Sacrificed (The Ignited Series) (14 page)

At the sound of his voice, I realized that I had totally misread the moment. He hadn’t been about to kiss me, like I had stupidly thought. My chest tightened as I wondered if he ever would again,
after everything Micah had dropped on us. 

I pushed back into my seat with a heavy sigh—a move that rivaled a three-year-
old’s temper tantrum. “Is it ever going to happen, Nathan?” I murmured softly.

“What?”

“Me…you. Us?”

There was a hesitation before he spoke, and I refused to look at him, afraid to hear his answer. “We got a lot more to worry about right now than what’s going to happen between us,” he eventually said.

I shut my eyes, trying to block his response from sticking. It wasn’t at all what I’d wanted to hear. I flinched when I felt his knuckles rake across my cheek.

“Kris, I…”

“I need to know what I’m fighting for,” I murmured. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Really looked at him. “If I have a reason to fight it.”

It wasn’t just turning Skotadi that I was referring to this time, and he knew it.

“I want you to fight it.” He cupped my chin in his hand, making sure that I maintained eye contact with him. “’Cause I’m going to be here, with you, if that’s where you want me to be.”

“That’s where I want you to be,” I whispered.

He stared intently into my eyes as if searching my soul for any doubt. He wouldn’t find it.

Finally, he nodded once. “Okay.” He hesitated again, and this time, I thought maybe he would kiss me. Then, he dropped his hand, releasing me, and leaned back into his seat. “Now that we’ve got that figured out…”

I would hardly consider it
figured out
. Not if this whole soul mates thing was as big of a deal as he thought it was. But it was nice to know Nathan was behind me, and would support me. That there was a chance of
us
becoming a reality.

While we’d reached the conclusion that we weren’t just going to sit back and let it happen, we still didn’t know how to stop it. We didn’t know how to stop anything. Yet. But I hoped to fix that soon. 

Maybe there was a spell to break a soul mate connection? I smiled to myself, thinking about Micah’s reaction if I were to ever ask him that question.

“What?” Nathan asked softly. His eyes were on me, watching me.

“Just imagining the look on Micah’s face when I tell him I plan to break our connection.”

Nathan snorted. “I don’t think he’ll take it too well.”

That was an understatement if I’d ever heard one.

“I told you,” Nathan muttered.

“What?”

“That there was more to his story than he was giving us.”

I had to agree that Nathan had been right about Micah from the start. While I’d suspected he was hiding something, I’d never imagined anything like this. Even as Nathan and I shared knowing smiles and the broken pieces of whatever relationship we had were mended, I couldn’t help but wonder what else Micah may have been hiding.

And what kind of blow it would have on the future that I wanted.

CHAPTER 13

While Nathan and I were gone, Richie and Gabby had returned with a load of boxes from the warehouse. They’d been placed in the basement, to be sorted through later.

That was where I was now, sitting alone in a circle of glass jars filled with weird liquids, objects, and minerals that I was trying to identify and find the meaning behind their use in Incantation. Mostly, I wanted to know if any of it could be used to help Alec and me. 

I had snuck downstairs after everyone had gone to bed. I didn’t care about the lost sleep. That’s how determined I was to fix everything. Well, two things really—mine and Alec’s unwanted Skotadi destinies, and my connection to Micah.

After a few hours, I really thought I was getting somewhere. I had just started to get an understanding
of the use of certain minerals and objects in Incantation—and there were a lot of healing and protection uses that sounded promising—when a creak on the floorboard above me pulled my focus out of a book.

I tilted my head to listen, and heard a clear footstep, followed by another creak. Someone was in the house, moving slowly. Stealthily.

It didn’t make sense for any of the others to be walking around like that, even to go to the bathroom. My first reaction was fear. That led to the question of who, or what, was sneaking around upstairs.

I set the book down, maneuvered carefully around the glass jars, and crept as quietly as I could on the wooden steps. I stepped lightly, the whole time fearing that I would hit a squeaky board and alert the prowler to my presence. By the time I reached the landing, I realized I had been holding
my breath the entire time, and inhaled deeply, shakily. It did nothing to ease my fear.

The basement door was cracked open. From behind it, I could hear movement in the living room. Making sure to stay hidden in the shadows, I poked my head around the corner.

Who I found was Alec. Since the living room has been serving as his bedroom, it wasn’t surprising to find him there. But it was surprising to see him slinging his packed bags over his shoulder as he headed for the door.

I stood frozen until the door shut behind him. Then reality hit me and I ran after him. He was halfway to the driveway before I hit the deck, the door slamming shut behind me.

“Alec!” I called after him in a loud whisper.

