Save Me (31 page)

“I KNOW YOU SAID you needed space, but I can’t not talk to you now that I know you’re alive,” I tell Penny who is silent on the other end of the line. “I hate this. I hate that we’re not together. I hate that you’ve lost Ray. I have never been so confused in my life. Loving you has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done, but not having you in my life is the hardest.”

“I know, I wish things were different for us.”

Does she? Can I ask her without her closing up and refusing to talk or do I change the subject? There isn’t a book on how to win your wife back after she’s been married to someone else for so long because she thought you were dead. I need a fucking instruction booklet of things I’m allowed to say, ask, and think when I’m talking to her because the last thing I want to do is upset her.

“I’m sorry, Penny. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I know you didn’t, Tucker.” Her voice is soft and there’s a hint of tiredness. Glancing at my watch I see it’s almost eleven for her and should probably let her go, but this is the first time she’s answered since I left her in Vermont.

“I think you’re a brave woman. I should’ve told you that when I saw you, but my words were jumbled and everything was happening so fast. I can’t fathom being in your situation, thinking I’m gone and having to deal with Lawson. I’m going to kill him when I see him, Penelope.”

“Please don’t.”

Her simple statement takes me back. In fact, I’m confused. Why wouldn’t she want this piece of shit dead?

“Why not?” I brace myself for her reasoning.

“Because you’ll go to jail and I can’t have that.”

My heart starts to beat faster, giving me hope that someday her and I will be together again; that we’ll be a family and living the life we thought we would. So much of me wants to dissect her statement and ask her what she means, but I don’t want to force her into anything she’s not ready for.

“I’m going back to California tomorrow,” I say instead, changing the subject. “As much as I love Evan and Ryley, living here isn’t my home. Not that a place in Cali will be either, but it’s what I know. I also have a hearing next week in front of a JAG judge to get my life back. Carole, Ryley’s mom, has been working her tail off for Rask and I.”

“What are you going to do?”

“About what?” I ask in regards to her open-ended question.

“About being a SEAL?”

“I don’t know. I think I’m going to take a leave of absence and get my head straight. Maybe take up surfing or something like that. Being in the Navy is all I know.”

“Oh the women will love seeing you on a surfboard,” she says, laughing. Her comment strikes me as odd, but it’s her laughter that keeps me focused.

“There’s only one woman I care about, Penny, and that’s you.”

She shuffles the phone, or drops it. I can’t be sure. I hear her move around and finally hear a door shut.

“Tucker, I have so much to say and probably should’ve done it when you were here, but words, even now, escape me. I’m torn up. I’m confused. I feel like I’ve cheated on you and that makes me feel so dirty. When Chloe goes to school—”

I close my eyes when she refers to our daughter as Chloe. I know Ray didn’t give her that name, but for some reason the jealousy inside of me makes it seem like he did.

“Can we call her Claire, please?”

“She wants to be called Chloe. I’m respecting her wishes and you should, too. I know what her birth names means to you, but this is all she’s known.”

Penny is right, even though I can’t see past the red. My grandmother raised me after my mom overdosed. My mother never told my grandma who my father was so she stepped in. Her name was Claire McCoy and from the minute Penny and I found out we were having a girl, I wanted to call her Claire. If it weren’t for my grandmother, I probably would’ve been into drugs like my mother. I should ask Penny about my grandmother, but I already know the answer. I make a mental note to see if what I was told about my grandma dying is true or not.

“I understand,” I tell her reluctantly. “I just … I don’t know her and can only remember her from when she was a baby.”

“I know, but she needs time just as I do. To say our lives are upside down and inside out right now would be the colossal understatement of the universe. Anyway, as I was saying, when Chloe goes to school, I sit in my shower and scrub my skin until it’s raw. I can’t get clean and I don’t know how to make those feelings go away.”

The image of her ripping her skin apart kills me. Sadly, I don’t know how to make those feelings go away either because my thoughts are just as dark. Half the time when I’m alone I set my pistol out and wonder if things would be easier if I ended my life. But Penny and Claire flash before my eyes. It’s their smiles that give me hope to look past the shit storm my life as become.

I can hear Penny breathing on the other end and the thought of having her here with me, lying next to me goes right to my groin. It’s going to be a long time, if ever, before I’ll feel her like that again.

“I miss you,” I say, biting the proverbial bullet. I know she could hang up on me or tell me not to call her again. She could change her number tomorrow and I’d be shit out of luck because I wouldn’t be able to reach her, but I don’t care. She needs to know and remember that she’s my wife, regardless if she feels like she’s still married to Ray.

“Tucker—” she says breathlessly.

“No, Penny, I get it, but you have to know. I haven’t lived the past six years thinking you were dead or knowing that you thought I was. I came home to you and Claire with roses in my hand only to be greeted by a stranger. None of the stories I was told about you added up. Ryley said you were gone before my funeral, Frannie said after. I didn’t know what to believe, but I refused to believe that you left me.

“I spent day and night thinking about you and our daughter when I was away, and the pictures I received were the only thing to keep me going …” My thoughts trail off. If Frannie had to follow us to find Penny, how the fuck did she have pictures of Claire?

“Tucker?”

“Yeah, babe, I’m here. Sorry, I just had a thought.”

“About what?”

There is no way in hell I’m telling her this so I make something up. “About you and I, on the back of my motorcycle. You know it was my bike which led me to you.”

