SafetyInNumbers-Final (23 page)

Billy looked at Liam in surprise. In his mind, he made the mistake and he paid for it however he needed to pay for it. It was that simple and couldn’t be excused away because he wasn’t just trying to protect his family. The lure had been real and he fell for it more than once. If his family had been in danger as a result, they only had him to blame for putting them there. “You’re giving them the impression that I was protecting them, but I’m the one that put them in harm’s way.”

“That’s absolutely true. You made a mistake that put all of you in harm’s way. Now, how many years later, you’re all still alive and that danger is gone.” Liam looked up at him defiantly and asked, “Who did that?”

“Liam, I know what you’re trying to do and I love you for it, but I don’t want their gratitude. Not for protecting them from something that was my fault and not for helping Tim. They either want me in their life because they love me and trust me not to make those mistakes again, or they don’t. I’m not trying to be mean or draw some hard line, but I don’t believe that I’m asking for a lot. I would give anything to change those years, but all I could change was myself, and if that’s not good enough for them now, it never will be. I would rather know that now than spend the rest of my life begging for something they never intend to give.” He couldn’t spend his whole life waiting for something that might never come. It would erode at him and put his life with Liam in jeopardy. He couldn’t let their relationship become another casualty of his past mistakes.

“Oh, Billy, we do love and trust you, that’s why we’re here. I know the timing looks bad and I don’t blame you for being suspicious, but you’re not the only one afraid of being rejected. The boys wanted to know you—that’s why they were spying. Then Robert told me about all the guys you work with and the beautiful house you live in, and how highly the people in the neighborhood speak of you…and I thought, my Billy found his way.” The last words were filled with more emotion than he’d heard from his mother in years, and when she choked up, he wanted to grab her in his arms and promise that everything would be okay. Robbie was there first and Billy didn’t know how to join their embrace.

When Carol couldn’t go on, Robbie said, “To be totally honest, we were intimidated. You not only changed, you made this whole life for yourself and didn’t seem to need us.”

“Didn’t need you? I’ve been begging to be a part of your life since I got out of prison!” He couldn’t believe they were trying to tell him that after doing exactly what they hoped he would do, it was too much for them to handle. They were damning him either way with that logic.

“I know!” Robbie shouted, drawing unwelcome glances their way. He ducked his head and whispered, “But it felt like you were choosing another gang over us again.”

“So…so you wanted me to be alone?” Billy asked incredulously. Under the table, Liam grabbed Billy’s hand with both of his and held on tight. The look on Liam’s face dared him to move an inch and Billy felt his heart swell. Whatever crazy nonsense Robbie was spouting now was not going to make him leave Liam or the others. “I know you didn’t want that for me.”

“No, of course not. We’re not explaining it right, I guess.” Robbie looked a little helpless as he glanced around the table for help.

“Technically speaking, one could consider us a gang,” Chris said thoughtfully, coming to his aid. “Gangs promote a family atmosphere, many of them have communal living, and they run businesses that employ other gang members. It’s not such a stretch, if one is looking in from the outside, to see us a gang.”

“The Mulligan Gang.” Owen flushed when they all looked at him questioningly. “A mulligan? A second chance stroke in golf? Forget it.”

“So that would make us the Second Chance Gang?” Billy thought that was fitting, but he was content to just think of them as his family. “That sounds right, but we’re not a gang, we’re a family and there’s always room for more. I’m not going to apologize for having these men in my life because I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for their support.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Billy. I am so proud of the man you’ve become. We’re the ones who are sorry for not trusting you sooner.” His mother’s lower lip trembled when she repeated his question. “Are we too late?”

“No, it’s definitely not too late.” Billy reached for his mother, unable to go another second without holding her in his arms. Mistakes had definitely been made and miscommunication had only made them worse. Though he hated that Tim wasn’t with them, he would be forever grateful that he’d given them a reason to see past all that so they could finally be a family again.

Chapter 19

Liam

“That went a lot better than I thought it would.” Billy fell into Liam’s reading recliner with a sigh and gave him a tired smile. “Right? It’s not just wishful thinking, is it?”

“No.” Liam walked to his closet to get undressed, though a quick look around the small walk-in and he had to admit it was quickly becoming their closet. They hadn’t spent a night apart since their big date and he’d been content to let the cohabitation process evolve. There was still that strange new/old mentality where their official relationship was new, but their overall relationship was not, so he didn’t want to push. All that changed with Billy’s little slip up in the restaurant and now he needed to know if what he heard meant what he hoped it meant. He just felt bad adding it to the already emotional day Billy had.

“Just no? My Liam is never content with one word answers unless he’s pissed off.” Billy shifted around to get a better look at his face. “You don’t look pissed off, but something is definitely on your mind. Are you worried about what happened at dinner? Did I really misread the whole thing?”

With the last of his clothes in the hamper, Liam walked across the room and settled in Billy’s lap. Since discovering his clothing fetish, they spent most of their evenings in the recliner indulging. Sometimes they talked, sometimes he read while Billy watched television, and the whole time Billy would touch him non-sexually. The intimacy of it was something he’d never experienced before and there were days he couldn’t wait to get Billy alone. Of course, that intimacy only enhanced the sex and he loved when Billy’s clothes hit the floor so he could indulge in his bear.

He sighed when Billy wrapped those burly arms around him. It didn’t matter who was or wasn’t wearing clothes—nothing impacted how that embrace made him feel. “You didn’t misread anything. It went great and I think you guys cleared up a lot of the misconceptions that were holding you back.”

Billy’s happy rumble loosened all Liam’s muscles, melting him completely. “Have I told you how much I love ending our days like this?”

