Authors: Marissa Farrar
AUTUMN AND HER father worked in near silence. They’d always been most comfortable together when they’d been involved in work, the dependable and more predictable world of science evening out their usual awkward relationship. Except now, Autumn had to wonder how much of that relationship had been staged by him to try to keep her safe, to get her to keep her distance from him.
Thankfully, the sample of Blake’s hair had contained enough nuclear DNA at the root to allow them to use the centrifuge to extract the genetic material. Hair was always a tricky sample due to the nature of the hair cells dying to become the horny, tough material which made up the hair strands. The presence of root cells made Autumn suspect that she had grabbed Blake’s short hair and pulled too roughly in a moment of passion. The realization both embarrassed her and filled her with longing.
It took time to extract the DNA and then isolate the gene they needed, but the hours flew by, both deep in concentration. To save time, Autumn wished she could have had access to the genes Dumas had already isolated, but of course such a thing was impossible. She suspected all of the research would have been destroyed by now. The government would have wanted to protect their backs. Despite the dark ambition that lay beneath Dumas’ research, she couldn’t help feeling a pang of remorse for all that wasted work.
By the early hours of the morning, they’d isolated the gene. Now, they needed to combine it with human DNA, and add a drop of her blood to act as the catalyst. She held her breath as her father held a pipette of her blood over the combined DNA. This was the moment. Even though she’d seen it happen twice in the government laboratory, if it worked here, she would no longer be able to put down what she’d seen to some kind of external contamination. If the experiment worked, she would have to accept what she was, and what her mother had been—descendants of the originals who created the first ever spirit shifters.
Her breath held deep in her chest, her gaze glued to the computer monitor, to the sausage-like, X-shaped human chromosomes on screen that had already been spliced with the shifter gene. Blood beaded from the end of the micro-fine glass needle and fell, as if in slow motion, onto the slide.
The chromosomes began to divide.
“Oh, crap,” she breathed, exhaling the air she’d been holding.
Despite everything she’d seen leading up to this moment, a small piece of her had clung to the possibility that the part she’d been playing had been given to the wrong person. But now she couldn’t deny that she was what everyone claimed.
She turned to her father to find him watching her with a small, sad smile and compassion in his light blue eyes. He pushed his glasses back up his nose. “I hate to say I told you so, honey.”
She gave a rueful smile. “But you told me so.”
“Sorry.”
“So everything you told me was true about Mom. She really was killed.”
“Murdered,” he corrected.
“Murdered,” she repeated, barely a whisper, the words sounding as if they weren’t even coming from her mouth. It was so much to take in.
Autumn stifled a yawn with the back of her hand and glanced at her watch. She was surprised to find it was almost eight in the morning. They’d worked the whole night through.
“You can sleep here,” her father offered. “I keep your room made up.”
She gaped at him. “You do?”
“Sure. I never knew when the time might arrive when you’d be able to come back to me.”
She found herself blinking back tears. She’d always found him so stand-offish, a cold, hard father whose only interest was work. Now, she was discovering the softness beneath. She stepped forward and flung her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.
“Thanks, Dad, but I think I’ll go home. I’m a big girl now.”
“I know.” It was his turn to blink back tears. “You grew up too fast.”
In truth, she needed to be in her own space to turn over everything she had learned. Plus, she wanted to be available for Blake, should he return to the city today. If she stayed here, he wouldn’t know where to find her.
She took half an hour to freshen up in the bathroom and down a cup of coffee which her father made for them both. Then she stepped out onto the street, the diffuse fall sunlight bright against eyes that had spent all night beneath ground. Though her body was tired, her mind still raced. She’d normally grab a cab, but today she just wanted to walk awhile, allow her brain time to unstring itself. Perhaps she’d go via Lakeside and walk along the water. The cool fall wind off the lake was bound to sweep some cobwebs away.
Autumn huddled into her jacket and stuffed her hands in her pockets to keep them warm. The roads were quieter than normal, but she saw no sign of any more groups of people out to cause trouble. Those who had been involved in last night’s riots were probably now sleeping off the excitement. She felt strangely detached from the world around her, as if she’d been hidden away for far longer than a single night. Perhaps the sensation was simply intense tiredness. Did night shift workers feel the same way when they made their way home from work?
