Sandra Hill - [Vikings I 02] (38 page)

“I hate you,” Selik said to Rain with all the venom that boiled in his blood. “I hate you more than Steven, and that is an ungodly amount. You took
my love and spat on it, and for that I will never forgive you.”

He turned away from her then and felt the wetness on his cheeks. He heard a low choking sound behind him, quickly stifled, but he did not turn again until they were long gone and the door closed behind them.

After that, Rain didn’t care anymore. Her lack of resistance angered Steven, and his brutality increased. Rain wondered if she would be alive in another week—if, in one of his rages, Steven would go too far and kill her. Or if he might change his mind and assault her sexually. That she would not be able to accept.

Through it all, she didn’t scream for help because she still needed to protect Selik.

A week after her ill-fated meeting with Selik, Caedmon came running into Steven’s bedchamber, yelling, “That bitch Elgiva is looking for Rain. She went to the king, and he agreed to a search of the castle.”

Rain barely raised her head from where she sat on the floor of her little room, able to hear everything they said through the open doorway.

“Hurry, Caedmon, pack all our belongings,” Steven said anxiously. “Efric, get the horses. We will leave immediately.”

Rain dozed off, or perhaps she passed out. She did that a lot lately. Steven had struck her on the head several days ago, and she feared she had suffered a concussion. She heard the door open some time later and Efric exclaim in a rush, “Bloody hell, Steven, the king and the bitch are headed this way. Someone told Athelstan they saw The Outlaw’s wench with you at the prison.”

Suddenly, Rain realized that Steven was about to escape. Once again, he would elude punishment for
his evil deeds. He would not pay for raping and killing Selik’s wife, for decapitating the baby Thorkel, for his mistreatment of her, for all his horrendous acts. Rain couldn’t allow that to happen.

While the three men picked up their chests and leather bags, Rain stood, unnoticed, staggering painfully. She saw a knife on the table beside the bed, picked it up as if in a trance, then ran toward Steven’s back screaming, “You bastard! You bastard!”

Steven turned at the last moment and flung out an arm. The knife was deflected and, in her weakness, she tripped. Instead of the knife going into Steven’s back as she’d intended, it grazed his forearm. Still, blood flowed freely down his sleeve.

At first, his eyes just widened in amazement that she would dare to attack him. His angry eyes turned with horror to the blood soaking his tunic. Then she saw his booted foot swing out. She couldn’t move fast enough to escape the blow that hit her in the stomach.

In a blurry haze of pain and nausea, Rain saw King Athelstan’s face bending over her. “Blood of Christ! Who did this to her?”

Someone else answered, “Steven of Gravely.”

“Where is he?” Athelstan’s voice, icy with rage, asked.

“Gone.”

Gonegonegonegonegonegone…
The word kept echoing in Rain’s benumbed brain as she felt her body being lifted in someone’s arms.

She heard a sobbing voice behind her then and recognized Elgiva’s voice saying, “Oh, Athelstan, look how that beast beat her!”

“El…Elgiva,” Rain gasped, stretching an arm in her direction.

“I am here,” Elgiva said, stepping into her line
of vision, brushing matted hair off her face with a gentle hand.

“Promise…” Rain choked out. “Promise me…”

“What? What do you want me to promise, my dear friend?”

“Do not…do not tell Selik. He must not know.”

“But why?”

Rain saw the tears running down Elgiva’s cheeks. And the pity. She must look really bad to arouse the horror she saw reflected on Elgiva’s face.

“He would blame himself for not protecting me,” she said in a raw voice, licking her cracked lips. “He couldn’t live with that pain again. He just couldn’t.”

“But—”

“Promise,” Rain demanded, clutching at her arm with more strength than she realized she still had. “Promise.”

Elgiva nodded.

And Rain fainted into blessed oblivion.

Several days later, Rain sat up in Elgiva’s bed. Other than the bruises that marred every inch of her body and the emotional scars that would never go away, Rain felt almost normal. Apparently she had not had a concussion after all.

