Authors: Phoebe Conn
"You don't want to speak with me right now but in private; is that it?"
"If it is possible." Gabrielle hoped no one would think her coming to see Jason out of the ordinary but their conversation was already attracting curious stares from the men working nearby. "I know you are very busy, if you have no time—"
"I will make the time." Jason looked around them to be certain his comments could not be overheard. "Why don't you
take Sunny out for a ride in the morning? He must begetting restless. Just slip away from the others without giving them any reason to be suspicious, and I'll meet you about a hundred yards down the trail which brought us here. There's a large oak tree that juts out into the roadway, you'll find it readily enough. Will that suit you?"
Gabrielle hesitated to agree. After all, each time she'd been alone with the man the same thing had happened. Did she want it to happen again? She clenched her fists at her sides, trying to convince herself nothing need happen between them if she didn't want it to. Of course, that would depend more on how Jason replied to her questions than on anything else. Let the man take the initiative, she'd advised Erica, but could she follow that plan herself? Especially if Jason did not choose to take the initiative. . . .
"Well?" Jason asked irritably, not understanding why Gabrielle was taking so long to reply. "I can get away tomorrow morning after breakfast. Do you want to meet me then or not?"
"Yes, I'll be there." As Gabrielle turned away and walked back toward the wagons, she feared she'd only worsened her situation rather than improved it. Clearly the man thought any conversation between them unnecessary or he'd have suggested it himself. Her heart fell at that thought, but she'd meet him in the morning and hope for the best. "It is ridiculous to expect the best from that man!" she whispered to herself. However, if Jason truly cared nothing for her, she wanted to hear it from him. Otherwise, for the rest of her life she might believe that she should have married him rather than one of the bachelors who'd paid him to find them wives.
As luck would have it, Jason was late. Gabrielle became quite depressed as she sat by the side of the trail waiting for a man who apparently had far more important things to do than come to meet her. Having let Sunny graze, she sat beneath the oak tree which provided shade as well as an unobstructed view of
the path, but she had almost decided that he would not come when he finally rode toward her at a full gallop. She stood up then, not wanting him to find her looking so comfortable and to think sheM been waiting there for a long while.
Jason swung himself down from Duke's back, then he led the buckskin horse by the reins as he approached her. "I am sorry. It was Sam Duffy. He chose this morning to come ask my advice about possible locations for his farm. He has become so polite and respectful I can hardly believe he's the same man who wanted to blackmail us."
Gabrielle looked away, not pleased to have Jason make such a casual reference to an incident she'd certainly never forget. "I was just about to leave. I thought you'd decided not to come after all," she commented coolly.
"Why do you think I'd do that? I said I'd be here and I am." Jason was aggravated because their meeting had gotten off to such a poor start. "Let's take the horses away from the trail where they can find fresh grass. I don't want to stand here and talk at the side of the road."
Gabrielle took Sunny's reins and followed Jason as he led Duke through the trees. He did not go far, but they were a sufficient distance from the trail to escape the notice of anyone passing. She had to admit he'd found a nice spot for the horses to graze, still she felt uneasy about approaching the subject she wished to discuss. She walked by his side to the edge of the clearing. However, being cautious, she sat down several feet from his side.
Jason could see by Gabrielle's troubled expression that something important was bothering her and he wished he knew how to put her at ease. "I really am sorry I was late, but I didn't want to rush off and make Sam so curious he might follow us again. Now, what is it you want to say?"
Gathering all her courage, Gabrielle began hesitantly. "I think we should talk about what has happened between us. I hope it will not be as difficult for you as it is for me. I am not used to talking with men, especially about something so
personal as this. Perhaps that is my problem. Beau was the best friend I ever had, but we had grown up together and were so close we could almost read each other's mind. It was easy for me to talk with him.'' Gabrielle knew she wasn't being at all clear so she started over again. ''What I am trying to say is that I wish we had had that same luxury of becoming close friends. Then it wouldn't be so awkward for me to talk with you now."
