‘But I can’t make it go away, Raul. You should tell Holly how you feel.’
‘What makes you think she would want to know? She’s with Jonas – the winner in every way.’
He stood up, ‘Come on, we should go to dinner. People will wonder where we are.’
‘Why? So you can walk in with me and act like you don’t care about Holly? Show that you’re on to the next one? You were engaged to her, you must have really loved her. And I saw the way she looked at you … I think she loves you still.’
Raul sat back down, and put his head in his hands. ‘I did really love her.’ He paused. ‘I do really love her. I am sorry, Tiffany. You are right.’ When he looked up again, his eyes were wet with tears.
She put an arm around him. ‘Then promise me you will do something about it? Tell her, Raul.’
She felt nothing but friendship now for this handsome man. He turned and hugged her tight. ‘How did you get to be so wise, so young?’ He kissed her forehead. ‘I will try not to be offended that you don’t seem too upset about us.’ He put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her. ‘Ah, of course! You’re in love with someone else … that’s how you know exactly how I feel!’
Raul was more perceptive than she had given him credit for. But Tiffany still tried to deflect the comment, and shook her head. She would admit to an intense crush on Sean, but that was as far as it went, wasn’t it?
Raul narrowed his eyes. ‘I don’t believe you.’
She sighed. It would be a relief to say it out loud. ‘Actually there is someone, but he doesn’t care about me.’
‘I don’t believe that for a second! Who is this man? I will go and tell him to get his act together. He is a fool! Love is all that matters!’
She shook her head. ‘There is nothing you can do, Raul.’
He reached for the bottle of champagne. ‘I finally got you vintage Cristal,’ he said, pouring them each a glass. He held his up, ‘To friendship with you, Tiffany. I will always be there if you need me.’ He gave his naughty smile, ‘And we could always be friends with extras?’
Tiffany punched him lightly on the arm. ‘Nope, we couldn’t. But friends, yes.’ And she smiled back at him.
IT WAS BLISS
to be back in London and getting ready for the show on Monday. Tiffany felt very at home in her cosy dressing room, with its battered brown leather sofa, the over-the-top purple velvet chairs with gold legs which Jez had brought in from his salon, the ideas board on the wall where she pinned up pictures of clothes that caught her eye. This was her kind of place now, and she was with Angel and Jez who were her kind of people; she felt she could truly be herself with them. She had parted from Raul on very good terms. She had a strong suspicion that the next time she heard from him, he would tell her that he was reunited with Holly. She didn’t feel any regret about her fling with him coming to an end. Instead it felt great to be single. Perhaps now she would finally be able to talk to Sean and find out what he really thought of her.
‘You could always give that footballer Andy Lloyd a ring,’ Jez suggested as Tiffany flicked through her ideas folder. They had a production meeting after the show and she needed to prepare for it. ‘I bet he’d be well up for seeing you.’
Lovely Jez, but so completely off the mark
…
She looked across at Angel, who arched an eyebrow and said, ‘Jez doesn’t get it that actually you might want to be single for a while.’
He gave one of his theatrical shudders. ‘Only because
I
hated being single so much. And I don’t want to panic you, Tiff, but we’re only two months away from Christmas. And who wants to be single at Christmas? That is the saddest time to be on your lonesome … except for New Year, waiting for all those couples to finish exchanging kisses on the stroke of midnight, before they turn to you. Sad, single, lonely you.’
When Jez went off on one, he went off big-time.
‘Shall I shoot myself now?’ Tiffany protested. ‘It’s only the middle of September – I’m still wearing sandals and a summer dress! We’re more than three months away from Christmas.’
Jez shook his head. ‘You’re in denial, sweet cheeks. As soon as the first of December hits, that’s when Christmas officially starts – it’s about the run-up, the parties, the anticipation, as much as the day itself.’
‘Jez has got a thing about Christmas, Tiff,’ Angel explained, unnecessarily.
‘I don’t just want a White Christmas … I want a perfect one! I want to be with my nearest and dearest, eating lovely food, drinking lovely wine, watching festive movies. I want chestnuts roasting on an open fire, I want to walk in a winter wonderland, I want carol singers decking the hall with boughs of holly! I want figgy fucking pudding! And so would you if you’d had the crap Christmases I’d had when I was growing up. My mum and dad divorced when I was five and they always argued so bitterly about who was going to have me and my brother in the run-up that it ruined it. I just wanted it to be over.’
