Save Me (Taken Series Book 1) (20 page)

              Jeremy never fails in reminding me of this. Always making sure I know that there is no one who will ever find me and no one who can ever save me. Now it’s just him and his guards who stand watch making sure I never leave the house or contact anyone from my old life via internet. I’m chained here by a monster who truly believes he is in love with me. How can he be in love with me if he locks me up in his mansion of a house and never lets me go? That’s not love. That’s obsession. He’s obsessed with me and it’s sickening.

              I hate him so much. I hate who he is, what he’s done to me, to my family, to Forrest. Oh god, Forrest. He didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve to be caught up in this crazy fantasy Jeremy want’s with me. He didn’t deserve to die trying to save me or any of the other girls that Jeremy was trying to traffic. He deserved a long happy life with many close friends and a woman who loved him for all that he was. But no. Forrest tried to save me and was murdered by the monster who holds me captive. The monster who refused to just let me die that first day he brought me here and raped me. That day I lost everything.

              My sanity is gone. I sit every day in my prison of a room just staring at the walls that look so much like my old room. I stare and think about why this happened to me. Why was I the targeted one and not some other girl who was easy? I just didn’t understand it. I may be innocent but wouldn’t it be easier to have a girl who was experienced to sell than a girl who had no clue how to please a man? I don’t know much about sex trafficking but I’ve heard horrible stories about how when they are taken they get beaten, raped, and drugged before they are ever even sold. Is that what’s going to happen to me? So far Jeremy has hit me a few times when I flinch as he tries to touch me but not really severely beaten like what I imagined would happen. I’ve been raped nearly every day the last two weeks I’ve been here so there’s that. And the only drugs I had in my system were when he drugged me to make me pass out.

              I don’t want to think about what will happen to me. I don’t want to know. My attempt at suicide went horribly wrong when Jeremy found me before I died. I thought he wouldn’t be back. I thought I had time to bleed out and I nearly did but he said he heard when I broke the window so he came to check what happened and that’s when he saw me nearly dead on the floor in a pool of my own blood and of course he had to have a doctor on hand so he bandaged me up and gave me a blood transfusion.

              Ever since that day Jeremy hasn’t left me without someone near in case I tried again. There is always someone posted at my door and if I do venture out of my room which has only happened on a few occasions, that same guard follows close on my heels to make sure I don’t try anything stupid.

              So here I sit quietly on my bed looking at a blank space on the wall across from me contemplating my next move trying to forget about everything else that’s happened. Nothing comes to mind though. I have no way of escaping with the guard hovering so close and unless I can find a way to take him down, there is no way of getting around him. I’m bound to live in this hell for the rest of my life or until Jeremy sells or kills me.

              I know I probably shouldn’t but I need to remember a time in my life when I was happy. When my world was right and I had a future to look forward to. A time before I was kidnapped.

              Forrest had just become a part of our family when my parents took him in when his last foster parents kicked him out. He had only been with us for a couple of weeks and I didn’t know much about what happened to him to put him in foster care in the first place. Sure he told us some of it like how his mom had a pimp and that he was abused by her and a few others. He didn’t talk about his dad much seeing as he didn’t know much about him and we never knew the extent of how bad he really had it until he was nearly out of high school. He gave us snippets of things when life was really getting him down. I’m not even sure he told us everything

              In those few weeks my parents had been given all the information on Forrest and what he went through that they knew of, a list of other known relatives who didn’t want him and other confidential things that Damon and I weren’t privy too. It also gave his birthday which for some reason we never actually knew. We never thought about it as it never came up and nobody had celebrated it in any of his other foster homes. The last foster parents he had barely even celebrated the other holidays with him. Christmas he got clothes because he needed them and that was it. No toys or games, or anything that normal kids wanted and received.

              When my parents saw his birthday listed on his paperwork we decided to plan. By now he had made plenty of friends especially with Damon being so popular and of course his bad boy good looks got him many girls who befriended him. We schemed and planned for a fun party, probably his first ever, and hoped he liked it. I was so excited that I almost blurted it out to him on numerous occasions. Forrest always asked me why I was smiling so much and why I always looked like I had something to say but somehow I zipped my lips and threw an invisible deadbolt on them keeping me from ruining the surprise.

              Damon asked all their closest friends to come, made several CD’s to play during the party, and kept him busy and away from home on the day of the party. My parents bought the cake, food and decorations in which I helped choose and set up. I don’t know how many stores we went to just so I could find the perfect cake and the decorations that screamed Forrest. I knew him well because Damon, Forrest and I were the Three Musketeers and best of friends doing nearly everything together. No matter how much younger I was or that I was a girl, Forrest always made sure I was welcomed even if it took Damon a little while to accept his little sister being around.

              Black and green streamers were hung, a happy birthday sign was pinned to the wall, one tiny disco ball lit up the den, and plenty of finger foods strategically placed on a table against the wall and the party was ready to start hopping. I knew Forrest well and figured he probably didn’t want to have any kiddie games at his party so I left the entertainment up to Damon knowing he would find something that is more their age appropriate.

              Before Damon and my mom brought Forrest home from the arcade all the people who were invited showed up waiting to yell surprise. There weren’t many friends but they were the friends that were important to Forrest even if he wouldn’t admit it. We watched and waited at the front window for my mom to pull up with the boys and once they did I ran back to the den and told everyone to be quiet until Forrest walks in then yell surprise.

              Forrest’s face was in shock and awe when he turned the corner into the den. Seeing us all there in support of his birthday surprised him in more ways than one. I believe he finally realized that all of us truly care for him and he didn’t look like he knew what to do about that.

