Sarazen's Vengeance: Book 1.1 (6 page)

“What’s wrong?” she murmured.

Half afraid if she spoke louder than a whisper, he would let go of her. More and more his cautious, mindful touches were becoming addicting. They warmed her. Comforted her. Even soothed her. Made her feel safe
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His lips curved up at the corners. A hint of a smile filled his eyes until they shimmered in the low light. Like fire through amethyst.

“Nothing is wrong, my one. I was simply waiting for the moment you woke. I am swiftly becoming addicted to watching you wake. The first time, for just a heartbeat you seemed frightened. Then you caught sight of me and you calmed. I was determined to be within your range of vision each time you woke after that. It is a lovely thing to see. Your eyes are almost black when first they open. Though the more alert you are, the brighter they become. Until they are almost golden brown. I hope, one day, I can convey to you the depth of my amazement. To know that for the rest of my days, I will wake and see this beautiful miracle, each morning.”

Ohlen said things like that to her and for a few breath-stealing moments, she didn’t know how to respond. It made her shamefully uncomfortable. Wondering how he could stand to look at her when he knew, had heard from her own mouth, every appalling admission she’d made to Clary about what Ethan had done to her.

How Ohlen could still think she was…a beautiful miracle?

He had treated her with the utmost care and respect. More so than any other man she had ever met in her life. It made her chest hurt to know that this fascinating, unbelievable creature, was stuck with her. She wished she had met Ohlen before Ethan had ever sullied her. Back when she was still clean and maybe…

“I have upset you. Forgive me. I should not yet speak so frankly with you.” Ohlen’s toneless retreat jerked her out of her thoughts.

Andi clenched her hand around his. Hating how the smile died from his eyes. How he retreated from being so open and honest with her. The brightness in his eyes replaced with emotionless blankness. She sat up and reached out with a shaking hand. Pushed a strand of his fair hair from where it had fallen across his brow. Scooted closer so she could tuck it back into the thick braid down the center of his head.

Her heart gave a dizzying flop when he turned his face into her touch. His lashes fell to half-mast with a little huff of air. Like he was starved for every brush of her skin against his.

“It’s not that. I’m not upset because of how you speak to me. I just…I just wish I’d met you five years ago. When I’d have felt like I was worthy to be called a beautiful miracle. To be honest, I don’t understand how you can bear to touch me and feel anything but disgust.”

Ohlen’s lashes snapped up to her show the way his eyes darkened. How his pupils shot up vertically in reaction to her embarrassed murmur. Andi swallowed thickly. Unable to help the shiver that rippled through her. He towered over her when he stood up. Kept hold of her hand as he took a step backward.

“Come here to me, my one.” his voice was tight and low. A barely audible growl.

He didn’t tug on her hand or make her follow him down into the chair. He waited for her to decide what to do. After an uncomfortable moment, Andi untangled herself from the bedsheets. Picked up the skirt of her dress and folded herself up onto his strong thighs. Shivering again when he closed his arms around her. He lay his cheek on her hair. His palm having cupped her head to keep her tucked in against his shoulder. He still said nothing.

The total lack of pressure to speak was enough to have her releasing a huge sigh. Allowing her to selfishly take every bit of comfort from his body that she could. Every bit of warmth. Every single bit of safety that comfort and warmth brought her. For the longest time, Ohlen just cuddled her close and let her have that. His chest moved with slow, deep breaths. His nose rooted gently through her hair. When he spoke she could feel the vibration of his words move through her entire body. Feel them in her bones.

“I will not lie to you, my one. Not ever. I feel rage, unlike anything I’ve ever known when I think of what you suffered. Look at me,”

Andi swallowed thickly to gather her courage. Obediently she tilted her head back to look into his inhumanly handsome face. His hand, his fingers that hid claws sharp enough to shred skin like paper, brushed over her cheek with the softest of caresses.

“Not one moment of what you were forced to endure lessens your value to me. I cannot express to you the true depth of my feelings because I have not the words to describe them. I have never known them before. Disgust is what I feel towards the crew of your ship. The ones who knew what was happening and did nothing to help you. Not towards you, or for you. I wish our bond were developing faster. You would be able to sense and feel the truth of my words. Feel as I feel. Know what is in my heart. I am a warrior, my one. I have few words to properly express my emotions. For that, I am deeply sorry.”

He was quiet for a moment. Visibly struggling to put his feelings into words. She was so blown away by the ringing honesty in his voice, even if she’d had something to say at that point, she wouldn’t have been able to say it.

“When I look at you, I am not disappointed by the god’s choice for me. You are brave. Stronger than I believe you give yourself credit for. A survivor. You are…you are everything. All that you are now belongs to me. As all that I am now belongs to you.”

He spread his hand over her chest. Over her heart. The corner of his lips kicking up in a brief smile.

“I will cherish you always. Just as you are. The only regret will be that I had not found you and been able to protect you sooner. As for your disbelief in my ability to touch you and not feel disgusted? I crave your touch. Crave it like food to sate a millennia of starvation. I have been on this warship, surrounded by brothers in arms, and I have felt alone for every single one of those days. I vow to you that were you to permit me, I would never allow your feet to touch the deck. So great is my desire to hold you and feel your heart beating in time with mine.”

Andi still didn’t quite believe that deep down, somewhere, he wasn’t repulsed by her. But for a guy who claimed to not be able to adequately express his feelings, he did an amazingly eloquent job of it. If it got any better, she would have been sobbing. She sat curled up in his lap. Finding the weirdest sort of peace inside herself.

Andi had a flash of memory from her childhood. Sitting in a corner of engineering with a stolen pad of paper and a stubby stick of charcoal. Drawing a planet under the red lights of the reactor core. A planet where she would have a home. Maybe a family. She remembered drawing trees and mountains, a castle. All the things a little girl alone would dream of having for herself.

