Authors: Deanna Lynn Sletten
Annie turned back to the counter and rested her hands on it. She closed her eyes and letting out a big sigh. She didn't know if she'd done the right thing by not bringing Sandy out to William. She could only hope that Sandy would be okay, and her friends would take care of her. Annie took another deep breath, let it out, and headed back to the table.
"Oh, there you are," William said with a smile as Annie approached him. "Our table is ready."
Annie followed William and the hostess to their table, glancing around to see if Sandy was still in the bar. Their table was near the fireplace next to a window with a view of the beach. It was the perfect, romantic setting, but all Annie could do was worry about where Sandy had gone and who she was with.
Once they were settled at their table and had menus in front of them, William commented, "Looks like we have the best table in the place."
"Yes," Annie replied, glancing out the window at the view of the ocean and Haystack Rock. She returned her gaze to the dining room and quickly swept her eyes toward the bar area. She hoped that Sandy wasn't driving, and that the person who was driving was sober.
"Are you okay?" William asked, noticing Annie's distraction.
Annie quickly nodded. "Oh, yes, I'm fine. Just looking around. This is a wonderful place. I've never been here before." She opened her menu and looked at the dinner choices, angry with herself for lying to William. He was a nice guy, and her feelings for him were growing. She felt caught between telling him about Sandy and minding her own business.
William reached out and touched Annie's hand. Her eyes rose to meet his. He knew those eyes. They were so much like his wife's had been. Not only in color but in how they seemed to cloud over when she was distressed. "Does your change of mood have anything to do with seeing Sandy?"
Annie stared for one long moment at William before letting out a sigh of relief. "You saw her here?"
William nodded. "Yes, I did. I saw her go down the hall toward the ladies' room a moment before you went. Did she say something that upset you?"
Annie shook her head. "No, I'm just worried about her. She'd been drinking, and she didn't look too good."
William nodded. "I think she was with that noisy group of young people. I recognized one of the girls as one she'd gone to high school with."
Annie frowned. "They aren't old enough to be drinking in here. Why didn't you stop her?"
It was William's turn to sigh. "What good would it have done? She's almost twenty-one, going to college, and living away from home. Even if I had approached her tonight and taken her home, she'd just be angry and go out again tomorrow night. I just have to trust that they have a designated driver, and she's safe."
The waitress approached their table, interrupting them, and William asked for a few more minutes before ordering. Once she had left, he looked at Annie, who had been quietly watching him.
"I know what you're thinking, and I know how I must sound to you. I hate that I sound like a father who has given up and hopes for the best when it comes to Sandy. But there really isn't much I can do about her behavior. She goes to school, makes good grades, and has never been in trouble with the law. I have to believe she will grow up eventually and stop acting this way."
Annie nodded. William looked so sad that she didn't want to argue with him about his grown daughter. After all, she was not a mother and was certainly not Sandy's mother, so who was she to judge how William handled his daughter.
"Why don't we start this night over again?" Annie said. "It's too nice an evening to ruin."
"Thank you," William said, offering her a smile.
When the waitress came back, they ordered the shrimp dinner and the clam chowder, instead of salad, because it was a house specialty. They were not disappointed when it came. Annie sighed with delight after her first taste of chowder. "Oh, this is so creamy and delicious. It's almost decadent."
William wholeheartedly agreed.
Over dinner, they talked about their work week and the projects they each had over the next few weeks. William was working on drawing up house plans for a man in Santa Barbara, California, who wanted a twelve-thousand square-foot home that felt cozy. They both laughed at this, a house that size was more like a shopping center than a home.
Annie told him about the photo assignment she had that upcoming week at a home north of Seaside that sat high on a cliff above the ocean. "It should be challenging. The deck literally hangs over the cliff. I'm not afraid of heights, but that one makes even me think twice."
By the time they had finished eating their meal, they were feeling satisfied with both the food and each other.
