Saving Dr. Ryan (26 page)

“I love you, Maddie Mae,” he whispered, and her smile softened, tears glittering in her eyes. When she leaned over to kiss him, he flipped her underneath him again, possessing her, thinking it was the middle of the afternoon, on a Saturday, and they were alone and he was here, in her bed, making love. Making peace with himself.

Claiming a gift he'd almost been too stupid to accept.

Her fingertips stroked his brow, his cheek, while her hair—longer again—fanned out in a thousand rays against the stark
white pillow. She smiled again, a crooked smile, half innocence, half anything but.

“Now,” she said.

“I didn't bring…I didn't expect…”

“Does it matter?”

He braced himself above her, eyes locked in understanding.

“You'll marry me, then?”

She grinned. Cocky. “Can I think about it?”

He backed away.

Laughing, she grabbed his backside. “Okay, okay…yes!”

“Even though,” he said, slipping inside her, his heart nearly exploding as she arched her back, gasping through a smile, “I could break your heart?”

“I will marry you, Ryan Logan,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on his as he began moving inside her, claiming his own right to happiness, “because clearly that is what I was led here to do.”

 

Nobody said anything for a long time. Not because there wasn't a lot to say. There just wasn't any real hurry, now that they'd gotten the major things out of the way. Ryan tightened his arms around Maddie, skimming his lips over her forehead, and she thought she'd burst with joy. Then he said, “Sure is bright in here.”

“I like bright.”

His chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Think you can make the other house look like this?”

“Eventually,” she said with a grin. Then she added, realizing, “No cell phone?”

“Nope.”

Something in his voice made her shift to look in his eyes, but it still took her a minute to catch on. “Ryan! You joined the clinic?”

“I did. Signed on last week. I get every other night off and one full day a week.”

She touched his face, frowning. “You sure this is what you want?”

“Yes.” He pulled her head down to kiss her, hard, on the mouth. “I am.”

“I'm glad, then. For you.” She lay her head on his chest. “But it wouldn't've made a lick of difference to me.”

“Even though my time was never my own?”

Maddie rubbed her cheek against his chest, then said, “When Jimmy'd walk out the door, I never knew when I'd see him again. Or even, there toward the end,
if
I'd see him again. That's what I couldn't deal with anymore, the not knowing. I've got no trouble sharing my man's heart as long as I know he's left part of it with me when he leaves. Long as I know he's coming back.”

Ryan stroked her arm for a minute, then said, “You know, I finally got it through my thick head that it wasn't your sticking things out if they got rough that worried me. It was knowing there was no way you'd stay in a situation that would ultimately harm either you or the kids.” He changed position so she had to look in his eyes. “I wasn't scared of trapping you. I was scared of
losing
you.”

A breeze huffed through the open window, stirring her new sheer white curtains. Maddie stretched out on her side, her head propped in her hand. “Talk to me,” she said softly. “Tell me about Suzanne.”

Ryan mirrored her position, their hands linked on the bed between them. And he told her about how he and Suzanne had gone together for a long time, that she didn't want to sleep with him at first because of her religious scruples, but that after they got engaged, she changed her mind.

That she'd gotten pregnant.

Maddie frowned. Ryan had never mentioned a child.

“Suzie freaked,” he went on, “petrified about what her parents would say when they found out. I told her, hang the damn big wedding, we'll just get married right away. Unfortunately the timing couldn't've been worse. Doc Patterson had just died, maybe a month before. I was so busy I couldn't see straight. It seemed like everytime we'd make plans, I'd have to cancel. She always said she understood. And I honestly believe she wanted to. Yet…she kept dragging her feet about
getting married. Then one night, when I got back from a call that took me way the hell out to the boonies, I found Suzie waiting for me, huddled by the back door to the office and crying….”

When the pause grew longer than Maddie thought it should, she said, softly, “She lost the baby?”

“Yeah,” Ryan let out on a long breath. “She was only a few weeks along, so physically she was never in any danger. But emotionally, she was a mess. We both were. She never said so outright, but I'm sure she blamed herself, as if losing the baby was some sort of punishment. But she blamed me, too, finally admitting how much she hated that I was never around. That she couldn't count on me. Even though wasn't a damn thing I could have done to stop her miscarriage, even if I had been there, I realized our problems went way beyond that. There was no way I could ever make her happy, not unless I compromised the one thing I'd planned on doing since I was fourteen years old. So…” He let out a sigh. “She called off the wedding and basically walked out of my life. Married somebody else less than a year later.”

“And that hurt,” Maddie said gently.

Ryan brushed her hair out of her eyes, a half smile tilting his lips. “Like holy hell.”

