Saint of Sinners (7 page)

“Come, Alex,” the sword maker said. “Your stance needs much practice.”

I stifled a groan. Great, more standing around.

***

The scrolls tingled in my hands, and I set them down to unroll the first one. This one would go right by the door. I’d asked how to put them up, and Takumi told me a nail would do fine. Putting a nail through each end of the scroll would keep it securely on the wall and wouldn’t do any harm to the spell. I offered the incense and rang the bell I’d picked up on the way home. The next scroll went behind the couch, between my bookshelves. The next on the wall between the window in the living room and the kitchen. The last scroll went in my bedroom, right above my bed.

Each wall started a soft hum as I placed the scrolls, and when I rang the bell for the last time, I felt a snap as the protection fully took hold. I’d have to wait and see if it worked, but I felt a hell of a lot better with the barrier in place.

***

I’d texted Hayley over the weekend to apologize for the way I reacted after kissing her, and she texted back that it was okay. I was too much of a coward to talk to her, worried that maybe I’d really fucked things up. So I was dreading seeing her at school on Monday, almost as much as I was looking forward to seeing her again. Like I said, life had gotten really confusing. I caught her in the hall after first period and apologized again in person.

“It’s okay,” she said, but she didn’t look like it was okay.

“Look, I know I shouldn’t have left like that. It was just really confusing.” I didn’t know what to say to her without telling the truth. I’d have to lie to her again already, but I wanted to keep it to a minimum, even if it meant embarrassing myself. “I mean I never… that was my… first.”

Her eyebrow went up. “Your first kiss?”

I nodded.

“Oh. Was it… did I do something wrong?”

“No, no.” I shook my head, desperately trying to think of something that wasn’t a lie. “It felt really good. Too good.” I sighed. “I’ve got a lot of baggage, and it brought some stuff up. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just left. I feel like shit for leaving you like that.”

She frowned. “Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps to talk.”

If she only knew how shitty that made me feel. “No. I can’t.”

She took my hand. “Okay. But if you ever do want to talk, I’m here for you.”

That made me feel even worse, but my other choice was to break up with her and avoid her, Casey, and their friends for the rest of my time here. Or move to another school and start all over again. Why couldn’t this just be
easy
? “I know. Thanks.” I squeezed her hand. “If I ever am ready, I’ll tell you.” The words came out of me, a promise. “And if I kiss you again, I won’t run off.”

“Really?” Her face brightened.

“Really.” So I kissed her, right there in the middle of the hallway. She smiled as she pulled back.

The bell rang and I looked up. We had to get to class. “Uh, about the running away thing…”

Hayley laughed. “See you at lunch,” she said and gave me a quick kiss before hurrying down the hall.

***

We went on a few more dates, and I even went to her house to meet her parents. We had dinner together, and it was sort of awkward and nice at the same time. They seemed to be okay with me, and they were grateful to me for sticking up for Casey.

A few days after that, I took Hayley up to my apartment and gave her a brief tour. I introduced her to Mew-Mew, and he purred and was generally cute for her benefit. She liked cats, which was good. If she didn’t, that would have been a deal breaker.

“Wow, this is cool.” She reached out toward Animus.

“Don’t!”

She froze and gave me a confused look.

“It’s… fragile and I don’t want anyone touching it.” I didn’t know what might happen if she touched my sword, and I didn’t want risk something bad happening.

“Oh, okay.” She lowered her hand. Looking at the wall again her gaze settled on the spell scroll. “What’s this?”

I searched for something and decided I didn’t want to lie. “It’s a protection spell, to keep the apartment safe.”

“From what?”

“Evil.” I shrugged.

“Are you superstitious?”

“A little.” I guess you could call it that, although I didn’t
believe
in supernatural forces, I
knew
they were real.

“Huh.” She turned away and went into the kitchen. I showed her the small space, although there wasn’t much to see. Then we went down the tiny hall and I pointed at the bathroom before stepping into my bedroom.

“And here’s my bedroom.” I waved my hand at it.

“It’s a little messy.”

