Salvation (The Protectors, Book 2) (10 page)

Ronan

I didn’t manage to take a deep breath until Seth finally moved away from me. I’d known it would be a mistake to grab him a second time, but I’d been terrified that I’d lose him forever if I’d let him leave with only the memory of me holding him back from touching me. I’d seen it in the way he looked at me. And the reality was, my admission about watching him all these years had likely come too late anyway.

My body ached and the scars on my chest tingled, but I knew the psychosomatic pain was a result of my nightmare and that it would fade within a few minutes. It was the first time I would actually miss the phantom pain, though, because the agony of letting Seth go was so much worse. I began making plans in my head for which of my men I could trust to make sure there was no threat to Seth – that the mugging in the garage had been just that…a random act and nothing else. I knew the answer before I could even complete the thought, because there was only one man who knew what Seth meant to me.

I reached for the light on my nightstand but stopped when I sensed movement in the room. I looked up to see that Seth hadn’t left yet. He was standing near the chair by the door – the chair I’d draped my pants, jacket and shoulder holster over when I’d changed earlier. One of my Glocks was on the nightstand next to my wallet, but I hadn’t thought to grab the other one. I saw Seth reach for the holster and I was about to tell him not to touch the gun when I realized he was just moving it out of the way. He shifted so I couldn’t see what he was doing, but a second later I had my answer because when he turned back to face me, he was holding my belt in his hand.

I cursed the heat that flooded my system at the sight of the smooth leather resting in the palm of his hand. I watched with bated breath as he came towards me but for the life of me, I couldn’t take my eyes off the sight of the belt in his grip. In the back of my mind, I knew what was happening but I couldn’t really believe it.

Seth handed me the belt and as soon as I took it, he held his arms out in front of him, the insides of his wrists pressed together. I shook my head at the offering but I couldn’t find any words.

I couldn’t do this.

I shouldn’t.

It would just fuck everything up even more.

I lifted my gaze to tell Seth no but then I saw it. The thing I’d feared I’d lost. It wasn’t hero worship or the wayward emotions of an innocent child. And it wasn’t some distorted reflection of a man who no longer existed. All I saw was me…the way he saw me.

And in that moment, he wasn’t Trace’s little brother and I wasn’t the broken man who couldn’t bear to be touched.

We were just us.

Instead of reaching for his wrists, I stretched out my arm and settled my hand on his lower back to pull him forward. He was wearing a pair of sweats and a gray T-shirt, so I had to maneuver my hand until I could touch bare skin. I heard his breathing tick up as I caressed him but his hands never moved. And they stayed exactly where they were even as I drew him forward until he was straddling my lap. I studied him for a long time, just taking in every bit of him that I could. The bruises on his face had darkened considerably but they took nothing away from his raw beauty. I let my fingers trail over his slightly parted lips before I pulled him down for a long, slow kiss. I felt his fisted hands press against my chest, but he didn’t actually caress me. But he did kiss me back without any hesitation or fear.

I let my hands settle on his thighs as we kissed and I could tell when he felt my erection press up against him because he gasped against my mouth. I stroked up and down his thighs a few times before I reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it off of him, forcing him to release the position he’d been holding his hands in. But instead of reaching for me as soon as the shirt was off, he put his wrists back together.

As much as I wanted to take the belt and throw it across the room, I knew I wouldn’t be able to because I could feel the fear building inside me as Seth returned every one of my kisses. When I reached for the belt, Seth didn’t stiffen or change his posture in any way and I saw nothing but trust in his gaze as he looked down at me. I settled my arm around his lower back to support him as I stood and shifted our positions so that I could lay him flat on the bed. I straddled his hips and didn’t miss his startled gasp as he realized I was naked. His eyes shifted to my cock which was already heavy with need and he actually licked his lips. I bit back a moan and forced my attention on wrapping the belt around his wrists. The move got his focus back on my face but he was watching me with anticipation.

I did one loop around his joined wrists with the belt before lifting his arms above his head and putting the end of the belt through the iron rungs of the headboard. The belt was long enough that I could wrap it once more around Seth’s wrists before securing the end into the buckle. I made sure the belt was tight enough to hold him but not tight enough to hurt him in any way. Knowing he was at my complete and total mercy had my cock tightening to epic proportions, but I managed to control myself as I dropped myself down on him and sealed my mouth over his. We were both breathless by the time I finally released his lips.

“You can stop this any time with one word, no matter what,” I said firmly.

“I know,” he said and then he smiled and I felt my heart constrict painfully. A surge of doubt went through me but then he kissed me, his tongue tentatively searching mine out and I knew I was too much of a bastard to not take what he was offering.

