Samantha James (22 page)

“Trust! When have you trusted me, Fionna? You have never trusted me. You still do not trust me!”

“I’ve had to be strong, Aidan. I
must
remain strong. Lest…lest my mother’s infirmity take hold of me, too.”

“What the devil!”

“It’s well known that weakness of the mind is passed on!”

“Rubbish,” he said baldly. “Fionna, you are the most sane person I know.”

There was a suffocating tightness at the back of her throat. “Am I? I told you last night. Consider the novels I write. Spectres and wraiths and creatures of evil.”

He scoffed. “A vivid imagination. I believe I told you that the first night we met. Your novels are less about ghosts and goblins and ghouls than the triumph of good over evil. If you think your subject matter is lurid, then your fans are just as lurid. And you stray from the point, Fionna. Deliberately, I suspect.”

His eyes had drifted to her mouth. If he kissed her, she would be forever lost…

His lips came down on hers. Hard. Hungry. So unbearably sweet.

She tore her mouth away.

“Don’t. Don’t make me want you!”

Aidan turned and slammed a fist on the table at his side.

It splintered in half—just as she was splintering in half.

“It’s not an illicit affair I want, and neither do you!” he shouted. “And dammit, don’t avert your eyes again!”

Fionna made a jagged sound. The path of her life led in circles, not to him. Never to him. Somehow she had to make him see…

“It’s all we could ever have. And you’re right—I don’t want that! I-I cannot marry you,” she choked out. “If my mother’s madness should ever be revealed…it would be the ruin of all of us. You cannot take that chance.
We
cannot take that chance. If that happened, your family would be ostracized, Aidan. Society would be horrified if you—if you married into a family of madness. None of you would ever be accepted in your world. You know it as well as I.

“Would you do that to your family?
Could
you? Even if you could, I won’t. They would be devastated. They would hate me. You would end up hating me. Not now, but in time, perhaps, you might wonder if I will become tainted…as my mother is tainted…if our children would be tainted.”

He gripped her wrist. “Do you know what you’re doing? You desolate my heart. You desolate my soul.”

“Don’t! Don’t say that. Don’t say anything! Just…just leave, Aidan.”

His lip curled. “That’s right, Fionna. Turn away. Run away.”

“Do not taunt me!” she cried.

“You little fool! It’s not just me you deny, it’s yourself! Do you think to wile away your life alone? What kind of life is that?”

“Must I put it more plainly? I do not want you here, Aidan. I…do…not…want…you.”

The look he turned on her was utterly fierce. She shrank back.

“Say what you will, Fionna. You need me. You want me. And I won’t bow out of your life now, not while you’re in danger.”

“You have to. It’s over, Aidan.
It’s over.
”

“Is it? We shall see, sweet. We shall see. After the tune you’ve made me dance to, I’ll be
damned
if I’ll walk away now.”

He stalked to the door. “I’ll be here tomorrow to check on you. And for pity’s sake, don’t go anywhere alone!”

He was seething. Filled with a vile, near murderous rage.

As for his love…

Oh, but she could be so alluringly convincing. So sweet when she chose to be. He recalled the last time he’d seen her. She was so concerned, so much so that he alone saw the truth.

He alone saw what was inside her.

Did she mock him? he wondered. No. Even if it were true, once they were together, she would learn that his way was the only way.

Perhaps it was the influence of her lordly lover. His lip curled up in a snarl.

For they were lovers, of that he had no doubt. He came and went as he pleased. He was there into the wee hours of the night.

He would find a way to deal with him, even if it required dire measures.

In the end, it all came down to just one thing, the way it was in all of her novels.

A matter of life…or death.

He was the one she truly loved. Once they were together, she would know it.

He would forgive her this one indiscretion, he decided. To err…well, it was the nature of man. He was acquainted with the nature of man better than anyone.

Besides, forgiveness was the godly way—and he was well acquainted with God’s will. Why, the illness of her mother was what brought them together. What made them close. Was that not a sign of God’s will?

