Same/Difference (The Depth of Emotion #4) (21 page)

Manny motioned for his man to come over to him.

“Eduardo, I need you to get a driver for Mrs. Vallega. She will be returning from the beach and Blake Matthews will be accompanying her. I suspect that we may have a problem with Mr. Matthews so I’m relying on your discretion. We don’t want to attract any unnecessary attention to my wife.”

The man nodded, indicating that he understood. “Anything else?”

“Yes.” Manny looked at his watch. “Please tell my wife that I wish to have dinner with her. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen her. Tell her I want to… reconnect.”

F
alcon’s tires crunched on the gravel as he turned off the back road. He pulled the rental behind Paige’s car. A jumble of thoughts assaulted him. It had been like that ever since he left Las Vegas. Thoughts of Paige would appear out of nowhere. He wouldn’t be able to think straight for hours. He was glad that they had gotten comfortable with each other again, but that was over the phone. Today his mind and body reacted to seeing her. If just thinking about her made him want her, then seeing her today compounded the matter.

He had taken a drive down Coastal Highway. It had been long enough for him to take a breath and compose his thoughts. Carter had pointed him in the direction of Paige’s whereabouts when he arrived at the party. The long drive from Western Maryland had given him plenty of time to think about her. Although, when he first got back from his trip he was angry. Over time he admitted to himself that he wanted to mend his relationship with Paige. They were polar opposites when it came to confrontation. He dealt with them face first and Paige avoided them at any cost. That was about to change. He suspected that was part of her disorder. Stress. She didn’t deal with it well and shoving all that inside made her implode. He was sure that her hair pulling was a combination of stress and PTSD. He was prepared to tell her when he saw her that he would do whatever was necessary to help her sort all of that out and make their relationship work. At least that was the plan.

When he had been invited to the christening for Declan’s daughter, he knew that Blake would be there. He sucked up the fact that he wanted to punch him out because he knew that it would stress Paige out. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her to be uncomfortable. He had planned to ignore Blake if he saw him. Unfortunately, when he did see him, he was looming over Paige. Good intentions were cast aside because he decided that this would be the last time he would bother her.

When he saw Blake touch her today it reignited his anger. He practically dragged him from the party and, when he got him out of sight, he gave him one final warning, touch her and he’d never use his hands again.

“I don’t know why you think there’s something between you because she assures me there’s not. Stay away from her. If you so much as look at her the wrong way, I’ll find you
—
and you won’t like it when I do.”

“Get your hands off me, you prick! You don’t own her!”

“You see that’s where you’re wrong. In a way I do, because she’s my wife
—
and I’ll kill anybody that touches what’s mine!”

Now that he fixed that matter, all he had left to do was to fix things with her.

Raindrops pelted him as he walked up to the door. He hoped it wasn’t an ominous sign. It only took a minute for her to answer, and when she did he sucked in a breath. After many months and many conversations, he still wasn’t prepared for how he felt when he saw her. She stood at the door in sweats and a tee shirt and she still took his breath away. It seemed like it was forever that they just stared at each other but the rain brought him back to the moment.

“Can I come in?”

There was a tentative measure in his voice.

She shook the fluster out of her head and moved aside. They stood in the hallway. “I didn’t think you were coming back.”

He noted the stiffness in her voice. “Do you think I can get a towel?”

She eyed him cautiously as she went to get one. After she handed it to him she moved to the sofa. He followed.

He took a quick glance around the room.

“Nice place.”

She didn’t cut him any slack. “Thanks. What are you doing here?”

He
leaned back, facing her. As he extended his hand he smiled. “I’m Falcon Grey. I hear your husband’s an asshole.”

Her mouth opened in surprise. She stared at him for a minute and then started laughing. “Well, that was the last thing I expected you to say.”

He was happy with her response because it gave him a glint of hope that she wasn’t completely opposed to their marital status

Her smile widened. “And you’re right; my husband
is
an asshole.”

“He’s also stubborn.” He gave her a sly smile.

“Maybe we should get a divorce.”