I broke the kiss and skimmed my lips along his jaw before trailing them down his throat. He was panting with anticipation long before I even reached his chest and when I bit gently down on one of his nipples, I heard a whoosh of air leave his lips. There was a slight shift in the headboard as I turned my focus on his other nipple, but when I looked up to check on Seth, all I saw was him watching me with rapt attention. I couldn’t resist stealing another lusty kiss from his lips before sitting up so I could examine his body the way I’d always longed to…with my fingers, my eyes, my mouth.

I hadn’t missed the scars on his body, but I kept my exploration of the old wounds brief since I didn’t want to make him self-conscious. There were multiple scars on his chest and sides that I knew were from when his attackers had stabbed him and left him for dead – that much Trace had shared with me when he’d told me about the attack on Seth and his parents. But as hard as those scars were to look at, it was the long, narrow scars running across the length of his abdomen that almost bothered me more because I knew what each drag of the knife would have felt like for Seth as he was tortured to try and force his father to talk. The wounds wouldn’t have been deep, but the terror Seth must have been feeling would have left far deeper scars on his psyche…scars like mine.

“I’m okay,” Seth whispered and I lifted my eyes to see him watching me with quiet strength. It was then that I realized I’d failed in my intent not to give the stretches of raised flesh too much attention. At some point, I’d even started fingering one of the scars on his stomach. I nodded and then took my time removing his sweats so I could drink my fill of the rest of him, including his weeping cock that lay nestled thick and full in a thatch of wiry, blond hair.

I leaned over Seth and settled my weight back down on him as I kissed him again. It took just minutes to get him squirming and bucking beneath me and then I focused on bringing him the pleasure I so desperately needed to give him. But as much as I wanted to sink into his warm, welcoming body, I knew this would be my only chance to consume every part of Seth that I could, so I took my time with my sensual torture. He kept repeating my name over and over as I licked and nipped my way down his body, but he changed over to flat out begging as soon as I bypassed his weeping cock in favor of worshiping the rest of him. To my surprise, his feet turned out to be an erogenous zone that I had no problem exploiting to keep him near the edge.

“Ronan, please…it’s too much.”

The desperation in his tone had me releasing the leg I’d draped over my shoulder. I trailed my fingers back up his body until I reached his pulsing dick, but instead of playing with it like he clearly wanted me to, I pressed my fingers against the sensitive skin behind his balls. He jerked hard at the contact and the headboard rattled as he struggled against his restraints. The sight and sound had my own cock filling even more and I willed myself to remain in control.

“Open your eyes,” I ordered, more harshly than I’d intended. As soon as he did, I removed my fingers from his taint and stuck one in my mouth. I made sure he saw my saliva sticking to my digit as I moved it back down to his body. He stiffened when I pushed my finger between the globes of his ass and he actually held his breath as I pressed the pad against his hole. But before he could think too long and too hard about what I was doing, I leaned over and sucked his cock into my mouth.

“Fuck!” he shouted as he shoved his hips up. I used his distraction to press my finger into his body and as soon as he froze at the contact, I hollowed out my cheeks and sucked hard. The sensual onslaught did exactly what it was supposed to and Seth began desperately thrusting into my mouth. Every time he pulled out, he impaled himself on my finger, and soon I couldn’t tell if he was more desperate to get more of himself inside of me or more of me inside of him. But in the end, it didn’t matter because one press of my finger on his prostate and he began shooting down my throat. I barely managed to keep from coming myself as his salty flavor coated my tongue and I heard the sound of my name falling over and over again from his lips. When he finally stilled and I’d consumed every last drop of him, I gently pulled my finger free and crawled up his body and sealed my mouth over his. I’d purposefully kept from swallowing all of his come and I nearly smiled at his gasp of surprise when I shared his essence with him.

“So sweet, Seth,” I murmured against his mouth. “So fucking sweet.”

Seth

I could only lay there as Ronan kissed me, because much like the day before when he’d gotten me off in the bathroom, I felt completely boneless. My arms ached from the strain of being braced above my head, but I didn’t care if it meant I could get more of Ronan kissing me like this…like I was more than just a convenient body. I had no idea if that was what I was or not, but I’d reached the conclusion that I would take whatever I could get as soon as I’d known that walking away from Ronan tonight meant it would be over for good.

