I put my arm inside his coat and pull him to me. "I was just thanking her for you."
Jack grins at me and presses his cold nose to my warm one.
“
Will you come with me?" he asks. "I wanna show you something.”
“
Let me grab my coat,” I say, turning and going to grab it off the coat hook. "Where are we going?" I ask as Jack starts the ATV.
"Just climb on."
He scoots forward a little so I can get on behind him and I put my arms around his waist, the corduroy coat he wears is smooth against my face. He backs the Brute up and pulls out around the graveled strip that lines the driveway. We ride a path I hadn’t noticed before and I hold on to him, letting the warmth of his body and the smell of him into me. We ride between the trees, the sun is setting behind the tree line and I silently wish we could just stay like this forever. Jack maneuvers the Brute around a bend of trees and down into a clearing. He pulls up to the door of the tan metal building that sits there and cuts the engine.
"This is it,” he says, turning the key to shut off the engine.
We climb from the ATV and Jack takes a key, unlocks the doors and slides them back against the wall. The smell of sawdust is so rich in the chilled air. Pieces of wood are stacked along the walls in varying lengths, thicknesses and widths. Two finished rocking chairs are leaned against the nearest stack of wood, twins to the pair already on his porch. Wood lies stacked next to a huge table saw, covered over in a thin layer of sawdust. A large coffee table sits in progress, the wood halfway through a coat of stain. It's all straight angles mixed with curved, bowed wood that combines to make a beautiful piece of furniture.
"Did you make all this?" I ask in awe.
"It's a hobby of mine," Jack answers. He takes his gloves off and picks up a piece of the wood. He rubs it between his big fingers and then holds it out to my nose.
I take the pinkish red wood and smell it. It's cedar.
"I can't believe you made this," I say, running my fingers over the smooth wood of a large bench next to the door.
"I’m building everything for the house. It’s my labor of love, I guess. I started building pieces long before the divorce, but I’ve stayed in here for the better part of a year off and on after I was back to myself from the accident.”
Jack picks up another piece of wood and tosses it into a big wood chipper in the corner. He looks up at me, his dark eyes heavy with old heartache for the first time since he told me everything about his past. I know that look. I sometimes see it in my own eyes when I catch my reflection, but not even once since Jack came into my life.
“
All this stuff with Nick, once it’s over, I mean,” I say quietly. “Can we bury our pasts? Can we put Nick and Rachel behind us and not talk about them again?”
Jack takes my cold hands in his warm ones. “I’d like nothing more, doll.” Our lips meet and I feel the cold of his cheeks against my skin.
I know it might not be right to ask him to promise me something that essentially erases a big part of his life, but I can’t keep living in the shadow of a woman who trashed his heart. It’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to our relationship. Nick is less to me now than he ever was and putting him behind me is going to be easy, if he’ll stop pushing his way back in, that is. I wrap my arms around Jack’s neck and he holds me so tight against him, my body just turns over control to him completely.
“
Oh, I almost forgot why I brought you in here,” Jack says, loosening his grip on me. “Come here.”
He leads me to a small stack of freshly cut lumber that’s piled on a bench next to the table saw.
“
See this?” he asks, resting his hands on the wood. “I have a special project in mind and I want you to help me.”
“
You want me to build something?” I ask in surprise. “Jack, I couldn’t even play Jenga as a kid.”
He laughs. “We’ve got a while, but I want it to be our project. On weekends, whenever we’re bored. Will you help me?”
“
I’ll try, but don’t let me anywhere near that saw,” I say, putting distance between me and the big blade.
“
Deal,” Jack says, taking my hand in his and shaking it. “And a kiss to seal it,” he pulls me to him and kisses me, the smell of rich sawdust and his cologne fills my head.
Sitting through class Monday is almost impossible. Worry nags at me, pulls all my attention from whatever the instructor is saying. I hope Jack’s lawyer and Nick’s father can make him stop.
Allie and I meet up on campus for lunch, but she’s trying so hard to show she’s sorry that it’s stressing me out even more.
“
Allie, stop already,” I say. I poke my fork into the salad in front of me. “It’s okay.”
“
I know you forgive me, but I feel like such a dumbass. I’d never wanna wreck things for you.”
I sigh and push the plate away. “I just can’t believe Nick would do this. He was always mean spirited, but this is harsh, even for him. Why can’t he just leave me alone?”
Allie looks through the cafeteria thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Maybe he realized he loves you and this is his fucked up, self-serving way of showing it.”
“
Blech,” I make a face. “He can’t love me. And I don’t love him. I even told him that.”
“
Would it be okay if I changed the subject?” Allie asks.
“
I’ll owe you big time if you do,” I groan.
“
Well, remember when I told you that Samantha was going to try and set you up on that blind date?” she asks, gearing herself up for something.
“
Yeah,” I say, waiting for it.