And, for the first time in days, Rain realized that she wanted to live.

“Did he rape you?” Elgiva asked as she adjusted the bed linens around her. The Saxon lady had been nursing her the past few days. If anyone was an angel, it was she.

Rain shook her head.

“Well, that is a blessing. You have undergone a horrible experience, but the worst is over.”

“I know. I should be thankful for that, but I can barely control the mind-boiling, blood-churning, violent anger that rages inside me against Steven of Gravely.”

“The worst thing is that Gravely escapes with no punishment for his vile acts.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. I believe he’ll get his just deserts sometime, either in this life or another. But I can’t let my hatred for him consume me now. I have to put my rage aside or it will eat away at me like a cancer. I need to heal now, Elgiva. And, oh God, I need Selik.”

Elgiva shifted her eyes and sat next to Rain on the edge of the bed, “That is what I wanted to discuss.”

“Selik?” Rain asked, her voice rising with alarm.

Elgiva patted her hand reassuringly. “Do not fret. He is safe. In fact”—Elgiva inhaled as if for strength—“in fact, he was released yestereve.”

“He…was?” Rain asked slowly, her brow furrowing with confusion.

“Yea, after seeing what Steven had done to you, Athelstan finally believed that Selik had provocation for his vengeful acts. He levied a huge wergild on The Outlaw and exiled him for life from all of Britain. An armed guard will take him to Southampton on the morrow, where he will be put on a ship, never to return to this land again.”

Rain smiled and started to get up from the bed. “I must go to him at once.

“Nay, you are too weak yet.”

“Then send him to me. At once. I’ve got to see that he’s all right. And we’ve got to pack my belongings so I can go with him tomorrow.” Excited at the wonderful news, Rain began to list in her mind all the things she needed to do to prepare for a trip. Where would they go? she wondered. Could they send for Ubbi and Adam and Adela and the other orphans?

Elgiva shook her head sadly. “Rain, he refuses to see you.”

“But why?” Rain sank back down to the bed, frightened by the concern in Elgiva’s teary voice.

“You would not allow me or Athelstan to tell him why you were with Steven. So, he believes—”

“—that I was with Steven willingly. That I was his lover,” Rain finished for her.

“He says he hates you, Rain. I am sure, in time, when he is more in control of his senses, he will recognize his misthinking. But he has been in a rage since his release, drinking and cursing and—”

“Help me dress,” Rain said firmly, forcing herself to endure the pain of her battered body. “Whether you help me or not, I’m going to find Selik and talk to him.”

After many futile arguments, Elgiva helped her don one of her own garments—a soft white wool tunic over a blue chemise. She put the amber beads lovingly around her neck and the dragon brooch at her shoulder. Standing before the polished metal on Elgiva’s wall, Rain saw dark circles under her eyes, and the weight she’d lost showed in her hollowed cheeks, but otherwise, no one would suspect the massive bruising hidden under all her garments.

“Will you tell him the truth?” Elgiva asked as she helped her walk down the hall, carefully, like an aged cripple.

Rain shook her head. “No—at least, not now. Maybe someday, when we’ve both had a chance to heal, but Selik couldn’t handle it now. He’s suffered so much already. I just know he would revert to his former life of bloody vengeance.”

When they arrived at the door of Selik’s chamber, Rain heard some movement inside.

“Shall I come inside with you?” Elgiva asked with concern.

Rain shook her head. “No—but, Elgiva, thank you for all your help.” She hugged her friend warmly, then smiled expectantly.

Finally, she and Selik would have a life together.

Selik heard a knocking sound, but at first, he thought it was in his mead-sodden head. He tried to sit up several times, with no success.

He looked to his side and jolted. A nude woman lay beside him in the rumpled linens. He groaned. ’Twas Blanche.

He frowned, trying to remember. He had been drinking heavily the night before, but he knew for a fact that he had gone to his bed alone. What was the wench up to?

He rubbed his eyes wearily, suddenly remembering why he had drunk so much yestereve. The bastard king had released him yestermorn, with no explanation. He’d been ordered to pay an enormous fine, turn over his property in Northumbria, and leave Britain forever.