“I love it too.” It was a great segue into what he needed to talk about and he really hoped he wasn’t going to push Billy too far too fast. “Uhm, Billy, you said something in the restaurant that maybe I’m reading too much into, and if I am, it’s okay. I mean, we’ve only technically been together a few weeks, which anyone would say is too soon, so I’d understand.”

The coarse pads of Billy’s work-roughened fingers were surprisingly gentle as they stroked a comforting path down his arms. “I don’t know what I said, but I don’t like seeing you all jumbled up like that. Tell me so I can fix it.”

“Well, you said you loved me for what I was trying to do. I don’t know if that means you love me or if you just love that I was attempting to help or…it’s too soon, right? And it’s been a long, stressful day for you. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Liam was sorry he opened his mouth. Besides being too much pressure, now that it was out there, he wasn’t sure what he would do if Billy said he wasn’t there yet.

“You didn’t misunderstand anything.” Billy shifted so they could see each other and said, “I’m in love with you, Liam. Every beautiful inch of your body, your super smart brain, your huge heart, and I have been for a lot longer than we’ve
technically
been together. Anyone who would dare say it’s too soon doesn’t know us.”

The relief made him dizzy and for a second all he could do was stare at Billy in wonder. Billy not only loved him, but loved him before they got together. That confirmation that he hadn’t been alone in his feelings made him want to jump around and shout like a crazy person. He didn’t, but he really, really wanted to. “I’m in love with you too and have been for a long time. Why did we have to wait so long, Billy? Now that we’re together, I don’t know how I survived not being with you.”

“We weren’t ready. It’s not just us and it never will be, and that’s fine. We have a great little family and there was a lot of past shit that needed to be handled before we could be here like this.” A scruffy cheek rubbed against his comfortingly. “But you’re wrong in saying that we weren’t together. I think we have been all this time, maybe not to the extent that we both wanted, but our connection never let us get too far from each other.”

The soothing touches and reassuring words settled him. If he continued to look back at the lost time and what could have been, he’d miss out on what they had now and what they were building toward. Billy was right, they had been there for each other and their connection would never let them get too far. “I want the whole thing, a picket fence, little Masons—the whole thing.”

Billy’s laughter bounced him around and he swatted the arms holding him. “A picket fence, huh?”

“Metaphorically speaking. Don’t get me wrong, I love this house and the extended family thing, but if we all start thinking about kids, we’re gonna outgrow it quick.”

That had Billy looking at him in surprise. “Who else would be thinking about kids?”

“Chris would make a great dad and you’ve seen Owen with Rory. He would love kids of his own.” At least, he hoped that was true because Liam knew for certain that Chris wanted them. “That whole Connor clan is just made for a bunch of kids, but Bull says he doesn’t want any. Isn’t that strange?”

“No, it’s not that strange. Think of all he saw in the Marines and how dangerous the world must seem to him. To bring a child into a world where you perceive threats everywhere would be traumatizing.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Liam shifted when Billy caressed his hip. He knew those wandering fingers wouldn’t touch where he wanted most, but he wanted to be accessible if they made a surprise detour. “Do you think the world is too dangerous for kids?

He should have asked that first instead of just telling Billy how it would be. Being a couple meant planning their future together and he shouldn’t assume Billy would want everything he did. That’s what compromise was for and as much as he’d love a couple of kids, he would compromise if Billy didn’t. He knew couples who split because one wanted kids and the other didn’t, and that was just crazy to him because his love for Billy as more important than anything else.

As predicted—dreaded?—those wandering fingers veered off and Billy chuckled at his growl of frustration. “I think we both know that the world is a dangerous place, but that knowledge would give us an advantage if we had kids. And like I said, it’s not just us. Any kid of ours would have a lot of uncles looking out for him or her.”

“When you put it like that, I almost feel sorry for him or her.” Liam laughed just thinking about their kids being guarded by their bunch. “Look at Ava and Luc.”

“They’re a prime example of how it could work,” Billy pointed out. “Have you ever known such happy, well-adjusted kids? I just feel bad for the first hot shot who dares to ask the princess out on a play date.”

They both laughed at that and Liam felt himself settle more. “We just agreed that we want kids.”

“Yep. I’m not that interested in picket fences though. I’m partial to electric reinforced with barbed wire.” Short nails raked the sensitive skin of his inner thighs, making him tremble in anticipation. Billy spent a lot of time looking for his trigger points and loved to get that reaction of out him. “That good with you?”

“You’re not playing fair.” Liam hissed when Billy dragged those nails up the crease between his thigh and groin. “I’m not agreeing to barbed wire no matter what method of torture you use.”

“Torture?” Billy nuzzled his ear and whispered, “That’s not what you were saying last night when I had my tongue there.”

Those instruments of torture reversed direction and inched closer to his groin, shaking his resolve. “If…if I agree to barbed wire, will you do it again?”

“Oh, are we negotiating now?” Billy asked and all Liam could do was nod. He was close to begging. “If that’s the case, I want rings.”

“Huh?” What did rings have to do with fences? Was it some kind of new fence he didn’t know about? “Are rings safer?”

“Definitely. Rings are the ultimate no trespassing sign.” Billy traced the ring finger on his left hand and whispered, “A platinum ring right here to show the world that you’re mine.”

Liam’s whole body stilled as Billy’s meaning registered. “You want to marry me?”

“Yeah, isn’t that what the whole thing means?” Billy chuckled when he wiggled around so they were face to face. “You said the whole thing, a picket fence, and little Masons. Well, there’ll be no little Masons until you’re Liam Mason.”

This time the urge to jump around and shout could not be contained. He pushed off the recliner and danced around, uncaring that he looked like an idiot. “You want to marry me!”

The recliner closed with a sharp snap and then Billy was tackling him to the bed. “Your dick flopping around is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Say yes so I can give you something else to shout about.”