Authors: Robin Morgan
Robin
Dear Diary
,
I have been 8 for over a whole week! It was a wonderful week. Before it even started there was my birthday but you know about that. Then I got First in class doing multiplication (spelling? Mommie?) tables by memory. Doris stuck her tongue out at me and Teacher saw her and she got caught and had to write I WILL NOT BE RUDE in her notebook 20 times and was I glad. She is just as good as me in arithmetic but does not have a fast memory ha ha. Also Teacher said my vocabalary (spell?) is remarckable (spell?). But that's not all. Mr. Jones (he's my piano teacher) gave me a postcard with Beethoven looking mad on it because he said I was “coming along so well” and had real talent. Mommie says she isn't surprised because I am a walking talent factory! Today Mrs. Douglas who is my singing teacher said even if I couldn't hardly carry a tune (and Aunt Sally thinks she's crazy wrong about that it's just I'm too little) still I can talk-sing Mrs. Douglas said with “such charm” it didn't matter and Shirley Temple couldn't carry a tune either. (It matters to Mommie and Aunt
Sally, who want the best for me, but it doesn't matter to me because I am a serious actress so I think I don't need to sing anyway.)
Then there was my triumph about the stunt girl and how no one will know I can't throw or catch a ball as if I cared. Mommie rolled her eyes at me and whispered how we should hope none of the writers (Frank Gabrielson is the head writer of our show but sometimes also Gordon Webber writes it) ever writes one where Dagmar will have to roller skate or do something else silly or dangerous! Aunt Sophie once gave me Dorothy's old roller skates, but I'm only allowed to wear them on the rug. Anyway, we crossed our fingers together and giggled, Mommie and me. A person doesn't need friends in school when she has a mother like Mommie. (I don't care if they do write a show like that because now I know they can always hire the little girl who can do these silly things to be me and nobody will ever know.) It's more important and even Mr. Nelson says this that I am such a professional and never complain, which reminds me of the best thing of all but I'll tell you after I tell you this, and that I am so dam (Mr. Nelson uses bad words a lot) smart and can cry real tears any time the script says Dagmar cries. (I can, too. Even better than Margaret O'Brien. They said she always had to think of something sad first. But I can cry whenever they need me to. I don't know how I do it.)
But Pay Attention like Mr. Nelson says when I talk too much. Pay Attention, Diary, to the best part of this whole week. I didn't tell you before because I was too scared I wouldn't be able to finish it perfect. See, every year on my birthday I always give Mommie a present, too. Because, like she says, she was there when I was born. She almost
died
, Diary. Someday I want to have a baby but not almost die. Every night I pray thank you to God she didn't die and leave me an orphan with Aunt Sally. So when I was a tiny baby for my birthdays she would always get herself a little present too, along with the presents for me, because she didn't die, see? But when I was four and already a big girl
I
started to give her her present on my birthday instead of
her
giving herself one. I only started getting an allowance last year (a quarter a week!) so up until then I drew a picture or wrote her a poem for her present. Last year I saved up my quarters all year and Aunt Sally took me shopping so I could buy Mommie pearl earrings. (They weren't real pearl but almost.) Mommie loved them!
But this year Aunt Sally didn't want to take me shopping for Mommie because Mommie and her had a fight. Aunt Sophie was busy so she couldn't take me either. So how was I going to buy Mommie her present without anybody to take me? (Never mind Mommie if you see this ha ha I'll keep saving it up for
your
birthday, if I can find somebody to take me by then.) Anyway so what was I going to do this year for Mommie's present on my birthday? I didn't want to give her another poem or draw another picture. But then I thought of the perfect thing!
