Sarah's Prayer: A Sunset Single (Sunset Series 1.1) (4 page)

In the weeks that followed, Sarah realized she needed to face the part of herself that allowed
herself to be hurt like that. She needed the kind of help that she could not give herself. Fortunately, her church had a recovery program that met every Thursday evening. She knew about it and even referred people to it, but never dreamed that she needed that kind of help.

Sarah learned that she needed to face that fact she was powerless to change the very part of herself that was powerless and to depend on God for strength. The support she received in the recovery program from people with different kinds of problems, but the same root cause, was overwhelmingly wonderful. She slowly put everything about Brian in the past.
Everything except for the scars on her arm. Those would be a constant reminder to be vigilant and to guard her heart with God's help.

Twelve Steps of recovery and eight years of maturity later, Sarah sat alone in a picturesque Victorian landscape with nothing but the company of the birds and the constellation of her complicated memories... and cried.

Chapter 3

Having found the personal strength to accept that Jake was not the one for her and to help him realize who
was the one for him was a hollow victory but a victory none the less. She spent time in her morning devotional the last few days focusing on God's all sufficient love and care for her. By Sunday morning Sarah felt her personal and spiritual strength returning.

She sat in the Sanctuary of St. Paul's Lutheran Church awaiting the beginning of worship and prayed.

Father, help me to turn my life over to your loving care. Where I have a need, let me trust you to fill it in your time, not mine. Where I can help another, give me the strength to be your conduit of grace and mercy. Help me trust in your love alone. Let me experience your grace in sufficient measure to wait for the right man to come into my life.

Sarah sat with her head bowed, an indication to other worshippers she did not want to be disturbed. She didn't particularly feel like talking to anyone else at the moment. What she experienced was a profound encounter with her Heavenly Father and she did not want it to end.

The immensity of her feelings continued into the worship service. The liturgy was always a comforting exercise for Sarah. It was regular and dependable, but seemed always to speak to her need and have a timely message for her. The Gospel Reading was from the Sermon on the Mount. What stood out as God's special message just for her was Matthew 6:8, "... your Father knows what you need even before you ask Him." The overwhelming love of the Holy Spirit she felt in that moment caused her to close her eyes and smile, enjoying the warmth and depth of God's presence.

Across the aisle and two pews back a visitor to St. Paul's sat mesmerized by the woman who expressed herself so beautifully in worship, a woman he saw only briefly at the coffee shop three days before. He had difficulty focusing on the purpose of his visit.

As Sarah moved to the front of the sanctuary to receive Communion the feelings continued. Communion had always been a special time for her since her confirmation. How could one ever be closer to the Lord than at His table, the symbol of His sacrifice?

When she turned to go back to her seat she suddenly noticed a newly familiar face standing in line.
It's him, blushing guy... and he's doing it again!
Sarah smiled as the visitor ducked his head in mild embarrassment. She sat down in her pew and bowed her head to pray, but also to avoid another bout of blushing and smiling.

After worship, members and visitors alike mingled in the fellowship hall for coffee, tea and
kolaches. As usual, Sarah settled for tea. She felt uncomfortable in these situations even though she knew everyone there... well, almost everyone.

Ellen
Neidermeyer, the Singles Bible Fellowship teacher and wife of Sunset Hospice's other chaplain, Roger, introduced the new visitor to the members of the single adult group in the room with the same energy and excitement a cruise ship activity director would show on the first day away from port.

"Sarah, I would like you to meet Michael
Bykowsky. Michael, this is Sarah Newsome. My husband Roger works with Sarah at Sunset Hospice." Ellen let her gaze linger on Sarah for a second and then walked away. This was obviously and intentionally the last introduction Ellen would make.

"Nice to meet you, at least formally, Michael. I guess we needed to introduce ourselves before you turn permanently pink." Sarah's smile told him she was being playfully polite, but not flirty.

"Oh, uh, yeah." The introduction didn't stop the change in hue.

"Welcome to St. Paul's. You're first time to visit us here?"

"Yeah, well, first time in a long time. I just moved to town this week. My grandparents were members here. Used to come when I visited them as a kid. A lot of memories here." Michael looked around the room absorbing the ambiance of the old church building.

"What brings you to Sunset?" Sarah suddenly felt uncomfortable asking that question.

"Well... it's a long story." Michael looked down trying to organize his thoughts. "I'm a computer consultant and can work anywhere, so I decided to move into my grandparents place... at least for a while."

Sarah could sense there was a lot more to it. "Well, welcome to Sunset... and to St. Paul's."

Before Michael could respond, Ellen returned. "The group is going to Antonio's for lunch. Michael, we'd be honored if you'd join us." Her assertiveness was more than a request.

"Well, sure. I don't have plans."

Then, being slightly too assertive, Ellen had an idea. "Sarah, since Michael is a first time guest, why don't you take the lead on making sure he knows everyone. Make sure he feels welcomed in the group."