Usually Tiffany would have teased anyone for being so over the top about Christmas, but this was one of those rare moments when Jez let his guard down, stopped being the camp entertainer and showed a glimpse of a more emotional and vulnerable man. So
instead
she gave him a big hug. ‘I love Christmas as well, Jez. But I will survive it if I’m single.’
‘But imagine what present you’ll get if you do go out with Andy Lloyd. Have you seen the size of his packet? He looks like a man who could fill a girl’s stocking
and some
.’ The jokey Jez was back.
Tiffany punched him playfully on the shoulder. ‘Ouch!’ he yelped. ‘That’s my cutting arm! I’ll sue!’
He went off to get coffees after that, leaving Tiffany and Angel alone for the first time that morning.
‘Are you really OK about Raul?’ Angel asked tentatively. ‘I thought you were getting on so well together.’
‘We were, kind of, except he’s in love with someone else!’
And so am I
. ‘We had fun, but that’s as far as it went. There are no hard feelings at all. In fact, I hope we’ll be friends.’
Angel was looking at her, faintly awestruck. ‘Wow, little sis, you are so grown up and sorted! I was nothing like you at your age. You seem so sussed.’
If only Angel knew
… Tiffany smiled. ‘Anyway, how are you feeling?’ She noticed that her sister looked unusually pale.
Angel grimaced. ‘I’m OK apart from this morning sickness. I can hardly eat anything except dry toast and Marmite. It’s so typical that the one time I could really pig out and not worry, I physically can’t do it!
‘When you’ve gone public with the news I thought we could do an item on maternity clothes, especially what to wear during the winter. I think it’s easier in summer as you can just wear maxi-dresses.’ Tiffany raised an eyebrow. ‘I mean normal women, of course, because I bet you don’t show for ages.’ She remembered seeing pictures of Angel wearing what looked like regular jeans when she was heavily pregnant with Honey.
Angel patted her non-existent stomach. ‘I’m bound to with this baby as it’s my second. But, yes, maternity
clothes
are a good idea, and we should start planning the Christmas shows, looking at party outfits. And you should get some great invites.’
‘Ah, but what could beat the Mamma Mia Christmas party last year where evil Vera tried to seduce all the good-looking waiters, but then had to make do with horrible Vincent the chef. One of the waitresses caught them shagging in the kitchen. She said she would never forget the sight of Vincent’s bare pimply bum pumping away. And they were on the work surface! It was very unhygienic.’
‘Gross! Don’t make me throw up again.’ Angel paused. ‘You know, Jez has got me thinking … I know it’s only September, but how would you feel about coming to my house for Christmas? Rufus and Jez are going to be there – I had to ask them in May, would you believe? I think it would be really special if we could be together, for our first Christmas as sisters.’
Tiffany hadn’t thought that far ahead and had been assuming that she would be spending it with her family. ‘That sounds wonderful, but I’ll have to run it by my dad and Marie – I’ve always gone home for Christmas before.’
‘Sure, understood, it’s only Jez wittering on that’s made me think of it.’
As if on cue he returned with the coffees. ‘Wittering on? I never witter on! I make pertinent, interesting comments about life, relationships, hair and popular culture.’
‘And men’s dicks,’ Angel said cheekily.
Jez tossed back his head. ‘You know how to lower the tone, don’t you, Mrs Bailey!’ He sighed as he popped the lid off his latte. ‘Anyway, I hardly know what to do with myself since Angel let my crush go on extended leave. Honestly, it was so lovely coming to work and seeing the boy with the dragon tattoo, it really
brightened
up my day. Colin, the new security guy, is cute-ish but not in the same league as Sean.’
Instantly Tiffany stopped flicking through
Elle
. ‘Has Sean left?’
‘Not left, but we thought he could do with a break and he’s going to be working for one of Cal’s former Chelsea teammates who now plays for LA Galaxy.’
‘In LA, America?’ Tiffany said quietly, hardly believing this turn of events.
‘The clue is in the title, sweetie. And there is only one LA.’ That from Jez.
‘He’s coming back just before Christmas, but we thought it would be a good opportunity for him. It’s been so intense here these last six months. Poor bloke’s in danger of burning out.’
‘What about his daughter?’ Maybe she shouldn’t be appearing quite so interested in what Angel’s bodyguard was doing, but Tiffany couldn’t help it. She had been longing to see Sean, to find out where she stood now that she was single, after
that kiss
. To learn that he wasn’t even going to be in the same country seemed too cruel.