Yet Fionna must be made to see her folly. He would see to it. She must be punished. He thought of her mother…

She would say it was cruel, of course.

But it was necessary. She had crossed him, and
he would not be crossed. For now, well, the time drew nigh. He was growing bored with their little game. He was impatient for her. He’d waited long enough for his prize.

And he knew precisely how to bring her where he wanted her.

Into his waiting arms.

Fionna was still wiping away tears when she heard someone pounding at the back door. She jerked upright.
Aidan!

She hurried down the steps.

It wasn’t Aidan but a young boy.

“Miss Hawkes?”

“Yes. I am Miss Hawkes.”

“I’m to give this to ye, mum.”

Fionna gave the boy a coin, and he was on his way. Breaking open the letter, she read quickly.

It was signed by Dr. Colson.

Her heart nearly stopped. A cry broke from her lips.
Not again,
she thought helplessly.
Oh
,
not again.
Mama was missing. She had wandered before. But that had been in the village. Here in London, why…she might never be found! Even in the village, why, if it hadn’t been for Vicar Tomlinson…

Vicar Tomlinson again. Was he the one who had followed her? Who had watched her? She knew he visited London at least once a week. He had for years now.

Aidan had told her he would stop by later. After their row, she couldn’t be sure that he would stop by at all!

Snatching her cloak from the hook, she ran down the stairs and hailed a hack.

It was true.

Mama’s room was empty.

“Miss Hawkes! There you are!”

It was Dr. Colson. “Good news! Your mother has been found! I have a carriage waiting near the rear entrance.”

Fionna hurried after him, breathless by the time they rushed out into the frigid night air. The coach was there; a lantern burned on the hook near the cab. Where the devil was the driver? she thought furiously.

She reached for the handle.

“Miss Hawkes. Wait.”

Fionna didn’t want to wait. She was anxious to be off, to see that her mother was all right. But she curbed her impatience, for she knew he was as concerned as she by her mother’s disappearance.

“Yes?”

He set aside her parasol, took her hands.

Fionna glanced up. An odd sensation settled in, for his dark eyes were gleaming.

She had expected his familiar reassurance.

What she got was something else entirely.

“You knew it would come to this, didn’t you?”

“What? Please, Dr. Colson, my mother—”

“Your mother is well. As well as can be expected anyway.” There was an almost sinister sound to his laugh. “She’s simply been moved to another room.”

“What?” she said faintly. His expression frightened her. It was as if
he
was mad.

“Oh, come. Do not look at me so! I’ve loved you for so long now. My love, I’ve waited for you so long.”

My love.

Fionna’s blood curdled. Icy prickles climbed the length of her spine. In that instant, she knew it was he who had followed her. Who watched her. Who had written in blood on her window…

“I see what’s in your mind. It’s always been so. Yes, my love, it was my blood. I pondered cutting off the tip of a finger to leave as my gift to you, the way the housekeeper did in
The Devil’s Way.
I have the skill, you know. The means. I thought of
sending a note which said…
I give myself to you.
You would have liked that, I think.”

Fionna’s stomach churned.

“You’re mad,” she breathed, “as mad as your patients. Why, more so!”

“Nay, my love. I’m brilliant at my work, just as you are in yours. It’s why we are meant to be together.”

In shock she heard him go on.

“Did you enjoy our little games? You weren’t quite certain who followed you, were you? What you heard…I knew you would love the mystery, though. That’s what made it so delightful.

“I loved you from our very first meeting, why, here in this hospital, when you first brought your mother. But a confession, my love. I admired your novels long before you brought her here to me. And when your mother told me you were F.J. Sparrow…it was but another sign we were meant for each other.”

He’d always been such a calm, convincing influence. What a fool she’d been! His admiration had turned into an obsession. He was as deranged as those he treated. And now she’d played directly into the hands of a madman!

She must think. Try to find some way out of this. She tried to wiggle free of his grip. His fingers tightened around hers like iron manacles. She nearly cried out in pain.