He stopped and turned. Moonlight seeped through the tree canopy, illuminating him in a
magnificent light that nearly took my breath away, and in that moment, I knew I was approaching a crossroads I wasn’t prepared for.

Heart thundering, I descended the steps and crossed to where he stood, waiting for me. From the look on his face, I didn’t need to ask, but I did anyway. “What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving,” he said simply, and though I’d expected them, the words nearly knocked my knees out from under me.

“Why?”

Alec’s gaze drifted to the house behind me. “I can’t stay here anymore, not with the way things are going for me. I’ll kill him and deep down—deep,
deep
down—I don’t want to do that.”

Two
months ago, I would have assumed he was talking about Nathan. Now, for once, Alec’s hatred was not directed at him, but at Micah. Unfortunately, the only one out of all of us that really
needed
to live.

If only he weren’t so damn annoying, he’d have better odds at survival.

“You don’t have to leave, Alec. I’ll help you.”

Alec shook his head at the ground before looking at me. His eyes, when they met mine, were sad. “It’s too late for me, Kris. It’s getting harder to control. I’m serious when I say I might kill that kid. I don’t want to do anything to ruin your chance of getting through this.”

Okay, so he had given this some thought. And he was determined. I needed another angle. “Alec, I don’t want you to go,” I pleaded, my voice bordering on desperate.

He held a firm stance in front of me, and I realized he wasn’t going to be swayed. “I left a note under your pillow, Kris. I wrote down the address where you can find me. Don’t tell anyone else where I’ll be, but I’ll be there for you if you need me.”

The gravity of his words hit me. Like a train. He was really leaving. “Alec, don’t. Please.” I was all out begging now, but didn’t care. He couldn’t leave. I couldn’t bear to see him go.

It was more than just needing his help, and him needing mine. It was so much more. Surely, he knew that.

He hesitated to take in the likely pathetic sight in front of him. In two strides, he was in front of me, a hand cupping the back of my neck.

“I hope you find a way, Kris,” he whispered. “For you.”

“No. I want to do it for you, too.”

Alec shook his head sadly, and then we were both talking, at the same time and over each other, but his words still hit home and I flinched with the finality of them.

“You’ve got a lot of people fighting to help you, Kris—”

“—I’m fighting for you—”

“—you can do it, but I can’t help anymore—”

“—Let me help you—”

“—I’ll only hurt your chances.”

I leaned closer to him, forcing him to look me in the eyes. “I need you. Doesn’t that matter?” I shoved my palms into his chest, pissed off at him for leaving, and pissed off that I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. “Does that matter?”

When he didn’t respond, I shoved again. “Huh?” Again. “Does that matter to you?” Again. “’Cause you matter to me!”

His hands came down on mine, halting my physical attack. “Of course it matters. You’re
all
that matters to me! And that kid in there—” He jabbed a finger toward the house. “He can help you, but not if I kill him first!”

“I…” What could I say after that? He was right, of course. About some of it. Not the part about leaving though. That can’t happen. “I’d rather take my chances than let you leave. We can get through this, Alec. Together, we can do it.”

He paused. His eyes held mine, and for a moment, I thought he might reconsider. “You really think that?”

There was a flutter in my chest at his words, so full of hope. “I really do.”

He shifted to look me evenly in the eyes. “Then come with me.”

My throat constricted. This was it. The crossroads. The moment I had been dreading for a long time. The moment I had to tell Alec that my heart had chosen…and it wasn’t him. I could never do what he was asking. I could never go with him. Not when my heart belonged with Nathan.

“I see,” he scoffed. He lowered his hand to waist level. “Micah.” He moved it up a few inches. “Me.” Finally, lifting his hand above his head, he spat, “Nathan.”

“It’s not like that,” I murmured.

“Yeah, it is. And it’s okay. I’ve come to expect it.” It wasn’t anger, but hurt, that I heard in his voice. It wasn’t right. It didn’t fit him.

And I hated that I was the one that caused him pain. “Alec, please…”

Sadness and regret lined his face as he leaned in to press his lips to my forehead. He lingered there, as if coming to terms with his decision. His throat jumped and I wondered if he was fighting back his own tears. His voice, when he finally spoke, was thick. “Goodbye, Kris.” 

As promised, Alec had left me a note with an address, as well as an explanation of where the Tahoe could be found in town. Apparently, he’d driven it to the bus station. From there, it was anyone’s guess as to where he’d gone. Only I knew, and I would honor his request to keep it that way. I briefly considered telling Nathan, and plead with him to go and drag Alec back, but I suspected neither of them would appreciate that.

Alec was gone.

