Authors: Murdo Morrison
“Are ye all right, Missus, dae ye need help?” She saw the woman’s expression tighten into a look of annoyance.
“Ah was looking for a Mrs. Burns,” she said, ignoring Mary’s question.
“Oh,” Mary uttered in surprise and embarrassment. “That would be me. But ah don’t believe ah know you.”
“Ah’m Peggy Lafferty, Pearl’s mother,” the woman told her.
“Oh,” Mary said again. She held open the door and invited her in.
Sitting opposite Peggy a few moments later, Mary could quite understand her first impression of the woman. She had offered Peggy tea but had wondered if perhaps she needed something stronger. Peggy looked haggard and not well. Her coat was old and worn and frayed at the cuffs. She looked like a woman who had endured more than she could bear. Mary felt heart sorry for her, knowing a great deal more about her than Peggy realized.
“Ah’m looking for Pearl,” Peggy said. “Ah have reason tae believe your daughter knows her. Ah was hoping she could tell me where tae find her.”
“We do know Pearl,” Mary said. “But how did you know to look for her here?”
“Pearl telt me aboot her friend at work. Ah knew she lived up on Maryhill Road somewhere so ah asked at the Post Office.”
“Ah’m sure Pearl will be very happy tae hear from you,” Mary told her.
“Ah had hoped she might have found a way to get word tae me about how she was doing,” the woman replied.
Mary thought she heard a note of disappointment or even criticism in Peggy’s tone.
“Ah know for a fact,” she said, “that Pearl has wanted tae see you. She was worried what her father would do tae you if he found out she was seeing you behind his back.”
“Are you telling me the truth?” Peggy asked.
“We talked about it in this very kitchen,” Mary assured her.
“Ah couldnae believe she widnae try tae see me,” Peggy said. “But ah can see now she was right. Did she tell ye anything aboot her faither?” Not wanting to embarrass Peggy further, Mary merely nodded.
“So she must have telt ye about what happened the night she left.”
“She did. She came here that night and stayed wi’ us. She was here until she found a place o’ her own.”
“That wis awfy good o’ ye,” Peggy said. “Ah wis worried sick after Pearl left.”
“She was worried about you as well,” Mary told her. “She thought her father would hurt you.”
“He might have done just that,” Peggy agreed. “But Mr. McGurk across the landing pit the fear o’ God intae him. He telt mah husband if he laid a hand on’ me he wid have tae deal wi’ him first and then the polis.”
“Pearl telt me about Mr. McGurk,” Mary told Pearl. “It’s lucky he was there.”
“Oh, ah’ve had a terrible life wi’ that man,” Peggy said.
Mary watched the tears roll down the woman’s face and felt a deep pity for her. She wondered what it must be like between the two of them in that house.
“Ah’ll no’ be a minute,” Mary told Peggy and headed for the door. She hurried down the stairs and stood at the close mouth looking for Alastair. Mary spotted him a few closes down and called him over. “Ah’ve nae time tae listen tae that,” she said in answer to his protests. “You know where Pearl lives, don’t you? Well, hurry over there and get her. Tell Pearl her mother’s up at oor hoose.” He walked away too slowly for Mary’s liking.
“Did ah no’ tell ye tae hurry?”
she roared.
“Ah’ve sent for Pearl,” Mary told Peggy when she returned to the kitchen. “Dae ye know that Pearl’s married now?” she asked.
For the first time since she entered Mary’s kitchen Peggy’s face relaxed.
“Is he a nice man?”
“That he is,” Mary reassured her. “A good man and a hard worker.”
“Then ah’m glad for her,” Peggy said. “Ah always wanted a better life for Pearl. Ah never wanted her tae have tae put up with whit ah have.”
Mary watched the light brought by her good news fade from Peggy’s face. They sat in silence for a few moments until they heard the door to the landing open and the sound of quick steps in the lobby.
Pearl came through the door and stopped. She stifled a little gasp of shock at Peggy’s appearance. Then she was kneeling beside her mother’s chair with her arms around her. Pearl kissed her mother on the cheek. Mary quietly rose from her seat and retreated to the stove where she busied herself making tea.
