Ryan's Love (Sawyer Brothers #1) (8 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Amber

Over the next two weeks life had gotten pretty hectic. Between the bakery and Alena deciding to stay for a while, I barely had time to do much else but work and spend time with her.

Ryan and I had gone out a few times, and I could still sense he was having trouble at home with Olivia. He tried to hide his worry, but it was impossible. When we were together, even if we were doing something as simple as watching a movie or going for a walk, his mind always seemed to be someplace else. Our dates always felt rushed too.

It was a slow day, and I hadn’t seen a customer in the last hour. Bailey had decided to catch up on some bookkeeping before heading off to the supermarket to fill up on our personal groceries we’d run short of in our apartment. I was about to go out of my mind from boredom. I had cleaned the dining area and moved on to wiping down the displays that held our fresh-baked goods.

My cell phone vibrated in my back pocket, and I pulled it out quickly, hoping it was Ryan. When Kevin’s name lit up the screen, I rolled my eyes. This was the third time he’d called in the last two days. The icon on my phone indicating I had awaiting messages confirmed that I still didn’t give a shit what he had to say. There was nothing left for us to say to each other. I had wasted enough of my life already, and I had no intentions of allowing him to waste any more.

I hit Ignore and shoved my phone into my back pocket again before going back to cleaning things that didn’t need to be cleaned.

The bell on the door jingled as it bounced shut, causing me to instantly look up. The rag I’d been using to wipe the tables stilled against the marble as I stared at Ryan. He stood before me in his dark blue uniform with a single red rose in his hand.

“Hi,” he said, a smile tugging at his mouth.

I stood taller and dried my hands on the dish towel that hung over my shoulder. Without taking my eyes off him, I stepped around the table, appraising him in all his manliness. He truly was handsome. His jaw had just the right amount of scruff, and the uniform hugged his broad shoulders and chest just right. He lit up my insides with an extreme amount of excitement with just one smirk.

“Hello, handsome,” I replied as I hooked my thumbs in my back pockets. Silently, I begged for him to come closer, yet I stood patiently waiting for him to make the next move. Within seconds he was standing before me and placing the rose in my hand. “I can’t stay long,” he said. Instantly I felt disappointed, knowing this visit would be a short one. “But I wanted to ask you if you would come over for dinner tonight.”

I stared at him in shock. I had never been invited to his home, and to be perfectly honest, I thought he wouldn’t for a very long time. “Are you sure?” I questioned.

A knowing grin pulled at his lips, and he offered a gentle nod. “Yeah, I’m sure.” Ryan placed his hands on my hips and pulled me closer. “I know over the last couple weeks I’ve been a little distant. I’m sorry for that. Olivia finally came home from my parents’, and we’ve been doing a lot of talking. I’m not sure if it helped, but I am hoping things are starting to get better. Since she hasn’t officially been introduced to you, I told her I was going to ask if I could see you tonight for dinner.”

Yes, the idea of having dinner with Olivia and Ryan was intimidating. But my desire to see this work was stronger than my fear. I wanted something more than just the occasional date followed by a few stolen kisses to end our nights.

“What time should I be there?”

His grin grew wider, and he leaned and kissed me softly. “Is seven okay with you?” he asked in a soft, husky whisper.

“Seven is perfect,” I replied.

***

As I pulled into the driveway of Ryan’s house, my pulse was racing. That wild feeling you get when you’re unable to control what may be about to happen was rocking through me like a tidal wave.

I had spent twenty minutes with Bailey prior to leaving, twenty minutes of hearing over and over that things would work out. Now I sat in my car as it idled, staring at the house before me. The light shining from its huge windows highlighted its beauty.

A shadow through the blinds in the large picture window straight ahead caught my attention. Ryan was fisting his hair with one hand while he appeared to be holding his phone to his ear with the other. An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach as I continued to watch. After a few minutes he hung up and let his head hang forward.

I carefully crawled out of my car and walked up the driveway. Before I could knock, the front door opened, and there stood Ryan wearing a look of defeat. “Hey,” he offered, letting out a long, exhausted breath.

“Is everything okay?”

“Um…” He ran his hand through his hair once again. “Yeah, everything’s good. Come in.” He motioned with his hand as he stepped aside.

Taking a step past him, I took in the room slowly. The house had a large open-floor plan with the living room, kitchen, and dining room completely exposed from the front entrance. Huge windows opened up the entire back wall of the home, providing a gorgeous view that complimented the room perfectly.