His eyes glinted. “I know about your lover McBride,” he said suddenly. His laugh was gloating.
“Perhaps I’ll cut off
his
finger and send it to his mother.” He threw back his head and laughed. “Or perhaps I’ll cut off something else instead! Then he won’t be capable of sticking his cock into any other woman, let alone mine!”

Fionna flinched at his crudeness, but her blood ran cold. She was terrified of the malice she sensed in him. He meant to hurt Aidan as well.

“Do you think he’ll come after you?” His laugh was chilling.

She couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t let any of it happen.

“My mother. I-I should like to see her before we leave. To say good-bye. To tell her where we are going…where
are
we going?”

“Not yet, my love.” His smile vanished. His eyes gleamed. “And there’s no point in saying good-bye to your mother. She won’t even know you’re there. She’s slipping away, you know. Why, who knows how much longer she’ll be in this world?”

“No! You said there would be results. In a week. Perhaps two.”

“I did. I simply did not say what the result would be. And then, dear Fionna, I shall be ever at your side. I’ll help you bury your mother. I shall console you. No one could ever love you as I do.”

“You said you would help her!”

“And I’ve tried! But she requires ever more laudanum to calm her. Laudanum is a powerful
drug, you know. And your mother is in a very weakened state. It’s best to simply have done with it.”

Laudanum.

Fionna reeled. She felt as if she were being strangled. His tonics. Tonics and brews and potions…witch’s poison. Her mother had been his hold over her. And his hold over her mother was laudanum.

And now he meant to kill her mother, too. Perhaps he already had. Fionna swore, struggling against his hold. “Let me go!” Her reticule swung against her side, reminding her of the pistol inside. Thank heaven she’d remembered it. If she could just reach it…

His strength was too great.

“And your lover, the lordly McBride. Who knows how long he’ll be in this world?” Colson grinned. To Fionna, he was like the devil’s own hand. “If he comes after you, he’ll regret it.” He boasted. Gloated. “Indeed, I think I shall hunt him down—”

“You sick, twisted bastard,” came a voice from directly behind Colson. “You don’t need to hunt me down, because
I’m already here.
”

Aidan was furious when he left Fionna’s apartment that night. Her jab had hurt.

You…How can you protect me? How can a man who is half-blind possibly protect me?

Bitterly he lashed himself. Perhaps she was
right. He certainly hadn’t been able to protect his men against Rajul. Maybe she was right. When this was over, maybe he should just walk away.

But the certainty thundered inside him…By Jove, he wasn’t going to walk away now, not while she was in danger.

And by heaven, whether she wanted it or not, he would protect her with his very life!

And yet…The strangest sensation plagued Aidan when he strode home that night. All he could think was that he should never have left her.

At home, he paced back and forth in his study. The longer he stayed at home, the more compelling was this strange premonition.

Closing his eyes, he let his mind take hold of his senses.

His eyes snapped open. Panic seized hold, a panic that was unlike anything he’d ever felt before…

In the far reaches of his mind, it was as if he could hear her calling out…calling for
him.

She needed him.

Aidan didn’t know how he knew.

That he did was enough.

He knew it for certain when she didn’t answer his knock. Cursing, he let himself inside.

He paled when he read the letter from Colson. With a curse, he flung it to the floor.

Running home, he bellowed for his horse.

It was odd, the way it happened. That same sense of certainty swept over him, guiding him to where they stood—Fionna and Colson.

He came up behind Colson.

“You sick, twisted bastard,” he sneered. “You don’t need to hunt me down, because
I’m already here.
”

His presence had the desired effect. Colson released Fionna. From the corner of his good eye, he was aware of Fionna grappling inside her reticule. His blood surged. She’d remembered the pistol!

But he couldn’t see Colson, dammit. The slime was on his left, where Aidan’s vision was fuzzy and blurred.

Fionna had dredged the weapon from her reticule. She clung to the grip, but the barrel was wavering.

He willed his thoughts into hers.

One shot. One shot is all you’ll have.

But it was not to be. Colson spied Fionna holding the pistol. He wrenched it from her grasp and turned, searching for Aidan.