For a few moments Pearl and her mother were too overcome to speak. Mary brought them tea. She thought to leave them alone but hesitated. Mary feared what had caused Peggy to seek out her daughter. She suspected there were unpleasant truths to reveal and wanted to be close by to offer what help she could.
While Pearl told Peggy about Jimmie and their wedding, Mary began to doubt the dark premonition she had felt. She had grown up with a mother who had believed in banshees and spirits and saw signs and portents everywhere. There was a part of Mary’s mind that dismissed all such talk as nonsense. And yet the old superstitions she had learned at her mother’s knee still haunted her and were not fully exorcized.
While the two women talked, Mary drifted into the interior of her mind. The thoughts of her mother had conjured up past events, the good times as well as the hurts that would never be erased. She emerged to hear Pearl telling Peggy that she must find a way for her to meet Jimmie, how sure she was that she would like him and approve.
They fell silent. Mary felt the atmosphere in the room change as if a passing cloud had for a time obscured the sun. She looked at Peggy and suddenly realized that she knew why the woman had come. Mary heard a small voice in her head whisper the reason. Mary realized that Peggy had put off this moment but could no longer avoid what she had come to say.
“Pearl,” Peggy said.
Her tone brought a surprised look to Pearl’s face. “What is it, Ma?”
Peggy hesitated. Frightened, realizing there was a deeper significance to Peggy’s visit, Pearl put her arm around her mother’s neck.
“Tell me, Ma, tell me.”
“It’s your father, Pearl. Your father’s deid.”
Mary was amazed that so frail looking a woman could be so blunt. Then she realized that it had taken so much effort, so much emotion, for Peggy to utter these words, there had been nothing left over for any preamble to soften the blow.
And how could you soften a blow like that?
Mary wondered. Mary understood that a lifetime of cowering, hanging back from the abuse hurled at her, had left her marked and wounded and afraid of any strong emotion.
Pearl rocked back on to her heels, staring at her mother, so shaken that for several long moments she uttered no response. “Deid,” she whispered, “deid.”
“What happened tae him Mrs. Lafferty?” Mary asked.
Peggy looked at Pearl then at Mary and quickly turned her eyes back towards the fire.
“Mrs. Lafferty,” Mary said, “isn’t that why you have come?”
Peggy stirred from her contemplation of the coals in the grate and looked full at Mary. “He fell and hit his heid on the fender.”
Peggy had said the words in the manner of one coaxed or coerced who would provide only the bare minimum of information. Mary felt exasperated.
It would be much easier on all of us
, she thought,
if this woman would simply get the whole story out
. She could see that Peggy still had a remnant of self-respect, but there was little point in her reluctance now when the horrors of her life were well known.
Peggy may have sensed Mary’s thoughts. “He was oot drinking,” Peggy said. “Ah sat up tae wait for him. Ah knew he wouldnae leave the boozer until they threw him oot. Ah wanted tae make sure he was home safe, so ah waited up.”
She felt the need to explain why she still showed any care and devotion to the man. “In spite of everything ah felt sorry for him,” Peggy told them. “Ah think he knew what he had done tae Pearl and felt sorry for it. But he couldnae show it tae anybody, couldnae admit it. Ah’m sure you cannae understand how ah could feel sorry for a man like that,” Peggy said to Mary. She went on without waiting for an answer. “So ah tried tae coax him away tae his bed but he swore at me and pushed me away. And then he just fell over and landed on the floor. His heid hit the fender hard and he lay there no’ moving.”
“What did you do then?” Mary asked.
“Ah went over tae the McGurks and he came in tae look at him and ran doon tae get the polis."
“And what did they say?” Mary asked.
“What dae ye mean, ‘what did they say’?” Peggy retorted. “What was there tae say? He fell down drunk and hit his head.”