He did not care.

He had lost much, much more.

Rain!
his tormented mind cried out, as it had for days.
Rain…Rain…Rain…Rain…

How could she? he kept asking himself over and over. There were no answers, just the inexorable facts. She had been with his most hated enemy, Steven of Gravely.

Gravely was filth in his eyes, and now Rain was too. He would never,
never
, forgive her for her betrayal.

The pounding at the door continued. Selik forced himself up off the bed and staggered toward the door, uncaring of his nudity. No doubt Athelstan had sent another messenger to remind him of his departure on the morrow. It could not be too soon for him.

Ill-prepared for the sight of Rain standing before him in the doorway, he leaned against the door for support. Bloody hell! She looked like an angel standing there dressed in white, gazing at him through tear-filled golden eyes. Wearing his amber beads like
a bloody badge of love. Damn her. He forced himself not to reach out for her, reminding himself that she was far from an angel. A dark angel, mayhap, for any goodness in her was surely wiped out by association with Satan’s own helper, Steven of Gravely.

“Selik!” she exclaimed on a hoarse whisper and held out both arms for his embrace.

Was she halfwitted? Did she truly expect him to welcome her back into his loving arms as if naught had transpired?

He stepped aside as she reached for him, moving back into the room. She followed and saw Blanche’s naked form in his bed for the first time.

She gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth in horror, staring up at him through wounded, accusing eyes.

How dare she accuse him? Even if he had not actually touched a hair on Blanche’s winsome flesh, how bloody dare she reproach him?

Blanche sat up and shot a contemptuous, triumphant look at Rain. She let the bed linens fall down to her waist, exposing her full breasts proudly. “Send the bitch away,” the slut cajoled. “Come back to bed, sweetling.”

“Shut up.”

Blanche whimpered at his harsh words, and Rain looked up at him hopefully.

“What do you want?” he demanded of Rain, pulling on a pair of braies.

“You,” she said in a low voice, darting a look at Blanche, then back to him in question. “You.”

“Never.”

“Why?”

“How can you ask? I would never take Steven’s leavings, and I understand that is just what you are. The servants say he left several days ago, no doubt anticipating my release. Did your lover refuse to take you with him?”

“He was never ray lover. Never,” Rain said vehemently.

For the first time in days, Selik felt hope rise like water within his parched soul. He put his hands on both her arras, noting how she winced. Did his touch repulse her now? “What do you mean? Are you saying you were not with Gravely willingly?”

Rain hesitated and her eyes pleaded with him oddly. Selik felt all his hopes die.

“Get out,” he demanded, turning away from her.

“Selik, it wasn’t the way you think,” she pleaded, moaning as if he had kicked her in the stomach.

“How was it?” he snapped, turning on her with barely controlled rage. At that moment, he could have strangled her with no regrets for all the soul-searing pain she had caused him.

Her shoulders slumped and tears slipped from her eyes. She would not answer, and that was all the answer he needed.

“I love you, Selik,” she finally said.

“I hate you. I never want to see you again,” he declared icily, digging his fingernails into his palms. “Never.”

“Can’t you just trust me, Selik?” she begged. “Can’t you remember our love, and just trust?”

Her soft sobs tore at his breaking heart, but he could not surrender to her traitorous kind of love. With determination, he walked to the bed and slipped under the linens with Blanche, turning his face away from Rain. For a very long time, he heard Rain standing near the door, crying raggedly.

When the door finally opened and closed with a dull thud, he shoved Blanche away from him with distaste and ordered her to leave his chamber. Whining and then cursing, she left the room with a slam of the door. Selik sat up in bed then, putting both hands to his face.

And he cried for all he had lost.

Two days later, Selik awakened from a drunken stupor and knew he could not go on without Rain. It did not matter if she had been with Steven of Gravely, or Lucifer himself. He loved her and could not live without her by his side.

Trust in her
.