A car slowed beside her and pulled up alongside the curb without actually stopping. She gave the vehicle a cursory glance, wondering if someone wanted directions. Adrenaline shot through her veins. The windows of the car were all up and the glass was tinted, and still the vehicle continued to drive alongside her. She ducked her head and increased her pace, her feet sounding too loud as they hit the
sidewalk. The streets suddenly felt empty and she wished for more people. Where was everyone? The car continued to drive along behind her.
Her hand reached into her purse, fishing out her cell phone. She wasn’t sure who she planned on calling, but when she hit the button to bring up her contacts, the phone beeped at her and died.
Crap.
She’d not thought to charge it over the last couple of days. Everything else had gotten in the way. She glanced at the houses on either side. Could she run to one of them if she needed to? Or perhaps she should turn around and go back to her father’s house?
Without warning, the car sped up again and pulled out into the main flow of traffic, driving away. She breathed out in relief. The story her father had told her must be making her paranoid.
Even so, she decided to look for a cab. Considering everything that was going on, walking home probably wasn’t one of her brightest ideas. In all truth, she’d almost forgotten about the chaos on the streets downtown. Now, as she grew closer to downtown, she was beginning to see the remnants of the previous night’s riots and protests—broken windows, strewn homemade signs, litter scattering the streets where trash cans had been emptied or people had simply gathered with drinks and snacks, as if they’d been using the violence as a night’s entertainment.
A cab drove past, its light off. She waved at another, but the driver ignored her, perhaps on his way for breakfast in a café. Autumn was starting to feel frustrated. She really should have ordered one from her father’s house.
The tiredness of having not slept for the whole of the previous night combined with the emotional exhaustion of what she’d learned about her past began to take its toll. Though she was used to jogging and was physically fit, her legs began to ache and her tiredness made her feel the cold.
A figure stepped out of an inset doorway directly in front of her, blocking her path.
She let out a small shriek, stumbling back, her hand clutched to her chest.
“Autumn?” The person reached out toward her.
Through the fog in her brain, it took a moment for her to piece together the person’s identity.
“Chogan?”
Blake’s younger cousin stood before her, totally out of context on the street near her father’s home. His long black hair was free from restraint, sleek and shiny, falling over his shoulders. Her eyes flicked over his high cheekbones, almond black eyes, and the full mouth with the pouty lower lip. His beauty struck her, like discovering a work of art in the middle of a slum.
She blinked in surprise. Her tongue seemed to have grown fat so she had to talk around it. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to make sure you were all right. Where is Blake?”
She recovered herself. “He’s looking for you! Where the hell have
you
been? Have you seen the chaos you’ve caused around here?”
He ignored her question. “Why isn’t Blake with you?”
“I told you already. He’s gone back to the reservation in the hope of finding you.”
Chogan’s
eyes darkened, glowering at her. “He left you in the city on your own?”
She threw her hair back and returned the scowl, a shot of annoyance racing through her. “I’m allowed to be on my own. I don’t need babysitting.”
“These streets are dangerous right now. You shouldn’t be walking around by yourself.”
“And whose fault is that?” she shot back.
He seemed to study her, his dark gaze boring into her as if he was seeing more of her than she wanted him too. “I never wanted you to get involved in all of this. That was never my intention.”
“Well, it’s a bit late for that, but so far only you, Blake, and his father know I’m involved, and I plan for it to stay that way.”
His penetrating gaze finally shifted away from her. She hoped she had imagined his slight discomfort at her comment, wondering at the reason for his reaction. It wasn’t often Chogan seemed uncomfortable.
“Blake should never have left you alone in the city,” he said. She noticed he’d kept the conversation away from himself. “If it were me, I wouldn’t have left your side for a second.”
What was he saying? That he wanted to be in Blake’s place?
Autumn began to walk down the street, Chogan matching her pace. She was still on the lookout for cabs, but no longer experienced such urgency now she had the tall Native American shifter at her side. Something about these men made her feel safer, even when the world around seemed to be getting more dangerous by the day.
“Where are you staying, Chogan?” she asked.
He turned his head to the side and glanced at her. “Why would I tell you, Autumn? So you can report back to my cousin?”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do,” he said, not missing a beat. “You’re the loyal type, I can tell. And right now, your loyalty sure as hell doesn’t lie with me.”