Jason tried unsuccessfully to concentrate upon what Gabrielle said rather than the halting way she was saying it. Apparently she'd wanted the same sympathetic understanding she'd gotten from Beau and he hadn't given it. He looked away, sorry that she'd compare him to the man who'd captured her heart and who would never surrender that prize.
"Gabrielle, I am not Beau, nor do I even want to be. Will you try to leave history out of this and just tell me what is upsetting you so badly."
The hot sting of tears blurred Gabrielle's vision at that unexpected rebuke, but she blinked them away, unwilling to let him see how greatly he had hurt her. She had not realized until that precise instant that although his features were handsome, his expression could be very cruel. "You don't want a woman for a friend, is that it? You wanted only a convenient mistress for a few months, and when our trip is over you'll pretend we are little more than strangers? Is that what you plan to do? Am I supposed to pretend we're strangers when I see you on the street in Oregon City?"
Jason nodded, at last understanding what it was she wanted. "Now I see what you're getting at, you want to know how you are to regard what happened between us?" He'd wanted her to forget Beau, but the man might as well have been sitting right there between them, his presence was still so real to her. "I told you, I'm always on the move. I've learned to live a solitary life and I enjoy it. I made you only one promise and it was one you seemed to delight in throwing back in my face. What is it you want from me now, my assurance that what has happened between us will remain a secret? If that's all that's worrying
you, then forget it. The closeness of our relationship is not something I'd share with anyone." He was angry now. As always she had seemed to see his actions in the worst possible light. He wanted far more than her respect, but he had not even earned that.
Jason was not making it easy for Gabrielle. On the contrary, she blamed herself for not having anticipated that he would prove to be so difficult. It wasn't silence she wanted from him but devotion—some hope that they could have a life together. "In a few days the journey will end. There are twenty-one bachelors expecting their brides to arrive in Oregon City, but I now have mixed feelings about being among them. In many ways I am not the same woman who left Kansas City, and I do not want to enter into a marriage I may regret for the rest of my life. I thought perhaps you would have something you wished to say to me, but I see I was foolish to expect such a courtesy."
As Gabrielle made the first move to rise, Jason reached out to stop her. "Wait a minute. I don't want you to worry about what you'll find in Oregon City until you get there. That's simply borrowing trouble. I think you're fretting needlessly. There are undoubtedly many things I should say to you, but I'll say only this: because what we had was a fleeting alliance doesn't mean my feelings for you aren't deep or that I'll forget you, ever. I would never presume to call a woman as fine as you my mistress and I suggest you don't think of yourself in that way either. It just demeans us both."
Gabrielle took a deep breath then let it out slowly: She had wanted to provide him with the opportunity to propose, but it was obvious he was never going to do so. Their brief affair was over as far as he was concerned, but she didn't want it ever to end. Her future was no less uncertain for having spoken with him, yet she wanted to seize this last opportunity to share the beauty they could create together. Rather than moving away she leaned closer, her lips nearly brushing his as she whispered, "Would you please kiss me goodbye?"
Her request was such a simple one, but to tell her goodbye
was unthinkable, not a prospect Jason could even bear to consider. He gathered her into his arms, his hunger for her too great to be satisfied with a single kiss. He pressed her supple body to his as he stretched out upon the grass, holding her tightly as though he feared she might elude his grasp. Now, after having grabbed for the sweet surrender she'd offered, he wanted to savor it for as long as she would willingly remain in his arms. He moved his fingertips slowly down her spine, cradling her tenderly as he deepened his kiss. She showed not the slightest reluctance to accept his affection, and as her hands moved slowly down the contours of his muscular body, her touch was so tantalizing he could think of nothing but the lavish affection she'd always given him. Her fingertips moved deftly over his belt buckle, freeing that constraint so she could slip her hand beneath his buckskin trousers. Her caress was honey smooth yet demanding. It drove all thought of caution from his mind. He knew he had only to wait for her passion to match his, but restraint did not come easily with so teasing a companion. When he sat up to pull off his shirt, she yanked it from his hands and, tossing it upon the grass, spread eager kisses across his bare chest.