Business went on as usual. Callie seemed to be the only other one taking his absence hard. Three days after he’d left, I found her crying in our room. She didn’t bother to hide her tears as I approached.

“He was like a
brother to me,” she whined.

I sat on the bed beside her, wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “I know. Me too.”

“He’s really not coming back?” It was about the tenth time she’d asked me that question, and each time she looked at me with renewed hope, like something had changed. Each time, I shattered that hope.

“No, Callie. He’s not.”

She blew out a puff of air and wiped her nose with a wad of toilet paper. “It’s not like he
died
.” She tried to laugh at herself, but ended up crying harder. I sat with her silently, fighting back my own tears as hers slowed.

“I’m going to miss him,” she murmured, and it sounded like she had finally come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t coming back.

Now, if only I could.

It was hard knowing that I knew where he was, knowing that I could go to that address and he would be there. It was even harder knowing that, really, I couldn’t just do that.

Not when everyone else I cared about—Nathan, Callie, and even that annoying little prick, Micah—were here. I couldn’t leave them. They were all I had left. My other friends, Gran, my home with Gran…all gone.

“Callie?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t you miss home?” Unlike me, Callie had a home to go back to. She had other choices. Better, less dangerous choices. She had parents that loved her.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Don’t you want to go back?” I asked her. Not that I didn’t want her here. Because I did. She was my best friend, but that was also why I wanted what was best for her, and I wasn’t so sure being here was best for her.

“No,” she said without hesitation. “I want to be here, to help you.”

“What about your parents? Your
sister?”

“If I go home now, my parents will know I haven’t been in Italy, silly. I’ll be grounded for the rest of my life, so really, I’m in no hurry. I’ve called them a few times to check in. They think I’m having the time of my life.”

“Wouldn’t you rather be on that trip, actually having the time of your life?”

“Kris,” Callie said forcefully, making me look at her. “I want to be here. You’re not going to make me leave, especially now that Alec’s gone. Unless…” Her eyes lit up in excitement. “You think he might have gone back to Boone?”

“I don’t think so. He didn’t have anyone in Boone. He only went there to find me.” It was where we had met, where we had first kissed, where it had all started. But there was no reason for him to go back there. And, well, I knew he wasn’t there.

“You’re right,” Callie mumbled. “He’d probably go back to where he was from. Where was that again?”

My stomach churned. I didn’t want Callie to start guessing about Alec’s location. I couldn’t tell her where he was, and I wasn’t a good liar.

“Out west somewhere,” I said hastily. I stood and extended a hand to her before she could ask for more details. “Come on, Callie. Let’s go do something fun today. Get away.”

I could really use a break from studying the books and going through the boxes in the basement. And I doubted Callie would argue against taking a break from drill-sergeant Nathan. We both needed it, and we needed each other, even if just for a few hours today.

“Let’s talk one of the guys into taking us into town. Maybe go shopping? Catch a movie?”

“Sounds good.” She hesitated. “But I want you to be the one to tell Nathan I’m playing hooky.”

As it turned out, he was fine with it. Really fine, actually. So fine that he suggested making a day out of it, and even mentioned needing to stop by the mall himself. I was curious as to what he needed, but he walked away before I could ask. Of course, once Micah heard about the trip, he wanted to come. That meant Gabby and Richie were coming too.

The six of us clambered into the Tahoe for a much needed day of distraction. For the time being, we were like one big, happy family. Minus one very important member. Several times throughout the day, I caught myself thinking about the one that was missing, and wondering if he was okay.

In the days that followed, I locked myself in the basement and threw myself into the books. The unused pool table had been turned into my makeshift desk, and was now covered in books and notes. Over time, I learned a lot about the unique qualities associated with certain materials and objects, and they could be used to perform a spell, and what kind of spells they could be used for.

I learned everything but how to actually perform a spell.

Not that I hadn’t tried…sort of. Granted, most of the spells emphasized confidence and a strong belief in what you were doing to be successful. I severely lacked both. Honestly, I felt like an idiot the first time I tried to make myself invisible. After staring at myself in the mirror for thirty minutes, standing perfectly still, holding an opal stone in my tightly clenched fist, I gave up.

The next night, I cast a spell for success. I’ve yet to see the proof that it worked.

I didn’t know what I was missing. Maybe I couldn’t do it. Maybe Micah was wrong. Maybe I didn’t have it in me to pull this off.

That was assuming I ever found the spell I was looking for. I doubted it was titled
How to Convert Kala Into Skotadi
, so I paid special attention to spells that had anything to do with conversions, healing, spirits—stuff like that. I dog-eared a bunch of pages to come back to later. If anything, I could try them later—once I learned how to perform a spell.