Roth(Hell Squad 5) (4 page)

Happiness and love. Roth took another swig of beer to ease his suddenly tight throat. Even in the middle of a war, these two had found it.

Beside them stood the rest of Hell Squad, minus Cruz and Santha. Gabe Jackson—in Roth’s opinion Hell Squad’s deadliest soldier—stood tall and silent. Beside him a blonde woman gesticulated enthusiastically as she told some story. Dr. Emerson Green was a hell of a doctor who ran the base’s medical team. She’d patched Roth up more times than he could count, and the rest of his team as well. He watched her laugh, then elbow Gabe. The man managed a small smile—and that was a minor miracle. Roth wondered if anyone else saw the all-consuming love in Gabe’s eyes.

Hell Squad’s explosives expert, Reed, stood with his arms around a dark-haired woman. Natalya had survived horrible experimentation by the aliens, but here she was, smiling, snuggling into Reed.

Roth remembered his mother cuddling his father. He’d had a house full of love growing up. His mother had been a teacher, his father a laser ball coach. They’d adored their children, and demonstrated that fact regularly. Roth and Gwen had been raised in a house full of learning, love and laughter.

Until everything had been torn apart and Roth’s life had changed in an instant.

After joining the Army, and later the special team at the Special Operations Command—an elite group of soldiers from all branches of the military—Roth hadn’t thought much about love. All he’d wanted was to serve his country. To protect others, to make sure the innocent didn’t die.

And since the alien attack, well, hell, there wasn’t any damn time to think about love.

But since the members of Hell Squad kept falling in love, it was kind of in his face all the time. He caught two ladies nearby, trying to snag his attention. They smiled, lifting their drinks to him. He nodded. He didn’t know the curvy brunette, but the tall, luscious blonde was named Liberty. She took care of the base’s clothing store, and apparently ran a successful underground market in beauty products. He was aware that many people dismissed the importance of having those items, but he suspected Liberty knew. Having clothes and looking good, recreating some small semblance of life before the aliens, helped people cope.

He’d also heard she was a wild ride in bed, and open about her enjoyment of sex with a hard-bodied man. He looked away. There were plenty of single ladies in the base who came here to snag a soldier for the night. They were honest, upfront, and kept it easy.

Shit. Why wasn’t that more appealing? He tapped a finger against his beer bottle. He didn’t have much time for sex, and to be honest, the inclination just wasn’t there most of the time. Maybe he was too focused, too driven.

He let his gaze drift over the room, and it zeroed in on a dark head.

Everything in him roared to life.

Apparently, the inclination was back.

Avery was pushing through the crowd, trying not to spill some bubbly, orange drink. The big bulk of Chef was beside her, along with the chef’s boyfriend, Danny, a slender man who worked on the tech team.

Roth’s hand clenched on his bottle.
Dammit
. He needed answers from her, not a roll in his bunk. Instantly, the image of Avery laid out on his bed made him go hard. He shook his head. Hell, she wouldn’t be laid out, she’d be giving as good as she got, probably wrestling him for the top. Sinking those white teeth into his skin.

He’d not seen her at one of these gatherings before. As she, Chef and Danny found a place to stand, Roth noticed the nearby men in the room taking notice of her.

She wasn’t dressed up like some of the other women, but she still stood out. Her dark hair was loose for a change, brushing her shoulders, and her face was strong—high cheekbones, bold nose, a full mouth.

But it was the way she moved that made her memorable. She might not remember everything from before, but she moved with a confidence that drew people to notice her.

“Earth to Masters? Masters?”

Roth blinked and saw Mac waving a hand in front of his face. “What?”

“God, you are crabby today.” She dangled a bottle in front of his face. “Do you want another drink? Or you want to ogle the CCIA agent some more?”

God, sometimes he wished for a squad of men who wouldn’t poke and prod at him over personal stuff. He released a breath. Another beer might help dull this edginess running through him, but he suspected only one thing would really help him. “No.”

Mac raised a brow. “To the beer or the ogling?”

He stood and scowled at her. “The beer, Carides.”

He stalked through the crowd. Chef and Danny had gone to the bar and Avery was sipping her drink and studying the room.

He stopped right behind her. “Agent Stillman.”