“
Turns out, her hot brother and I hit it off.” She smiles so broadly I worry that she’s doing irreparable damage to her face.
“
You agreed to go?” I ask, stunned.
“
I figured, what the hell? He couldn’t be any worse than the last couple of guys I’ve gone out with. He was much better,” she grins.
“
You slept with him already?” I ask, not all that surprised.
“
Carls, the guy’s hung like a fuckin’ horse,” she giggles. “But that’s the second best thing about him. He’s so funny and cute. Look,” she says, reaching into her bag for her phone, “this is us last Friday. His name’s Corey.”
She shoves the phone in my face and I’m greeted by two sweet blue eyes in a slightly chubby face underneath a tangle of red hair. Allie’s arm is wrapped possessively around his neck and she’s kissing his cheek.
“
He’s ginger?” I ask.
“
I know. Not normally my type, but look at those eyes!” She grabs her phone back and stares at him. “He’s studying to be a pharmacist in Maryland.”
“
When does he go home?”
Her face falls and the smile slips from her mouth. “He left yesterday.”
I reach out and touch her hand. “Aw, I’m sorry. Are you two gonna stay in contact?”
“
Yeah, we’re gonna Skype and stuff. He graduates in May, when I do. I’m hoping things can last that long.” She puts the phone back in her purse and rests her chin on her hand.
“
Hey, normally I’d tell you that shit like that doesn’t work out, but lately, I’ve had a change of heart about the whole romance thing.”
“
I’ll say,” Allie grins.
“
Jack asked me to move in with him,” I blurt out.
“
What?” Allie gapes. “Are you going to?”
“
I don’t know,” I say. “I want to, but I don’t know if we’re ready for that.”
“
Wow,” Allie says. She takes a drink of her Coke and then looks at me. “What does Claire think?”
“
She hasn’t even met him yet, but she knows all about him. She said to take my time and make the right choice for me.”
“
Sounds like Claire,” Allie says. “That’s good advice though. You should worry about what you want for a change.”
“
If this shit with Nick doesn’t go away, Jack might actually be going to jail. We have to get this taken care of before I can really decide on something like that.”
Allie chews at her straw thoughtfully and I mentally cross my fingers that it’s over already.
§
Claire looks phenomenally better, even happy when I get to her house. Jack’s still at the mill trying to get everything ready for the snowstorm the weather channel predicts will hit Princeton.
“
Hey, sista,” she says as I walk through the door. Her hair is tied to the side in a fishtail braid and she’s wearing thick, wooly pajamas.
“
Heya,” I say. After I told her about Nick and what happened, she insisted I come over and talk about it. She ordered Chinese and has already fixed herself a plate. I open the containers and add food to my own plate.
“
God, this smells good," I say.
She sits at the table in the kitchen nook and I join her.
“
So, have you decided to move in with Jack or not?” she asks, forking a pile of noodles into her mouth.
“
Sheesh, can I get a bite of dinner first?” I ask.
“
I guess that means no?” Claire asks.
“
It doesn’t mean anything except that I’m hungry.” I open my fortune cookie and read the little red print.
It is easier to resist at the beginning, than at the end.
Great. Even the Fortune Cookie God thinks I’ll give in.
“
Mark says Jack came to see him this afternoon,” she says between mouthfuls of broccoli.
“
Oh?” I ask, surprised.
“
Yep. He said he was there to get in his safe deposit box, but stopped by to bullshit a while.”
“
What did he say? Did he tell Mark about Nick?”
“
Yeah and I think he’s still pretty pissed off about it.”
“
Wouldn’t you be?” I ask. “I still can’t believe Jack might go to jail over this.”
“
I don’t think he will. Mark said it’s all pretty stupid.” She picks at the chicken on her plate. “Can I ask you something, Carly?”
“
Sure,” I say hesitantly.
“
Do you and Jack, you know, have sex without protection?”
I drop my fork and it hits the corner of the plate with a clang. “Why would you ask that?”
“
Just something he said to Mark,” she says.
I know Jack wouldn’t blab about our sex life to my brother-in-law. “What’d he say?”
“
Just something about our kids being cousins. I just wanted to make sure you were being careful, until you were ready for kids.”
I let out a breath and shake my head at her. “That doesn’t mean anything,” I scoff. “I’m on the pill and neither of us want kids. At least not any time in the near future. Maybe down the road, if we get married.” The realization that that might be something I want, something Jack wants again surprises me.
“
Do you think that’s where you’re headed?” Claire asks.
“
Fuck,” I say, pushing the plate away from me. “I’m sorry, Claire, but I can’t assess every aspect of our relationship all day long. I don’t know what we’re doing right now; I’m just trying to figure out a way to keep him from going to jail.”
Claire looks at me, clearly wounded by my outburst. I put my hands over my face and fight the sob that threatens to come.