Sarah looked at Ellen, stunned. "Okay, Ellen... I'd be happy to."

Michael sensed her discomfort. "Sarah, it's nice of you to help out, but I don't want to cause a problem."

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh, I just assumed... the guy I saw you with at the coffee shop. I thought the two of you..."

"Oh... no."
Sarah giggled nervously. "We're not... I mean... We work together... and... it's a long story too..." She trailed off and looked down.

There was an awkward silence between the two of them as they processed what they just learned about each other. Michael broke the standoff.

"I guess I'll see you at Antonio's?" He gave Sarah a shy smile.

"Sure. See you there."

It wasn't until she drove away that she realized what just happened.

Chapter 4

Ellen Neiedermeyer would have argued with anyone who accused her of playing Cupid with the wonderful members of the Singles Bible Fellowship class of which she was the teacher and director. The purpose of this class after all was to honor those who chose to be single as a life style and to assist those who were divorced or widowed to adjust to their new place in life. Could she help it if she was inspired to assist two people who just seemed destined to be together? That appeared to her to be the case with Sarah Newsome and Michael Bykowsky. Ellen could see that from her place in line behind Michael during Communion. They were just far too timid and introverted to make a move on their own. Cupid? No. Facilitator of destined relationships? Well, maybe.

Sarah tried to settle her nerves on the drive through the older part of Sunset and down the four lane road through town that served as a shopping district. Leaving the church she felt upset with Ellen for "strong arming" her into being Michael's hostess of sorts at lunch. Sarah hated being put upon like that. As she drove through the tree lined streets, however, the idea of spending lunch with a rather nice looking guy who was every bit as shy as she began to grow on her.
It's just the singles group, not a date and it's only for an hour or so. What could it hurt? Yeah... what could it hurt?

Sarah drove into a parking space at Antonio's and reflexively pulled down the visor to look in the mirror. She always checked her "flaws" before going out in public. Her brunette hair, dark brown eyes and distinct facial features accented by a flair for cosmetic artistry caused a lot of heads to turn when Sarah walked into a room. She rarely noticed, and even if she did she felt self-conscious about it.

She walked away from her car just in time to see Michael walk up to the door but stop short of going inside. She thought nothing of it until she got to the door herself.

"Hi, Michael.
Are we the first ones here?"

"I don't know. I was waiting for you." Michael opened the door and motioned for Sarah to go in.

Sarah hesitated for a second to absorb what the gesture meant. "Why, thank you. You are a gentleman."
There are so few of those these days.
Once inside she scanned the room looking for familiar faces. Seeing Ellen's enthusiastic wave, Sarah turned to see if Michael was with her and startled. Michael stood quietly, right behind her with his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry if I frightened you, Sarah."

"Oh, no... It's not you. It's me. I don't know why I'm so jumpy." Michael's calm demeanor was so low key that Sarah didn't even sense he was so close. "Well, there's our group."

Ellen strategically saved two seats together for Sarah and Michael. Michael met everyone at the church, so no introductions were necessary. Sarah's suspicions were correct. Ellen planned to get the two of them together, at least for lunch.
Oh, well. It's not so bad. He's kinda cute, especially when he blushes.

The group seemed to know they shouldn't bombard Michael with a lot of questions. They were typically the FBI- Fellowship Bureau of Investigation, particularly when the guest was a good looking single male. The only covert activity during lunch involved the women and their eye contact and facial expression code system that most women have down cold.

"Sarah, he's cute."

"Stop it, Lydia."

"Don't let him get away, girl."

"Zip it
, Cynthia!"

"He has dreamy eyes..."

"Back off, Karla."

...
and so it went, interspersed with actual verbal dialogue to make it look like they were including the men in the conversation.

Either Michael didn't notice the silent communication or he wasn't affected by it in the least. Actually, Michael
Bykowsky didn't miss much of anything that happened around him, he just chose to process more input than output. It was a necessary survival skill where he had been. The last time he really needed that skill it almost didn't save him. That's why he ended up alone in Sunset, Texas.

Wrapping up their lunch gathering, Sarah found herself in the strange position of not wanting to part company with Michael even though she couldn't recall very much that they said to each other in the last hour and a half. She just enjoyed being in his presence. It seemed... comforting, somehow peaceful.

As they stood up to leave, Lydia "accidently" bumped into Sarah sending her toppling into Michael. Michael held out his arm to steady her with seemingly no effort.

Sarah had her own bout of blushing as she felt a wave of warmth course through her body. Michael was incredibly strong for such an average build. "I'm sorry, Michael." She turned to Lydia and signaled,
"You did that on purpose."

Lydia winked,
"
You betcha, sister.
"

"No problem." Michael noticed that Sarah still held his arm.

