Royal Bastard (33 page)

“Connor,” I tried, looking into his eyes and shaking my head. How could he not see the ridiculousness of what he’d just said? The tears welled in my own and I forced them away, knowing there would be plenty of time on the flight to cry all of this out.

“You can’t go around throwing that word about like that. Besides, getting married would only make things worse.” I wanted to add that he didn’t want to marry me but I held back, not ready for that kind of rejection. It was breaking my heart enough to know that this was over, and that our time together had come to an end way too soon. But I wasn’t about to finish out the trip with a black buzzing cloud of reporters swarming upon us, waiting to capture tender moments between us. Tears welled up again and I let them fall this time, not strong enough hold them back anymore.

He swore and untangled our hands to wipe them away, his touch warm against my skin. “Don’t cry. Fuck, please don’t do that, April.”

“I… I can’t do this anymore,” I croaked, my voice broken. “It’s over, Connor. We just need to call it a day and go our separate ways before this gets even worse.”

A serious expression transformed his features, something in his eyes making me feel unsettled. “I’m serious, April. I want to marry you.” Desperation licked the edges of his words; he would probably say anything to make it better, to fix this. But these were not the words I wanted to hear. Though, I couldn’t decipher if he was saying them because he was truly serious or worried because he’d gotten caught, with
me
. What a story that was going to make in the tabloids! Like chalk and cheese, we didn’t belong together.

“Just think of how good we are together,” he continued with that eager grin I loved so much. “There’s so much we could do, see together. Hell, if you asked me to quit football I would do it. Please don’t leave.”

I gasped at his words. He was making no sense, how could he even think that I would want him to quit football?

I waited for him to say more, to utter the key words; the words that would solidify us, but they never came. He looked at me expectedly and I realized that he hadn’t entirely grasped what marriage and love was supposed to be all about. I didn’t care about his wealth or the ability to travel wherever I pleased. I didn’t care about his fame or all of the opportunities it provided. I was after one thing and he wasn’t prepared to give it to me. I wanted it to be real, to be straight from the heart and not from his convoluted mind. I wanted him to feel it, to breathe it and not just give me what I wanted to hear.

“You just don’t get it, do you? I don’t need any of that, I need…” I trailed off, I wasn’t going to give him the damn answer. He would have to work it out for himself.

With much regret, I shook my head and calmly rose from the chair, his hands falling away from my face as I moved to the bedroom, grabbing my suitcase through streaming quiet tears. I heard his footsteps behind me and I knew that if I turned around, I would be a sucker and would stay.

“I can’t do this, not in this way, and you still haven’t told me about some bet… what did she mean?” I forced out, thinking the worst as I choked on the words.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” he said flatly, surprise in his voice. “After everything that’s happened, everything that I could provide to you, you’re turning me down?”

“Connor,” I warned, ignoring his question.

“Fine. You want to know? I guess this is the right time… I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want to ruin everything. But it’s already fucked, so what’s the point?”

My stomach felt like it was tiptoeing on the edge of a deathly drop. My heart was screaming for me to step back, to forget about whatever the reporter had said… she was probably only out to twist things anyway. But my head, my bloody sensible side was telling me I needed the answer.

“Yes, I want to know.”

“This whole thing was a setup,” he replied, his tone even and cold. “My teammates bet that I didn’t have what it took to be in a committed relationship the night of my bachelor’s party. And you were the mark.”

I was freefalling. None of it had been real. Every word, every caress, every kiss was meaningless. I’d been used.

I turned on my heels and slapped him across his face, trying to put every ounce of torturous pain into that final contact with him.

“Get out!” I screamed.

“I’m sorry, April. I never—”

A delirious laugh popped out of my mouth, one that tightened the ache in my heart.

“What, you never wanted to hurt me? Well, tough, you have. And you aren’t sorry, you’re just sorry you got caught.” I threw my clothes into the suitcase, concentrating on my task.