“Then maybe I shouldn’t admit I cleaned it before you came over.” The bed was made, and most of my clothes were put away.

Hayley laughed. “Boys.” She kissed me, gentle at first, but it quickly became something more. Her tongue slid between my lips and I groaned. Making out with Hayley was one of my most favorite things, ever.

Slowly, she tugged me toward the bed. We lay side by side, still kissing, her fingers running through my hair. I finally came up for air.

“I have a beautiful girl in my bed.” I smiled, my head pleasantly fuzzy.

“And what are you going to do about it?” Her pupils were dilated, her lips slightly swollen. Fingers skimmed along the waistband of my jeans where my shirt had ridden up.

Oh, shit. Was she serious or just teasing? I got my answer when her hand slipped into my pants.

“Hayley!” I squeaked and jerked away, almost falling off the bed.

“What’s wrong?” Her cheeks flushed. “Don’t you want to?”

Son of a bitch. How much did I want to admit? How much could I tell her without sounding weird? “I do, but not now.”

“Why not? Don’t you want me?” She wasn’t the type to be dramatic or manipulative. That was real vulnerability.

Well, fuck. I sat up. “I
do
want you, but it’s too soon.” Sex was a complicated subject for me.

“You want to wait?” She frowned, then her eyebrows went up. “Oh, crap. Are you one of those wait-until-marriage types?”

“No.” That was Jehovah’s rule, and I wasn’t going to follow it. At the same time, I wasn’t going to make my father happy by fucking just because it felt good. After a lot of debate, I’d decided on a middle ground that wouldn’t make either one of them happy. “I want to wait for love.” It sounded so fucking stupid coming out of my mouth I wanted to smack myself.

“Oh.” She looked down at the rumpled bed cover.

“I know it sounds sappy as hell, but I want it to mean something.”

“Oh,” she repeated, keeping her head down. After a long pause, she said, “I’m not a virgin.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“You don’t think I’m a slut or anything, do you?”

“What? Fuck no,” I said, and she looked up at me. “This is personal. I don’t expect everyone else to believe the same thing. I’m not gonna go all moral values on you.”

She opened her mouth, closed it, and looked away again. “So you don’t love me?”

I touched her cheek until she looked at me. “Not
yet
.” My heart raced as I considered if I could love Hayley. I had feelings for her, definitely, and they kept getting stronger. I looked into her eyes, thought of the way she made me feel warm inside. Yes, with a little more time, I could fall in love with her.

“So does that mean you will?”

The expression on her face was so hopeful and afraid, I couldn’t help kissing her. I pulled her closer, wishing I could make promises, afraid I might break them. “This is my first relationship—I don’t want to rush.”

“A guy who wants to take things slow?” she said with a little laugh.

“Hey, you like me because I’m different.” She’d run screaming if she had any idea how different.

“True.” That got a real smile out of her.

I kissed her again. “Just because I don’t want to have sex doesn’t mean I don’t want to do some serious making out.”

She gave me a wicked grin, grabbed the collar of my shirt, and pulled me down to the bed.

Chapter 9

The next day I spent a few hours flying, and it did a lot to improve my mood. My skills kept getting better. The crows did more complimenting than teasing, and being in the air was starting to feel natural. I thought it was time to try to something new.

I went home for lunch and grabbed the small, empty box that had once held Baldur’s gift to me. Now the gift was in my head, a jumbled flash of my future abilities. Two months later I was still trying to sort it out, focusing until I could see one image, one power, I would someday have. Stronger fire and ice abilities, my horns and wings, and flying had all been there.

It wasn’t prophecy, it was possibility. I have an issue with prophecies. It was a relief to know that in all the images I’d been able to pick out, I’d never seen Animus. The sword was tied to my power because it had been made that way, but it wasn’t a power I naturally had in me. Baldur’s gift was all about
my
abilities.

I took the box and Mew-Mew with me to a quiet spot, a small clearing in another forest. I didn’t want the crows watching me, because this might end up being really embarrassing. I was going to try to transform into a cat. My abilities included changing into several different kinds of animals, typically associated with “evil” (which is bullshit because animals aren’t evil, unless you count humans). So I could be a cat, wolf, rat, crow, goat, snake, bat, or black horse. Practically an animal for every occasion.