But the promise I’d made to myself to not let the aftermath of being with Ronan destroy me disintegrated when Ronan whispered my name as he kissed me. Because part of me really had believed he wasn’t really seeing me as he touched and kissed me. I’d had this sick fear that he’d say my brother’s name as he made love to me but to hear my name fall from his lips…it was a thousand times better than the mind blowing orgasm he’d just given me.

Ronan kissed me for what seemed like an endless amount of time and by the time he sat up again and reached for something on the nightstand, I felt the excitement and nervousness returning to my body. I watched him fish a condom and a packet of lube out of his wallet and I swallowed hard as he opened the lube before moving farther down my body. Even though his long, thick finger had just given me so much pleasure, I still couldn’t help but worry about what would come next. I’d been too far gone too really notice any pain as his finger had entered me but now that the orgasm had started to wane, I could feel my body drawing up tight and I was worried he wouldn’t consider that as he got me ready. But I kept my mouth shut as I watched him put some lube on his fingers.

He was kneeling between my spread legs and I figured he would just open me up and started pushing into me but he surprised me again by dropping his weight back down on my body and kissing me. I was lost in the sensation of his tongue dancing with mine so I barely noticed the cool lube being spread over my hole. It wasn’t until his finger began probing me that I realized he was distracting me with the pleasure his mouth was bringing me. And it was at that exact moment that I realized the childhood love I’d had for this man had never disappeared and it never would. It had morphed into something deeper and scarier and that conclusion was more terrifying than the change my body was about to go through. Because Ronan wasn’t about to just take my virginity; he was going to take everything else too.

My body was still loose from Ronan’s initial intrusion but when he added a second finger, I felt my whole body lock up. But instead of forcing himself farther inside of me, Ronan just went right on kissing me and when he released my lips, it was only so he could settle his mouth next to my ear.

“I’ve dreamed of this moment,” he said, his rumbly voice barely a whisper. “It’s kept me awake at night…wondering what it would feel like to be buried inside of you. Wondering if I’d survive it.”

“Survive what?” I managed to ask even as I felt his fingers sink deeper into me. I let out a loud groan when they brushed my gland but the contact was all too brief.

“Knowing your body was made for mine and mine for yours…a perfect fit.”

I didn’t get a chance to respond because he was kissing me again and his fingers started massaging my inner walls. The burning sensation began to ease as he started finger fucking me and I found myself trying to push down on his digits to get more of their thick length inside of me because suddenly, I felt too empty.

Ronan released me so that he could sit up and search out the discarded condom. I missed the feel of his fingers as he pulled them free so he could work the condom on, but just seeing how big his engorged cock was compared to his fingers had me squirming both with nerves and excitement. He spread the remaining lube from the packet over his sheathed cock and then got into position between my legs. He reached past my head and grabbed a pillow and then worked it beneath my hips. The new position made me feel on display but even more so when Ronan used his hands to spread me open for his perusal and then trailed his hungry gaze over my entire body. I held my breath as he studied me. A bout of anxiety overcame me as I wondered if he liked what he was seeing. While I’d never really given my looks much thought as I’d gotten older, I couldn’t help but compare myself to the man who’d been lucky enough to have every part of Ronan…Trace…the man who would always be a part of us no matter what the future brought.

“Seth,” Ronan said gently and I looked up, not even realizing I’d dropped my gaze.

“You’re fucking perfect,” Ronan said, the words sounding more like an order than a compliment. And I knew he’d realized the train of my thoughts.

I managed a nod but that didn’t seem to satisfy Ronan so I said, “I know you see
me
, Ronan. I know it.”

To my relief, Ronan leaned over and kissed me hard. “Tell me you want this.”

“I do,” I said. “More than anything.” I realized they were dangerous words to say, but luckily Ronan didn’t seem to dwell on their double meaning and he leaned back and shifted his lower body until I felt the head of his cock brush up against my hole.

“Bear down on me,” was all Ronan said as he finally began to breach me. I did as he said but nothing prepared me for the intense pressure and discomfort I felt as his crown pushed inside of me. I tried holding my breath but that seemed to make it worse so I just focused on watching Ronan’s face. The extreme concentration and determination in his gaze as he focused on where our bodies were joined had me holding my tongue when the pain started to increase. But then something in my body gave way and Ronan sank inside of me. The relief was instantaneous because the pain dissipated and all I felt was the slight burn and pressure that I already knew from when Ronan had used his fingers on me, would turn into something better.

“Okay?” Ronan managed to ask through gritted teeth. I could see the sweat dotting his brow and I knew he was struggling just as much as I was. But while I was trying to accommodate the newness of what was happening to me, he was struggling to make sure all I felt was perfection.

