A tender smile touched her lips, and she stroked a black curl away from his forehead. She couldnt have a better man waiting for her, she whispered and kissed his cheek.
She went home early the next night, leaving Erica and Derek to close up because she wanted to see Rome. Feeling that shed burst into tears if he wasnt home, she almost cried anyway when she saw his car. She ran inside and fretted as the elevator made its way upward. Rome! she called as she unlocked the door and thrust it open. Rome! Where are you?
In here, he called from his bedroom.
She ran to his room, her heart thumping wildly. He came out of the bathroom just as she skidded through the doorway, looking lean and gorgeous with his hair damp and a white towel slung around his neck. She caught a quick breath and fairly leapt across the room, only to falter midway. She gave him a helpless, confused look, then fainted for the first time not only in her pregnancy, but in her entire life.
Rome gave a startled cry and leapt for her but wasnt able to catch her before she hit the floor. Swearing beneath his breath, he lifted her in his arms and placed her on the bed, a cold sweat breaking out on him at the limpness of her body. He wet a washcloth in cold water and washed her face and hands with it, then placed it across her forehead. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she stared at him in confusion. I fainted, she said in tones of pure astonishment.
He couldnt think of her doctors name. Whos your doctor? he asked fiercely, leaning over her.
Easterwood. But why
He grabbed the phone book and flipped to the Es, then began running his finger down the column. Rome, she began patiently, trying to sit up. Theres nothing wrong with me. I just fainted.
He put his hand on her chest and pushed her back onto the bed. Dont get up again, he warned flatly, punching out the numbers on the phone.
Shes not at her office; youll get an answering service.
Dr. Easterwood, please, he said into the phone, all the authority of a senior vice president in his tone. This is Roman Matthews, Sarah Matthewss husband.
Against all the laws of nature as well as those governing doctors offices, Dr. Easterwood came on the line. Sarah lay on the bed and glared at Rome, wondering if, somehow, he and Derek were related. It was disgusting.
He briefly told the doctor what had happened, then Dr. Easterwood asked a few questions, and he gave Sarah a grim look. Yes, she made an abrupt movement. She was running.
He listened for a while longer, and his expression became even grimmer. I see. What are the dangers if she goes into premature labor and the baby is in the birth canal before a ce-sarean can be performed?
Sarah groaned aloud, knowing now that shed had it. All the signs were that shed have a perfectly normal labor and birth, as the child didnt seem to be a large one, but she knew that it wouldnt make any difference to Rome. He was giving her a look that would have scorched grass.
He hung up the phone and turned to face her. Youre in a certain amount of danger by having your first child at your age, he said with scathing control. Youre at an even greater risk because of the narrowness of your pelvis. And you were running, damn it! His face contorted, and he clenched his fist. I dont want this baby at all, and certainly not at any risk to you. Why didnt you tell me? What do you think it would do to me if something happened to you because of a baby Id He broke off, his chest heaving as he fought for control again.
Sarah sat up and went into his arms, holding him and trying to comfort him. Rome, darling, Im fine. Honestly. And dont worry, because the only possibility of my needing a C-section is if the baby is a large one, and so far, it isnt.
He shook his head, his arms closing around her. Dont you remember how big Justin and Shane were? They both weighed over nine pounds! Shane only lacked one ounce of hitting ten pounds. The very thought of you even carrying a baby that big isits scary, he finished.
Dont borrow trouble before it happens. Please. I havent had any difficulty at all; no nausea, no swelling in my feet, no back pain. Im in perfect health!
He tilted her head back, hungrily examining her face, seeing the love and concern there, concern for him instead of for herself. He kissed her, then held her head to his chest. I love you, he said shakily. Dont let my miracle slip away from me now.
Im not going anywhere, she assured him. Ive waited too long for you; Im not about to let anything happen now. Years and years and years, she said softly. Thats how long I waited for you. Thats why I never married, and why everyone thought I was so devoted to my job. I wasnt interested in any other man except you.
He rubbed his chin against her temple, his eyes closing.
I love you so much, it scares me, he finally said, very quietly. I loved Diane, but the pain of losing her is gone, because of you. Its as if Diane prepared me for you, gave me the base to stand on so I could reach you. I always knew you were there, and I think I always knew that someday, when I knew how to love enough, Id have you. If I forget to say it sometimes, remind me, because I dont ever want you to forget how I feel. I cant want this baby, but that doesnt change the way I feel about you, and I want you to always remember that. Theres just something in me that broke when the boys died, and I dont think it will ever heal. Another baby wont replace them.
No, nothing would ever replace the little boys hed loved, and he couldnt yet see that this new child wasnt a replacement, but a person in its own right. That was the other miracle she prayed for, the day when he would look at his child and feel his heart mend.
If that day never came, eventually her own heart would break.
Chapter 11
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"Give me your car keys, he said the next morning as he was leaving for work. Frowning, she got the keys from her purse and gave them to him. He took his own keys from his pocket and put them in her hand. Drive my car for the duration. Its bigger, more comfortable, and will give you more protection, as well as being an automatic. You dont need to be changing gears.
Well, if you insist. She took the keys and lifted an elegant eyebrow at him. Whats this going to do to your corporate image?
Send it right down the old tubes, he said and grinned.
The Mercedes felt huge around her, and she drove with ponderous care, fearful of putting the slightest scratch on its unblemished surface. She was used to wheeling her dashing little ZX into the narrowest of parking spaces, to darting through holes in traffic that looked limited to bicycles, but there would be none of that with Romes car, which was precisely what hed intended.