He cocked his head. “Do you want that?”

She squeezed his hand. “What I want to do is not talk about it right now. Besides, there are other things that need to be said. I want to tell you how counseling is going.”

His eyebrows rose. “Yeah?” She told him she was going to therapy but he never pressed for details.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “It’s been helpful. We’ve talked about what happened with Blake, and a lot of other things I was holding on to.”

She turned toward him and moved a little closer. “After our first conversation I decided. Before then I never felt I had anything to lose and every time we talked after I felt like I did.” Her expression was full of sincerity. “I’m sorry I was so stubborn. There were reasons…”

She stopped talking and tried to compose herself. Her voice waivered and he knew it took a lot for her to open herself up to him. Her mouth was dry, she looked down at her lap, and she wrung her hands. He said nothing as she stood and went into the kitchen. He could see that she was making drinks and she returned with two glasses in her hands. Handing him one, she sat beside him again. His arm rested on the back of the sofa and changed the subject.

“Did you have a good time today?”

“It was better once you came back.”

“Paige…” He raised her chin with the tips of his fingers. Despite her best attempt at showing him she was in control, she was hesitant.

“Look at me.” The soft command had an immediate response. She looked into his eyes. “I want to cut through the bullshit. I know you could tell when we talked on the phone that I missed you.”

The ice made a tinkling sound when she sat it down on the table and her hands shook. She eyed him cautiously and after a moment got a very determined look.

“Okay. Let’s cut through the bullshit.” Her chin rose defiantly. “I’m not going to play manipulative games with you and I’m not one of those women who’s clingy, but these past few months have proven to me that I don’t like being without you. I’ve lived behind smoke and mirrors for most of my life and only took what I felt I deserved, not always what I wanted. I don’t want to put more into this until you understand what I want, and I’m clear how you feel about it—about me. I’ve been learning a lot in counseling and one thing I learned was that I’m not sorry for what happened in Vegas.”

He raised his brow.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with you or Blake. It has to do with me. If that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have gone to get help. There’s a whole lot more about me that you need to know before we decide where we go from here and, after you know it, you might go running out the door. But if you don’t, I want you to know that I was never happier than when we started talking again, and maybe it was good that it worked out that way because I got to know you at the same time I was getting to know myself. When I first came home I missed you. Missing you spooked me—
you
spooked me. I wasn’t sure if I liked feeling the way I did about you. I liked how you made me happy. Then that happened with Blake. You came to the rescue and I loved it and resented it. I didn’t want to
need
to be rescued and I sure as hell didn’t want to
need
you. I’m going full disclosure here. I didn’t know how to react when you saw me at my worst- pulling my hair out.
You
didn’t freak out, but
I
did. I don’t like it when I get that way. I hate it but I own it. Everything that I’m ashamed of, you saw. I was having a pity party in my private hell and you walked in on it. I’ve dealt with this in my own way for a long time.
Alone
. Having you in the crazy part of my life scared me. I knew it would change how you felt about me. You made me feel like I’ve never felt before. Loved and desired. I was terrified of how you’d treat me once you saw how imperfect I really was. After I went to your hotel, I told myself that I should never have been so stupid; that being with you wasn’t an option.” She took a breath. Tears welled in her eyes.

Her honesty was so raw that it hurt his chest. It took balls to admit all that and he felt the courage behind it.

“When I went to your hotel room to apologize, and you were so cold, I was smacked in the face with reality. I’ve never had a serious relationship, Fal, and having one with you was off the table. The best I could hope for was to salvage our friendship. Right now I’m scared shitless, but I want to move forward with my life, not live in the past.”

He didn’t know how in the hell they got here. Not long ago he was dead set against being with one woman, but after nearly a month of them having a good time together and months really getting to know her, he couldn’t think of being with anyone else.

Maybe it was another one of those signs.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in close. His eyes locked with hers.

“I missed you too.”

Her eyes widened and shined with tears. He held her close.

“Everyone has battle scars, Paige, because no one’s getting out of here without a scratch. If you don’t believe anything else, I want you to believe this—nothing I saw that night made me think less of you. The shit I saw you dealing with, it didn’t scare me away, it made me want to help.”