He shifted just as I was about to answer and the move had him sliding deeper inside of me. Right after the burning sensation was a flash of something so raw and pleasurable that I actually tried to drive my hips forward onto him just so I could feel it again. “Please, Ronan, more,” I begged, barely recognizing the keening tone coming from my lips.

As I jammed my hips up again, Ronan let out a loud curse and then he pushed forward until he bottomed out inside me. I swallowed hard at the rush of near pain that came over me but just knowing that I was finally joined with Ronan in this way was enough for me to ignore the sting that was firing through my ass. I expected Ronan to start moving at that point but he surprised me by leaning over and crushing his lips down on mine. As he kissed me, I felt his cock pulsing and throbbing inside of me and I cursed the latex barrier that was keeping every part of him from me.

Ronan was still kissing me when he began pulling out before gently sliding back in and I gasped against his mouth as a delicious sensation swept through me. Another thrust had me giving up on trying to kiss Ronan back and I guessed he could tell because his lips settled against my cheek as he increased the pace. The pleasure began to spike with every roll of his hips against mine and for the first time, I began to fear that I wouldn’t be able to keep back the words my heart wanted me to call out as Ronan loved me. His abdomen was pressed against my now rock hard cock and every time he slid forward, I tried to press up against him to increase the sensation. Ronan must have sensed my need because I felt his hand slip between our bodies a second later and then he was jerking me off as his body began to ram into mine. I struggled against my bonds because I wanted nothing more in that moment than to wrap myself around him completely, but there was no give whatsoever so the only thing I could do was wrap my legs around him in a vain effort to keep him as close to me as possible. And then my mouth was searching out his because I knew the only way I could make him understand what I was feeling was through the few ways I was permitted to touch him.

Ronan kissed me back but the kisses were short and jerky because we were both panting too hard to do any different. I felt my balls drawing up tight against my body but I couldn’t find the oxygen I needed to tell him how close I was. But it didn’t matter because his hand on my dick increased its pace and his cock was slinging in and out of me without reservation. Our sweat-slickened bodies rocked against each other over and over and when I was certain I couldn’t take any more, my body gave in to its need and fire shot up my spine and radiated out to all of my limbs. I cried out against Ronan’s mouth and closed my eyes as the climax threatened to steal my consciousness away. Ronan’s hoarse shout followed a moment later and then I felt his free hand grab onto the belt where it was looped around my wrists. His grip on the restraints bordered on painful as he humped into me over and over but then to my surprise, he released his hold on the belt and closed his fingers over one of my hands. It was the most natural thing for me to separate my fingers just slightly but I couldn’t contain the emotion that flooded through me when his fingers linked with mine.

The tears came without warning but I was powerless to stop them. But Ronan said nothing and he didn’t pull away in disgust. He simply held my hand and then he began kissing the tears away one by one.

* * *

Waking up alone wasn’t a surprise since I’d felt Ronan get out of bed within minutes of him untying me. I hadn’t been disappointed at first because he’d returned within a minute with a warm washcloth and he’d gently cleaned the come off my stomach and the residual lube that had clung to me. But instead of climbing into bed next to me after he’d drawn the covers over me, he’d left and I’d lain there hoping against hope that he was just going to get something to drink or to check to make sure the house was locked up for the night. As the minutes passed though, the same feeling of abandonment I’d felt after he’d walked out on me three years earlier came over me and the tears that had started to fall had nothing to do with the joy of finally being made love to by the man who’d been my entire world for so long.

I managed to lift my head long enough to check the time on the nightstand clock and was shocked to see it was well after eleven a.m. I wasn’t particularly hungry but my tired body had other needs so I forced myself to sit up. The slight sting in my ass was both good and bad. I’d finally had the night I’d always dreamed of and even though I hadn’t been able to touch Ronan the way I wanted to, the way he’d loved me had felt real. It was something I hadn’t had in a really long time. But I was going to pay for it because I’d had a taste of perfection but it was just that…a taste.

My legs felt shaky as I got out of bed and I took my time making my way to my own room. As I was leaving the room, my heart stopped when I noticed that the chair Ronan had been using as a luggage holder was empty. Not only were his clothes gone but his bag was too. I forced myself to go to the closet but couldn’t bring myself to actually open it so I left the room. I just needed a few more minutes of pretending. I needed to remember last night for what it was, not for what it wasn’t.

As I neared the kitchen, Bullet trotted out of it to greet me but just as promptly turned around and ran back into it, his tail wagging happily. A ridiculous surge of hope speared through my chest and I quickened my pace.

But the man sitting at the kitchen table wasn’t Ronan.