Rush of Darkness (10 page)

“Stop lying!”

A muscle pulsed in his jaw. “I’m not,” he ground out, all but smashing the words with his molars.

“You are,” she screeched, no doubt sounding like a madwoman. Feeling like one, as well. “And I’m so sick of the lies. Every time I turn around, someone is lying to me, thinking it’s going to make things better. But it doesn’t make anything better. It just pisses me off!”

His chest heaved as he sucked in air, then blasted her with a gritty response. “You want the truth, Raine? Fine. I’ll give it to you. Yeah, you’re hurting and you’re angry. I get that. I even understand it. Revenge is your new drug of choice, and you’ll do whatever it takes to get it. I’m not happy about it, but…”

“But what?”

He shook his head, flinging away the meandering drops of water dripping down his gorgeous face—and his voice dropped as he said, “But in case you hadn’t noticed, it’s not scaring me off.”

Her mouth trembled so hard, she could barely get her reply out. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means that I want you. I’ve been fighting the way I feel about you for months and I’m tired of it,” he growled, grabbing hold of her hand and tugging her past the scorched patch of ground where Schultz’s body had fried. He paused only long enough to scoop up the smoldering Marker and hand it to her, then took off again, his path taking them back to where their hotel was located.

Raine stared at the rigid set of his shoulders, wanting
to latch on to them and hold them for support, but she couldn’t allow herself that kind of weakness. Instead, she simply muttered, “The Oath might bind me to you for the moment, McConnell, but it doesn’t give you rights over my body.”

“Don’t worry, Raine.” He sounded tired, and supremely insulted. Not that she blamed him. “I’ve never forced myself on a woman, and I sure as hell don’t intend to start now.”

It wasn’t easy, but she managed to keep her voice even as she said, “Then you should know that it’s never going to happen between us. The bar…that was a mistake. One I don’t intend to repeat.”

The moonlight glinted against his blond hair as he gave a sharp, decisive nod. “Then consider this fair warning that I intend to change your mind.”

“You’re crazy,” she muttered, pocketing the Marker.

He snorted. “Tell me something I don’t know. I haven’t been able to think straight since I met you.”

It wasn’t easy, considering she was still shaken by what she’d done, but she managed to stamp down hard on the spark of warmth brought on by those husky words. Wetting her lips, she said, “Whatever you do, it isn’t going to change the fact that I don’t want you.”

“And who’s the liar now?” She couldn’t see his face, but she was willing to bet the Marker in her pocket that one of those crooked smiles was twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“If you’re determined to do this,” she said, glaring at the back of his head, “then we’re at war, McConnell.”

“If that’s how you want it, honey.” His white teeth flashed as he looked back over his injured shoulder, the dark cotton of his shirt tattered and stained with blood, the soft green of his eyes glittering with a dark, provocative promise. “But if I were you, I’d seriously think about letting me win.”

Her eyes went wide, and the arrogant ass winked at her before looking forward again, leaving her to think about what he’d said. Thinking…and imagining all the ways that a man like Seth McConnell could drive a woman out of her mind with pleasure. If the brief taste she’d had was anything to go by, the guy was seriously gifted.

And Raine couldn’t help but fear that she was
seriously
screwed.

H
OT WATER POUNDED
down on the back of her head, the thick, billowing steam blanketing her from the rest of the world, and Raine figured she just might stay there in the shower all night. The idea sounded infinitely better than actually walking out of the hotel’s bathroom and facing McConnell again.

Not yet. Just need a little more time alone…

She was still freaked. Still shaken. Not only by what had happened after she’d killed Schultz, but by what had come before. That erotic little interlude in the bar had basically blown every brain cell she possessed, while turning her body into a hot, melty glow of sexual need, just like in her dream.

She’d been stunned by the powerful rush of pleasure that had burned through her when McConnell’s warm mouth had been on hers…on her breasts, his body hard and thick with hunger. It’d been unlike anything she’d ever known. Mind-blowing. Breathtaking. And it wasn’t like she could blame the rush on inexperience. Raine had never been one to play the field, but she knew how pleasure worked. She’d even been in two committed relationships. Neither had worked out, but she’d remained friends with her exes. They were nice, mellow scholarly
types who she’d worked with. Nothing like Seth McConnell, who was pushy and arrogant and as alpha as they came.

When he’d kissed her, it’d been so intense. And every time she thought about it, her legs got that shaky feeling again, which was why she kept trying to put it out of her mind.

Once they’d reached the hotel, Seth had tried to get her to relax, asking her if she wanted some food, coffee—hell, he’d even offered more of his blood—but she’d relied on nonverbal communication, simply shaking her head each time he asked her a question, her throat too quivery for speech. He must have decided to give up, because he said nothing when she finally came out of the bathroom after her shower. Dressed in ratty sweats and a navy tank, she pulled her damp hair over one shoulder, using her brush to work out the tangles as she moved about the room and watched him from the corner of her eye, too restless to sit down. He was tapping away on a weathered laptop as he sat on the queen-size bed, his back to the headboard, wearing only his jeans. Couldn’t be comfortable to sleep in the damn things, but she knew he’d kept them on to stop her from freaking out. Either that, or he was wearing cartoon boxers that he didn’t want her to see. The whimsical thought almost made her smile, but then she focused on the raw puncture wounds in his broad shoulders, and her humor faded. The marks were angry and red against his smooth skin. A visceral reminder of just how mental she’d become.

