"The whole damn thing burned?" he said.
"Uh-huh…" I said. I couldn't tell if he were relieved it was gone and he was safe from being put in the jailhouse or if he were just real sorrowful he couldn't somehow go git it. Them bandages all over his head kept me from reading his face like I used to could.
"Yep, it sure enough burned," I lied that day. "But it was a nasty old bag, Ray," I said. "Burned clean up." He didn't ask me no more questions about it that day, so I sure hoped that he wouldn't now he was home.
Maybe some of his brains got too close to the fire and got a bit burned on the edges. They might coulda and then maybe he'd never remember nothing. I'd find out soon enough.
Uncle Melvin was pulling up next to our trailer that very minute. Mama was looking out the window and fussing with her hair. She even had her go-to-church dress on.
"He's here, Lori Jean!" Mama said. "Be nice now."
"I will, Mama," I said, and I planned to. We could get us a whole new start. Ray was gonna work for Mr. Jenkins real soon to pay on this trailer they fixed up for us and the rest of the money was gonna be for us to get ahead, Mama said. She was gonna keep working for Mz. Hawkins, too. We was gonna get us a passel of money. Ray didn't need to steal hisself no money. We'd have ourselves plenty of honest money we earned ourselves. That's the only kind to have, else ya' can't sleep good at night and ya' can't get to heaven, neither.
"Hi, hon," Mama said when Ray come through the door. "Let me help ya'." She took hold of his arm and he followed her to the sofa.
"I fixed a nice lunch for ya', and Lori Jean put clean sheets on the bed, 'case you want to take a nap."
"Welcome home, Ray," I said. "Ain't this trailer something?" He looked around a bit.
"Guess it'll do."
"It was right nice a' everybody to help us out after the fire, don't ya' think, Ray?" I said. "Folks come from all over, brought food and stuff. Melvin and Mr. Jenkins set up the trailer…"
"I don't need you remindin' me, girl, what I owe to ever'body and their mama. I jist got home, so shut yer mouth!"
"What Lori Jean's tryin' to say is—"
"She's tryin' to rub it in, me not bein' able to provide none," Ray said before Mama run over and plumped a pillow up behind his head.
"Here, hon, you just relax and I'm gonna bring you a nice plate a' cold fried chicken, just the way ya' like it." Ray laid down and shut his eyes. I decided I best not talk to him. He was twisting my words into something they wasn't.
"Thanks for bringin' him home, Melvin," Mama said. "You want some chicken 'fore you go?"
"No thanks, Nadine. I want to check on Lexie. I ain't told her yet what the doctor said about Irl."
"Oh, Melvin," Mama said. "Are you sure you should? You don't want her goin' into labor too early, now."
"I wouldn't tell her a'tall, but there's a good chance she'll overhear the nurses at the hospital talkin'…"
"Even so, Melvin, you best wait. Speak to them nurses yourself. Tell 'em to hush when Lexie's around visitin'. They'll understand."
"I don't know…" Melvin said. "Lori Jean, can you take care a' little Alice while we head on over to the hospital?"
"Sure I kin, Uncle Melvin."
"You eat somethin' first, Lori Jean. You're too thin. You don't eat enough to keep a bird goin'," Mama said.
"I'll just take me one a' these drumsticks, Mama," I said, "and a biscuit. That's plenty 'til supper." I wrapped it up in some plain butcher paper and headed next door. I liked taking care of Alice. She was learning new words every day and hardly never stopped talking.
Lexie was making some mashed potatoes when I got there.
"Hi, Aunt Lexie," I said. "I can finish that for ya' so ya'll can get goin'."
"Look who's here, Alice. It's Lori Jean," Lexie said. Alice banged on her high chair with her spoon and sent a handful of Cheerios flying in all directions. She thought it was so funny she kept it up 'til Lexie took the spoon away from her. Alice let out a howl.
"This is for your mashed potatoes, sugar," Lexie said. "You kin have it back when they're ready. Now hush."
"I'll finish 'em," I said.
"Thank you, Lori Jean," Lexie said. "We'll be back in a few hours. You go get your mama if you need some help," Lexie said.