This is what I did. Before my birthday, I mean for maybe a month, I had been a very difficult (spelling?) child. I didn't mean to, but I guess I was. I had talked back and left my white shoes not polished. And also I acted phony because when Mommie let me go to the library for Saturday afternoon story hour all by myself (because the library is right across the street from our apartment building and Mommie can watch me from the window) I went but then snuck out and ran back across to see if maybe Roberta would like to teach me about the ball thing. But Mommie was still at the window and yelled and so I had to come in and I missed even story hour by being a phony. There were more things I did like that but I don't want to remember the bad stuff I want to be positive. I was sorry I made Mommie so miserable during that time. So I thought of the perfect present for her! It was to
promise
for a whole
year
not to make her miserable, the dearest Mommie in the world! I drew a chart and everything. At the top it has the days of the week. On the side it has a list of things I do that give her nerves or hurt her. This is the list I made.
To Obey
Not to Argue
Not to be Lazy
Not to Complain
Not to Talk So Much
Not to be Selfish
Not to be a Phony
Then I gave Mommie the chart and a little box of gold stars I had that you can paste on things. And I told her each week all year we would make up a new chart and I'd try for
perfect
the whole year until I was 9. Mommie hugged me. Then she said what would happen
after
I turned 9? So we giggled and she said my grandpa that I'm named for but never knew would
say “Left foot right foot” and most of all
never stop trying
so she said let's just try a week at a time OK?
So we did. And now I can tell you on
every day
of this last week there is a
gold star
beside every thing on the list! Aunt Sally didn't have to report bad stuff not once! I didn't make Mommie miserable or give her nerves
all week long!
Tomorrow Mommie is getting me a surprise privilege because I'm the best child anybody could ever have. Be in suspense like me, Diary! Good night.
I love you.
Robin
Dear Diary
,
We slept till 9 o'clock! And then Mommie made lots of bacon and toast for Sunday breakfast. Aunt Sally went to Canal Street and Orchard Street in the City with Aunt Sophie, so it was just Mommie and me. We made peanut butter cookies. I made the crisscross designs to flatten the cookies with a fork after we rolled the doe (spell?) into balls on the cookie sheet. Then we took a bubble bath together. Then we played tickle and I got her and she got me and we laughed so hard we almost cried. Then we got all bundled up and went for a walk to Hartley Park and fed the ducks in the pond. There was a mother duck with the baby ducks right behind her in a row. I would love to have a pet but they can give you diseases Mommie says. But I'm glad I
don't
have brothers or sisters like those ducks. I wouldn't want to share Mommie. I'm glad it's just us two against the world like Mommie says that even means Aunt Sally. And then we went and ate dinner out at The Beehive restaurant and I had chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy and peach ice cream. Mommie had shrimp salad because she's on a diet. Then we looked in the store windows on Gramatan Avenue and I told Mommie someday I want to buy her a mink coat like Miss Irwin has. And we decided our career was going wonderful and if Miss Mona Monet (she's my agent) could get me that celery raise (I don't know how much money I make but I guess it's not enough yet) then we would just
do
it! I don't know about Aunt Sally but Mommie and me'd move into New York City (that's Manhattan) to a fancy building with an elevator. Mommie would love that, and me too. I don't like the smell in our building hall. It's
like somebody spilled grease and it got old but then you tried to clean it up with cleaning stuff but both smells stuck together.
And we only have one bedroom here anyway, but maybe when we move I can have my very own room and that could maybe mean space for a dollhouse! Also like Mommie says, there's almost no closets in this apartment so that's why we have to hang things on the back of all the doors but there's so much hanging there that it sticks out all big and puffy with the sleeves like arms and if you wake up in the middle of the night it makes scary shapes that you don't want to move in bed in case they might come down from hanging there and get you with their flappy arms. And then maybe I can do extra parts in other shows if Miss Monet can get Miss Irwin to not have me in an exclusive contract. After all, I can pretend to be anybody they want me to be. I'd like to play other parts too because sometimes I get sick of Dagmar but still I'm lucky because the cast is like a second family everybody says, with another Mommie who's Miss Wood and a brother and sister and even a father and everything. Oh Diary I forgot to tell you my father died before I was born. He loved Mommie more than anything else in the whole world but he had to go in the war. He was a doctor so he became an army doctor and cured soldiers and never killed anybody but got killed anyhow. Anyway, so we could get out of this apartment and the smell in the hall and Hazel the woman next door who talks to herself on the stairs and Mommie says stay away from and Mr. Tompkins the super who drinks too much and says worse words even than Mr. Nelson and never fixes anything. There's plaster coming off the wall that Mommie says she
hates
but she also says it doesn't matter Mr. Tompkins won't ever paint because we'll probably move soon anyway and besides who wants to take down the pictures from the walls? There's lots of them. They're almost all of me (Aunt Sally says I am the most photographed child in history!) in different show costumes or my ballet tutu (that's a very short dress and is puffy and one of them that looks scary on the back of the door) and modeling and on a horse once (that was for publicity and I got
right off!