Her head whipped around. “Jesus, you just won’t leave me alone, will you?”

He dragged in a deep breath. “I’m not here to question you.”

She snorted. “Not this time.”

“I believe…that you can’t remember everything.”

Her eyes widened. “Wow, a small miracle just occurred.”

He took the empty space beside her, unprepared for when his shoulder brushed hers, scattering his thoughts for a second. “I’m sorry. I’ve been fighting these aliens for over a year, I’ve seen what they’ve done… I need to do whatever the hell I have to do to beat them. I know I can get a bit…”

“Overbearing? Domineering?”

He felt his jaw harden.

She blew out a breath. “Look, I get it.”

“You do?”

She fiddled with her drink, running one finger around the rim of the glass. “Yeah. Working out how to beat the bad guys…that used to be my job.”

Roth suspected she had a lot of hidden talents. Talents that were wasted peeling potatoes. “Why not join the squads?”

Something flashed over her face before the shutters came down. “Because who knows when and where these damn blanks in my head will appear.” She looked at him, her hazel eyes catching his. “Medical refuses to clear me. Besides, I’m a security risk, right?” She straightened and set her drink down. “Enough people have died because of my incompetence.” She bit her lip, then spun and hurried out of the room.

Roth closed his eyes. God, he’d messed that up.

Chef appeared, his hands filled with drinks. “Dammit, Masters. Can’t you just leave her alone?”

Roth stared at the empty doorway. No, it seemed he couldn’t do that.

***

Avery wasn’t sure why she’d come into the empty dining room. She just knew she didn’t want to be back in her tiny quarters.

The lights were off, the long tables empty. Just a light from the kitchen cast a faint glow in the room. She started pacing.

God, she hated feeling so useless like this. She rested against the edge of a table and pressed her head into her hands. She was so tired of feeling like a failure. Tears pricked her eyes and she sniffed. She never cried. At the agency, they’d called her Tough-as-Nails Stillman. She’d battled madmen, talked down the criminally insane, and interrogated terrorists, all without flinching.

“I’m sorry.”

Roth’s voice made her jerk. She swiped a hand at her eyes. She hadn’t heard him at all. For a big man he moved very quietly.

“Can’t you just leave me alone?” she said.

“Apparently, I can’t.” He moved out of the shadows, a big, strong silhouette.

She spun to face him, all the feelings of pain, anger, guilt, and uselessness coalescing inside her. She slammed her palms against his chest. “I can’t give you the answers you want. I would if I could.”

He grabbed her hands, his large ones engulfing hers. Avery was tall for a woman, and she was used to being strong. She wasn’t used to feeling smaller or weaker than anyone else.

His fingers rubbed at her wrists, her forearms. “Jesus, you’re wound so tight.”

She tried to pull away from him, but he held fast. “I’m not your concern.”

“You really stay awake at night trying to remember?”

“Yes. I’ve tried every technique I know to stimulate my memories. I know there’s a chance that I know things that could help against the aliens.” Why was she talking to him? She put some more strength into her struggle to get her hands free. “Let me go.”

“No.”

Anger spiked. “Fine.” She brought her knee up, fast and hard. She hit his thigh and heard him grunt, but he didn’t retaliate.

She kicked at his knee, but standing this close to him, she couldn’t get a lot of power behind it. Next, she rammed their joined hands up, aiming for his nose.

But he was ready, and faster than she’d guessed. He stopped her hands, shifting closer to crowd her.

Avery swung to the side and this time aimed her knee at his crotch.

“Dammit.” He let her go.

But Avery wasn’t thinking anymore. She just wanted to lash out, to hurt. She spun and slammed a hard side kick into his gut.

He cursed and she gritted her teeth. Damn, the man was all muscle. She kept attacking, throwing punches, hits and kicks.

Meanwhile, he was doing everything he could to block her without hurting her.

“Dammit, Stillman.”

She slammed her foot into his side and he staggered a little. “Call me Avery, damn you.” She jumped, aiming her roundhouse kick for his head.

Roth charged forward, grabbed her around the middle and lifted her off her feet.

Next thing she knew, she was flat on her back on the nearest table, Roth’s big body covering hers.

“Calm down…Avery.”

