Ryan's Place (13 page)

Despite all that, Ryan couldn’t seem to bring himself to do anything about initiating a search. He wasn’t entirely sure why
he was so terrified to try. Was he afraid of being disappointed? Or afraid of another rejection?

Whenever his head was filled with questions and no answers, he always headed for the shelter. There were people there with worse problems than his, people who survived despite whatever tragedies had befallen them.

When he arrived at midmorning, he was surprised to find Letitia at work in the kitchen preparing lunch for the children. She was making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at a rapid clip, but her expression was distracted.

“Everything okay?” Ryan inquired after watching her for several minutes.

She looked up from her task, and her face broke into a smile. “Mr. Devaney, what are you doing here?”

“I came by to spend some time with the kids. They usually need a distraction during the holidays. With no school and some of the parents out looking for jobs, they can get a little rambunctious. What are you doing here? I thought you’d be at the hospital.”

“Jamal’s with Lamar.” Her eyes lit up. “Did you know he’s getting out of the hospital later this week? The doctors say he’s making fantastic progress. Looks like my boy has a bright future ahead of him.”

“That’s wonderful. Will you be coming back here?”

She shook her head, her smile widening. “Jamal went back to his old boss and explained what had happened. He agreed to take him back after the first of the year. He even gave him an advance on his salary, so we could make a deposit on an apartment. We move in tomorrow so we can get it all fixed up before Lamar comes home.”

She put down the jar of jelly and crossed the room to hug him. “I have my life back, and it’s all because of you.”

Ryan was growing more comfortable with the impulsive show of affection, but not with the praise. “Letitia—” he began.

She cut off his protest. “I won’t hear none of that,” she scolded. “You did a good thing. Now accept my thanks.”

He grinned. “You’re welcome.”

She studied him intently. “Is there something else on your mind? You’ve got the look of a man with troubles. Is it Maggie?”

“Maggie’s fine,” he said.

“You treating her right?”

He grinned at the protective note in her voice. “As right as I know how.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It’s a long story. I won’t bore you with it.”

She frowned at that. “Let me get these sandwiches out to my babies out there, and you tell me the story.”

Oddly, Ryan couldn’t seem to make himself turn down the offer. Maybe what he needed was an entirely fresh perspective. For so long now he’d simply tuned out Father Francis’s advice and, more recently, even Maggie’s, because he hadn’t wanted to deal with the past at all.

Letitia made short work of delivering lunch to the children in the dining room, then came back and poured them each a cup of coffee. “Now sit down over here and tell me what’s on your mind,” she instructed him in a no-nonsense tone.

Ryan began the story with the day his parents left and he was separated from his brothers. Tears welled up in Letitia’s eyes as he talked, but she didn’t say a word. She just listened until he had told her everything, right on up to Maggie’s be
lief that he needed to find his family if he was ever to have any real peace.

“I’m beginning to think she’s right,” he admitted. “I’ve been living in some sort of emotional limbo for too long now.”

“Seems that way to me, too,” Letitia said. “And there’s one more thing you’re not considering.”

“What’s that?”

“Just think for a minute about what happened to Lamar because his daddy and I didn’t know Jamal’s medical history and what it could mean for our boy. You haven’t said if you’re thinking of marrying Maggie, but if that thought has crossed your mind, you need to know something about this whole genetics thing.”

Ryan seized on that as if he’d been presented with a lifeline. “You’re absolutely right,” he told Letitia. For the first time, he had a purely practical reason for conducting a search for his family—one he could embrace without risking his heart.

Letitia looked troubled by his reaction. “That shouldn’t be the only reason you go looking for them,” she cautioned, as if she’d read his mind.

“I know,” he acknowledged, but it was reason enough. A nice,
safe
reason. He stood up and bent down to kiss her cheek. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do a thing,” she said.

Ryan grinned at her. “Accept my thanks graciously,” he chided.

Letitia laughed. “It’s good to see a man who’s not too old to learn a thing or two. Now, get on out of here and take care of business. And remember—I expect an invitation to the wedding.”

He hesitated at the suggestion. “I never said anything about a wedding.”

“The day will come,” she said confidently. “Unless you’re a fool, and I’ve seen nothing to suggest that.”

“Thanks, I think. I’ll try to see Lamar before he leaves the hospital, but in case I don’t, make sure I know how to find you.”

“You can count on that. Like I told you, you’re family now,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “And I never lose track of family, not for long, anyway.”

Ryan left the shelter feeling blessed. Only a few short weeks ago he’d been satisfied with a handful of friends and a ton of acquaintances. Now he seemed to be collecting families who were determined to draw him in. Maybe if his own family rejected him for a second time, it wouldn’t be quite so painful.