Sarah suddenly felt self-conscious about her continued grasp and let go. Still not wanting this to end, Sarah searched for something to say. "Well, Michael. I don't feel I've been a very good hostess. I didn't even take time to get to know you or anything. Our group did all the talking and you did all the listening and... well..." Sarah was out of her element now. She didn't know what to say or how to say it. All she knew was that she wanted to be around Michael again, but she didn't want to get her hopes up.

Michael gazed at Sarah for a moment with the same expression he held for most of lunch, what most would say was almost a smile.

Ellen, a keen observer of people, enjoyed the display, knowing what Sarah wanted and also knowing that Michael allowed her to linger in her discomfort just long enough to "seal the deal," but not so long as to feel totally embarrassed.

"Sarah, how 'bout we continue the conversation we started at Joe's the other day over coffee... or green tea as the case may be."

"Our... conversation?"

"Yeah, I said, 'Hi' and you said, 'Hello' and that kind of ended abruptly with awkward blushing. I don't think you were having a very good day anyway. I was thinking... maybe... we could meet at Joe's and finish our conversation some time."

Sarah couldn't believe what was happening to her.
Don't think, Sarah, just do.
"Sure, that would be great."
Don't act too excited.

Michael pulled a business card from his wallet. "Send me an email... and let me know when's good for you. I can meet pretty much any time." Michael seemed to instinctively know that asking for Sarah's number would be too intrusive.

"I'll look at my calendar when I get home and let you know, thanks." Sarah extended her hand as she would in any other situation at work, but realized too late this wasn't work and shaking hands wasn't friendly enough for what she really wanted.

Michael overcame that by taking Sarah's hand in both of his. "It's a pleasure to meet you Sarah. I'm looking forward to Joe's. I might even find out what green tea tastes like." He smiled warmly.

Ellen lurked behind a few of the others who also tried hard not to be too obvious about their eavesdropping. She spoke up at the most appropriate moment. "Michael, since you're our guest, we're buying lunch."

"Well, thank you Ellen. That's nice of you."

"We hope you'll be back."

"I have a feeling I will." Michael waved to the group and smiled at a stunned and silent Sarah as he walked away.

Sarah stood in her spot, processing what just took place. A swirl of emotions and thoughts danced through her heart and head. She was elated at the thought of seeing Michael again, panicky at the idea of going on a real date with a guy she really liked and perplexed about something that made her nervous about Michael but she couldn't quite say exactly what... Then, it hit her.
Wait. How did he know it was green tea?

Sarah didn't typically look forward to going back to her quiet apartment right after an enjoyable social gathering. The contrast just emphasized how lonely her life really was. Today, however, she had something to do that would, at least for a time, alleviate some of that loneliness. Not only would she send an email to Michael to hopefully set up a "date" of sorts, but she also planned to Skype with her family, including her brother Gabe at Ft. Bragg.

She was certain that one of the questions this FBI- Family Bureau of Investigation would ask was about her potential love life. Sarah hated that. They all wanted her to find the right guy, but also wanted to protect her from the wrong one.

Sarah rushed home to get ready for some family time even if it was over the internet. She checked her emails while she changed out of her Sunday clothes. Sarah didn't like having her desk in the bedroom, but given the arrangement of the small cottage, it was the best way to manage the space. And, besides, she could watch movies from bed on her oversized second monitor. There were perks.

Sarah strategically put off sending the email to Michael until later in the evening. She didn't want to seem too desperate. She also decided to put off telling her family about Michael until a later Skype call. She didn't want to seem too excited either.

The afternoon passed by happily, particularly when Gabe told Sarah she would have to call him Major Gabriel Newsome from now on. After the sessions with family, Sarah decided to craft just the right email to Michael. Nothing too pushy or excited, but not too standoffish either. She didn't want to offer a time on Monday because that sounded like she wanted to be with him badly, which she did. Late in the week sounded like she didn't care. Wednesday sounded artificial, like she was trying to balance out desperate and coy.
Oh, stop it, Sarah!

Michael,

It was a pleasure to be with you at lunch today. I hope you enjoyed being with our group and will come back to church and visit the Singles Bible Fellowship.

I would really like to meet you for coffee or tea :) at Joe's. I'm free on Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon around 4. Let me know what works for you.

Blessings for the week!

Sarah

Sarah's finger hovered over the mouse button for what felt like an eternity while she fought a battle in her head and heart. She gasped when she saw "Your message is being sent" on the screen because she didn't realize her finger made the decision for her.
Oh, my. I did it, didn't I? I sort of made a date with a guy, a cute guy.
She giggled, then laughed with tears streaming down her face.

The apartment just seemed too small to hold Sarah's enthusiasm, so she decided to do her grocery shopping for the week. After quickly assembling a menu and a list, she drove to S Mart. Grocery shopping usually bored her, but today it seemed more pleasurable than usual. As she carefully picked the fresh produce, chemical-free boxed goods and the few organics she could find, her mind wandered to what she would cook if she ever invited Michael over for dinner.
Don't get ahead of yourself... or him!