“Why would it? Look at what you’ve done.” She kicked out at a cardboard sign with the words, ‘Wolf Rights aren’t Human Rights!’ written on it.
“Things will get worse before they get better,” he said, pushing his hair away from his face with one hand. “We had to start somewhere, or shifters would stay a secret forever.”
“And what was wrong with that?”
“What, so people like Dumas can do whatever they want with us, and we have nowhere to turn because in everyone else’s eyes, we don’t even exist?” His voice grew heated.
She understood where he was coming from.
“If you tell Blake where I am, he’ll try to put a stop to my plans. He’ll get under the skin of my supporters and try to make them change their minds.” He paused and drew to a stop. She stopped alongside him. “He shouldn’t have left you here alone, Autumn. I don’t know what he was thinking!”
“He was thinking about the bigger picture, about trying to stop what you’ve started.”
He studied her again in that deep, intense way of his. “You are the bigger picture.”
Her heart stuttered.
“Just tell Blake to stay away from me. Tell him not to interfere.”
Taking her by surprise, he leaned in and planted a soft kiss at the corner of her mouth. The heat of his skin warmed her lips where he’d kissed her. His scent wafted over her, something masculine and woody.
“Stay safe, Autumn,” he said, before turning away and striding off down the street, leaving her standing there, blushing, watching his retreating back. His easy stride, hands shoved in his pockets, his hair falling down his back.
She lifted her hand and touched the place where he’d kissed her. A combination of guilt and excitement caught her breath in her throat. He shouldn’t have such an effect on her when she was sleeping with his cousin. And she wasn’t just sleeping with Blake, they had a connection, a bond she’d never experienced with another man before.
She needed to see Blake, throw herself into his arms. His mouth on hers would surely erase the sensation of
Chogan’s mouth pressing against her skin, his breath mixing with hers, his scent filling her nostrils. She’d been planning on heading home, but now she changed course and headed toward Blake’s warehouse apartment instead. She didn’t know if he’d be back yet, but she knew how to get in, so she figured she’d wait for him until he arrived.
Finally, she spotted a free cab driving down the road toward her. She raised her hand and waved the car down.
AUTUMN SAT, CURLED up on one of Blake’s big leather couches, hugging her knees to her chest. The big space felt cold, and though she’d found a faux fur throw to drape around her shoulders, the chill seemed to reach right down to her bones. Tiredness had something to do with her sensitivity, but so did the war tugging at her heart. What if Chogan was right? What if shifters should be able to live out in the open, free from the fear of persecution? At least then they’d be able to use the law if they were hurt or wronged by someone else because of what they were, just like any human would.
She worried about her own future. At some point, the knowledge of her ability would come out. What would happen to her then? Blake once told her she would either be loved and revered, or hated. Either option, right now, sounded terrifying. She was used to living in the relative anonymity of a science lab, hiding behind her white coat and protective goggles. Yes, papers she’d written had been published by magazines, papers she’d given lectures to hundreds of her peers about, but during those times she could hide behind her science. The people who attended were interested in chemical bonds, electrons, nucleotides … They weren’t interested in
her
.
She wished Mia was with her. She missed her friend, her confidant. At that moment, she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d made a mistake by coming to Blake’s instead of going home. She’d give anything right now for one of her easy chats with Mia over dinner and a bottle of wine—though the hour was far too early for such a thing. Mia probably wouldn’t even be home. She’d been staying with her parents since her ordeal with Calvin Thorne, though Autumn suspected she’d done so partly to give her and Blake some space. After leaving her folks’ house, Mia had mainly been with Peter. Autumn didn’t think she imagined the spark that existed between them. Anyway, she didn’t want to get Mia any more involved than she already was. She didn’t need to be burdened with her secret.
A metal screech broke through her reverie, and she realized she’d almost been asleep—no surprise, considering she hadn’t slept for the last twenty-four hours. She sat up and turned toward the sound. Blake’s huge form climbed through the hidden door in the side of the building. From outside, no one would ever think someone lived here. With no windows in the walls, instead huge cylinders placed in the roof, channeling natural light down into the building, the place appeared to be no more than an old, abandoned warehouse.
“What are you doing here, Autumn?” he asked as he approached. “I thought you’d be at home.”