Now that the decision to find his biological family had been made, Ryan was anxious to get started. Unfortunately, he had no idea where to begin. He had no clue how to conduct a search for people missing for so many years. Hiring a private eye seemed like the best option, but the prospect of sharing the story with a stranger was painful. Turning to Jack Reilly once again made it easier.

To Ryan’s surprise, telling the whole sad tale to Jack turned out to hurt less than it had when he’d told it to Maggie, or even to Letitia. Jack was a professional. He was used to listening without comment, and he’d probably heard far more sordid tales than the one Ryan had to tell. Throughout the conversation, the investigator was completely matter-of-fact, taking notes and asking questions about facts and places, not about emotions.

When Jack had everything he needed, Ryan said, “One last thing—don’t say anything about this to Maggie, okay?”

“You’re the client,” Jack said readily. “Anything you tell me is strictly confidential.”

Ryan was relieved. He didn’t want her to know until he had something solid to report. Besides, there was still the very real chance that even once he’d found his parents or siblings, he wouldn’t be able to confront them. Why get Maggie’s hopes up, only to back out?

“How long is this likely to take?” he asked Jack.

“Hard to say. The trail’s been cold for a long time. Since you were all fairly young when you went into foster care, it’s possible that the youngest boys were adopted. Their names could have been changed. If that happened and the records are sealed, it’ll take a miracle to find them.”

“And my parents?”

“Easier, I’d say, depending on where they ran off to. I’ll have a better idea once I’ve run a few simple checks on credit reports, that kind of thing. As soon as I know anything, I’ll let you know.” He studied Ryan curiously. “It’s been a lot of years. Is there some reason you’re in a rush all of a sudden?”

“I’m not in a rush,” Ryan said. “Not exactly.”

But until he’d found these missing pieces to the past, he couldn’t begin to think about the future with Maggie that he’d begun to yearn for.

S
omething was up with Ryan. He was edgy and distracted, and he seemed to be spending a lot of time huddled in a booth with Jack Reilly. Whenever Maggie approached, they both fell silent. It was getting on her nerves.

She was behind the bar taking inventory, something Ryan had grudgingly allowed her to do, when he came back after one of those secret talks. She saw the evident frustration in his eyes and decided to confront him.

“Okay, that’s it,” she said, putting down the legal pad and pen she’d been using to take notes. She scowled at him. “What is going on?”

Ryan stared at her blankly. It was a pretty good act. Even she could admit that. He looked as if he had no idea at all what she was talking about.

“You and Jack,” she said, to clarify things. “What’s up with all the whispering?”

“It’s about a case he’s working on.”

“Why can he talk to
you
about it?” she asked, not buying it for a minute, “yet the two of you clam up whenever I come around.”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about,” Ryan said dismissively, picking up the legal pad and scanning her notes. “How’s our supply of Irish whisky?”

Maggie frowned at the deliberate evasiveness. “We have an entire case, which you should know, since you ordered it day before yesterday.”

He gave her a sheepish grin. “So I did.” He stepped closer. “Must be you. You have a way of making me forget everything except my name.” He tucked a finger under her chin and kissed her thoroughly. “Now that’s something I’ve been waiting to do ever since you walked through the door tonight.”

Her gaze narrowed at the touch of blarney in his voice. “Ryan Devaney, you’re keeping something from me,” she accused. “And you’re being patronizing about it, as well. Just so you know, I don’t like it.”

“Is that so?” he asked, still not taking her nearly seriously enough. “I thought you were a woman who was fond of secrets.”

“I’m a woman who is fond of
unraveling
secrets. There’s a difference. I don’t like things being
kept
from me.”

“Is it not possible that some things don’t concern you?” he inquired.

“Of course it’s possible,” she retorted impatiently. “But something tells me that’s not the case right now.”

He beckoned her closer. “If you were to put aside all those
doubts and questions, I could close up now and we could go upstairs.”

“You shouldn’t use sex as a distraction,” she chided, but her mood was definitely shifting. Maybe she didn’t have to have answers to all those burning questions just yet. Tomorrow might be soon enough. “Though if it were a promise of outrageously wicked sex you were making, I could be persuaded to go along with it.”

He leaned down and whispered in her ear. His husky voice and the promise of something absolutely sinful shot the last of her resolve to smithereens. When he was in this kind of dangerous mood, he was practically irresistible.

“Lock the door,” she said, her voice breathless.

His expression turned smug. “You’re a surprisingly predictable woman at times, Maggie O’Brien.”

Maggie glowered at him. “Not a compliment,” she warned.

He didn’t seem disturbed. “There are other times, though—and far more of them, I might add—when you’re so unpredictable you make a man’s head spin.”

Pleased by that assessment, she kissed him. “Much better. Which am I tonight?”

He gave her a considering look. “Now that remains to be seen, doesn’t it?”