Wanting the same privilege, he whispered hoarsely, **Your dress is in my way, take it off quickly!" He had enjoyed undressing her with a slow sensuous touch, but he wanted her too badly now to indulge in such lazy play. Fearing he would simply rip her clothing to shreds in his haste, he insisted she disrobe by herself.
Gabrielle's slender fingers trembled as she tried to slip off the layers of garments which separated them: buttons, hooks, ribbons. There seemed to be far too much to do and all the while Jason's hands were moving over her. His touch was light, teasing the firm flesh of her thighs, but she could not concentrate on her task when he provided such a compelling distraction. Finally she cast aside the last of her lingerie and he drew her back into an eager embrace his mouth covering hers in a savage kiss which left her gasping for breath when at last he
drew away. She had known him as a tender lover whose caress gave the most splendid of pleasures, but he showed no such patience with her now. His fiery kiss burned her flesh as his mouth moved to the fullness of her breast with a haste which seemed borne of desperation, and she drew his mouth back to hers, weaving her fingers in his jet black curls to draw him down upon her. She wanted to set him free from the torment which consumed him but rather than satisfying his desires her graceful invitation inflamed them both. His powerful body conquered hers swiftly then, dominating her gentle sweetness with a strength which left her trembling in his embrace. She could do no more than cling to him as the force of his ecstasy swept through her in a torrent of unleashed passion. Drenched in sunlight, she felt as though she were drowning in the ocean's depths, all life drained from her by a lover who had chosen to tell her goodbye with such intensity. She was too weak to do more than look up at him when at last, his demons subdued, his kiss grew tender once again.
Jason did not draw away, but shifted his weight to spare Gabrielle the burden of it as he gazed fondly at her delicate features. He still thought her the loveliest creature ever born. Her fair skin was lightly tanned by the many weeks sheM spent in the sun, but no less beautiful for its golden color. The blue of her eyes was bright, sparklingly clear, and the thick fringe of dark lashes which framed them seemed too long to be natural. He thought the deep glossy red of her hair marvelous and now preferred that unique shade to all others. She was an exquisite beauty, and while he would never tire of the enchanting sight of her loveliness he was saddened to think he'd given her no pleasure this time but had only taken his own. He lay quite still within her, meaning the joy to be mutual when he took her again. He kissed her cheeks playfully, nibbling her earlobes before he risked asking a question.
"I have never been closer to any woman than I am to you; are we not friends after all?"
Gabrielle raised her fingertips to his cheek. She felt that
question was too dangerous to answer truthfully for she knew were he truly her friend he would not now abandon her to the whim of fortune but would make her his wife. "You are such a handsome man, but I think even more so without a beard." She purred softly, her husky voice a most seductive one.
"Yet when I grew one you said you liked it," Jason pointed out quickly. "Is it just that you like me no matter whether I choose to be clean shaven or bearded?"
"This is true," Gabrielle whispered and she lifted her arms to encircle his neck, to draw his mouth again to hers. She did not want the warmth which filled her to end, ever, for to think they would never again share this same sweet intimacy was too sad a prospect to accept. The tip of her tongue traced the outline of his smiling lips before invading his mouth and his response was immediate. This time, however, he moved with a deliberate slowness, gently arousing her passions to a fevered peak before he satisfied his own undiminished craving for her. Despite the wonder of their pleasure there was a bittersweet sadness to their embrace, that of a longing shared but still not fulfilled. Neither wanted to let go, for each knew what they'd found together would never again be recaptured once they parted. A long while passed before they left the sunlit clearing that morning, and neither had spoken the word goodbye.
The rafts were completed rapidly, for the emigrants were so anxious to reach the Willamette Valley they wasted no time in constructing the sturdy vessels. Then wagon wheels were removed to provide flat surfaces so the heavily laden Conestogas would survive the voyage down the swiftly rushing waters of the Columbia without rolling off the floating log platforms. Controlling the rafts by long poles w£is arduous work—they were cumbersome craft—but since they had provided safe transport for thousands of emigrants the members of Jason's wagon train were willing to rely on them. They faced a wild ride through swiftly moving currents and dangerous rapids, but none appeared afraid as the first raft left the riverbank and moved out into the turbulent waters.