The pistol was in his hands, pointed at Aidan’s chest. Colson threw back his head. “You can’t have her, you stupid fool! She’s mine!” Colson crowed.

Fionna, it appeared, had been totally dismissed.

A stupid mistake on Colson’s part. Aidan was rather stunned…and wholly proud.

It all happened in an instant. Fionna seized her
parasol with all the frenzy of a woman protecting her own. She whacked Colson full on in the belly the way she’d once tried to do with Aidan.

This time she succeeded.

This time with a power borne of fury and fire.

Colson grunted with pain. His eyes went wide with shock. He clutched his belly and began to slump…

Just as Fionna’s knee came up.

His jaw cracked like the sound of a pistol.

There was no sweeter sound on earth. No sweeter feeling than Fionna clinging to him with all her might.

“Aidan! Aidan, I knew you would come. I knew it!”

Aidan’s laugh was breathless with love and laughter. “Remind me, sweet, never to cross you when you’re holding a parasol.”

Colson had been taken into custody. Aidan was quite certain that when his sentence was carried out, he’d not be seeing the outside of a prison cell for many a year. The police constable informed Aidan that the methods Colson employed to treat his patients would be thoroughly investigated. The night nurses had already revealed Colson’s heavy reliance on laudanum—and how a number of other patients had died in his facility.

According to the constable, they would be checking the possibility that laudanum was involved in those deaths as well.

All the while, Fionna’s mother had been locked in a room across the hall. She was now in a much different hospital. Fionna had been assured by a capable, efficient doctor that the effects of the laudanum were not permanent. The process would not occur overnight, but, he assured her, her mother would recover.

Both Fionna and Aidan were rather startled when Vicar Tomlinson burst into the room. Fionna glanced up from her mother’s bedside.

“I was told she’d been brought here!” he cried. “Is she all right? Is she safe?”

Fionna smiled. “She will be now.”

“Penelope!” he cried, rushing to the bedside.

Her mother’s eyes opened. “William,” she murmured. “You are here. Have you come for me?”

William.
Fionna had to stop her mouth from opening in shock. Her father’s name was William.

But she hadn’t known that Vicar Tomlinson’s was William as well.

Fionna suddenly understood that there had been more to the vicar’s visits to the asylum than just the duties of his station. Once her mother was sleeping, the vicar explained how he’d fallen in love with her mother some months after Fionna’s father had died. In light of her illness, he’d withheld his true feelings, for he wasn’t sure how either Penelope or Fionna would react. That Vicar Tomlinson loved her mother was abundantly
clear. And Mama’s reaction when Vicar Tomlinson charged into the room was telling as well.

Fionna was glad—for both of them.

A short time later, Fionna kissed the vicar’s cheek, kissed her mother’s brow, and left with Aidan.

It was long after midnight when she and Aidan climbed the stairs to her apartment. He caught her fingers, squeezing them lightly.

Fionna squeezed his in return.

She would never let go, she thought achingly.

In her parlor, she turned and clung to him, her embrace tinged with a sort of desperation.

He gave an odd little laugh. “Fionna! What is this?” He smoothed the back of her head.

Fionna lifted her face. “I’ve been such a fool.” Tears choked her voice. “Aidan, I’m so sorry! I never wanted to push you away, ever. I wanted you always, and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“Oh, but there is much more than forgiveness in my heart, love. Much more indeed.” His expression tender, he guided her eyes to his. “It’s time I asked that question you would not allow me to ask earlier.”

Fionna’s heart skipped a beat.

His smile faded. His gaze slid over her features, one by one. “I love you,” he said softly. “Will you be my wife?”

She threw her arms around his neck. “Yes,” she
said, half-laughing, half-crying. “Oh, yes. I love you, Aidan McBride. Do you know how very much I love you?”

“I think I would like you to show me.” He captured her mouth in a hungry, arduous kiss. Reluctantly he dragged his mouth away.

“You love to shock your readers, don’t you?”

Fionna blinked up at him. That wasn’t quite what she’d expected him to say. But then she smiled, a rather secret little smile.