Heat shot through her at the speculative gleam in his eyes. She headed for the stairs. “If you dawdle over closing up, I’ll have to come down here and have my way with you on the bar.”

He laughed. “You’ve been begging to do that since the first night we made love. One of these nights I’ll have to accommodate you, though it seems to me that a bed is a more practical, comfortable choice.”

“Sometimes the thrill of accepting a dare offsets whatever discomfort is involved,” she teased. “But tonight the bed will do.”

In fact, just about any place where she could feel Ryan’s arms around her and his body joined with hers was a magical place indeed. And with each and every day that passed, Maggie was growing more and more confident that Ryan felt the same.

If only there weren’t this faint shadow threatening her happiness.

Two days later Maggie looked up from behind the bar and spotted her entire family coming through the door. Her mother shot her a rueful look as they made their way to the biggest table in the room. Maggie sighed. She might not be able to kick them right back out, but she could certainly avoid them, at least for a while. She turned to Maureen.

“That crowd that just came in,” she said, nodding in her family’s direction. “They belong to me, but I think I’ll give you the pleasure of waiting on them. I have the feeling they’re here on a mission.”

“What sort of mission?” Maureen inquired curiously.

“I haven’t been home for a few days now.”

Maureen’s gaze shot to Ryan, who was just emerging from the kitchen. “I see. How lovely!”

“I imagine that depends on your point of view,” Maggie said, eyeing her family warily. “Go and keep them occupied, while I warn Ryan.”

Maureen laughed. “Judging from that panicked look in his eyes, he doesn’t need warning,” she said, but she took her order pad and made her way to the table.

Ryan joined Maggie behind the bar. “Exactly how dire is this situation?” he asked, his gaze locked worriedly on the O’Brien entourage.

“I imagine that depends,” she said. “If you can cope with a few questions about your intentions, and assuming they’re honorable enough, I imagine the weapons will remain sheathed.”

Ryan swallowed hard. “Well now, there’s an incentive to race over to St. Mary’s and pray. Where’s Father Francis when I need him? They’d never attack with a priest beside me.”

“Don’t count on it,” Maggie said. “There is one other choice. I could go over there, announce that I’m the happiest I’ve been in years, and tell them if they do one single thing to mess that up, I’ll never forgive them.”

Ryan nodded. “I like that choice.”

“Of course you do,” she said. “It keeps you out of harm’s way.”

“True enough,” he admitted. “But before you go, mind telling me something? Is it true what you just said?”

“What?”

“That you’re happy?”

She regarded him with shock. “How could you possibly question that?”

He shrugged. “It’s a habit, I guess.” Avoiding her gaze, he added, “Whenever something seems too good to be true, I’m always waiting for it to be snatched away.”

His tone was so bleak and there was such sadness behind the words that Maggie made a decision. She latched on to his hand with a firm grip. “You’re coming with me,” she said, as she dragged him toward the table.

When she reached her family, she pinned her gaze on her
mother. “I imagine you came tonight to hear the band,” she said. “It’s a wonderful group just over from Dublin.”

“The music be damned,” John said, scowling at Ryan. “We came because you’ve all but vanished from the house. We wanted to see if you were all right.”

“And why wouldn’t I be?” Maggie inquired. “I’m with Ryan, aren’t I?”

“That’s what we’ve been worrying about,” Matt said. “Do you really know what you’re doing? Has he made any promises?” His gaze was locked on Ryan, even though he’d addressed the questions to her.

Maggie rolled her eyes at the growling note of protectiveness in his voice. “I haven’t asked for any,” she said. “And what goes on between Ryan and me is our business. He makes me happy. That’s all that should concern any of you.”

Ryan met John’s gaze, then Matt’s. “I can understand your concern,” he said. “If I had a sister like Maggie, I’d want to do everything in my power to keep her from getting hurt, too.”

“So?” John pushed.

“I’m not going to hurt her,” Ryan said. “Not intentionally, anyway.”

When her brothers seemed about to leap on the opening he’d left himself, Maggie’s mother interceded. “That’s good enough for me,” she said cheerfully. “Shouldn’t you back off now, Matthew? John?” It was quite clearly not a request but an order.

“I haven’t heard a word about marriage,” John said, defying her.

Ryan looked him in the eye. “And you’re not the one I’d be proposing to, either.”

Katie and Colleen smothered laughter at John’s look of indignation.

“I’d say he has you there,” Matt said, relenting a little. He looked back at Ryan. “Just know that we’re keeping an eye on things.”

“That’s as it should be,” Ryan agreed, accepting the warning.

Maggie’s father had kept silent through the entire exchange, but he gave a nod of satisfaction now. “That’s that, then. I’ll have a glass of your finest ale. Can you join us, lad?”

“I’m needed at the bar just now, but I’ll be back,” Ryan promised. “Maggie, why don’t you join your family for dinner? It’s on the house.”