“I know, Buzz emailed me.”

“He helped you?”

By the noise against the phone I’m guessing she’s nodding. “He did. I knew I was leaving, but didn’t know where to go, and I had to pay for the storage unit because I didn’t want to lose what I had left of you. He knew I was distraught and for some reason I spilled everything to him. He gave me a name of a guy in downtown San Diego who gave us a new identity and set us on the bus. I never asked him to do anything, but he knew to alert me that the Feds had shown up.”

“I’d like to thank him,” I say, before adding, “I hired a private investigator, three in fact, but only the last one proved to be worth the money. Her name is Marley and she helped Cara and I track you down. Do you know how many Amy Jones there are that use that particular bank?”

“I do, that’s why I used it.”

“Clever girl.”

She laughs again, but this time adds a yawn.

“I’m going to let you go, but I’m calling again, unless you don’t want to talk to me.”

“No, I do. It feels good.”

“Yes it does,” I agree with her easily. “I love you, Penelope.”

I don’t give her a chance to reply before hanging up. It’s for my own sake and not hers. I don’t want her to say it because she feels that I need to hear it, and I don’t want to hear the pause because she doesn’t mean it. All in due time.

As soon as I set my phone down, my name is being called from upstairs. It’s like living with parents here. I’m reminded to eat, make sure my laundry is in the laundry room, take off my shoes, and hang up my towel. I feel sorry for Ryley, having to put up with Evan and EJ, plus myself on top of them. The woman needs a damn medal of honor.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs I hear an unfamiliar voice having a conversation with Evan, which sends chills down my spine. I rush back to my room and grab my gun, sliding it into the waistband of my pants. I walk up the stairs slowly, hoping to surprise whoever is in the house. They already know I’m here, but don’t know where.

I follow the voices down the hall and into Ryley and Evan’s formal living room. This room is a shrine to Evan, Nate, and Archie with all their medals and a large USN anchor hang right above their fireplace. The same windows that face the ocean from the family room extend into here, giving this room another magnificent view.

“McCoy, just in time,” Archer says as he stands from the chair he’s sitting in. “I’m sure you remember our ever faithful Brigadier General.”

I walk around the backside of the black leather couch to see Chesley sitting there, eyeing Archer and then me. I feel my mouth drop open before shutting it, and turn my gaze into a glare.

“You’ll excuse me if I don’t salute you.”

“Understandable,” he says, nodding at me.

“Chesley here would like to tell us a story.”

“Is that so?” I sit down in the other chair, facing the couch. Archer follows suit, but doesn’t give Chesley a chance to speak. “Where’s Rask?”

“Went back to Cali with Nate this morning.”

Fucker didn’t even say good-bye.

“What the fuck are you doing across the Sound?” Evan asks, leaning forward.

“Watching you,” Chesley replies immediately. “And it’s not what you think. I’ve had troops in and around the area since you moved in, protecting you and your family. The day Tucker arrived, it made my job easier, and when Rask showed up things couldn’t have gotten better for me.”

“Except?” I ask.

“Except you all left and I couldn’t do my job.”

“Which is what, exactly? I’m having a little trouble understanding the word ‘protect’,” Evan remarks.

“I understand and maybe I should start from the beginning. When I found out my daughter-in-law was having an affair with Senator Lawson, as you can imagine I was livid, especially for my son. But when he called to tell me that Abigail had been kidnapped I did what any grandfather would do, I called in favors.”

“You danced with the devil,” I add.

Chesley nods. “I did, but didn’t know it at the time. I had no idea Ingram was Lawson’s father. None of us knew he had any children.”

“Why our unit?” Evans asks the question that has been plaguing us for so long.

“Because I needed the best. I wanted Abigail in the best possible hands and returned quickly. I didn’t know what Lawson had done to her until she came home and she told my son everything. As soon as we had her back, I went to thank you, only to hear that you had died.”

“You waited four months to thank us?” I know I sound incredulous, but who the fuck waits for four months?

“No, I tried to thank you as soon as Abigail returned home.”

“Cut the bullshit, Chesley. We had the girl in three days or some shit like that. This was a snatch and grab mission. We did our jobs and should’ve been home for Sunday dinner.” Evan is pissed off and rightly so. All Chesley is doing is feeding us a line of bullshit.

“You may have saved her, but she didn’t come back right away. The day after my son called to tell me she was finally home was the day I paid a visit to Ingram. I expected to find you guys being debriefed, but he informed me you had perished and that he was working on bringing your bodies home.

“I attended each of your funerals and prayed that you guys were at peace.”

“We weren’t,” I tell him.

“And neither was I.”

“Do you expect us to feel sorry for you?” Evan questions.

“No, but I’d like for you to hear me out.”

We both nod and that seems to relax Chesley a little bit. “My son started divorce proceedings as soon as Abigail came back, but Christina wouldn’t cooperate. She lied through her depositions to protect Lawson all because she didn’t want the Vice Presidential nomination to be revoked. That was more important than her daughter. Without her testimony, we couldn’t tie anything to Lawson, and Abigail’s testimony wasn’t enough. To make matters worse, the men who saved her were dead.

“Fast forward to your return. The minute I found out, I was in Ingram’s office being threatened. It was at that point I knew something was up so I played along, figuring you’d come to me for help, but I couldn’t get word out to you. Weeks before you arrived, Christina was in a car accident on her way to see Lawson.”