She looked down into her lap and he could tell she struggled to believe him.

“When we first met, I thought you were this sweet, fragile girl. It didn’t take me long to see that you’re tougher than most people think. I don’t want to fix you. I know you don’t need my help but I want to be there if you do. I’ve seen guys lose limbs and deal with PTSD. They have to overcome some pretty bad shit.
But
there’s a reason why they can deal with it better once they’re home. It’s because they’re with people who love them.” He pulled her chin up to force her to look at him. “Let me be there for you.”

Her attempt to show him how strong she was faltered as her voice shook. “The baggage I’ve got… I’m afraid it will scare you away.”

A deep, rumbling laugh rushed out of him. “I’m touched by your concern for me Beautiful, but I don’t scare that easily.”

She smiled and it fractured his heart. For months the image of her had only danced in his memory. He lowered his head and kissed her. Her mouth was as sweet as he remembered. Though stunned and momentarily stiff, she quickly became more than receptive. Paige was a long drink for his thirsty soul and he greedily took as much as she gave. Though he thought their connection might be fragile once they were together, when she pulled back her eyes were hopeful. He knew he could lose himself in them and cascade into the depth of her soul. But he couldn’t pursue the type of relationship he wanted until he was certain she felt the same way. There was only one way to find out how much she trusted him. It was time for full disclosure.

“Tell me what happened.”

Encouraged by the tenderness reflected in his tone, she nodded. Other than her father and brother, Falcon was the first man she trusted. The person she didn’t trust was herself. Memories of horrified and disgusted faces assaulted her so she didn’t look at him. It was easier to stare into the empty room. Bracing herself, she took a deep breath and leaned against his side and he put his arm around her. He saw the inner struggle and pulled her a little closer. A protective feeling engulfed him as she sank against his ribs to reveal the darkness that she rarely shared.

“I was a little girl when it happened. Just a baby, really. But not so young that I would forget.” She looked up at him with a faltering smile. “Children are naturally brave and I was a child who wasn’t afraid of anything. You’d have to have been hurt to understand pain. I’d never been hurt, except for maybe a scraped knee or a needle at the doctor’s office. The little ones that I’d experienced my mom kissed away. I’m the youngest in the family. Everyone always looked out for me. If a scary show came on television, my brother would hold my hand and both of us would put our hands up to hide our faces but peek through our fingers. If I had a nightmare, my daddy sat on the floor beside my bed until I fell back asleep”.

“It was hot the day of the accident. Weather in Baltimore is very unpredictable and my mom made us stay inside because they were calling for a bad storm. My brother, Ricky, and I were running around in the house playing
tag
. Mom was making dinner in the kitchen.”

“We were acting as crazy as kids can get, I guess. I hid under the dining room table. It was the best hiding place in the whole house—at least for someone who was as little as I was. Ricky couldn’t find me because I squeezed into a tiny spot between the chair legs that wasn’t visible unless you got down on the floor. When he leaned up against the table I saw his feet. I was so excited! I couldn’t wait to tag him because he always got me first. I was so nervous that any minute he would turn around and scare me so I reached out and tickled his ankle. He jumped like a spider was crawling on him and, while he swatted at the invisible bug, I took off. I was frantically looking for another hiding place when I heard my mom yell that we had better knock it off. I was afraid he’d catch me. I was winning so I didn’t pay attention to what I was doing. I just wanted to go in places where he couldn’t reach me. I ran into the kitchen. I discovered that day that tables were my perfect place to hide, so I hid under the one in the kitchen. My mom wasn’t in there because she was trying to corral us, but I wasn’t coming out of there until someone made me. Mom had dinner cooking on the countertop in one of those electric skillets. I could hear her in the other room yelling at my brother. I giggled and stayed where I was. She was still giving him a talking to when the storm picked up. Mom and Ricky were in the other room when a crack of lightning and thunder split the sky. It was a very close strike; it shook and lit up our whole house.”