"So, what's Sam up to tonight?" Annie asked as they relaxed over coffee. The restaurant was quieting down, and there were only a few tables that still held people finishing up their meals.
William looked at his watch. "By now he's probably already in bed, asleep. He has a golf tournament tomorrow, and they have to drive an hour to it, so he'll be up very early."
"Oh, will you be going to watch him?" Annie asked.
William shook his head. "No, not this time. I go to some of his bigger tournaments and walk along, but this one is part of a junior traveling tournament circuit that he does in the spring and summer. I don't usually go to those, and he's fine with that."
"I really like Sam," Annie said. "He's a nice kid and easy to be around."
William smiled. "I can't argue with you on that. He's pretty easy-going."
They left the restaurant and drove along the coastal road.
"Would you like to go somewhere and listen to music?" William asked.
"I'd rather just go somewhere quiet where we can talk," Annie said. She enjoyed spending time with William and wanted to get to know him better.
"I know just the place." He drove a little longer, then pulled onto a side-road where there was a lookout on a cliff over the ocean. He parked, and they sat and watched the waves caress the shore under the full moon.
"Tell me more about Sandy," Annie said. "I hope you don't mind my saying it, but she seems so sad and angry. Did she and her mom have a good relationship?"
William turned to Annie with a puzzled look on his face. "Do you really want to talk about this? I mean, I don't mind, but I don't want to bore you."
"You won't bore me. I like Sandy. I think that deep down, she's a good person, and I just want to know more about her."
"Okay. Well, Sandy has always been a little difficult. Sara had so much patience with her, and I think Sandy understood that even when they didn't see eye to eye. Sandy was devastated when her mother died. We all were, but her death seemed to hit Sandy the hardest. She didn't say much for weeks. I sent her to a grief counselor and a therapist for a short time, but she wouldn't open up to either of them. I just figured she needed time to come to terms with the loss of her mother. We all did. In some ways, I think Sandy is still trying to deal with her grief by acting out, but she won't talk to me about it."
"What about you?" Annie asked in a soft voice. "Are you still grieving?"
William looked down at the steering wheel, contemplating the question. After awhile, he answered. "When Sara died, I felt like the best half of me died also. Her leaving was never even a consideration. I depended upon her for so much. Not just the everyday things, although she did all of that, too, but also for the important things, like being supportive and loving no matter what stupid things I did."
William took a deep breath, and Annie reached out and took his hand in hers, feeling he needed her touch.
"I felt much more than loss when Sara died. I also felt an enormous amount of guilt. I should have known she was in more pain than she showed. I should have insisted on taking her to the hospital that night instead of taking Sam to the driving range. Sara never let on she was suffering, but I should have paid more attention. If I had, she'd still be alive today."
William's admission of guilt told Annie that deep down, he wasn't completely over Sara. Yet, for some reason, this didn't upset her. It made her feel closer to him. He felt his loyalties strongly, and she liked that about him. She'd never been with anyone who was that devoted and he was certainly worth waiting for.
William looked up into Annie's eyes. He held onto her hand, not wanting to break their link.
"You know, until I met you, I never looked twice at another woman. I never thought I'd find anyone who I could connect with." He chuckled. "You'll probably think this is silly, but Sara, being the artsy type of person she was, always promised me that if anything happened to her, she'd find a way to come back to us. She said we were soul mates and that we would always, in some way, be together. I never took her seriously until after she died. Then I started waiting for her to return. I wanted to believe that she would find her way back to us. I believed she'd keep her promise. The day I looked into your eyes, even though I knew you weren't Sara, even though you didn't look like her or act like her, I saw her in your eyes, and I felt like I had finally found her again."
Annie sat back in her seat as she continued to gaze at William. She'd been drawn to him long before she'd met him. She'd dreamt of him and, if she admitted the truth, stalked him with her camera. Although she didn't understand why she'd been drawn to him, she knew she wasn't his Sara.
"William, I'm not Sara. You know that, don't you?"