I can’t believe I hurt him like that,
she thought, ripping
the brush through her hair so viciously she was probably going to give herself a bald patch. She could believe even less that he wasn’t angry with her about it. Instead, he’d done nothing but try to reassure her, telling her it was okay, and her throat did that tight, trembling thing again.

Setting down the brush, Raine forced herself to crawl into her side of the bed and snuggle beneath the covers, keeping her back to him. She listened to him tapping at the keys, and despite her tension, she enjoyed the warmth of his scent as it wrapped around her. Within a few moments, she found herself drifting into that warm, heavy fall that led to deep sleep, which was strange, considering she’d barely slept for months, usually just putting herself into one of the light trance states, or
Transsis,
that Alacea used when they needed rest but were short on time. It didn’t make any sense, but she felt safe with him. Despite the outrageous claims he kept making about being attracted to her, she knew he wouldn’t attack her, and so Raine snuggled deeper into her pillow, exhausted clear down to her bones.

Just need to put everything out of my mind for a while. Just need to…sleep.

Heavy waves of darkness rolled over her, her body sinking into sleep as if it was a warm, comforting cloud that had wrapped her in its arms, holding her tight and close. The feeling was so good, Raine wanted it to sink down into every cell of her body, penetrating her, until she could experience that delicious warmth everywhere. So sweet. So perfect.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, when that cloud suddenly said her name, its voice a gravelly rasp of sound, and her eyelids twitched as she realized the cloud’s comforting arms had strong, powerful muscles. Her cheek was pressed against what felt like a broad, solid chest, the deep, resonating beat of a heart thudding beneath her ear while a big hand stroked gently down her spine, and comprehension struggled to find its way through the tangled layers of sleep.

She had a horrible suspicion she was lying in McConnell’s arms, and as she forced her heavy eyelids to lift, suspicion became a humiliating reality.

“Holy shit,”
she croaked, pushing against his chest as she scrambled away from him, quickly retreating to her side of the bed. She wished she could dredge up an ounce of outrage, but she’d clearly been the one who’d crawled into his arms, plastering her body against his. “I’m so s-sorry,” she stammered, completely mortified. “I don’t know what I was… I don’t understand why I—”

“’S’okay,” he rumbled, his deep voice rough with sleep as he rolled to his back and stretched like a big, muscular cat, muscles flexing beneath acres of golden, hair-dusted skin. “You were dreaming,” he added, scratching lazily at his chest, silvery streams of moonlight sneaking through the blinds to reveal the rugged contours of his body, as well as the multitude of scars that were a testament to his profession. He had the sheet wrapped around his waist, his chest deliciously bare, the six-pack abs damn near making her drool.

“Yeah,” she murmured, not even sure what they were talking about. His moonlit body had melted her brain.

Sitting up, he propped his back against the generic pine headboard, the sheet falling away as he raised his left leg, the worn denim of his jeans hugging the rigid muscles in his powerful thigh. Of course, his arms were just as spectacular. His biceps bulged as he lifted his arms, shoving his hands through his short hair, and she wondered if he still did that out of habit, the gesture reminding her of the dream with his sister, when the teenage Seth had shoved his shaggy hair back from his brow.

“Since we’re up, I think we should talk about what you said tonight,” he rumbled in a low voice, staring into the shadows. “I’m not ashamed of you, Raine. Far from it. I think you’re an amazing woman, no matter what bloody species you are. And I know there are things about me that…upset you. The truth is that some of them I can work on, and some will probably never change. The attack on my family—” he rubbed his hand across his jaw and exhaled a rough breath “—it colors the way I look at a lot of things. But I meant what I said in the park.”

She pushed back the sheet and sat up near the foot of the bed, knees drawn into her chest with her arms wrapped around them, needing at least that small bit of space between their bodies. His profile was stark, that rugged jaw like granite, the soft shafts of light picking up the golden glint of stubble. “The attack… It was bad, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah…it was bad.” She could see the movement of his throat as he swallowed.

“And that’s why you joined the Collective.”

It wasn’t a question—just a statement of fact—but he nodded in response, rubbed his jaw again and explained. “They started working on my recruitment while I was in one of their hospitals. Delivered their spiel while I was still hooked up to tubes, not even able to breathe on my own.”

She felt like something had reached in and grabbed hold of her heart, squeezing it in a deathly grip. “I…I didn’t know you’d been hospitalized.”

He turned his head, locking that beautiful green gaze with hers, and she felt a jolt all the way down to her soul. Just from a look. “You didn’t see that part in my memories?” he asked with surprise.

She shook her head. “No. I saw that your family had been killed. Their suffering and loss was always at the edge of your consciousness whenever you made a kill. At least, the ones that I saw. But I didn’t go back to the actual event. I guess I always assumed that you had shown up after the attack, and found them as they were dying.”