“Your home is beautiful,” I whispered as I looked around. When I saw Olivia standing in an open doorway to what appeared to be a bedroom, my eyes immediately locked on hers. She had her arms crossed over her chest and a glare on her face.

Ryan’s hand on my lower back made me jump in surprise. “Sorry, baby,” he said. Olivia flinched at his endearment, and my stomach bottomed out even further. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Whatchya got there?” he asked, pointing at the dish in my hand.

“I thought since you both offered me dinner, I would bring dessert.” I held the plate out to him. My hands were shaking, but I did everything I could to maintain control. “We’ll have to warm it right before we eat it. Hot fudge brownie cake tastes so much better warm.”

Ryan’s eyes lit up, and before I knew what hit me, he leaned in and placed a kiss just to the side of my mouth. “Thank you, gorgeous. That was sweet of you.”

I was momentarily awestruck. He had the ability to overtake my train of thought. I jumped when I heard a door slam and looked back to find the bedroom door was now shut.

When I turned back to face Ryan, I saw the hurt in his eyes. “She’s uh…” He let out a long sigh, gripping the back of his neck in frustration.

“If this isn’t okay, I can—”

“No, you’re not leaving.” He stepped around me and guided me toward the kitchen. “This was her idea.” My stomach fell. Didn’t he want me here? “I agreed, of course, but…” He dropped into a chair at the table and reached for my hand. “I thought this was the turning point. Ya know, that she’d accepted us dating. She woke up this morning and said she thought I didn’t care about her feelings. She said I didn’t even offer to introduce the two of you, and how is she supposed to understand our relationship if she never gets a chance to get to know you too?”

“So she decided having me over for dinner was the best way?” I asked.

He pulled me into his lap, and I tried to brace myself but fell ungracefully against him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. “She wanted to spend time with you, so I thought what better way than having you over for dinner?”

I stared at him, my mouth hanging open slightly. Had he not thought about what me invading her home, her mother’s home, would do to her?

I pushed against him and stood. “Ryan, this is her home. Having another woman come to the home her mother and father made together really isn’t the best idea for our first real introduction. She obviously isn’t ready for something like that.” I suddenly felt even more out of place. “I should go,” I said as I turned toward the front door.

Ryan stood and wrapped his arms around my waist before pulling me back against him. “Don’t go,” he pleaded. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how to make this work.” He truly sounded lost, and it broke my heart. He buried his face in my hair, inhaling deeply.

“Maybe she just needs more time.”

“I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready.” Carefully he turned me in his arms and looked down at me. He finally seemed to be exhausted from the struggle. “It took me so long to be able to look at another woman without feeling like I was deceiving Claire.” He cupped the side of my face with his hand and tipped my head back. His eyes locked on mine before he continued. “I was always too scared to move on, to take a chance. But the night Noah and I pulled up behind you when you were kicking and cussing your flat tire…” He smiled, and I closed my eyes tightly, remembering my embarrassment. “It was the first time in a long time I felt attracted to someone. At first it scared the shit out of me, but then you smiled and it was hopeless. You had me hooked.”

Ryan rested his forehead against mine, and my heart ached at his turmoil. “You make me feel again, Amber. I love how all the ache in my chest sort of fades away when I’m with you. And I just don’t know how to make Olivia understand that seeing you does not mean I’m trying to replace Claire. I just want to live again, and you make me feel alive.”

My throat burned with his declaration. I placed my hands on his chest and soothingly rubbed them up it until they came to rest on his shoulders. “You make me feel alive too. I just think me being here, in her home, isn’t the best solution. We need to tread lightly and make sure no matter what, her feelings are protected. I don’t want to be the cause for a falling out between the two of you.”

Ryan kissed me gently before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in tightly. “Sorry your night was ruined,” he said against my neck.

Chapter Seventeen

Ryan

“I can pick you up tomorrow. You just need to let me know what time,” I told Olivia as I filled out the last of my paperwork. I had just under an hour left at the station before I’d have two days off to relax.

I could hear Olivia shuffling around on the other end of the phone. “Jackie’s mom said we may go get our nails done tomorrow, so I’ll text you the time once I know.”

After Amber left the house the other night, I went directly into my daughter’s room, demanding we talk. Four hours and a whole lot of tears later, I walked out feeling even more confused. Teenage girls are hard as hell to follow. Everything, and I do mean everything, with them is escalated to unknown heights and then multiplied by five, and there is no hope once it reaches that magnitude. You just have to walk away and take a breather.

Three days later it was as if nothing had even happened. Well, that is, as long as I left anything involving Amber and me out of all our conversations, things were fine. I knew Liv and I should talk about my relationship with Amber more, but the peace was kind of nice.

