Sacrifice Love: Saints Protection & Investigations (2 page)

The good news was that my request to serve a six-month tour in Afghanistan as an ATF representative with a Special Forces unit had been approved and scheduled. I left in one month. The bad news, as my gaze stared at the beauty sitting on the sofa, was that we would be separated for six months. And that killed my desire to start a relationship now. But when I got back, I vowed, I would do everything possible to show her how I felt. Because I’d fallen. And fallen hard.

“Hey,” a soft voice jerked him from his memories as a delicate hand touched his arm.

Looking down, he smiled seeing Dani. “Hey back,” he said. His eyes roamed over her face. “How’re you holding up?”

Lifting her shoulders in a little shrug, she replied, “Okay, I guess. It still doesn’t seem real.” Her gaze drifted over the crowd, hearing the laughter and comments about Adam, and she smiled. “He would have loved this.”

Chuckling, Chad nodded. “Yeah, he would have. Forget the formalities—a wake in his favorite pub would be just what he wanted.” He peered at her for a moment, seeing the effects of the past several days written on her face. “Can you tell me any more about what happened? These guys,” he nodded toward several of Adam’s teammates, “told me some.”

Grimacing, Dani replied, “I don’t know much more, Chad. The official story was that they were called to check out a suspicious house. Seems the neighbors had called the cops numerous times on the comings and goings. Even the ATF won’t give me too many details since it appears to be possible terrorist activity.” She tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear as she looked up into his face. “It seems the house was rigged much more so than anyone anticipated. And you know Adam…he was the first one in.”

Chad did know Adam—fuckin’ fearless. But smart.

“I can see the wheels turning,” Dani said, her eyes piercing his. “I haven’t heard anyone say he was careless.” She sighed, “They were just unprepared for the destruction.”

Chad had read the report and understood the entire house was destroyed by the bomb that was set off.
Peroxide based shit—unstable, easy to make, and fuckin’
destructive.
In fact, the two houses next door suffered substantial damage as well. Several ATF team members were injured, but Adam was the only one killed.
Why did you not send a robot in first, Adam? What was going through—

“You know, we missed you,” Dani’s soft voice once more interrupted his churning thoughts.

Guilt shot through him as he captured the questioning expression in her eyes and struggled with his reply. “I…I’m…oh fuck, Dani,” he struggled through his reply. “I’m sorry. Jesus, so fuckin’ sorry. It was…hard…when I got back and you guys had married.”

The uncomfortable silence lay between them, making him feel miles away from her instead of just a few feet.

Sighing deeply, she said, “Yeah.” She appeared as though she wanted to say more, but closed her mouth as she blinked hard, moisture pooling in her eyes. “You were always such a good friend…to both of us. I’m sure…the situation was difficult…um…if things could have been different, I—”

Just then, the door to the bar slammed open as a tall, heavily made-up blonde walked in. While wearing all black, her attire could hardly be described as funeral appropriate. The dress was too short, the heels were too high. Chad did not know who she was—but he had a bad feeling. Dani stepped over a few feet, peeking around others in her way, to see who had arrived.

“Oh fuck,” Chad whispered to no one in particular.

“You can say that again,” one of the men standing next to him said. “Jesus, why would she come?”

Looking at Adam’s current team member, he asked, “Who is she?”

The man looked up at Adam, an incredulous expression on his face. “You used to work with Adam…you knew him. That’s his latest piece—”

“Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me where Adam’s wake was?” the woman slurred, the effects of her previous drinking already showing.

Chad’s eyes flew around, landing on Dani.
Shit, fuck!
Dani was approaching the woman, questioning in her eyes.

“I’m Dani Turner, Adam’s wife.”

The blonde teetered on her heels, her drink sloshing over the sides of the glass. “Wife? Wife? He never told me he had a wife!”

The silence in the room rivaled any tomb. Every person’s eyes stayed riveted to the unfolding disaster playing out in front of them.

Dani’s face hardened as she lifted her chin in defiance of what was coming. “This is a private wake. How did you know…my husband?”

The blonde snorted, a poor attempt at a giggle and said, “He was my…well, my very
intimate
friend, if you get my drift.” The woman attempted a wink, but the effect fell short.

Chad knew he needed to do something. Toss out the blonde. Rush over to Dani. Anything. Something. But like everyone else, he stood rooted to the floor. This was the reason he had stopped communicating with Adam. He had no respect for a man who could not keep it in his pants, and so could not bear to see Dani with Adam. Like a coward, he separated himself from them, thinking that would be easier.

“I don’t see how he could be your
intimate
friend, as you say, when he had a wife,” Dani said, her voice finally beginning to strain.

“Well, I guess having a wife didn’t matter to Adam when he was fucking me,” the harsh reply came. The blonde looked around, recognizing some of Adam’s team members. “Y’all know me,” she sneered. “You’ve seen me with him and none of you fuckers let me know he was dead. I had to find out from the news.”

Dani turned slowly, piercing the crowd with her pain-laced gaze. “Did you? Did you know about her?”

Some of the men looked down at their feet or suddenly found the ceiling to be of utmost interest. Then her eyes came to Chad’s and he could not look away. She walked over slowly until she stood directly in front of him, his height causing her head to lean way back as she kept her eyes pinned to his.

“You knew?” she asked, her voice as soft as a whisper.

“I did not know about her,” Chad answered honestly.

“No, you couldn’t, could you. I wondered why you became a long-distance friend over the past year, Chad. So tell me…did you know about others?”

He felt choked, as though someone had grabbed his tie and pulled it tight.
What the fuck do I say? Yes, I knew your husband couldn’t keep his dick in his pants whenever he went out?
Once more, Chad froze, unable to answer her.

“And I thought you were my friend as well,” she said, blinking back tears.