He didn’t seem surprised to find her waiting for him, but then the reason why dawned on her. He must have sent his wolf on ahead to check no one else lurked around his home, no one unwanted. Right now, she wondered if she might qualify for that position. He’d hardly run to her and scooped her up in his arms. How strange to think the wolf might have been watching her when she’d been half asleep. She wondered if the animal was still here now.
“I needed to see you.” She hesitated, wondering if she should tell him about Chogan. Yes, she knew she should, and yet still, she held her tongue.
He frowned and sat down beside her. “Is everything all right?”
She forced a smile. “Sure. Except for the fact the world’s gone crazy.”
He didn’t seem convinced. “That’s not all, is it?”
She shook her head, stared down at where her hands were grasped in her lap, her cool fingers wrapping around each other. “I went to my dad’s house. We ran some experiments on my blood, confirmed what we’d discovered in Dumas’ lab.”
He reached out, one large palm covering the top of both of her hands. She was grateful for his warmth, his shifter body heat. “That shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. My father told you he recognized your qualities, that you were one of the originals. Plus, you had your own evidence to go by.”
She nodded. “I know. I just wanted that final confirmation to wipe all doubt from my mind.”
“And now? Do you believe now?”
She lifted her head to look him in the eye and nodded.
It was his turn to frown. “You haven’t asked if I found Chogan.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been distracted by my own stuff. Did you find him?”
“No, and no one has seen him. Plus my sister is missing as well, so chances are they’re together.”
“Oh no, I don’t think—”
She cut herself off, aware that she’d said too much.
He took his hand back. “What aren’t you telling me, Autumn? Do you know where Chogan is?”
“No, I don’t,” she answered truthfully. “But he’s in the city. I bumped into him near my dad’s house.”
Blake’s face hardened. “You ‘bumped into him’? I doubt very much that was an accident. Did he speak to you?” She nodded. “What did he say?”
“He wants you to stay away from him.”
The hardness tightened, as if the words were her own and therefore she was responsible. “How dare he try to tell me what to do?”
“I think he just wants to be left alone to work at what he believes in.”
Blake stared at her. “You think he’s right to do what he’s done? To expose a secret that’s been kept for hundreds of years?”
“No, I don’t—”
But he wouldn’t let her finish. He pushed himself to standing, one hand on his head, worrying at the short strands of his hair. He didn’t even look at her. “I can’t deal with this shit right now. I have so much else going on, I can’t be distracted. I left
my people for the wrong reason, and I won’t allow myself to be removed from them again when they need me most.”
“What’s the distraction?”
“I’m sorry, Autumn. This isn’t fair on either of us.”
Her heart sank, dropping into the pit of her stomach. “What are you talking about?”
He waved a hand between them. “Us.” He let out a sigh that seemed to come from the very bottom of his lungs. “Do you remember the reason I left my reservation and didn’t go back?”
Autumn nodded. “Of course. It was over a girlfriend you had when you were very young.”
“Yes, she died and I blamed Chogan. I thought they’d been seeing each other behind my back. I had to leave or I knew for sure that I would end up killing my cousin. But at the reservation I found out I was wrong about Chogan. He never had an affair with Shian.”
Her heart lightened. “So he’s not as bad as you thought.”
But Blake’s expression hadn’t softened. If anything, he seemed even harder—the solid planes of his face like stone, brow furrowed, lips thinned. “No, he’s worse.”
Autumn’s skin chilled anew.
“Shian was pregnant when she died. Chogan knew, but he never told me. All these years, he’s kept that I was going to be a father a secret. Finding out the truth after so long has made everything so immediate, as if it’s only just happened.” He stopped pacing and crouched in front of her. He took her hands as if he were about to propose, though she had a horrible feeling she should expect the opposite.
“You’re so important, Autumn. Not only to me, but to all shifters. I need to protect you, make sure you’re safe from Chogan and all of this shit he’s caused, but I don’t know how to untangle how I feel about you from my emotions about
Shian and the baby.”
“That was years ago,” she managed to say, but her voice choked in her throat, as if speaking past a huge painful lump.
“I know. But finding out has made it feel like it only happened yesterday.” He stopped and looked up at her with his dark eyes piercing, but she saw the regret in them already, regret for what he was about to do. “You know I—” He broke off, not saying the words she’d thought were on the tip of his tongue, unable to bring himself to say them, not now. “Care for you, Autumn. In so many ways. But I’m not sure if I can do this …” He motioned a hand in the space between them.