He gave a raw, pained laugh and lowered his head into his hand. “Oh, I was definitely there.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was soft, thick. “I guess it’s no wonder that you hate the Deschanel.”

He pushed that strong hand back through his hair again and took a deep breath, before locking his gaze back on hers, those dark eyes swirling with shadows and
heat. “You’re right, Raine. I hated them for a long time. For years, I could hardly feel any other emotion. But what I’m trying to tell you is that I’m starting to see things differently. I know that sounds trite, but it’s true. I think I’ve suspected for a while now that there was something wrong with the path that I’d chosen, but it was hard to break out of the cycle. Every time I questioned myself, I’d come across a truly fallen vampire who’d hurt others, and I’d feel justified for leading the life I had. Then this shit started with the Casus, and I finally got out. And since then, I’ve come to realize that there are vampires out there who aren’t all that different from me. Who are fighting for the same things I am.”

“I know. Your friendship with the Grangers has been a surprise to you, but one you’re willing to accept. Because you’re changing? Because they’re
Förmyndares?
You don’t know. You’ve been thinking a lot about the decisions you’ve made. I could sense that in you from the beginning. Your confusion and your willingness to look at the choices you’ve made in life.” Her cheeks burned with heat, but she forced herself to say it all. “But to be involved with a vampire sexually or romantically or whatever you want to call it? Do you really think you could do something like that, Seth?”

I
T WAS THE FIRST TIME
she’d ever called him by his first name, and his reaction was instantaneous. A burning, white-hot need to reach out and grab hold of her, crushing her against his body. Rolling her beneath him. Gathering her close and hard and tight.

“You’re the main reason for this change, Raine. Not the Grangers. And it’s not just any vampire I’m interested in. I want
you,
” he told her, holding that stormy, lightning-on-a-midnight-sea stare. Her color was high, her lips rosy and full, all that honey-colored hair falling in long, lustrous waves around her slender shoulders. Hell, even her ears were precious. Small, pale, delicate. If he’d ever seen a more beautiful woman, it’d been wiped from his memory.

“This isn’t right,” she whispered, her eyes wide with panic, and he knew he was getting to her. It wasn’t him that she feared, but the idea of giving something between them a chance. Of making herself vulnerable, when she’d only just started clawing her way out of the nightmare that had nearly destroyed her. He wasn’t so blind that he couldn’t understand her reasoning, but damn it, he couldn’t just let this go without fighting for it.

“Why? Give me one good, solid reason, Raine.”

“I can give you dozens,” she snapped, then she almost immediately cringed. “God, I’m sorry,” she whispered, lowering her gaze. “I don’t mean to be a bitch. You’ve done nothing but try to keep me safe, and I appreciate that. Even though the Oath pissed me off, I know you only did it because you thought it was right. I just…I don’t see how this could work. It’s bad enough when one person is weighed down with baggage, but we both are.”

“Raine, look at me.” He waited until she finally followed the soft command, then went on. “None of that shit matters if you want me. And I think you do.” Hunger
roughened his words, his body reacting the same damn way that it always did around her, his cock thickening against his fly. “I’ve felt the way you respond to me.”

Her face burned hotter. “Yes, I want you. But that doesn’t mean that I’m happy about it. The truth is that it frustrates the hell out of me. You’re a complication that I can’t afford. So whatever’s going on here, it needs to stop. We’re not good for each other.”

“How can you be so sure about that?” he demanded, hooking his arm around his bent knee as he leaned forward. “Have you ever thought that we might be exactly what the other needs?”

She wet her lips with a nervous flick of her tongue. “I don’t see how that could be possible.”

“Why not?”

“You scare me, for one.”

Seth snorted. “Bullshit. At first, maybe. But I don’t really believe that anymore. And I don’t believe you’re buying it, either. What scares you is the idea of taking a chance.”

For a split second, it looked as if she would argue, but then her mouth compressed into a hard, flat line. “Even if you’re right, what about the fact that I don’t trust you? And without trust, who knows how I might react if we had sex? You saw what happened tonight. I could hurt you.”

His laugh was low and husky. “You might be a little bad-ass, Raine, but I can take care of myself.”

She was starting to look desperate. Sounded it, too. “I have fangs.”

“I noticed,” he said dryly, wondering how many times this subject was going to get thrown in his face. “But let’s not hash through the vein thing again.”

“That’s just it,” she huffed, flinging up her arms in frustration. “You can’t give me what I need, and I know I couldn’t give you what you need.”

Okay. He really didn’t like the sound of
that
. “What are you talking about?”

She broke eye contact and looked away, chewing nervously on the fleshy pad of her lower lip. “The truth is that I lied to you, McConnell.”

He figured he was probably going to be pissed about the lie—but for the moment he was more pissed about the fact that she was back to using his last name. “What about?”

“I told you before that all I’d seen of your memories was your killings,” she said, pulling her knees in closer to her chest. “But that isn’t true.”

An uneasy feeling slithered through his insides. “Spit it out, Raine.”

S
HE SLID HIM A QUICK
glance from the corner of her eye, then looked away again, staring across the shadowed expanse of the hotel room. “I, um, I actually saw you with a few women.”