Her chest was heaving against his hard one. “Was that so difficult?”

“No.” One of his hands was planted beside her face. He moved it, his palm touching her cheek. “You are damn good with hand-to-hand.”

“I barely touched you.”

“I don’t think you were actually trying to hurt me.”

“That’s what you think,” she muttered.

“Avery, you need to talk to someone. You’re holding everything that happened to you inside. If you keep it bottled up, it’ll take you down.”

“Why do you care?” She looked at the wall.

His other hand cupped the other side of her face and forced her to look at him. His rugged face was only an inch away from hers.

“I care.”

A shiver snaked through her, warmth curling low down in her belly.

“Avery…”

She felt herself softening, her body leaning into his. No. She couldn’t do this. She needed the antagonism to keep him at bay. She didn’t need the understanding she saw shimmering in his eyes. She didn’t need anyone, didn’t want anyone else close enough, because she knew how easy it was for people to walk away.

“Damn you,” she said shakily.

She grabbed his stubbled cheeks and yanked his mouth to hers.

Roth stiffened, then he groaned. His lips took over, his mouth moving against hers.

He tasted good. Really good. Avery bit his bottom lip, and then his tongue was slipping into her mouth. He tilted her head, taking the kiss deeper.

The pleasure was pulling her under. It would be so easy to lose herself in it, to learn to crave it.

She yanked her mouth away and pushed against his chest. “Off.”

His weight lifted and Avery scrambled off the table. For a second, she felt lightheaded and unsteady on her feet.

She looked at Roth, and was gratified to see he looked as shell-shocked as she did.

She scraped a hand through her messed-up hair. She felt just like her hair must look. Messed up, her mind like a sponge full of holes. She didn’t need the very large, and sure to be very demanding, complication standing in front of her.

He was a risk she just wasn’t prepared to take.

“I’ll try to remember what I can,” she said, taking a step toward the door.

“Avery—”

“If I remember anything, I’ll let you know.” And for the second time that night—or was it the third?—Avery hotfooted it away from Roth Masters.

Chapter Four

“All right, everyone. Let’s try breaking those reverse holds again. Turn to your partner.” Roth, hands on his hips, stalked along the mats in the training room. He was teaching self-defense to a room full of the base’s teenagers.

He wasn’t sure that what he was teaching would help them escape from a much bigger and stronger raptor, but he figured anything was better than nothing. They all deserved a chance, and he wanted to make it the best chance they could get.

The only way it could be better was if he made sure they never had to face a raptor at all.

“Come on, people.” Nearby, Mac clapped her hands. “You heard the boss.”

The teens moved quickly, one of each pair grabbing the wrists of their partners.

“Go,” Roth called out.

He watched the straining and the grunting and groaning. It made a smile briefly flicker on his face before it dissolved in a wash of anger and annoyance. Despite the distraction of the group of kids, all he could think about was Avery.

He watched one girl struggling against her taller boyfriend. The young man was laughing, and clearly trying not to hurt her wrists. Roth stepped up and turned the girl’s wrist with a gentle hand. “Like that, Clare. Now push down. Fast.”

The slender girl nodded and when she got free, she did a little victory dance. “I did it!”

Her boyfriend, Leo, was grinning at her. Roth knew the pair had been found by Hell Squad, living in an underground train station in the city. Since they’d been at Blue Mountain Base, they’d both filled out and lost the gaunt, haunted look they’d had, and both smiled readily now.

“Great job, keep it up.” He wandered the groups, helping and praising each pair.

“I see this is putting you in a slightly better mood,” Mac said with an arched brow. She nudged him with a shoulder. “You were in a foul one this morning.”

He grunted.

“You want to talk about it?”

The quiet, sincere words made him relax a little. “No. Look—”

Suddenly, the training room door slammed open and Chef hurried in, alarm stamped on his face. He searched the room, his dark gaze settling on Roth.

Frowning, Roth moved to meet the man.

“Masters, you’ve got to come to the kitchen.”

“What? What’s happened?” Roth felt a strange sense of panic, his chest contracting.

“Avery…she fell off a ladder while stocking some shelves.” Chef ran a huge hand over his bald head. “Jesus, there’s blood everywhere.”