Sarah's Orphans (43 page)

“See? Flowers.”

“I see. I do.” She gathered Mia in her arms, making a show of smelling the flowers. “
Danki.
”

Mia rested her head on Sarah's chest, but for once she didn't stick her thumb into her mouth. Instead she whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mia.”

She hurried to the van, her brothers tumbling out of the house to join her.

As they pulled out on the two-lane, she glanced toward Paul's place. Her hands began to sweat and her heart thumped more forcefully against her breastbone. Why had she allowed herself to fall in love with Paul Byler? Didn't she have enough to deal with emotionally? She should be completely focused on the children, not on an adolescent dream of two people living happily ever after. Too often she found her thoughts wandering toward him, acting like a teenager who was moonstruck over a boy.

But she wasn't a teenager. She was an adult with the responsibilities of an adult. She was the mother of the children around her.

As if sensing the direction of her thoughts,
Mammi
reached over and squeezed her hand, but she offered no words of wisdom. What could she say that she hadn't already? Sarah understood. She knew it was her choice to accept
Mammi
's wisdom or struggle through this season of life figuring things out on her own.

And what had
Mammi
said just last night?

Either Sarah decided to trust Paul, to trust the life he offered, or she didn't. That was a decision she would have to make…but not today.

Today was about the children.

CHAPTER 78

P
aul climbed into the SUV with Joseph, Rebecca, and Bishop Levi. They'd had a short discussion the night before as to whether they should go. Bishop Levi was going because he wanted to provide spiritual support whichever way the case was decided. Paul's brother and sister-in-law were going because they had come to think of Sarah as one of their own. And Paul? In the end he decided he would go because he'd been there since the beginning, since the day he'd walked in on Sarah doing the laundry, Mateo dripping in rinse water, and Mia hiding on a bottom shelf.

He hadn't realized that he'd lost his heart to the family that afternoon, but he had. It was something he was willing to admit now—finally. Though there was much work still to do on his farm, the work would be there the next day. Today, he would support Sarah.

They waited until the van Sarah was riding in had pulled in beside them. The two drivers worked out their route to the courthouse in Tulsa, and the van's driver took the lead.

He only caught a glimpse of Sarah. She was sitting in the middle seat, and glanced at him long enough for Paul to give her a thumbs-up.

“Try not to worry,” Rebecca said.

“She still hasn't given me her answer.”

Rebecca shared a look with Joseph. Then she pulled her knitting from her bag and said, “Sarah has a lot to deal with right now.”

“
Ya
, that she does.”

“And no answer is nearly a yes,” Joseph said.

“That makes no sense.”

“It does! If a customer tells me
no
, they don't want something, I respect their decision. But if they tell me
maybe
, then the door is open for me to sell them that item.”

“But this isn't something I'm selling her. This is our future.”

“Still, a maybe is better than a no.”

Paul wasn't so sure. With a no, he could go on with his life—lonely existence though it might be. A maybe meant that his heart kept hoping.

As if sensing the desperate turn of his thoughts, Rebecca began chatting about the beautiful weather and how grateful she was that the rains had stopped.

Paul allowed his mind to drift to thoughts of the courtroom. Would today make Sarah's life better or worse?

If the judge decided against permanent placement, her heart would be broken. Would she be able to accept the decision? They had talked about it often enough. Paul knew that she ached for Elisa Lopez. She told him once that she prayed every night for the children's mother, that she might find help and healing.

But neither of them believed the children would be better in that situation—moving from town to town, subject to Elisa's relapses.

There was another reason the judge might rule against permanent placement. She might decide that the children would be better off with a Hispanic family. Could such a family love them more? No. But they could offer both Mateo and Mia more insight into their cultural heritage.

Paul had no idea how the judge would rule. The bishop had explained that she might again postpone making a decision. Everything would be done with the children's best interest in mind. Paul didn't understand the
Englisch
well enough to even hazard a guess as to what the outcome would be, and he certainly wasn't familiar with their legal system.

As much as he loved those two children, all of Sarah's brothers, in fact, his main concern today was Sarah.

Would she be able to handle another major disappointment?

Did she want to marry him?

Would she need time before moving on with her life?

Of course, there was a good chance that the judge would decide in favor of permanent placement, in which case Sarah would find herself a single parent to five children. That wasn't completely true. She had
Mammi
to help her. And Henry was a man now, able to care for himself. His small engine business was doing remarkably well.

Paul also didn't doubt for a minute that Andy would always provide for her. Even after he married, which Paul suspected would be sooner than anyone thought, Andy would still be there for Sarah and all of the children—including Mateo and Mia.

The two Lopez youngsters had worked their way into the heart of everyone, not just Sarah.

“Did Sarah like the honey you took her?” Rebecca continued to knit as they sped down the highway toward Tulsa.

“
Ya
. She said it would be
gut
for the children's allergies.”

“It's true. Local honey helps in many ways.”

Paul found himself looking for small things to take them when he visited. On the nights he wasn't there to help put the younger children to bed, he felt a hole in his life that he'd never noticed before. He didn't regret that he'd never married. Before Sarah, there had been no one he'd even considered himself suitable for. Was he a good match for her?

He found no answers as they made their way west, into the city, and parked next to the courthouse. As they poured out of the two vehicles, several people turned to stare at their group, which he supposed was larger than most.