Dani turned a slow circle, staring at the people gathered. “So you all knew?” She drew herself up to her full height, which at five foot five inches was not significant, and yet her regal bearing bespoke of dignity. “Well, fu—,” she stopped, her face full of agony as her body shook, swallowing deeply. “I’ll leave you to mourn with his…” she looked over at the blonde, whose drunken, lipstick-smeared mouth smirked, and said, “
his latest piece of fun
.”

With that, Dani walked stiff-backed toward the door. Several of her girlfriends immediately hustled to follow her, but with her hand in their faces, they stopped. Others tried to call out to her in support while others attempted to get the blonde to leave. None of their efforts worked. Dani left and the mourners soon followed, Adam’s wake officially ended.

C
had lay on
the hotel bed, still wearing the now wrinkled clothes from yesterday. He had come from the wake, driven to his hotel and immediately thrown himself down on the bed after kicking off his shoes. His mind whirling, he slept little. He thought of Adam. He thought of Dani. He thought of missed chances. And finally, his mind stayed on his regrets.

The dawn was still an hour away when he got up and walked over to the window. The high-rise hotel offered a view of Washington D.C. in the distance, the slight morning fog blanketing the city. Leaning his forehead on the cold pane of glass, he remembered the first time he met Adam.

At the introductory training the ATF required everyone to go through, regardless of their knowledge and background, Adam was one of the instructors. He had picked me out as a weak link because of my size. At six feet five inches, I towered over most of the others in the room. It didn’t take them long to realize that as a former Green Beret with weapons and detonation experience, I was the man to watch out for.

Adam, ever the jokester, added extra weight in the Advanced Bomb Suit given to me. The other new employees in the training assisted me into the suit and I felt the difference immediately, having worn an ABS in the Army. Glancing up at Adam, I knew what he was up to. Without missing a beat, I performed the physical training of jogging up and down stairs with a better time than anyone else.

“Fuck me, big guy,” Adam said, his shit-eatin’ grin plastered on his face.

Taking off the helmet, sweat pouring off my face, I grinned right back. “Just a walk in the park, asshole.”

The two of us bonded over that introduction and Adam made sure I was assigned to his team with the Washington, D.C. field office. It didn’t take long for our team to become the one others aspired to be with.

The sun was now rising over the tops of the distant buildings. Moving away from the window, Chad walked to the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror did nothing to still his unsettling thoughts. His dark hair was trimmed neatly, but his five o’clock shadow was now a six o’clock in the morning beard. His eyes latched onto the medallion hanging around his neck. A St. Chad medallion. A saint known for self-sacrifice.

He bought the pendant after the funeral of one of his Army ordnance disposal buddies who had been killed. The priest officiating the service told him of Saint Chad; saying it was such an unusual name, he wondered if Chad was familiar with its meaning. Wearing the medallion helped him remember death could come to any of them at any time on the job. The old truck he drove belonged to his buddy, given to him by his grieving mother. It was a jalopy, but Chad kept it running.

Grimacing, he reached up grabbing the pendant in his large fist, wanting to jerk it off.
Self-sacrifice…yeah, right. More like, selfish bastard!
He stilled his hand, unwilling to dispose of the medallion that had come to be a part of him. Sighing heavily, he turned from his reflection.

Turning on the shower, he stripped from his well-worn and slept-in clothes. Standing under the hot spray of water, he let the warmth pound his muscles in an attempt to pound out his thoughts. It did not work.

“You’ve got to be shittin’ me, man,” Adam bit out. “We’re a fuckin’ team.”

“This is something I’ve got to do,” I explained. I’d been offered a chance to return to Afghanistan to work with some Special Forces teams in a non-combat capacity. The ATF had new robots that the Army would be using and I was going to have an opportunity to work for six months in the field, reviewing and testing the new equipment. “It’s only for six months, guys.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Adam groused. “And while you’re over there re-living your glory, Army days, I’ll be stuck here with some new-ass partner.”

“They were hardly glory days, I’m sure,” Dani spoke softly, her voice laced with recrimination…and sadness.

Adam and I, along with Dani, were sitting in a bar as I discussed my plans. Looking into Dani’s green, somber eyes, I added, “I’ll be back in six months and it’ll be as though I never left.” I hoped my expression conveyed to her what I really wanted to say—wait for me. I’ll be back. Then I’ll make a move and see if you and I have something special.

But when I got back…Dani and Adam were married.

Shaking the excess water from his head, Chad dried off and prowled to his suitcase to retrieve clean clothes. Worn jeans, a navy polo that stretched across his wide chest and was tight on his arms. Grabbing all of his belongings, he glanced around the room once more before heading out.

Jesus, I’m a goddamn explosive expert. Not some coward.
Time to man the fuck up.
Exiting the elevator, he placed a call to his boss, Jack Bryant. No longer with the ATF, Chad worked for Saints Protection & Investigations, a private firm not constrained by the governmental bureaucracy. For his new co-workers, from the FBI, CIA, SEALs, Special Forces, police, and other agencies, the Saints provided a chance to work without the bullshit regulations that often tied their hands. For Chad, it gave him a place to do his job…while running away from the couple that unknowingly broke his heart.

“Jack, I’m taking a few extra days to help Adam’s widow. We were close at one time and I’d like to assist her if I can.” Leaving the message, he counted on Jack not minding his extra days off. He sure as hell had earned them.

Sitting in his old truck, he pulled out of the hotel’s parking garage and headed to Dani’s house. As he thought earlier,
time to man the fuck up.

*

He had only
been to Adam and Dani’s rental house once, but the GPS quickly navigated him through the early morning traffic. Forcing himself to not arrive too early, he killed some time at a local diner, but found the food sitting on his plate, his eggs congealing, as his coffee churned in his stomach.