“Someday, this will all be over. It will be worth it. I’ll have a home. Somewhere I belong and it will be worth it.”

Her six year old self had been right. Every horrible moment had been worth it. Worth the suffering, just to experience this one shining moment. Sitting here curled up in Ohlen’s arms. Feeling his warmth. Feeling like she had a place to belong now. The promise of a home with trees and mountains. A family.

She twisted to hug his unbelievably broad shoulders. Clung to him for dear life. Moved to tears by the tender way he palmed her hair and rested his lips on her throat. By how purred a soft, alien sound, just for her.

“Every moment I had to wait for this. For you. It was worth it, my one.”

Ohlen whispered the words to her like he’d read her mind. Calling her his one with such reverence she fought not to break down into a sobbing mess. Instead, she held onto him. Onto the belief that all she’d been through, all she’d endured, had led to this. To him.

Six

Three days later, Andi sat at the large table with the rest of the human crew. Her body ached from the rather grueling strength training sessions Ohlen had set for her. He had offered her tonics to help her muscles regenerate faster, but after so long of feeling nothing but dead inside, she somewhat welcomed the proof of her exertions.

The media room two decks up was equipped with a running track. Within the holographic walls, Ohlen took her hiking through mountains. Jogging alongside rivers. Running through the forests of his home. Several times he’d had to end the program to get her to stop because she was so eager to see more.

“You are in adequate physical shape, my one.” He’d told her seriously, “But not so good as to run, climb or swim for hours on end. Not yet. We are building your strength. Not attempting to cripple you.”

Every day, she was growing more and more accustomed to his towering presence at her side. Accustomed to waking up to find him sitting in that same chair. Waiting for her to wake up with a little smile on his handsome face. She could feel that fragile thing he called a bond beginning to take root and grow inside her. Like the most delicate electrical filament sending sensations and insights into her mind. Into her heart, directly from Ohlen’s.

She was beginning to feel him, like a warm buzz behind her eyes. A comfortingly constant pressure.

A second warship had come into proximity of theirs. Another Sarazen vessel authorized to seek out what remained of the humans, if any, and bring them back to the Sarazen home-world. The commander of the second ship had asked to stop and allow his warriors a chance to see if any of the human women were potential mates.

The human women had agreed to that yesterday. Cautiously agreed, but agreed all the same. Agreed because of the way Commander Tarek treated Clary. How Ga’rae treated Gwen. How Falken handled prickly Cassie with such patience. Mostly she’d been told that they had agreed, because of how caring Ohlen was with her.

So now sitting here with the crew, listening to Clary explain in pained, angry details about the Sarazen Breeding Festival. It felt like someone had reached inside her and torn out that fragile bond by the roots. Wires sparking and sizzling as they tried and failed to connect.

Fear surged. Turning the warmth Andi had gathered to insidious black ice. Freezing her straight through as she listened to the detailed explanation of just what was going to happen to them at this festival. What was expected of her. Of the other human mates. They were to be brought to one of the forested planets. Put somewhere far away from their mates. Separated and expected to find one another via scent, in the midst of thousands, hundreds of thousands of other people. Other Sarazens. Half of the alien race able to shift into the predatory creatures she had seen Ohlen become. The others only able to morph into a half shape.

A hunt. And they were the prey.

Her heartbeat thudded against her ribs, like fists banging on a door. The sound of her breathing so loud in her ears it was almost all she could hear. Voices of her people surged around her. Angry, frightened, upset. The sound filtered as though coming from another room.

Andi sat there as horrifying flashes of what it might be like ran across her sight. Ohlen had shown her the forests on Saraz in the holo-room. Shown her the kind of place that they would be brought for the festival. Trees so thick the canopy blocked out the sunlight. Trunks so wide thirty warriors could have circled the base and still barely been able to touch fingertips. Primordial. Terrifying.

Ohlen had shown her the forests he had grown up in as a feral cub. Told her about his life in the wake of his family’s death. Alone until he’d been found by a warrior training in his territory. The male had taken him in, trained him and brought him up to become a warrior. Ohlen had humbly told her about how he’d risen through the ranks quickly. Been promoted time and again, until he had been handpicked by Tarek. Given the prestigious honor of serving aboard the First warship. Ohlen had told her what it had meant to him. What an honor it had been for him, clanless and without pedigree or status to elevate him to such heights. To be given such a place among the elite on his skill alone.

Not once in those late night conversations had anything been mentioned about a Breeding Festival. Not once while Ohlen held her in his lap among the holographic trees, or the holographic mountains, had he mentioned anything about a hunt.

How could he not have told her? Why hadn’t he told her?

Andi jolted when Cassie slammed her hand town on the table top. Andi’s pulse was racing so hard it was choking her. She listened as Cassie explained that Falken was at this time, unwilling to answer her demands to speak to him.

The ringing in her ears ebbed enough for her to hear Gwen try to contact Ga’rae, and get told to not bother herself. He was busy updating the medic from the other ship about human physiology. Gwen’s shrieking at him finally drew her out of her shaken stupor. Just in time to notice every one of the human crew looking expectantly her.

It took Andi a moment to realize what it was they were expecting.

Her fingers trembled while she touched the wrist unit Ohlen had given her the other day. Her delight and fascination with the piece of technology had made him smile so brightly. It had felt like tangible heat on her skin. Now, all she could feel was coldness.

“Ohlen?”

Her voice shook with weakness. Made her feel like all the progress she had made in the last few days to overcome her fear, had all been for nothing
.
Ohlen answered immediately, much to the other women’s displeasure.