He exhaled harshly behind me and walked away, leaving me to finish packing my things as the tears continued to spill out.

This was it. It was over. The best and most amazing time of my life with a very amazing person was done. But I’d been blinded by his charm, duped into thinking he was someone different.

Suddenly I couldn’t handle being there, near him, breathing the same air as him. I zipped up the suitcase, leaving the rest of my things behind, and grabbed my purse, blindly walked through the small living room before I opened the door, and exited with a sob.

My heart was breaking and as much as I wanted to turn around and run into his arms, to forgive him and accept his proposal, I forced myself to walk forward, far away from him.

The honeymoon was over.

I
leaned against the rail
, the breeze ruffling my hair as I watched the boat sail out of sight, swallowed by the other islands in the distance.

She was gone. She was fucking gone.

I still couldn’t believe it. The entire hut still smelled like her, most of her things left behind as she hurried to be gone from this place, and me. I would pick them up and mail them back to her, but right now it was taking all I could not to jump in the damn water and either swim behind the boat, begging for her to stay, or drown. How had everything that was seemingly going so right fallen apart in an instant?

Pushing away from the deck, I walked back inside, ignoring the bed that we had climbed out of this morning, happy as fuck and without a care in the world. It seemed like eons ago now, the happiness replaced by pain that I had never experience before. It was like someone had ripped open my chest and sucked out my heart, replacing it with this heavy stone that ached every time I thought of April. And she was everywhere at the moment.

“You screwed this up, Connor,” I said with a heavy sigh, dropping to the couch where the bottle of whiskey awaited me. I wanted to get rip-roaring drunk, drink her memory away and then pour myself into oblivion to stop this agony that was consuming me. But my fingers didn’t reach for the bottle. After all of my failed relationships, this one felt real, and for the first time in my adult life, I could picture something else besides the next game or the next party or the next pussy.

I had bought lock stock and barrel into April’s idea of a future; the fairytale ending, kids, marriage,
love
. It was all my own fault. I had cajoled her out here under false pretenses; put my hands on her, made her mine, without being honest with her.

Picking up the bottle of whiskey, I hurled it across the room, ruefully enjoying the sound as it hit the wall and broke into a million pieces, the liquid sliding down the dark wood in rivulets. Shit. Now I was going to have to pay for damages. I didn’t care though, tempted to trash the whole room.

My mind buzzed as I kept going over our last conversation, trying to figure out what it was that I didn’t pick up on, what I missed that might have kept her here, besides not telling her about the bet. There was something, I knew it.

There was something that I had failed to mention, something that I had failed to see was so important to her. And now she was gone, out of my life. The mere fact made me sick to my stomach. How did she go from being just here, to someone who I was beginning to think I couldn’t live without?

* * *

I curled up in the plane seat, my Kindle in my lap that had laid there untouched for the last three hours, my gaze on the clouds outside the window. My trip home was vastly different than the trip nearly a week ago, where I was extremely excited about the opportunity of relaxing in the tropical sun. Now I couldn’t wait to get home so I could hide my face from the world and pray that the ache in my chest would subside with time and separation. Part of me still wished that I was back on the island and in Connor’s arms, enjoying another fun-filled day and night with him in paradise. It hadn’t taken me long to realize that I was falling for him, the long ride on the boat to the mainland allowing me some time to process what I’d done and the implications my actions were probably going to have back in the States. There was a good chance I was going to get in those tabloid magazines, but for all the wrong reasons.

Sighing, I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes, the lull of the plane’s engines soothing my tortured soul. We weren’t meant to be together. We weren’t even on the same wavelength with our careers, with our lives. I should have never touched him, should have never allowed myself to even remotely think about him in any other form except as a former client. And every time I thought about the bet, I felt sick. He’d used me to win a fucking childish bet with his friends…

Now I was back in that dark place like I was when Derek destroyed me, heartbroken and not quite sure how I was going to move on with my life. And unfortunately it felt ten times worse this time around. Connor had surpassed everything that I loved about Derek. Connor was funny and unpredictable, tender and kind when he wanted to be, but also sexy as hell. He was everything I never thought I would have liked in a man until I’d met him and he had turned my life upside down.