“God, if love of Rain does not kill me, You will with this bloody, infernal, never-ending badgering,” Selik muttered as he walked carefully, liked an aged cripple, to the doorway and yelled to a passing servant for bathwater. His own voice seemed to rattle inside his head, and he put both hands to his ears to hold in his loose brains.

Loose brains is right, my boy. Did I not tell you to trust in love, and what did you do? Reject the best thing in life I ever gave you, that’s what. And by the way, I do not care for your mentioning Lucifer in My presence
.

“Oh, Lord,” Selik groaned. “Isn’t there some miracle you have to perform somewhere—like Iceland?”

Selik knew Rain had returned to Northumbria the day after his rejection of her. Athelstan had delighted in telling him that he had sent his own armed guard to accompany her. Selik was sure he would be able to come to some agreement with King Athelstan allowing him to stay in Britain, especially if he bartered his soul to the bloody Saxon, but—

Not your soul
, the voice interrupted,
that precious commodity belongs to me
.

Selik looked skyward and crossed his eyes in frustration. “I meant that if I pledged my loyalty to him and paid a
wergild
equal to a king’s ransom, he might allow me to live on my own land.” He immediately chastised himself for carrying on a conversation with an invisible being. Perhaps he was finally going totally insane.

Go to her
.

“Rain must hate me now.”

She has good reason. If she does, convince her to love you again. You were e’er the master of seduction
.

Selik grinned ruefully. Suddenly, another thought occurred to him. What about Steven of Gravely? He could not allow him to escape again without punishment for his crimes. Yea, he should first go after Steven of Gravely and wreak his final vengeance.

Vengeance is mine
.

“Says who?” Selik snapped back, hands on hips, addressing the ceiling of his bedchamber.

Sayeth the Lord, you lackwit
.

“What did ye say, master?” asked one of the servants who was bringing in two buckets full of hot water. The scruffy lad was looking curiously at the rafters to see whom Selik addressed.

“Never mind.”

Selik shook his head at his growing conversations with himself. He no longer knew where his con
science left off and the spirit voice began. But then he began to think about the voice’s advice. Mayhap it was indeed time to set aside his vendetta against Steven, to establish some greater priorities in his life.
Like Rain
. He could seek Steven later—next month, next year, whenever. But the most important thing now was to find Rain and tell her that he still loved her.

He thought he heard a great sigh of relief from above.

For the first time in days, Selik smiled, and it was like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

A devastated Rain arrived back at the farmstead finally. Not only was she crushed by the loss of Selik’s love, but she suspected he would go after Steven with deadly force now in his quest for vengeance. She felt that she had come full circle. All that time spent trying to heal Selik’s bitterness and persuade him to abandon his quest for revenge seemed fruitless if Selik was just going to pick up the self-destructive gauntlet again.

“The thickheaded bastard! How could he have thought you would consort with Steven willingly?” Ubbi exclaimed as he fussed over her many still-unhealed bruises.

“Steven is a handsome man, on the outside. And he can be very charming when he wants to be. He’s a consummate actor.”

“Well, still, Selik should have trusted in you.”

“Yes, he should have,” Rain said, her voice faltering. “He didn’t love me enough, apparently. If he did, he would have known I could never betray him. But my being with Steven blindsided him, placing one more brick in the wall of his hatred for Steven.”

Rain gathered Ubbi and the children to her. She needed to feel loved by someone.

King Athelstan had invited Rain to return to his court at a later date so he could talk to her more about the medical marvels of her country. Rain had promised she would, but she doubted she would ever see the “Scholar King” again. In parting, she had hugged Elgiva, who laughingly thanked her for specific details on the rhythm method of birth control. Not surprisingly, the king had refused her halfhearted offer of a vasectomy, especially when she’d mentioned the acupuncture needles she would need to use for a local anesthetic.

“The master will come back, my lady, once he comes to his senses,” Ubbi said, reaching over to pat her hand.

Rain wasn’t so sure, but a little part of her soul that hadn’t yet died hoped he was right. Inside, she prayed,
Please, God, send him back to me
.