I was going for cat first because of my connection with Mew-Mew, plus he could stand there and be a living model. Cat had to be easiest.

I fiddled with the little box before setting it aside.

Would you like me in profile? Standing or sitting?
Mew-Mew was teasing, trying to get me to relax.

“Just sit there and be quiet.”

He settled in the grass and I copied his posture as best I could. Then I closed my eyes and reached for the power coiled inside me. All those times when I was younger that I wished I could be a cat, or a little mouse, or a fly, so I could escape my parents. To run away and disappear somewhere they’d never find me. I called up that desperation and opened my eyes, focusing on Mew-Mew.

I imagined my hands turning into paws, my legs shifting, pointed ears growing up from my head. Power shifted around me, but nothing happened. I tried again and again, but after half an hour I had nothing to show for it.

I took a break and walked around the clearing for a few minutes. “This is fucking frustrating.”

You just need to be patient.
Mew-Mew licked a paw and cleaned his ear.

“Yeah. Mr. Patient. That’s me.”

I spent another half hour trying to transform, and still nothing. Not even a whisker or a patch of fur. I flopped on my back and growled. “Why is this so fucking hard?”

Maybe you need help. Someone to teach you,
he suggested.

I rolled onto my side to face him. “Like who?”

He tilted his head, thinking.
Bast could help you, or at least she’d be a good place to start. The Egyptians are very good with animal forms. I could go ask her tonight.

My stubbornness tried to kick in, insisting I could figure this out for myself, but I shoved it aside. Learning to transform was the important part. It didn’t matter if I needed to ask for help. “Yeah. Thanks.”

***

That night Mew-Mew came back from his mission.
Alex, let me in.
He showed me the back door of the apartment building. Nearby in an alley was one of the entrances to the Cats’ Paths, a magical way to travel that seemed to connect to places all over Earth and other realms. I went down to open the door for him.

As we went up the stairs, I asked, “So what did she say? Will she help me?”

She won’t teach you herself, but she said she had a better teacher in mind.

“Who?” I pushed open the apartment door.

Raven, the Native god.

“Raven?” Did Bast just not want to deal with me, or did she really think he would be a better teacher?

Yeah. She said she’d send a messenger to him for you. We should have an answer by tomorrow morning.

“Huh.” I flopped down on the couch. “I guess it does make sense. Native gods change forms pretty fluidly. If you want to know how to do something, ask a master.” But what if he said no?

When I went to bed I tossed for a while, a little nervous flutter in my stomach. What if it took me months to learn how to transform? What if it took
years
? I guess if it didn’t work, I’d have to put it aside and try a different power. How useful would changing into a cat or a crow be in a fight with Satan anyway? But I wanted a solid grasp of all my powers, just in case.

In the morning I woke to tapping at my window. It was still mostly dark and I groaned, keeping my eyes closed. The tapping came again, louder. “Hey, lazybones! Get up!”

That got me to open my eyes. I sat up and looked at the window. Through the half-open curtains I saw a huge black bird sitting on the windowsill. “Raven?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you gonna let me in?”

“Oh, sure.” I pulled the window up and struggled with the screen for a moment before I got that up too. Raven hopped in and settled on my rumpled bed.

“So you want to learn shapeshifting?”

“Uh, yeah.” I was still groggy, but having a huge bird deity on my bed was doing a good job of waking me up.

“You don’t sound sure.”

“I’m tired,” I said, rubbing my eyes. “I’m not a morning person.”

He made a low caw. “Well, sleepyhead. I got a message from Bast that you wanted to learn shapeshifting. Why?”

“I want to be able to use all my powers.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Because I want to be strong.”

“Why?” He tilted his head one way, then the other, deep black eyes watching me.

“I want to fight my father and win. I did it once, but I want to make sure I can do it again. As many times as I need to.”

“Nothing is sure.”

“As sure as I can be, then.”