) and with famous people and other stuff. So it's OK we don't get painted by Mr. Tompkins. But still, there's this long orange face in the sink from the drips all the time. And there's a green snake in the tub from the drips there. Also sometimes there are bugs in the kitchen and I hate
that
. It's not our fault we're clean and spotless it's Mr. Tompkins's fault and
the other people in this building. Aunt Sally says it's maybe the fault of the Negroes to the side of us and she always makes me scrub hard in the tub after we bring them baskets. I don't think it's the library's fault because the library is
really
clean and
very
quiet. I love it there. I'm a good reader (I could read before I started school) so I go every time I can except that once I snuck off to Roberta and gave Mommie nerves.
The library has a big window over the door of different colored bits of glass. It has a huge round ceiling inside and on every wall there are books books books. Also on stands in the middle of the room. Also in glass cases. Also on little carts. You could never read so many books in all your life even if you didn't have rehearsal and school and singing and piano and tap and ballet and Air Day. It's so quiet Mrs. Izzard says Shhhh if anybody makes noise to disturb you or give you nerves. You can learn about
everything anywhere
there. I bet you could learn about balls and bikes and roller skates and surprise everybody by just knowing how to do it! (If you ever get a surprise like that, Mommie, if you're reading this, you'll know what I was doing in the library!)
But really now Pay Attention! So Mommie and I talked about our Future and how even if it's just us against the world we're special enough to triumph. I don't care if it's just us. I'm glad I don't have a daddy, even if that's a terrible thing to say and even if sometimes I miss him but like Mommie says how can I miss him when I never even met him? And besides, I have Judson Laire, who plays my TV father and never got married and has no kids and is so nice I call him Papa even off the set and he likes it. I'd hate to have a wicked stepfather.
So I really have everything and I'm glad Mommie and me had the whole day just to ourselves. She says what do we need with a husband anyway I'm like her tiny husband because my acting brings home the bacon and it will take us far. I want to do that for Mommie, because I can take care of her better than any old husband could. She never punishes me. Even if I give her nerves I just get my privileges taken away, like going to the library that time, or watching Ed Sullivan on TV or playing cards with Dickie Van Patten who plays my brother on the set in the breaks. But privileges are bonuses anyway, like extras, so I shouldn't miss them.
Most of all, there isn't a little girl in America who wouldn't want to be me. Everybody says that. Aunt Sally says if we keep on this way maybe I
might be a rich woman all my life even if I decide to stop acting someday and do something else but that it would be a shame to leave our career when I was already a star and going to be an even bigger star. I don't care about being a rich woman all my life but I would like to make Mommie rich so she can have the things she wants like a mink coat.
Well Diary I have to go study my lines now because Mommie and me played all day so Aunt Sally says we better do
some
work before our beauty sleep. Mommie is working on her stocks which are also going to help make us rich. It was a wonderful day and I wish it wasn't going to be tomorrow.
Goodnight, Diary
,
Robin
Dear Diary
,
Miss Mona Monet who is my agent remember? She committed
suicide
Diary, which means killing yourself with too many sleeping pills! I have never known a real dead person before because I never met my father. It feels scary. Mommie and Aunt Sally said it certainly was an accident but I should never discuss it with anyone. So I'm only telling you, Diary. I'm glad I'm not dead.