Mary said nothing further. Was it annoyance or fear she had heard in Peggy’s voice just now? The thought crossed her mind that there might be more to it than Peggy was telling. She dismissed the notion. The woman looked too frail and worn down. If there had been anything more, surely the police would not have been so easy to get past. Then she thought of stories she had heard about the competence of the local police and some measure of doubt returned.
Mary turned her attention to Pearl who was kneeling on the floor by her mother. She had been silent during Mary’s questioning of Peggy and was staring sightlessly at the fire. She stirred only after Mary had spoken her name several times.
“Pearl, you’ve had a terrible shock. Come and sit here and ah’ll make us some more tea.” Pearl turned her gaze on Mary but remained motionless. Mary came over to her and, taking her arm in a gentle but firm grasp, helped her to her feet. She guided Pearl to the chair she had vacated.
Pearl raised her eyes to her mother and said, “Ah cannae cry for him, Ma. Is that no’ a terrible thing? Will ah burn in hell for it dae ye think, no’ being able tae cry for mah ain father?”
“You should worry more about him burning in hell,” Peggy said.
Pearl recoiled at the anger in her mother’s voice. “Oh don’t say that Ma,” she said. She raised a hand to her eyes.
“You see, you
can
cry for him,” Peggy told her. “And it’s a lot mair than he deserves. Ah don’t want you tae think you’re tae blame for any o’ it,” Peggy said. “It was aw his fault and naebody else’s.”
“But he was mah Da,” Pearl said. She rubbed away the tears on her cheek. “Ah always hoped there was some way tae get him tae change. Ah hoped there was some way tae bring him around tae accepting Jimmie. Ah knew it was hopeless but ah still hoped for it. There’s nae chance o’ that for him now. Ah know he was a bastard tae ye, Ma, but ah’ll still pray for him.”
“Aye, he was you’re Da’ an’ you
should
pray for him. God knows, he’ll need it where he’s gaun. You were always a credit tae him. He knew it, himsel’,” Peggy said. “Ah’m convinced o’ that. But he couldnae show it. That was the problem. He couldnae show any good feelings tae anyone. And the drink made him a lot worse.”
Peggy wiped her eyes before continuing. “Ach, it was just a terrible life he had and gied tae us. Ah don’t know why folk like us have tae endure such misery. It’s enough tae make ye wonder if there is a God and how this wid serve any good purpose for him or us?”
Mary brought them tea and the three women sat in silence for a while, taking what comfort they could from the strong brew.
“What are ye planning tae dae aboot a funeral, Ma?” Pearl asked. “Dae ye need help wi’ the arrangements?”
“Ah have a wee policy ah managed tae keep for that,” Peggy replied. “He didnae know a thing about it or he wid have said it was a waste o’ money and cashed it in for drink. It should be enough tae see him buried.”
“Did the police say anything about an inquest?” Mary asked.
“An inquest?” Pearl asked.
“Well he didnae die in his bed, did he?” Mary said. Pearl looked at her mother.
“Aye they did,” Peggy said tartly. “But they said that under the circumstances it wid just be a formality.”
Patrick Lafferty was buried on a February morning as bleak as his life had been. A thin dusting of snow lay on ground that crunched under the feet of the few mourners. They went to the graveside under an overcast sky. Mary and Ida attended the funeral. Mary had grown attached to Pearl since the night she had shown up on her doorstep.
Besides
, she thought,
it would be more bodies to add to the meager group of mourners.
Most of them were doubtless not sorry to see him depart.
Mary found herself mourning not the man she had never met, but his wasted life. As they had shunned the man in life, so the mourners hurried away quickly after the brief ceremony, staying not a moment longer than necessary in the raw, cold air. Only Pearl and Peggy lingered by the grave. Mary felt pity for Patrick Lafferty and for his family caught between sorrow and relief. She came to Pearl and Peggy and led them away.
❅❅❅❅❅
A few weeks later Mary was taking a turn up at Ida’s house for their morning tea. “It’s February 29
th.
the day,” she said, noticing the calendar.
“Aye, it’s a leap year,” Ida said, and laughed without humor. “It’s wan ah wouldnae mind leaping oot o’,” she observed placing a cup of tea in front of Mary.