Ruined (25 page)

"I know. I can't wait to help you unleash some of that pent up sexual energy you've got," I say as I slide up onto the pillows.

"Oh, challenge accepted," he purrs as we begin a night of exploring each other in every way possible.

***

Morning comes, and Kellan is in my bed. We're naked and tired from a night of making love over and over. In the bed, in the shower, on the deck. I feel exhausted but energized at the same time. Part of me worries that he'll change his mind in daylight when the stresses of everyday life attack us both again. But the way he gave himself to me last night makes me believe that we can make a go of this.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispers as he throws a leg over me and pulls me closer.  He licks at my bottom lip and then bites it lightly.

"Don't get started again, you sex god. I've go to get to the station early today. I'm the boss, now, you know," I say smiling. Between marathon sessions of sex last night, I explained where Reed was going and how I would be taking over the station. I left out the part about his father and what a dirt bag he is.

"I have an early training client today too. I guess we have to go back to the real world sometime," he says groaning.

"Kellan, is this for real?"

"Is what for real?"

"Well, I can't help but worry that you'll change your mind when things get tough..."

"Willow, I won't ever change my mind about us. You're like a treasure I've been searching for my whole life. We're in this together, even when things get tough." He rubs his thumb along my jawline and kisses me gently.

"Good, because I think losing you would ruin me for good."

"Well, I wouldn't want to ruin you. You're too sexy to be ruined," he says with a laugh as he sits up and pulls on his shorts. "Meet back here tonight?"

"Hmmm, I'll have to check my schedule..." I say which causes him to start tickling me until I agree. "But we have to be careful. We don't want to get caught by our parents!" He laughs, and it does my heart good to see him happy. Really happy.

Kellan goes to his room while I get dressed for my new job as head of DCTV. When I get downstairs, he's sitting at the table devouring eggs. Yep, I wore him down last night. He's eating like a hog.

My Mom walks into the kitchen and sits down as I get my plate.

"Good morning, dear," she says to me and then to Kellan. We're both smiling, and she keeps cutting her eyes back and forth. "Okay, what's going on?"

"Nothing, Mom. Everything is fine. By the way, Reed Miller got a job in Boston. He leaves Friday, so I am taking over his position at DCTV."

"Oh, honey, that's fantastic! Congratulations. I know you'll miss Reed, though."

Kellan looks at me, and then he smiles. He doesn't seem to be threatened or jealous of Reed anymore.

"Of course she will. Reed is a great friend to Willow," he says smiling. "But she's going to do awesome things for that station."

"No doubt. I'm so proud of you, honey," she says.

"Mom, is Bruce here?" I ask.

"No. He had another appointment, so I came on back early. Why?"

"Well, I need to tell you something." I'm nervous, and I can tell I'm making her nervous.

"Should I leave?" Kellan asks as he starts to stand up.

"No. It's okay. Mom, Kellan knows my secret." Her face goes pale and her eyes are large.

"It's okay, Pam. I won't tell anyone. I think Willow was so brave." She takes in a breath and nods.

"She was. It was a terrible time in our lives, but she had no other choice." He reaches across and pats her hand, and she gives him a grateful smile. “People back home weren't so nice to her, though. She was abandoned by so many people.”

"There's something else," I say, and Kellan looks at me confused. "Reed knows too."

This time, my mother really looks shocked, and Kellan does too.

"You didn't tell me that part," he says, sounding more than a bit irritated.

"He told me at the convention. He said he researched me when I was acting strangely to him. He is a reporter, after all."

"Does anyone else know, Willow?" my mother asks calmly.

I have to lie to both of them now. "No. Reed would never tell anyone. But, I think I might like to."

"What?" Mom says with her mouth open. "Willow, we've done so much to keep this quiet..."

"I know, Mom, and I don't think I'll ever feel free to live my life until I can get out from under this heavy armor of secrecy. And I know Bruce doesn't know. And I know you've done so much to protect me. To protect us. I don't want to tear your life apart again, but I don't know how to get over my past without claiming it."

She stands up and starts walking around the kitchen aimlessly for a moment. Then she stops and turns around to face me.

"Okay."

"What?"

"If this is what you need to do to heal, then that is what you should do. How can I help?"

"Mom, what about Bruce?"

"He'll just have to deal with it. And if he can't, then we just won't be together anymore. Simple as that."

"But, you love him..."

"And if he loves me, he will understand, won't he?"