And I had walked away. Why? Because I was scared, scared of being rejected once reality set in, scared of having my heart broken because I couldn’t live up to his expectations, scared that he would never love me as much as I loved him, and petrified of the betrayal he was very capable of.

Fine. I could admit it; no matter what he’d done, I loved him. I, April Matthews, had fallen in love with the wrong man,
again
.

“
S
ources say that Connor Haden
, starting Quarterback of the LA Lions, is still hiding out from his last conquest, a wedding planner by the name of April Matthews. The wedding planner had organized Haden’s failed wedding attempt to Crystal Wagner a little over a month ago. He was splashed over the pages of every magazine known to the entertainment industry with his sordid rendezvous with Ms. Matthews before falling out of the limelight.

Another source close to the team has stated that Connor is in danger of losing his position to the backup quarterback due to his inability to concentrate during practice. With the first pre-season game coming up in a week, it would be detrimental to the rest of the season if they were to lose their quarterback before it even gets started. All this sports reporter knows is that Connor Haden had better concentrate on his football career instead of his love life before it goes down the toilet as well. Back to you in the studio, Jeff.”

I curled up my lip in disgust as I threw the remote onto the bed, not believing the absolute filth that the media—the sports media at that—liked to report these days. My position as starter was not in danger, even though I had missed a few throws in practice; it wasn’t a big deal… that’s what practice was for!

But we were all stressed to the max with the season starting to ramp up, all the travel and medical woes we would be dealing with this season starting to get to everyone. Already I had lost my starting tailback and running back, forced to work with some of the second string guys to try and bring their asses up to speed. It wasn’t an easy task.

However, I knew in some respects the media guy was right… I had to stop thinking about her if I was going to make this season a success. I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen, where I opened up the door to find something for supper. My personal chef had all the meals already lined up for me, my rigorous training for the season something I was already starting to detest even though we had barely started.

No more burgers or fries for me until our season was through. Hell, I couldn’t even have a single drop of alcohol. It was one of the downsides of this profession that not many people knew about. You had to keep your body in tip-top shape if you wanted to compete with the younger crowd coming in, every year adding one less year you were going to be in the professional sporting arena. Eventually my time would be up, but as long as I ate this rabbit food and abstained from anything remotely good—including April, not that she would have me back anyway—I could give myself another year on the field.

Closing the fridge, I walked over to the open French doors to the patio beyond, taking the view of the ocean in for the first time today. When I had bought this house only a week ago, the view had been the final tipping point, the infinity pool looking like it was going to spill over onto the beach and into the ocean. The beach offered its own grueling place to work out and I usually enjoyed jogging on the sand early in the morning before anyone else was out there, taking the time to clear my head and be ready for the day, just like I had on the island. I wasn’t an idiot, I knew very well why I’d bought the place, the similarities mirroring the time spent with April on the island far too much, not wanting to let her or our time go.

But ever since I got back to the States, my quiet time gave me the opportunity to reflect on that one singular day in paradise where I had let April walk away from me forever. It was the dumbest thing I’d ever done in my life, and I had done a lot of idiotic things. It had only been three weeks, but to me it felt like a damn eternity.

I’d thought about going after her, begging for her to reconsider our relationship, but every time I thought about stepping out of the house, the damn media was right outside my gates, hounding me for a statement about my little trip. Even Crystal had gotten in on the action, taking the opportunity and running with it. Now her sad, tear-streaked face was on every talk show as she gossiped about the scandal, the betrayal, and how I’d broken her heart (yeah, right). She was soaking up the attention—wallowing in it like a pig in mud—while I was trying to avoid it. That would have been how our marriage would have turned out and I thanked my lucky stars every damn day that I had avoided saying those vows to her.