"I will."
"She'll be ready for her nap in a bit. She's been up since seven."
"I'll read her a story when she finishes her 'taters and put her down," I said. "Tell Little Irl one a' them kisses you blow is from me, 'kay?" I said. "I sure do miss havin' him around."
"I know," Lexie said. "We all do, but he'll be home soon; I gota feelin'." Lexie wrapped a sweater around her shoulders. It was way too small for her now that her belly stuck out so far. "And what with this new baby fixin' to get here soon," Lexie said, patting her tummy, "we'll be knee-deep in young'uns agin."
"Oh, that'll be nice," I said and give her a smile. I sure hoped she couldn't tell what I was thinking. Uncle Melvin said the doctors was still pretty sure Little Irl wouldn't make it. I prayed he'd hang on 'til after the new baby got here.
"Dear God," I said, "if you're sendin' one of your angels down to pick up Little Irl, could you send the slowest one you got?" I explained how babies had to be in their mamas for a proper spell 'fore they's ready and how Lexie's baby weren't likely ready.
"Lexie ain't supposed to have that baby too soon," I said. "And for sure she probably will, if one a' yore angels shows up."
Uncle Melvin and Lexie weren't gone very long. Lexie wasn't feeling real good. She was having some pains in her back and decided she best come home and rest. Mama come over and fixed Uncle Melvin and Alice supper and I went home to stay with Ray. He took hisself a good nap and seemed to be in much better spirits.
"You want to play some gin rummy, Ray?" I asked him. "That's a good way to pass the time, don't ya' think?" We played ourselves some gin rummy and I made sure Ray won most hands so he wouldn't get mad or nothing, but I won one ever' now and then so he wouldn't catch on to me.
"Lori Jean, where's that flour sack you said burned up in the fire?" he said. That's what I was afraid would happen.
"It burned up, Ray," I said. "You know that."
"Well now, if that sack burned up, how come me and you didn't burn up with it?"
"Well, you was plenty burned up, Ray, and I got sorta burned up," I said. "That old sack just burned up quicker is all. Gin!" I laid my hand of cards down, hoping to git his mind back on the game. He counted up the points and wrote 'em down.
"And how come you never asked me what's so important about that sack I keep askin' you about?" That were a really good question, and I hadn't thought on that one a'fore and I surely should have 'cause now I didn't have me no good answer to give him.
"Well," I said, "I guess I was plumb eat up with how you was doin' and whether you'd get better, so I wasn't thinkin' straight. But now you're pretty much well, so how come it is you're always askin' about that old sack?" I said, pretending like I didn't much care, but for truth, my heart was pounding in my chest like it were a drum and my breathing was going in and out my nose to beat all Dixie.
"Had some papers in it I need. Stuff for our future."
"Well," I said, "we best git on with the future we got 'cause that old sack just burned all up."
Ray stared me down real good.
"You best not be lyin', girl," he said.
"I ain't lying, Ray. MeeMaw didn't raise me to tell no lies." I sure hoped to heaven I wasn't going to hell 'cause now I done lied about lying.
Mama come home then and told me to go on to bed. She unfolded the cot for me and put my bedcovers down. Ray moved from the sofa on into their bedroom. I heard them getting ready for bed.
"Tomorrow I'm goin' out there."
"Be a waste a' time. There ain't nothin' left," Mama said. "It burnt to the ground, Ray."
"Just wanna mosey around."
"There ain't nothin' to see," Mama said.
"Got nothin' better to do. Doc says I can't work for at least a week."
"Suit yourself."
Ray was going out to our old place. He thought I was lying for sure. He was gonna search on that flour sack. I just had to get that money back to the mill, but there was no way I could do it 'fore morning. I didn't sleep none too good that night worrying on it. I had this dream where the sheriff come and took my mama away. Said she stole the payroll. In the dream Ray was all burned up and laying on the ground when they come for her. And I was laying right next to him. Carolee was there, too, and she was putting flowers in my hair. Every time she tucked a flower in, Ray sat up and pulled it out and threw it into Roseflower Creek. When Carolee run out of flowers, he laid back down on the ground, closed his eyes, and I got up and walked off.