Tonight she would be staying with a friend of hers, and I had every intention of spending my evening with Amber. Things had been rocky between us lately. I was more than afraid at some point she may just say enough is enough and my chances with her would be over. After tonight I hoped she would know I was ready to take the next step.

“Okay, well, I’ll be leaving the station soon, and if you need anything, call me, okay?” I placed the last file in my drawer and stood from my desk.

“I know, Dad, but I’ll be fine. I grabbed everything I needed, and we’re just hanging out and ordering a pizza. I can’t think of anything I would need.”

“Have a fun night, baby girl.” I hoped a little time with her girlfriend would do her good. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad,” Olivia said just before hanging up.

***

Amber had no idea I was coming over, and I wanted to surprise her. So I parked my truck along the road in front of the bakery and walked around the back toward the door that led up to her apartment above it. I pressed the buzzer and waited with a huge smile on my face. This would be the first night I’d seen her since our disaster of an evening. But I was a little nervous about where she and I stood, and that made me irritated. It was time I clarified just how much I wanted her in my life.

The door opened and Bailey stood behind it. She had a knowing gleam in her eye and a wide smile on her lips. “Well hello, handsome. You didn’t happen to bring your sexy-as-sin brother along with you, did you?” She leaned forward and peeked over my shoulder.

“Sorry, I’m alone.” I shrugged and chuckled as she pretended to pout. Jackson had filled me in on their night at the bar. He couldn’t stop filling me in, actually, and the last thing I wanted to know was what Bailey could do with her tongue.

“I’ll let it slide this time, but only because you’re too good-looking for me to hold a grudge against.” She motioned me inside and closed the door behind me. Bailey was a character. She looked so innocent, but she was far from it. “Top of the stairs, down the hall, and first door on the right.”

I didn’t wait for further direction before I jogged up the stairs. I stopped at the door I knew belonged to Amber and knocked lightly.

“Come in, goof. Why are you knocking?” she called.

I twisted the knob, pushed the door open, and swallowed hard at the sight before me. Amber was lying on her bed, on her stomach, wearing only a tank top and panties. She appeared to be reading something.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. When she finally looked up and noticed I was there, she spun around quickly, grabbed for the nearest pillow, and placed it over her lap. “Ryan,” she said in surprise. “I thought you were Bailey.”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” I whispered as I sat down on the bed beside her.

“I’m not disappointed, I was just a little surprised.” She was eyeing me closely, trying to figure me out.

I looked down at her lap and trailed the tip of my finger along her exposed thigh. Her skin was so soft, and she shivered from my touch. “I wanted to see you. I needed to see you, actually.” Her breath hitched when I slid my hand just beneath the pillow, and her body stilled. I was almost sure she even held her breath.

I grabbed the corner and tugged as she released her hold and balled her fists in her lap. “You are so gorgeous, don’t cover yourself up,” I told her while allowing my gaze to scan her body. “So beautiful,” I whispered as I slid a little closer. “Sexy.” My voice felt strained even to my own ears. I traced the tip of my finger over the small strip of her exposed stomach, and Amber shivered. She remained silent, but her eyes were glazed over. The sexual desire pooled between us, and I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this turned-on.

I leaned over, pulled my boots from my feet, and let them fall to the floor before I spun around and crawled toward her. Her eyes grew wide and her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard.

“What are you doing?” she asked as she rolled backward and rested her head on the pillow behind her. Allowing my body to rest against hers, I propped myself up with my arms on each side of her head. “Ryan,” she whispered while I nudged myself between her thighs.

“I’m letting go. I’m acting on what my heart is telling me to do. I can’t continue to hold back.” I kissed her just below her ear. “I want you, Amber. I want all of you,” I whispered against her ear, assuring her this was exactly what I wanted. “Can I spend the night?” My heart raced as I waited for her answer.

“Yes.” Her whisper was more of a moan. “Please stay.”

Her body felt unbelievable beneath mine. She fit perfectly against me. I took my time kissing her and touching her. I wanted this to last. I wanted to leave no part of her untouched.

Sliding my hand along her side, I soon felt the hem of her shirt beneath my fingers and slowly began to lift. As I felt the swell of her breast against my fingertips, my heart beat faster.

“You’re perfect, so sweet,” I breathed.

Amber rested her hands firmly on my chest before she glided them over my stomach and brought them to rest at my hips. She gently tugged then, attempting to bring my body closer, and immediately wrapped her legs around my waist to hold me in place. My name fell from her lips in a needy whisper. “Ryan.”