I rolled my shoulders, feeling the burn of my earlier workout still affecting my muscles. I should go to her, see if there was even a remote chance she would take me back. Maybe she would’ve calmed down by now… I could explain about the bet, properly explain this time, tell her it meant nothing.

Since it all came out in the press I knew she was probably being bombarded with the media as well, which pissed me off. April was a good person, one that shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of shit. The guys had given me a hard time when the ‘news’ first broke, but I’d ponied-up to their bets since I didn’t actually last the full two weeks, and I was about eighty grand poorer. Even though I’d survived one week with the wedding planner who’d apparently fallen deeply in love with me as well as pretending to be my wife. The pictures, however grainy in the magazines, were there to prove it all. But survive wasn’t the right word; I’d loved every minute of it with her.

I fucking hated all of the photos I kept seeing. They showed a time in my life that was truly the pinnacle of my love life, but the media had gone and exploited it, tearing apart that greatness about it. My chest still ached every time they showed us entering the tent, then coming out with our hands clasped together and the looks on our faces that belied what had happened inside. I wanted to punch that fucking cameraman; the camera I’d taken off him that day had most likely been a bloody decoy.

The sun started to sink down into the ocean as I turned away, wondering what I should do. I couldn’t sue all of them and I couldn’t make their lives miserable like they’d done with mine.

The doorbell rang and I looked in that direction, my heart hammering in my chest at who it might be. What if
she
had come? It wasn’t hard to find my house, certainly not after the media had reported the sale, accusing me of trying to hide away out here. But what if she’d made a decision to forgive me, to see this thing out like I knew I wanted to?

My heart in my throat, I crossed the living room to the door, flinging it open in anticipation of seeing her gorgeous face.

“Connor! I can’t believe what you did to me! That was so fucked up!”

My eyes narrowed as I saw Crystal’s angry face in the doorway, her eyes blazing. “Why the hell are you here?” I asked. She turned her head toward the crowd still gathered at the fence a few feet away, and I sighed loudly. “I’m not in the mood to be part of your silly game. Get the hell away from my door.”

“Connor, I was devastated when you ruined my perfect wedding day!” she whined loudly, loud enough for the frenzy out front to hear. “I had everything planned for us!”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed her hand, yanking her inside before shutting the door. “What are you doing?” she hissed, stomping her foot. “I’m not finished yet! They were just starting to eat it up!”

“Crystal, what are you doing?” I asked, angry that she was here, and not April.

She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck out her lower lip. “I was enjoying the limelight of course. Your little stunt has paid off dividends for me, darling. I can’t believe you didn’t let me in on this plan of yours.”

I frowned, confused on what exactly she was talking about. My stunt? This was my life I was talking about. She moved up to me, her fingers playing with the collar of my shirt idly. “You know, this all kinda turns me on, Connor. I’m so wet for you right now.” Her hand slid down my body and cupped my cock, her little motions not even getting me hard in the slightest. “Would you like to feel how wet?”

I gripped her hand and removed it from my crotch, sick that she would even think I would consider this to impress her. Her cunning smile faltered as she looked at my hand wrapped around her wrist. “Are you not happy to see me, Connor?”

“Christ, Crystal,” I exhaled, not believing this. “This wasn’t a stunt. None of it was a stunt.”

“I-I don’t understand,” she started. I had never taken Crystal for a fool—a little blonde at times—but right now, she clearly had no idea what I was talking about. “I dumped you because I didn’t want to marry you. Yeah, I went on our honeymoon with another woman and I don’t regret a single damn moment of it.” I then leaned close to her, until her wide eyes looked into mine. “And the one thing I
really
don’t regret is that I dumped your ass.”