William brought her hand up to his lips and gently kissed it, all the while holding her eyes with his.
"Yes, I know you aren't my Sara," he said softly. "But somehow, someone sent you to me, and that's all that matters." He reached across the space between them and pulled her to him, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. She responded in kind until their soft kisses turned urgent and demanding.
Annie knew she wasn't his Sara, but that didn’t stop her from feeling like she belonged in his arms as completely as if they'd been together, forever. Finally, reluctantly, they pulled away from each other.
"I guess I'd better take you home," William said halfheartedly, and they drove away into the moonlit night.
After a time, William pulled into a parking space near Annie's condo. He walked her to the door.
"Do you want to come in for some coffee?" Annie asked.
William slowly shook his head. "I should head back home. How about I call you in the morning?"
Annie nodded. Looking up, she searched William's eyes to see if she could read his thoughts. He looked sad. William bent his head down and brushed a soft kiss on her lips, then he was gone.
Sandy sat warming herself next to a fire pit on the beach in front of a house not too far from her own. She didn't know whose house it was. She didn't care. A couple of old friends from high school and a few other people she didn’t know also sat around the fire. They were drinking beer and vodka shots, smoking weed, and doing God knows what else, but Sandy wasn't participating. She just sat quietly, watching the flames flicker blue, orange and red.
She had sobered up considerably since her encounter with Annie at the restaurant. She didn't remember most of what they'd said to each other, but she remembered one thing very clearly. When Annie had stood there, her blue-green eyes flashing, and ordered her to give her the phone. At that moment, Sandy had no longer been looking into the eyes of a stranger but felt she'd been looking straight at her mother. That was why she had given up her phone so easily to Annie.
Sandy pulled her phone out of her pocket and scanned through the contact numbers. There, near the top, she saw the name 'Annie' with a cell number beside it. For one moment, she thought about deleting the number, but something made her stop. Maybe it was the way Annie's eyes had flashed at her, so like her own mother's eyes. Or maybe it was Annie's request to call her, anytime of the day or night if she needed someone. Whichever it was, she decided not to delete the number, even though she knew she'd never use it.
"Hey, baby, whatcha doing sitting here all by yourself?" One of the guys in the group came up and placed his hand on Sandy's shoulder. She didn't really like it there, but she didn't flinch away either.
"How about a walk on the beach?" The guy extended his hand to Sandy. She accepted. She tried to remember his name. She knew he was a college student at PSU, but she didn't know his major. He was a friend of a friend. She thought his name was Josh.
As they walked slowly down the beach, Josh pulled her closer to him and began kissing her neck. When Sandy tried to pull away, Josh only held on to her harder.
"Hey baby, I only want to have a little fun," he said in a soft voice. "Don't you want to have some fun?"
Sandy looked at him a moment, then shrugged and continued walking with him. When he stopped to light up a joint, she joined in. She let the sweet release of her high wash over her as Josh had his fun with her and she thought about her mother's blue-green eyes.
Chapter Nine
The colors appeared above her, fluttering in the soft breeze, enticing her to float up and touch their softness. Sky blue, sunshine yellow, baby pink, rosy red, they, along with all the colors of the rainbow, danced and twirled in the radiant golden light that filtered through from above. Annie stretched her arms high above her trying to touch the colors, but they were just beyond her grasp. Willing herself to rise, she ascended into the sky, but no matter how high she rose, the colors and the warm, golden light above them were always just out of her reach. Frustrated, Annie looked down below her and saw a gray mist rolling in. She didn't want to return to her gray existence. She wanted to join the colors and the golden light above. Suddenly, floating down from the ribbons of color, Annie saw a shadow of a figure coming toward her. Annie paused, not knowing if she should turn and flee from this shadow or rise up to it. When the shadowy figure drew near, Annie could make out long, slender legs and arms, and honey-yellow hair floating among the colors. As the figure's arms reached to embrace Annie, she found herself looking into a pair of brilliant blue-green eyes.