I think it was probably the strangest dream I ever had, but most a' the time I forget my dreams soon's I wake up, so I couldn't be sure. I got up to git me a drink of water, then laid back down on the cot trying to sleep. When morning come, that dream was still fresh on my mind. I didn't understand it none. Mostly, I never understood my dreams much. They was always mixed-up stuff, but this one scared me good. I keeped seeing my mama dragged off in the squad car and me walking the other way and all the while Ray dead on the ground.
He was gone by the time I woke up in the morning. Mama was out feeding the chickens.
"Mama." I stood in the doorway and called to her. "You forgot to get me up to help you 'fore school."
"I heard you tossin' and turnin' all night. I figured you best sleep in a bit," she said.
"I had me one a' them nightmares," I said. Mama finished up and come in the trailer.
"I'll fix you breakfast and you kin tell me all about it."
"Mostly I can't remember it much," I said. I sure didn't want to tell her about no payroll money and her being taken away and Ray dead and me just walking away.
"Where's Ray?" I asked. 'Course I already knew, but it was a good way not to talk about my dream.
"He went on over to our old place. Seems to think he might find some a' our stuff."
"I might should go help him. Make sure he don't hurt hisself none, just gettin' out a' the hospital and all," I said.
"Why, Lori Jean, you got school. You can't be caterin' to that man's foolishness."
"I could miss me one day a' school. Mz. Pence would understand."
"No need for that. I suspect he'll be back soon, once he sees there ain't nothin' left." Mama fixed me some grits and a cold biscuit left over from supper.
"You want I should heat this up for ya'?"
"No, ma'am," I said. "But some butter and some a' MeeMaw's marmalade would be right nice." I rather fancied cold biscuits with fresh butter and marmalade. Kinda like having dessert for breakfast.
I was hoping Ray would come back 'fore I left for school, so I could see how he acted and find out if he found anything. I dallied 'til I couldn't no more without bein' late, but he didn't make it home 'fore I left. It made for a long school day. Twice Mz. Pence called on me and I wasn't listening.
"Lori Jean, am I boring you?" she asked me the second time she seen I wasn't paying attention.
"Oh, no ma'am," I said. "Everything's real interestin', it sure enough is," I said and nodded my head. "I guess my noggin just don't realize it yet." The class thought that was funny and started laughing. Mz. Pence called everybody to order, then decided we might as well take recess and refresh ourselves.
I had me a real bad feeling in my stomach on the way home from school. I never been on one a' them roller coasters like the one Carolee's cousin Eugenia went on at a place called Coney Island one summer. Eugenia said it flipped her tummy up and down 'til it felt like it would fall right out of her bottom. She said they stood in line over and over and rode it again and again 'fore the day was over and had themselves a real fun time. My stomach was heaving up and down like that and it surely wasn't fun. Why would anyone stand in line and pay good money to have their stomach flipped up and down and all about like that? Why, that's crazy. By the time I got to the trailer my innards was about sick to death worrying about what Ray might of found. I opened the door and he was sitting there on the sofa waiting on me. His eyes was mean as a bat got the rabies and they was aimed at mine; two pointed daggers fixin' to blind me. It give me a worse case of the shivers than taking a bath when we run out of hot water.
"Lori Jean!" he said. My name come up out of the back part of his throat like a growl. He was a mad dog, gonna bite me; tear me apart. I tried to run before he could sink his teeth in, but it was too late. 'Fore I knew it, he had me. He sunk his claws deep into my arm.
Chapter Seventeen
"Found this, Lori Jean," Ray said. He held up a piece of the flour sack.
"Where'd you find that?" I asked, knowing full well he must of pulled it from the edge of the outhouse.
"It was layin' on the ground, stuck in a board that was once our front stoop," he said. My stomach finally stopped flippin'. I was sorely relieved.
"If it was that close to the door, why in thunder didn't you yank the whole damn sack out in the yard for chrissake?"
"Ray, we was burnin' all up! I had fire on my back and yore hands was meltin'. I did me the best I could." Mama come out of the bedroom.