Trust in Me
.

Rain wasn’t sure she trusted anyone anymore.

Only Adam drew back from the excitement of her homecoming, silently wounded by Selik’s absence. She had explained to the children that the king had pardoned Selik on the condition that he leave the country, that he couldn’t come back to see them first.

Adam came up and put his hand in hers, sensing her pain, and whispered, “I will not leave you.” Then he went off to whittle on a piece of wood, staring ahead angrily. The wonderful little boy was like a grown man in a child’s body, far too perceptive for his age. Adela sat beside him on a bench near the hearth fire. Silently, with her thumb in her mouth, she laid her head against her brother’s arm in comfort.

The first few days, Rain remained hopeful that Selik would return for her. Her body grew stronger,
and she tried not to think about the evil Steven and his friends.

Then days went by. And weeks.

Rain walked the lonely fields of the farmstead. She tried desperately to forget the precious love she’d held in her hands for a brief moment in time. And lost.

Then Adam disappeared, and Adela lay listless and moaning in her pallet with a stomach pain. Rain suspected the malady was psychosomatic, that Adela missed her brother so much that her emotional pain had become a physical one.

The late winter snows and blustery winds came, rattling the timbers of the ancient barn, exaggerating Rain’s growing feelings of loneliness and inadequacy and despair. She wanted to return to Jorvik and the Coppergate site so that she could travel back to the future. At least there, in the familiarity of her old life, she might be able to put back together the shattered pieces of her heart. She wanted to cry on her mother’s shoulder, knowing Ruby would understand.

But she could not leave until Adela was better. And Adam returned. Where had the foolish imp gone? Adela said he had an errand to do in Jorvik. That had been almost a week ago.

The cold weather aggravated Ubbi’s arthritis, and he remained in his pallet, apologizing profusely for his weakness. Rain tended lovingly to the dear man who had become like a father to her. She would miss him terribly.

Ella, who came to visit her occasionally, but more likely to cozy up to Ubbi, offered Rain more advice than she cared to hear. “Best ye git yer chin off the ground and look about. There be other fish in the sea besides that Selik. Find yerself another man, I say.”

“Easier said than done,” Rain retorted.

The next week, Rain received a letter from Elgiva.
The chatty note gave her news of the court and Elgiva’s growing relationship with the king, then mentioned casually that Selik was still at Winchester. Apparently, he and Athelstan had come to a truce of sorts.

Rain gasped and tears smarted her eyes. Despite all her protestations to the contrary, deep inside, she’d been hoping that Selik would come to his senses. If he still loved her, even if he believed she’d been with Steven willingly, he would have come back to her. He must not love her anymore.

And, if he no longer loved her, she had no future here in the past. Stoically, Rain began to make plans. No matter what Ubbi said, or Gyda, or Ella, Rain would not be dissuaded. She was going home. To the future.

Two days later, on Good Friday, Rain kissed all the children and Ubbi good-bye, hugging them tearfully. She gathered together the dragon brooch she had brought with her, the amber beads Selik had bought for her, and his precious wood carving of a wolf. When he’d given it to her, his words had been, “for remembrance.” She hadn’t realized then how appropriate the sentiment would be.

She walked alone to Jorvik and the Coppergate site where her whole time-travel experience had started.

Almost seven months had passed since the day she’d stood under the scaffolding in the Viking museum in York. She wondered if any time would have passed in the future. Maybe not. Maybe her mother would still be asleep back at the hotel. Maybe she would emerge from the plaster on the floor, dust herself off, and resume her old life as if nothing had ever happened.

Then again, maybe not
.

Selik walked toward the Southampton harbor, having finally escaped the Easter revelry in the
crowded Winchester castle the day before. He could now make his way back to Northumbria and Rain, at last. After weeks of negotiating, Athelstan had agreed to allow him to stay in Britain on the condition that he pledge his loyalty to the king—not against his fellow Norsemen, but in any other military endeavors. And, of course, the Saxon treasury was now significantly larger. His ship should be ready to sail in a day or two, having sustained some winter damage.