She shook her head, suddenly desperate. “Please, Blake ...”
“I don’t know what else to do. Continuing this thing with you isn’t fair.”
A thing? Was that all she was to him? She wanted him to tell her he was playing some mean, cruel joke, but she couldn’t deny what she saw in his eyes. The closeness
she’d believed so completely in only a day ago seemed to have vanished. He’d distanced his heart from her.
She got to her feet, but her legs went weak and she staggered against him. He reached out to steady her, but she pushed him away. “No, leave me be.”
“Autumn, don’t go.”
She snorted. “Don’t go? I’m hardly going to stay, am I?” She forced herself to harden her heart. “You’ve got a dead girlfriend you’ve apparently got to mourn all over again.”
“And a baby,” he added, his voice barely above a whisper. “I never got to mourn the baby.”
At this, her heart threatened to soften, but she knew if she let it, she would break as well. Perhaps this was for the best for both of them. After all, Blake might be saying he had too much to deal with to contemplate being in a relationship with her, but didn’t she have her own things to figure out how to live with as well? Aside from the whole ‘your blood could change the world’ thing, she’d also just found out her mother’s death hadn’t been all she’d believed. Her father said she’d been killed—murdered, no less—by the very people she was supposed to be able to create.
“You can’t expect me to hang around here, Blake. If you think I’m that type of woman, then you’ve got me completely wrong.”
She couldn’t even bring herself to look at him, those dark eyes filled with such a depth of sadness, she thought she might fall into them and drown with him. The hurt that threatened to crack its way through her, leaving her fractured and broken like a fault line, made her unable to stand to be anywhere near him. She needed to get out of here, to go home and try to remember what her life had been like before Blake
Wolfcollar walked into it.
BLAKE WATCHED HER leave, her tall, slender back departing through the hidden door. He wanted to call out to her to stay, but his mouth wouldn’t comply. Only one other time had he felt so torn, and that was when he’d decided to leave the reservation. Though all those years ago he’d left his heart on the reservation, he knew he’d been unable to stay. Now, his heart was the thing leaving.
Emotions built up inside him, a bubbling cauldron. Letting out a yell of frustration, he swung at a masculine lamp—all stainless steel and glass—positioned on the coffee table next to the couch. His fist connected with the glass shade and it exploded, littering glass shards over the concrete floor. He saw the blood stream from his knuckles before he felt the pain, but when he did, he took some kind of perverse pleasure from the sting. He deserved it.
He wished he could find a way to reconcile his feelings for Autumn with his new wounds. They were like a gash that had been healing for a long time, only for someone to come along and tear off the scab. The hurt ran deep, a part of his flesh
that had made who he was, had been part of his life for so long he didn’t know who he was without it. He’d believed he’d known everything about Shian’s death, only now, he’d discovered secrets he’d not even imagined. He wondered how different his life would have been. He pictured a boy of nine or ten, a child who shared his mother’s wide, almond-shaped eyes and his own serious nature.
How could there be room for Autumn when all these thoughts filled his head? It wasn’t fair to her to hold her in his bed when he was lost in his past, lost in memories of another woman and a child that never was.
Damn Chogan! All of this originated with him. If he’d only told the truth of what had happened to Shian, Blake wouldn’t be going through this now, and he’d be free to love Autumn without being encumbered by the past. He also blamed Chogan for Autumn’s doubt in him. He’d seen it in her eyes, the exact thing he’d been afraid of. Chogan had a way about him that made people want to be near him, an easy charisma Blake did not possess.
He had to focus on stopping Chogan in this stupid plan of his, of trying to rewind the clock. He’d left his home and his people because of something he’d believed due to Chogan not telling him the truth, but he sure as hell didn’t plan on letting his cousin ruin his future as well, distracting him from protecting his people, his fellow shifters. It was still early enough in the day to make people believe this whole thing was some kind of huge practical joke. He could only hope he could keep things that way.
At least now he knew Chogan was definitely in Chicago, and probably with Tala as well. His sister’s reasons for getting involved concerned him. She wasn’t a shifter, yet with Autumn’s involvement, there was a chance she could be.
He could think of no other reason for her joining Chogan in the city.