              My feelings for him that day skyrocketed. At the time I didn’t realize what that meant for me or even us but I realized just how much I truly cared for the boy who had nothing and no one to begin with and now has all these people who care and love him unconditionally and he still felt unworthy.  Watching him that day with all his friends, smiling, laughing and genuinely enjoying life was one of the greatest memories I have of him. I want to go back to that day. I want to go back to that moment where I realized Forrest was more than just my best friend. That was one of the happiest days of my life and I had my family and best friend there to witness it.

              Now. Well now my memories are tainted by the image of Forrest laying in a pool of his own blood all in the effort to save me from a life of abuse, rape and loss. A loss bigger than anything I could have conjured up. The loss of my family, friends, life and true love. I’m in purgatory and I don’t even know what I did to deserve it.

              I know it may be selfish and I know I may seem weak, but I want to die. Not figuratively but actually die. I want to kill myself to escape this life I never thought I would have. Why would everything be taken from me so brutally? I just don’t get it. I can’t stand being raped nearly every day, being hit every time I flinch from being touched and being held prisoner by a bastard. Every day he visits me and every day I wish I were dead. He finds pleasure in my pleas and sobs. He loves to hurt me and then care for me after as if it were my fault he did all this.

              How do all those kidnap victims who are found just go back to a life of normal? How do they live every day in hell and not lose their sanity and kill themselves? Do they contemplate suicide? How do they make it through this kind of life? I’m sure they come out with PTSD and maybe a little less intact but I just don’t understand how they get through it and not lose hope while they are captive. I wish I knew and that someone could impart that wisdom to me.

The problem is I don’t believe there is any hope for me of being saved. Nobody knows who took me besides Forrest and his captain but I believe he’s dead also and if not, I don’t think he was on my side to begin with. So who would find me with no leads? Did they suspect Jeremy took me this time or have they moved on? I wish there was a television for me to watch so I can see what’s going on in the outside world. I’m stuck without a phone, internet, television, or even a radio. If I want something to do I find a book to read or clean and cook. As much as I don’t want to be cooking and cleaning the house of my abductor there isn’t much else to do. There is nobody to talk to and nowhere to go. No I don’t clean the whole house. Mostly just my room and the kitchen after I make my food.

Every day I try to stay in my room for as long as possible before I leave and most of the time I have no problems with it until I’m hungry. That’s when I have to let the guard know at my door that I want to go to the kitchen. Most days I just get food and head back to my room and read or stare at the wall. Mostly I just stare at the wall but when that starts to drive me insane I move to reading. Problem is the only thing around to read are magazines for men and a few romance novels. I don’t want to read romance novels knowing I will never have my happy ending so I try to avoid it.

As I sit here and stare at the wall trying to hold onto the memory of Forrest’s first birthday party, my heart breaks a little more. Even though I normally don’t try to think about my time before being abducted, sometimes I need something just to give me a little happiness and light in this world of sadness and despair.

I hear the gravel crunch under the tires of an approaching vehicle and know my nightmare is about to get worse. I know there is nowhere to go because he will find me no matter where I try to hide so I just sit and wait.

The purr of the vehicles engine abruptly stops as the driver turns it off. Moments later the slamming of the door causes me to twitch in fear of what’s to come before another slamming door alerts me to the person entering the house. The clock ticks quietly in my head as I wait for the inevitable intrusion. The only sound is his footsteps coming down the hall.

Thump.Thump.

The closer he gets the more my heart races in fear as a bead of sweat starts to form on my brow. My hands start to shake.

Thump. Thump.

My mouth starts to become dry.

Thump. Thump.

My eyes dart around the room looking for an escape knowing there isn’t.

Thump. Thump.

I feel as if I’m going to vomit.

Thump. Thump.

Then silence. I know he waits on the other side of the door. I don’t know why he stands there. He does it every day he comes for me. He waits on the other side never saying a word. Never making a sound. Building the anticipation causing my dread to thicken wanting him to just get it over with yet never wanting him to enter that door.

Finally the nob turns excruciatingly slowly making my heart drop in my stomach knowing I’m about to be raped. Knowing he will touch me in the most sexual and intimate way and causing pain on every inch of my soul for letting him do this to me. The door creaks as it gets pushed open slowly but I never look. There’s no acknowledgement from me to him. This is my way of defiance. There are no repercussions by not acknowledging him. Only when I don’t listen and fight does he ever strike. As much as I want him to hit me hard enough to put me out of my misery, he never does. He only makes me fear him more and my body to ache worse.

Without looking to where he is I can sense him. His cologne is a woodsy scent that drifts over to tickle my nose. He puts off an aura of strength, brutality and danger. If not for the fact that he kidnapped me, he would be attractive. In school all the girls fawned over him. I only had my eye on Forrest but it wasn’t hard to notice Jeremy. His good looks took him far and I had no doubt he had many women which is why it’s so confusing that he obsessed over me. I’m nobody of importance. I may be pretty but I am not sexy or beautiful like many other women who chased him. I was innocent. I wasn’t a skilled lover like many others.

Once Jeremy is inside he pushes the door closed causing a quiet click as the lock turns. I know something’s off since he has yet to say anything to me. I risk a slight glance and his posture is stiff as anger pours off of him. I hope I didn’t do anything to cause his wrath seeing as I’ve been sitting here nearly all day not moving from my spot except for lunch but who knows if maybe that is his problem.

“Get up.” He growls. I hurry to scoot off the bed and stand up. I don’t know what he wants from me but his anger scares me and I’m afraid he will hurt me worse than he already has. “We’ve got company coming and I need you to get dressed.” Throwing my closet door open he steps in and starts pushing hangers out of his way in search of who knows what.