food we have here. It’s got to stop,’ I say forcefully.

‘
Well you’re the one who’s always buying them, love. Frankly all those cakes are playing havoc with my figure. I can barely get into my salmon shirt these days. The other night at the club, the buttons kept popping off during the Macarena, I mean, can you imagine and I hadn’t waxed. I assure you I didn’t pull anything that night apart from a few muscles.’

I don
’t understand why he is so calm. If I had expected anyone to be jumping on a chair it would have been Ryan for sure. In fact I seriously would have expected him to have been out of the door by now.

‘
Have you got your contacts in?’ asks Sandy.

‘
Yes, of course,’ I say my eyes flitting into every corner.

I lower my feet slowly to the floor and gingerly wander to the kitchenette.

‘I’ll open up shall I?’ asks Sandy. ‘Now you’ve climbed down from the chair.’

I go to say yes when the little bugger runs straight past me and into the kitchenette.

‘Shit,’ I scream. ‘It’s in here, quick do something. Ryan, kill it,’ I demand, grabbing a broom and throwing it in Ryan’s direction.

Sandy rushes in and dives to the floor, skidding as she goes. God it
’s like a scene out of
Red
. She only needs a gun in each hand and she’d be Notting Hill’s version of Helen Mirren.

‘
I’ve got it,’ she shouts.

Oh Jesus, she didn
’t grab it with her bare hands did she?

‘
Throw it outside,’ I say, keeping my face turned away. Or is she going to
drown it in acid in the manner of Helen Mirren in the film.

‘
We should keep it as a pet,’ says Ryan.

Have they both gone totally insane?

‘Here,’ says Sandy, stretching her arm out to me.

‘
Get back,’ I scream.

‘
It’s not a real one. It’s a joke,’ she laughs.

‘
A joke, what do you mean a joke? I could have had a heart attack,’ I snap. ‘What kind of joke is that?’

‘
I remembered what Devon said about practical jokes on Rory’s Supermarkets …’

‘
Yes,
Rory’s Supermarkets, not my salon,’ I say, exhaling and trying to calm my racing heart.

‘
I remembered when Jeth got it to scare his landlady because …’

‘
I really don’t want to hear any more,’ I say quickly.

It
’s enough I have to hear about bangers and chin checks. Heaven knows what he’s used on the landlady. I’m just glad he’s a friend. I would hate to have him as an enemy.

‘
Me neither,’ agrees Ryan.

‘
Anyway,’ continues Sandy. ‘Here’s the
idea. One of us goes into the store and pops it in a corner …’

‘
After winding it up of course,’ adds Ryan.

‘
I’m glad you told me that,’ I say, sarcasm heavy in my voice. ‘I’d never have guessed that bit.’

‘
She’s still cross,’ he smiles.

‘
Then we scream
mouse, there’s a mouse in the shop
. It’s bound to cause a bit of a disruption,’ finishes Sandy fidgeting about excitedly.

‘
And who’s the one of us that is going to do this?’ I ask sceptically.

They both look at me.

‘Oh no, shouldn’t it be Devon? That’s her role.’

‘
You’re the one fighting Thomas Rory and it is your salon,’ drawls Ryan. ‘Anyway, Devon’s tied up with some top model. I should be so lucky.’

‘
So …’

‘
So, you have to do the dirty work,’ says Sandy.

That
’s just great isn’t it? I look at the mouse. It’s all furry and cute nosed just like a real one.

‘
But,’ she adds, handing it to me. ‘I don’t mind coming and shouting as well. That way it will look better. As we get more followers of course, it will be easier to get other people to do these things.’

Oh, that
’s good. Otherwise I’m in danger of getting arrested.

‘
Talking of followers, how are we doing on Twitter today darling?’ asks Ryan. ‘I started following, did you see?’

‘
No, not unless your name is
Pinlan Wong
,’ I say, ‘and yes, we’re doing well.’

‘
I must have done it wrong. I’ll have another go.’

Sandy raises her eyebrows.

‘It’s Twitter, not rocket science. How can you get it wrong?’

This morning we had twenty
-six more Twitter followers and ten messages of support. Five were in China mind you, but it’s good to know our appeal is branching worldwide isn’t it? If you can consider five supporters in China as worldwide, but it will sound good when we get in the papers. Although I don’t imagine they even know who Rory’s are, let alone Team Robson, the Chinese I mean, not the papers. I’m sure the
papers know who Rory’s are. I’d followed them back as instructed by Sandy and was about to close the lid when a notification came through and I had frozen at the words
RorysUK are now following you on Twitter.
I’d slammed the lid down
and then realised that it wouldn’t be Tom himself. I’d clicked back into Twitter and into the RorysUK page and saw they had 40,000 followers.

‘
And Rory’s are following us. Do you know they have 40,000 followers?’ I say. ‘We’ll never get that many.’

‘
Hardly anyone gets that many,’ says Sandy. ‘That’s good, they’re aware of us.’

Honestly I was on the thing for about an hour. Every time I went to leave another notification came through. I don
’t know how tweeters get to work.

‘
You should get the Twitter app for your phone,’ says a knowledgeable Sandy. ‘That way you can keep up.’

I
’m not so sure I want to keep up. At that rate I’ll not only be assed out but twittered out too.

It
’s bad enough I had to update my Facebook status to single last night. That was pretty depressing. I also saw that Luke had unfriended me. That was even more depressing.

‘
I’ll open up shall I love?’ asks Ryan.

I nod.

‘We have a free thirty minutes at one o’clock,’ says Sandy, scanning the appointment book. ‘Let’s do it then.’

‘
Synchronise watches,’ grins Ryan, unlocking the door. ‘Let’s rock and roll’.