Mammi
shepherded the boys inside like a mother goose. Sarah had a firm grasp of Mia's hand.

“Have we had an escape this morning?” Paul asked.

“
Ya
, we have. I'm determined not to lose her in the courthouse.”

“Paul! Pick me up.”

Once he'd raised her in the air, she patted his face with her left hand. In her other hand she held a wilted clump of something.

“I got Sarah flowers.”

“I see that.”

They traipsed up the stairs to the second-floor waiting room and took a seat on the long bench. Had it been more than a year ago that he'd traveled here with Sarah? It had been a mercy trip then. She'd been so terrified of losing the children. Was she terrified still?

He caught her eye and smiled. He wanted to pull her into his arms and assure her that everything would be fine, but there was no time.

Chloe hurried over to them as soon as she turned the corner from the stairwell.

“I was worried you might be caught in traffic. I went downstairs to look for you and must have missed you.”

“We were a few minutes late taking off,” Sarah explained.

They both turned to study Mia, who was being led to a bench by
Mammi
.

“Well, I'm glad everything turned out fine.” Chloe pulled Sarah into a hug and began to laugh, wiping at her cheeks. “I don't know why I'm crying. I'm just so excited for you all.”

An
Englischer
stepped out of Family Courtroom 3. He was a bald man with a protruding belly. The man looked like a police officer, but Paul had learned the last time that he was in fact the courtroom deputy. He was there to make sure everything proceeded smoothly. His name was Carson, and he liked to fish. That was all he'd learned about the man before.

Deputy Carson raised an eyebrow when he spotted them. Perhaps they made an odd group for the adoption of two small children.

“Yoder and Lopez families?” He glanced down at a clipboard. “Immediate family only.”

“That's us.” Sarah motioned for her brothers and Mia and Mateo and
Mammi
to stand.

He didn't seem at all surprised to have Amish people in his courtroom. “Follow me, please.”

But if the man had hoped to keep a professional distance, he failed miserably. Mia ran up to him, pushing the wilted flowers toward him and proclaiming, “I got Sarah flowers!”

Deputy Carson looked left, looked right, and then he hitched up his pants and squatted down in front of her. “Those are awfully pretty. Now who might Sarah be?”

Mia pointed to Sarah, whose cheeks turned a pretty pink.

“I'd say Sarah is one lucky lady.”

Everyone else in their party had stood when Deputy Carson walked out.

Now Rebecca hugged Sarah. “We'll be praying while we wait.”

Sarah nodded and glanced at Paul, but apparently she didn't trust herself to speak.

Bishop Levi followed the family into the courtroom, explaining to the court officer that he was their bishop.

Chloe sighed and crossed her arms. She sat down and pulled out her phone. She stared at it a moment as if she wasn't seeing whatever was on the small screen, and finally she stuffed it back into her purse. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward, elbows on her knees and palms pressed together, and began to pray.

The large wooden door to the courtroom clicked shut, leaving Paul on a wooden bench, in the hall of an
Englisch
courtroom, wondering what was to become of his life.

CHAPTER 79

S
arah's right arm began to tremble as she walked to the front row in the courtroom. She clasped it to her side. What if the judge noticed? She should be confident, not nervous. She stopped at the front row, and each of her brothers filed past her, pausing to give her a quick hug or squeeze her hand. Andy, Henry, Luke, Isaac, and Mateo. Her grandmother passed next, holding Mia's hand.
Mammi
winked, and Mia reached over and patted her face. Bishop Levi took a seat behind them, smiling at her confidently.

And suddenly Sarah was no longer afraid. With each gesture of appreciation, her confidence returned a little more until suddenly she wasn't merely pretending to be confident. She was confident. God had given her this family—all of them. It wasn't conventional. On paper, it didn't make much sense. But these were the people she loved the most…these and those waiting in the hall, including one man whose gaze told her that he was longing to share his life with her.

When she sat, Mia crawled onto her lap, yawning and resting her head against Sarah's chest. It was time for the child's nap, and she should have a snack first. Her mind skipped over the typical tasks of a Monday, and then her thoughts settled back on the courtroom.

Sarah didn't know what the judge would decide. She didn't have a vision of the future. God didn't whisper in her ear. He didn't have to. He'd already spoken to her—through His words in their family Bible and through the actions and words of those who loved her. And what exactly had everyone said?

Don't be afraid, Sarah.

God's got this, Sarah.

You can trust Him.

Fear not.

Mateo and Mia would be a part of her heart forever. She'd been changed by them. She'd become a person she didn't even know she was capable of being. Oh, she still made a mess when she cooked dinner, and she wasn't the best housekeeper, but she knew how to love children. God had given her that ability in abundance.

The courtroom clerk stood and said, “All rise for the Honorable Judge Murphy.”

The judge wore the same black robe as before, but now she sported blond highlights running through her chestnut-colored hair. Chloe had told her the judge was forty-four years old. To Sarah she looked both young and old. Young in her appearance, including the brightly colored earrings and purple framed glasses. Old in her eyes, in the way she looked at children, and in her mannerisms—pausing before she spoke, nodding sympathetically as she listened to someone, her thoughtful expressions. Sarah didn't doubt for a moment that this woman loved children and strove to find the best home possible for them.