‘He’ll be flying back quite regularly with the player’s family, so I don’t think he’ll see any less of his daughter.’ Angel smiled. ‘So are you sorted for today?’
‘Absolutely,’ Tiffany replied, feeling all over the place. But perhaps she needed to get the message once and for all – Sean wasn’t interested. He had taken this job in LA without a thought for her. Their kiss was just a kiss, however good. Maybe the defences had been down for both of them and it had overtaken them. Just because the kiss had been so good, didn’t mean that it actually meant anything. Oh, who was she fooling? The thought of not seeing Sean again was unbearable!
Tiffany picked up her phone, not wanting to talk about him any more. It was too difficult putting on an
act
that she didn’t care. She checked her messages for something to do. There were texts from Kara, asking if she was free to meet up that night and Marie had sent her a cute picture of baby Faith. Nothing from Sean about his big news.
All Bar One on Villiers Street, just by the Thames, was packed with people winding down after work, but Kara had managed to secure a table by the window. She was reading a magazine when Tiffany arrived, but quickly shoved it in her bag. ‘Tiff! Are you OK?’ Kara hugged her. ‘I feel like it’s all my fault because I said you should go to Italy.’
Bless Kara for being such a sweetie. Tiffany sat down. ‘I’m fine about Raul. I know I went out with him for all the wrong reasons – I wanted to forget about Sean, and I was flattered.’ She held up her hands. ‘It was my fault and I’m cool about it.’ She found it ironic that people were so hung up about Raul when all the time it was Sean she cared about. ‘Any chance of a glass of wine?’
Kara obliged by picking up the bottle of house champagne from the ice bucket. This was not their usual drink when they came here – that was Pinot Grigio, as Sean would know. God, why did everything remind her of him!
‘And we’re celebrating what exactly?’ Tiffany asked, but then she caught sight of the pretty diamond engagement ring on Kara’s slim finger. Question answered.
‘Oh, wow! You’re engaged! That is so brilliant!’ She leaped up and gave her friend a hug.
‘You don’t mind?’ Kara asked anxiously, when Tiffany sat down again.
‘Why should I? Oh, what? Because my love life is so crap! ’Course not, Kara! What kind of friend do you think I am? Now come on, I want to hear all about the
proposal.
And I’m guessing that was a wedding magazine you hid in your bag?’
Kara didn’t need any further encouragement and filled her in on the details. They’d gone for a walk and Harley had proposed at the top of Parliament Hill fields, with its great view of London, actually going down on one knee. Kara hadn’t been expecting it at all. It all sounded very romantic …
‘And I want you to be my maid of honour and help me choose the dress. I want something classic. But no way are you going to upstage me with your sexy bum, the way Pippa Middleton, her royal hotness, did to her sis!’ Kara grinned. ‘Perhaps I’ll have the bridesmaids in pink or maybe violet … something flouncy and bum-concealing.’
‘Of course I’ll be your maid of honour, and of course I’ll help you choose the dress, but no way are you putting me in pink or violet.’ Tiffany clapped her hands together. ‘Yay! I get to plan the hen party!’
They happily discussed dresses, dissected the highs and lows of weddings they’d gone to. Highs included the beautiful church wedding Chris and Marie had had; lows when a friend’s dad got off with one of the bridesmaids in full view of his wife.
It was after midnight when Tiffany arrived home and it was only then that she checked her phone. There was a message from Sean. She felt quite breathless just seeing his name … for a second she stared at the first line of the message, feeling that what it went on to say would really matter.
Hi, Tiffany, hope you’re OK. Angel told me about Raul … sorry. I’m in LA for the next two months but you can always call/text me. I hope we can be friends. Sx
Friends? Outraged, Tiffany threw her phone on the bed. Friends! She didn’t want to be friends with Sean Murphy. Her feelings for him went way beyond
friendship.
She hadn’t had a friend yet she wanted to kiss like she wanted to kiss Sean … and so much more! This actually felt worse than the time he’d kissed her and told her he couldn’t get involved with her, all those months ago. At least then she had felt there had been some sort of regret about it from him. But now he seemed to have drawn a line under everything that had gone on between them and moved on, leaving her stuck with her hopeless longing for him. This sucked big-time. Tiffany couldn’t even bring herself to reply.