I stand up and hug her tightly, fully aware that she could be giving up everything for me yet again. But I can't hide anymore.

"Here's what I want to do. You know the tape I made of Mr. Reynolds? The one about forgiveness?"

"Yes," she says. Kellan nods.

"Well, I want to tell my story and interview you about forgiveness." She seems stunned.

"You want to interview me?"

"If you're okay with that. I want to shine a light on drugs and alcoholism, and how it can affect domestic violence. I think I can use my story."

She grabs my shoulders and hugs me again. "I am so proud of you, Willow. So proud. Of course you can interview me. We're in this together, just like we've always been."

Kellan gets up and puts his big arms around both of us, and for the first time I feel whole in my little dysfunctional family.

Emmy sits there looking at me like she can't believe what she's hearing. She's the first person I've actually told without breaking down. Maybe I'm making progress.

"I don't know what to say..." she stammers. We're sitting at the The Coffee Mug, so at least she can't stand up and scream at me or something. I don't really know what I expect her to say.

"You don't have to say anything, Em. I just wanted you to know because I'd like your help doing the interview with me and my Mom."

"Of course, I'll help you. I'm just shocked. You always seem so put together and calm. I had no idea you were dealing with such tragedy in your past. Thank you for telling me." I've never seen Emmy so well spoken and calm.

"Do you think differently of me now?"

"Yes, I do."

"Oh."

"No, Willow, it's not what you think," she says smiling as she pats my hand across the table. "I always knew you were strong, but now I think of you as someone who has been through a tough few years but has persevered. You had to do the unthinkable, and I admire you more than you will ever know."

"Thanks."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you miss your Dad?"

"More than I can even describe to you. I have to separate him into two people in my mind. There's my Daddy who loved me and never would have hurt me, and then there's the raging alcoholic who took some bad street drugs and tried to kill me. I miss my Daddy." She nods and then takes a deep breath.

"I've never told anyone this, but my father... abused me," she says with tears in her eyes. "It's one reason why I never go back home. My mother stayed with him."

"Oh, Em, I'm so sorry."

"I wish I'd had your courage, to be honest. He molested me from the time I was five until I left to live with my grandparents at thirteen. I wish now that I had killed him."

"No, you don't really wish that, Emmy. It's something I'll never get over. It's burned into my soul forever."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," she says dabbing her eyes with a napkin.

"Let's change the subject to something juicier that I know you'll like..."

"What? Is there news on the boyfriend front?" she asks grinning.

"Yep. Kellan and I... did the deed... a lot!"

"Seriously? How was it?"

"Amazing. I can't even describe it."

"You'd better describe it. In detail!" she says laughing.

***

I'm in the kitchen eating a late lunch when Bruce walks in. I thought he'd be working all day which is why I came home to grab something before going back to the station. Reed is leaving in two days, so I have to pick his brain as much as possible before he's gone.

"Willow?" Bruce says.

"Oh. Hey..." I know that Mom was supposed to talk to him last night, but she never came and told me how he reacted.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure." I put my sandwich down and wipe my mouth. I can't even look at him.

"Your Mom told me your story."

"She did?"

"Yes, she did. And I want you to know that it doesn't change the way I feel about you at all. You had to save your own life, Willow. No one can fault you for that. You made the only choice you could as a fifteen year old who was being choked to death."

"I still killed someone, and Kellan..."

"It's not the same, Willow. And, for the record, Kellan and I are doing so much better. And that's because of you. You are a courageous young woman, and I'm proud to call you my step daughter." This brings tears to my eyes, so I stand up and hug him. I realize I've never hugged Bruce before, and it feels a little weird. "I know I can't replace your Daddy, but please know that I want to be here for you."

"Thank you," I say pulling back and wiping my eyes with a paper towel. "Did Mom talk to you about me... and..."

"Kellan? Yes, she did," he says smiling. "You two are adults and capable of making your own decisions, so I'm not going to stand in your way. You've been good for Kellan."

"Of course, if we ever get married, you'll be my step father and father in law," I say with a laugh. Bruce waves his hand in front of his face.

"Can we please not talk about that?" he asks laughing.

***

Emmy sets up the camera in our living room, and I rearrange the chairs and open the blinds to give us more light for the shoot. I'm trying to keep my busy mind occupied and distracted from the fact that I'm about to put my story on tape for everyone to see. I can never hide from this again after today, and I know I'm ready for that. It's time to let Willow Blake live. Let her out of her box. Her prison. And today I bury Kate Lambert for good.