Hearing her pant my name so desperately urged me further. I reached over my shoulder, gathered my shirt, and began tugging it over my head. Her hands were just as busy as mine in removing the items of clothing that separated us.

“I’ve thought about this moment so many times,” she confessed, and I smiled against her lips, immediately remembering her confession at the bar.

“Me too, baby,” I assured her. “You are always on my mind, Amber.”

Our moans and sighs mingled as we frantically continued to undress, eager to feel one another without restriction.

Hovering over her now-naked body, I couldn’t help myself from taking a moment to appreciate her beauty. Her light brown hair fanned out over the light color of the pillow, and her perfect body beneath me begged to be touched.

I dipped my head and traced her nipple with my tongue before pulling it into my mouth and sucking softly. Her body instinctively arched toward my lips, and she combed her fingers through my hair as she moaned, pressing her breast closer to my hungry mouth. I continued to suck gently before moving to the other side to show it equal attention.

The only item of clothing still separating us were my boxers, and even they couldn’t hide how excited her body was. I could feel her heat against me as I thrust my hips forward and hit the spot that drove her wild.

“I need you, Ryan. God, I want you,” she whispered against my ear, and I removed my lips from her breast and looked up at her hungry eyes with a grin. Slowly I kissed my way up her chest and neck and over her jaw until I reached her lips once more.

Our tongues tangled as we explored each other’s mouths. “I want you too,” I confessed. “More than anything else, I want this.” We were both breathing heavily, and my heart was rapidly beating as I continued to roam my hands over her body.

Amber lifted her hips and rubbed herself against me, begging me for more without saying the words.

“It’s been a long time, so I can assure you I’m clean,” I said. I wanted nothing more than to enter her without restriction. But if she showed any amount of hesitation, I would get the condom I had tucked in my wallet before leaving the truck.

“I’m clean, I’m protected. I just want you now.” Her voice was laced with impatient need. “I take the pill, and I was tested before I left Chicago.”

I had forgotten until that moment about her bastard ex cheating on her and was glad she was smart enough to get checked out after that mess.

I carefully began to slide my boxers down my thighs, and her eager hands rushed to offer assistance. It was almost funny how needy she had become within minutes. After kicking my underwear to the floor, I lowered myself against her once more, gliding my hardness through her warmth. My heart was racing, and my hands shook as I appreciatively roamed them over her body. Our gazes locked on one another, and in that moment my chest tightened at the longing in her eyes. Our desire for each other was thick. I knew this was what I wanted, more than anything.

Slowly and as gentle as possible, I guided myself into her and watched as her eyes began to roll back from the pleasure our bodies were experiencing. She circled my waist with her legs and pulled me as close as possible. I had to fist the sheets at her sides to control my animalistic urges. The warmth of her engulfed me, and chills of pleasure covered me. I was fighting the need to let go and take control.

As Amber’s eyes fluttered open, she stared up at me, and something inside me changed in that moment. She was unbelievably beautiful, and any reservations lingering within me faded. I knew for sure now that Amber was my second chance.

The emotional force of that understanding overtook me, and my throat ached and my chest constricted as I leaned forward and kissed her.

She combed her hands through my hair as I gripped her hips and began to move in her. Our rocking bodies and the small moans of pleasure falling from our lips that were swallowed by our kisses were amazing.

“Mm,” she moaned as I swiveled my hips against her, hitting the spot she needed. As she lifted her hips to mimic my movements, our bodies began to create a rhythm of equal thrusts, and the motion gave her the exact friction she needed to drive her over the edge. Within seconds, she tensed and began to tremble beneath my hands.

“So beautiful,” I whispered against her lips before kissing her through her orgasm. Her facial expressions during the most intense moment I’d felt in such a long time made my mind race. Amber was what I needed. She made me feel more in the last five weeks than I had felt in the last three years.

She gripped my waist and dug her fingers into my flesh. “Ryan,” she gasped as the final shivers left her body.

I continued to move against her, watching her heaving chest, her lust-filled eyes. Relaxing completely against her, I cupped her jaw and brought my lips to hers. Our tongues tangled once more as I picked up the pace and began thrusting my hips. Whimpers of pleasure and grunts of satisfaction fell from her lips as I drove back before slamming against her once more.

I was so close. Those little flickers of lights were beginning to fill my peripheral vision. My legs began to tingle, and all at once my own orgasm took over.

I buried my head against her shoulder and rocked against her over and over as my body shook with pleasure.