The summer days ended. Derek went back to school, and time seemed to slow. Sarah felt her pregnancy weighing heavily on her now, though she was still in good health and Dr. Easterwood was well satisfied with her condition. She hadnt gained all that much weight, only ten pounds, but it was amazing how heavy ten pounds could be when they were concentrated in one spot. When Dr. Easterwood told her shed probably gain another ten pounds before she delivered, Sarah groaned in disbelief. I wont be able to get out of bed! she protested. I have to roll out on my hands and knees now! I wont be able to buckle my shoes!
Ive heard it all before, Dr. Easterwood said, unimpressed. Wear slip-on flats, and get your husband to help you get up.
Since Rome was sleeping in his bedroom, he was never around to see her struggles to get out of bed, and she was always careful to sit on the edge of a chair now, so shed be able to get up without making a spectacle of herself. Relaxing tub baths were a thing of the past, and showers were the order of the day. Shaving her legs or putting on panty hose involved some incredible contortions. She sighed, looking at the tight little mound of her stomach. Ten more pounds was out of the question.
Forgetting her promise not to tell him anything about the baby, that night she groaned to Rome, Can you believe it? Dr. Easterwood said Id gain ten more pounds! Im huge already! I wont be able to walk.
He looked at her, startled by the real distress in her voice. She was seven months pregnant, and Diane had been that big at four months. But Sarah had never been pregnant before, and he realized with amazement that he had far more experience with this than she had. He also knew of a womans fears and discomforts as her time came nearer and her waistline kept expanding. The one thing he couldnt do was laugh, though when he looked at her swollen little stomach he wanted to absolutely roar with laughter. It was a small baby, he realized with relief, and a weight lifted from his shoulders.
She looked so forlorn, he was reminded of when shed had the flu and shed been disgusted with being ill. She couldnt take being in anything but tip-top shape, capable of handling whatever came her way. She needed comforting; she needed him, just as she had when shed been ill.
He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her, careful not to let his arm touch her stomach; instead, he put his hand on her knees. I think youre beautiful, he said, and she was. She was glowing, her hair lustrous, her skin radiant. He kissed her again, his hand going automatically to her full breasts.
She sighed with pleasure, her lips parting for his. Shaken by her nearness and by the softness of her in his lap, he kept kissing her while he unbuttoned her top and sought the warm satin of her flesh. Her breasts were rounded, growing to fulfill the needs of his child, filling his palm. Her nipples strained to the touch, and she clenched her hands in his hair, kissing him wildly.
Im going to explode, he groaned, pulling his mouth away.
Dr. Easterwood hadnt told Sarah that she had to abstain yet, but she didnt try to push Rome into making love to her. That was his decision, and she felt a little shy at the thought anyway. She was no longer slender; shed feel awkward and not sexy enough for him.
He rebuttoned her blouse, and Sarah knew hed made his decision. She accepted it without argument, sliding from his lap. Im sorry for being such a crybaby, she apologized, then suddenly realized what shed said, and that shed broken her promise.
He gave her an unreadable look, one that made her flinch inside. No matter how she felt, she never mentioned her problems to him again. When the baby began kicking so energetically that she couldnt sleep at night, she tolerated it in silence. She endured the growing aches and pains in her overburdened muscles, the total discomfort; though it seemed like forever, she knew that in a matter of weeks it would all be over.
On the first of October Dr. Easterwood told her to stop driving at all, and to get more rest. That was something she had to tell Rome, as that effectively put a stop to working at the store. So instead of being fussed over by Erica and Derek and a steady stream of customers, there was only Mrs. Melton to fuss over her, though Marcie did run up to see about her several times a day. Rome began spending all his evenings at home, though Sarah knew he would normally have at least a few business dinners to attend. Max was covering for him, was all he said when she asked him about it.
Sarah found that she was too lethargic to even miss the store. She read a great deal and tried to decide on baby names, but she really couldnt concentrate on anything. She slept a lot in the afternoons, because that was when the baby seemed to sleep. At night, it did aerobic exercises.
During the nights, lying awake with only her unborn child for company, Sarah tormented herself, trying to decide if shed made the right decision. Just the very thought of not having the baby was insupportable; it was Romes child, conceived in an act of love, and even before its birth she loved it with a deep devotion that startled her, for somehow she hadnt expected to feel such a sense of physical ownership. The child was part of her too, an extension of herself. As such, she felt it keenly when Rome rejected the child.
But the decision shed made, even if it had been the only decision she could make, could blight the childs life. She knew that Romes aversion to it wasnt one to be taken lightly, that it had been formed in the blackest days of his life. She could still feel his anguish, his deep and utter despair, and even now she cried for him when she remembered the emptiness of his eyes. She had backed him into a corner, forced him to choose between accepting the physical presence of a child he didnt want, or losing the warmth of his wifes love, which still seemed so new and fragile to him. Hed never even hoped to find love again, not after the tragedy that had left his life a wasteland; when he did love, he was both astonished and frightened by it. But when faced with a choice, hed chosen Sarah, even at the cost of considerable emotional pain to himself.
Adoption was an alternative that kept springing to Sarahs mind, only to make everything in her writhe in rejection. There was no easy answer; no matter what she did, someone would be hurt. If she gave up her child, its loss would haunt her for the rest of her life. If the love Rome felt for her eventually died under the weight of a burden he couldnt carry, would she come to resent her own baby?
Ever since shed made the decision to keep the baby, she hadnt let herself think of all those things. Shed taken each day as it came, not planning too far into the future, ignoring the problems she knew were waiting for her, because she simply couldnt handle them. All she had been able to do was live in the present, her mind and body preoccupied with the processes of life going on inside her. Shed been kept busy by the store, distracted by the constant company of other people. But now she was spending her days mostly alone, with nothing to do but think, and she was afraid.