Maddie squeezed his hand. “Hey,” she said. “I'm not Suzanne.”

“Yeah. I know.” Then he added, “I ran into her again, couple months back.”

“You did?”

“Yep. She was here visiting her folks. She told me her marriage had dried up and that she was moving to California.” He gave a mirthless chuckle. “Once again running instead of facing her problems right where she is. And I guess that's when it finally began to sink in that maybe I wasn't quite as responsible for her pain as I'd thought I was.”

“Well, glory hallelujah,” Maddie said. “And just for the record? I don't want you to
ever
feel responsible for my happiness, is that clear?”

“Oh, yeah?” In a lightning-quick move, he pinned her un
derneath him, his eyes soft with love and dark with wanting. Over her laughter, he said, “Hey. I'll make you happy if I damn well feel like it. And there's nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well, okay, if it means that much to you.”

“You better believe it—”

The front door opened, sending a draft whooshing through the house.

“Hey, Maddie,” Ivy called out. “I'm back with Little Bits! And I'm standing here yellin' like a dang fool because I'm not blind and I can see that Ryan's truck is out front and since I don't see the two of you down here, doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going on.” Her laughter echoed up the stairs. “And don't hurry down on my account. I'll just make myself at home.”

After a stunned couple of seconds, Maddie and Ryan looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Then they figured they might as well take the woman up on her offer, because heaven knew when they might get one that good again.

I
n typical male fashion, Ryan didn't see what the big deal was in putting together a wedding in a couple of weeks. But Maddie had said she'd been deprived of a real wedding the first time, so there was no way she was chintzing on this one, which meant she needed at least eight.

They compromised on six. And now that the day was here, Maddie had to admit, she didn't think she would've survived a minute longer. As she stood there in the small church dressing room, however, staring at her reflection, her stomach was chugging like a washing machine. Ivy, her matron of honor, had taken the kids off somewhere to give Maddie a few minutes alone with Grace, who was bouncing seven-month-old Amy Rose in her arms.

In a pretty yellow dress the color of the daffodils Ryan had brought Maddie that day, her foster mother shifted the baby—who was calmly chewing on the pink lace band that had been put back on her head no less than three times already—to one hip so she could reach up and fuss with one of the miniature pink rosebuds Luralene had worked into Maddie's up-swept hair.

“He'll get here, don't worry,” she said. “Grooms are notorious for getting to the church late. Lord, the organist had been holding forth for nearly ten minutes before George waltzed into the church on our wedding day. If I hadn't been so crazy in love with him, I would've killed him on the spot.”

Maddie tried to laugh. “I know, but—”

Mildred burst in through the dressing room door, her tiny veiled hat askew. “It's okay, he's here, he's here. But I swear, if that old buzzard ever pulls anything like that on me again, he won't see his seventy-sixth birthday!”

Now Ivy stuck her head in. “Since all the grooms are present and accounted for, Reverend Meyerhauser says to get in place…it's showtime!”

The ladies exchanged a round of kisses and sniffles, then filed out into the lobby and then to the back of the church. Mildred—who had confided to Maddie that she'd heard J.T. one last time, right after Ned had declared his feelings, telling her it was time for both of them to move on—had resisted the idea of a double wedding at first, saying she didn't want to steal Ryan's and Maddie's thunder. Maddie had told her you couldn't have too much joy in a single day.

So down the aisle they trooped. The little ones went first, bumping into each other the whole way, Katie Grace stopping at one point to hike up her dress to scratch her leg; Grace followed next, a babbling Amy Rose in her arms; then Ivy in pale blue, her braids wound round and round her head; then Mildred in a fluttery pink chiffon dress and jacket, the hat now sitting straight on her head; and finally Maddie in Mary Logan's ivory lace wedding gown, her knees knocking, her bouquet trembling, but her smile as bright and sure as the May sun streaming through the stained glass windows. Then she took her place beside Ryan, who smiled at her and took her hand in his, holding it next to his heart, and the trembling stopped.

She glanced over at Ned, leaning not so heavily on a cane, who winked (he and Mildred had decided to live in the Emerson house so the kids would have someplace to visit where they could be spoiled without Maddie's and Ryan's knowl
edge or interference), and then at her son, who was grinning so hard she thought he'd push his ears right off his head, finally letting her gaze come home to roost in Ryan's gentle, loving eyes.

And after they exchanged their rings and said their “I dos” and both brides had been soundly kissed, the pastor shut his bible with a
whump,
pronounced them husbands and wives, then looked from Ned to Ryan, shaking his head. “And the Good Lord knows it's about damn time the two of you came to your senses!”

And the congregation shouted as one,
“Amen!”