He hoped Rain had received his missive telling her of the king’s insistence that he stay at court until they arrived at this tentative truce, but he was uneasy about the crafty Saxon merchant who had accepted his coin with oily promises of a quick delivery.

As he neared the harbor landing, Selik noticed the longship of Hastein, a Jorvik merchant. Mayhap, if Hastein was returning to Northumbria before Selik’s ship was ready, he would travel with him.

“Selik, just the man I have been looking for,” Hastein called out in a blustery voice. “I have a gift for you.”

His interest jarred, Selik helped Hastein onto the wharf, no easy task since the ship owner was carrying a roll of heavy tapestry which seemed to be moving oddly. And emitting grunting noises.

Noises Selik regretfully recognized.

He stood stone-still. Nay, it could not be so, he told himself with a shake of the head, even as Hastein unrolled the tapestry with a grin and a flourish.

And a cursing Adam came jumping to his feet.

“You bloody cod-sucking cur!” Adam snarled, going for Hastein’s thick belly with hands clawed.

Selik grabbed him by the back of his filthy tunic, which stank of fish, and lifted him off the ground. Cursing and flailing, Adam called Selik and Hastein names even Selik had never heard before.

Hastein explained briefly that the scurvy whelp had stowed away on his ship in a barrel of salted fish. He gladly turned him over to Selik, claiming the boy had nigh turned his sailors to murder with his filthy mouth and arrogant manners. Finally, Selik carried Adam over his shoulder to a nearby clearing, where he dumped him on the ground.

“What are you doing here, Adam?”

Selik sat down and propped his back against a tree, waiting for Adam’s response. True to form, Adam refused to sit and stood over him, hands on hips, glaring furiously.

“I came to see you, you bloody bugger.”

“Watch your language.”

“Me language is not the problem.”

“What is?”

“The mistress. Rain.”

Selik sat up straighter. “What is wrong with Rain?”

“She be goin’ away.”

Selik felt a tight, squeezing sensation near his heart, and for a moment he could not breathe. “Where?”

He shrugged doubtfully. “Back where she came from, I think.”

Selik inhaled sharply. “Did she get my missive telling her of my delay?”

Adam glared at him suspiciously. “She got no messages from you.”

Selik groaned. “How long since you have seen her?”

Adam shrugged. “Two sennights, mayhap.” He scowled at Selik. “Are ye goin’ back to her?”

“What makes you think she would want me?”

“Are ye such a bloody lackwit ye do not know when a woman loves you?”

Selik felt a grin twitching at his lips. “And you know of such things?”

“I may have seen only seven winters, but I know when a wench spends a mancus of gold on sugar and nigh poisons a dozen poor orphans jist to make a present for a man. Humph! If ’tis not love, then I do not know aught.” He handed a filthy sheaf of folded parchment to him, tied with an equally filthy ribbon that might once have been blue.

Viewing Adam suspiciously, Selik opened the package carefully. At first, he just stared at the items before him. Several dozen red objects stared back at him, like bloodshot eyes—some circles, some egg-shaped, others looking like squashed radishes. “What are they?” he asked, raising his eyes to Adam’s.

Adam made a snorting sound of disgust. “Do ye know nothin’? They are Lifesavers. Cherry Lifesavers. The mistress made ’em herself fer yer Christmas present, but ye ne’er came. And ye made her cry, too.”

Selik picked up one of the candies, about to pop it in his mouth, when Adam put a hand on his arm. “I would not be doin’ that if I were you,” he cautioned.

“Why not?”

“They taste like horse shit.”

Two days later, Selik said his farewells to King Athelstan. He would be leaving on the morrow. For Northumbria.

“And who is the churlish boy standing next to you?” Athelstan asked.

Selik looked down at Adam, who was so grateful that he was going back to Jorvik with Selik that he stared at him like a lovesick puppy. He swallowed hard before he was able to speak. Then, putting a hand on Adam’s shoulder, he told Athelstan, “This is my son, Adam. My adopted son.”