Her nostrils flared with indignation as she realized what I was saying, yanking her wrist out of my grip. “You, you asshole! How dare you leave me for that ugly ass, pathetic woman, a nobody! She is so ugly that she couldn’t get her own man and had to steal mine! I bet she doesn’t do a tenth of what I did for you!”

I laughed, thinking about April’s body, her touch, the way she could make me hard just by arching a mischievous eyebrow. “She did more for me than you could ever hope to do.”

Her hand came out of nowhere and the stinging sensation that followed only added to the irony of the entire situation. In our entire relationship she had never raised a hand to me and hell, I couldn’t blame her for doing so now. But it would be the only time she ever did it. We were through.

“I hate you!” she seethed, stomping to the door, her heels clicking on my floor with every step. “You can have your little bitch. She will never be like I was to you!”

“Thank god,” I muttered loudly as she opened the door and walked through it, slamming it behind her. That was Crystal, a whirlwind of emotions and mess. I was so fucking glad she was gone from my life now. She thought this was a game? I half wished it was. ‘Cause right now I was losing badly with no idea how to redeem myself.

* * *

As quick as I could, I pushed the door shut behind me and ignored the frantic callings of my name from the people on the sidewalk, the silence of the apartment a welcome change. Weren’t they tired of me by now? Wasn’t there a bigger story to go and cover? I didn’t understand the fascination of it all, though it didn’t help that Crystal Wagner had plastered herself all over TV talking about how I stole the love of her life. I wanted to retaliate, trust me, but I didn’t want to become some mockery of a war that I knew I couldn’t win. The world would side with her and I would be left out in the cold, largely what I was already facing at this moment.

Depositing the bags onto the table, I pulled out the bottle of wine I’d picked up and grabbed the corkscrew and a glass; enjoying the first sip of the cool numbing liquid as it slid down my throat. I wasn’t an alcoholic, but I knew I was becoming dangerously close as the days went by, relying on a glass or two to calm my nerves and get me through what was fast becoming the worst time of my life.

Eugh. My life had become a circus since I arrived back in the States, reporters waiting for me at the airport to get my story about who I was and how I had roped in one of the most eligible bachelors right under Crystal’s nose. I had said ‘no comment’ enough times that I considered having it tattooed on my forehead. I wasn’t about to spill any beans regarding our relationship, or what was left of it, anyway.

The thought of Connor caused my chest to ache and I took another swallow of the wine, willing it away from my heart as much as I could. He wasn’t looking too hot in the press either, the sports world really starting to eat him alive. But on the other hand, he was getting a ton of free publicity; that would only elevate his status. Surely it couldn’t be all that bad, if you totally forgot that he had ruined my life for any other man ever.

I flung myself on the couch, pushing aside the growing mound of Kleenex that had seemed to appear out of nowhere the last few days. I blamed it on the sappy romance channel and the old stack of paperback books that I had found, but I knew that it wasn’t really just that. I missed him.

I missed the way he made me feel. I missed the quirky little grin he would give me right before he would kiss me. I missed his smell, his touch, and all of the above. I had fallen in love with the absolute worst person I could have chosen. Connor didn’t understand the meaning of love, relationships or marriage. He didn’t understand that I had put my whole heart into those last few days, really seeing myself as someone special in his life. And I didn’t expect him to see all of that, given his track record. But I had, even if for a moment, thought that I could be his someone special.

Rubbing a hand over my face, I thought about my life now and what I was going to do about it. I had no job, and my savings were running low and would only be able to carry me maybe another month or so before I would have to do something about it. There was no way I could get a job right now. No place would hire me with the crew of photographers and nosy TV reporters following me around. Idly I wondered if they’d leave me alone if I gave them a statement, but they wouldn’t. They were like vultures circling a carcass overhead, looking for the perfect opportunity to swoop down and pick at my bones. Until someone else did something stupider than what Connor and I did, I was stuck with the motley crew out there. It was my life. I had done the deed and now I was paying for the consequences of my actions.