“You cannot be giving away dinner to a crowd like this,” she retorted, thinking of the dent it would make in his bottom line for the night. “What kind of business practice is that? Next thing you know, all your regulars will be coming in with their families and asking for the same deal you gave the O’Briens.”

Her brothers hooted. “Now isn’t that what every man needs, a woman with a head for business standing beside him?” John said.

“But at the moment, it is my business,” Ryan said, his gaze clashing with hers in a test of wills with which she was increasingly familiar. “And I’m of a mind to buy dinner for your family.”

“Then we’ll be grateful for it,” her mother said, giving Maggie a pointed look. “Won’t we, Maggie?”

Maggie uttered a sigh of resignation and pulled up a chair beside her mother. She knew better than they exactly what Ryan was doing. He was hoping to pacify the wolves with a hearty meal…and just in case it didn’t work, he was throwing her to them.

Keeping Maggie from learning the truth about his meetings with Jack Reilly was getting to be increasingly difficult for Ryan. When the P.I. came to him a few days later with the news that he had a lead on Ryan’s brother Sean, Ryan was relieved on several levels. If nothing else, it meant he finally had something concrete to share with Maggie.

“What did you find out?” he asked the detective as an image of his dark-haired brother came to mind. “Where is he? Is he okay?”

“He’s right here in Boston, working as a firefighter,” Jack told him. “The trail led to his last foster family, but I had the devil’s own time getting a word out of them. They were afraid that you’d just be stirring up bad memories. Finally I convinced them to contact him. I gave them my number, and he called earlier today.”

“And?”

“He wants to see you. Here’s the address and the phone number. The number’s unlisted, so don’t lose track of it.”

“Did you tell him anything about me?”

Jack shook his head. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to, so I just said you’d been anxious to find him and that I was sure you’d be in touch soon.”

Ryan sighed. So, this was it? he thought, staring at the piece of paper with Sean’s address. It was only a couple of miles away. It was hard to imagine, but they could have passed on the street a thousand times and not even known it.

“You going to call him now?” Jack asked.

Ryan shook his head. “I need to tell someone first.”

“Maggie?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it, then. Do you want me to keep looking for the others?”

No matter how this reunion went, Ryan knew he needed to find the rest of them now. He had to play this out to the end. “Of course.”

“I’ll be in touch, then.” Jack glanced toward the door and smiled. “And here comes Maggie now. Just in time, I’d say.”

He waved to Maggie, then took off. Maggie’s gaze followed him from the bar before she came over and joined Ryan. “Another of those top-secret meetings? It must be quite a case he’s handling.”

Ryan slipped the piece of paper in his pocket. Despite Jack’s advice, he wasn’t ready to share the news yet. He needed to absorb it.

“Where have you been off to?” he asked, deliberately ignoring her question.

She regarded him with disappointment, but let the matter drop. “I went to see Lamar,” she said.

“How is he?”

“Getting stronger every day. He wants to see you.”

“I’ll get by there this week. Is the new apartment okay?”

“A little small, but it’s clean and in a nice neighborhood. Letitia says it’s a palace compared to the place where they were forced to stay before she gave up and moved to the shelter. We looked over her budget and found a way for her to put a little aside from Jamal’s paycheck each week toward a down payment on a house. Once Lamar is back on his feet, she’s going to look for work, too.” Maggie eyed him speculatively. “I suggested she find a book of Irish recipes at the library and practice a bit, then invite us over for dinner.”

Ryan shook his head. “As if Father Francis weren’t bad
enough, now you’re going to be bringing me new employees?”

“I never said anything about you hiring her,” Maggie said, her expression perfectly innocent. “But it’s a great idea, don’t you think? Besides, Rosita will be having her baby anytime now, so there’ll be an opening in the kitchen.”

“As if Rosita has done a lick of work since she came,” Ryan grumbled.

“Only because Rory is a gentleman,” Maggie replied.

“Okay, fine. Whatever. If Letitia needs a job, we’ll work it out.”

Maggie studied him with a narrowed gaze, as if she suspected his capitulation had been too easy. “Is everything okay? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Ryan frowned at the question. “Who says I’m keeping anything from you?” he asked defensively.

“Nothing’s really changed, has it?” she asked. “You still can’t let me all the way into your life.”

He heard the unmistakable hurt in her voice. Regret washed through him, but he couldn’t make himself share the truth. Not just yet. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I’m trying, but I’m not there yet. Be patient, okay?”

She sighed heavily. “Since I’m in love with you, it seems I have no choice.”

Her easy claim of love startled him. He’d known her feelings for him were growing, but to have her admit that she actually loved him caught him off guard. Even more surprising was the fact that it didn’t terrify him. Rather, it made him want to admit that his feelings were growing deeper as well.