Authors: Christine Zolendz
So I ran and he f
ollowed, letting me set my pace.
T
hen he moved along
beside
me
and matched my rhythm. We ran the loops in Central Park for two hours and then we cooled down, walking slowly back to my apartment.
I bounced up my front steps and unlocked the door. I held the door open with my hand and
our eyes locked. "Want to come in for some water?"
A sexy smile lit up his face and he followed me in.
It took all I had in me not to slap it off.
How could he just climb off of one girl and so quickly try to get on another? I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it pissed me off because it hu
rt ME and because I had real feeling
s for him.
I walked in front of him and grabbed at the bottom of my hoodie and pulled it over my head
really slow
.
"
Ah, Grace
," he breathed.
I knew exactly what I was doing. I had on a tiny tank top on underneath that showed off my back. When I shimmied out of my sweats and stood in front of him with just my tiny boy shorts on
,
I could hear his breath pitch. He was right, I was angry, I did think of him and now I wanted him to know what he missed.
"Come here,"
Shane
whispered as he came up behind me
, wrapping his arms around me
.
He pulled me so close to him
that his bare chest was brushing
up against my back
.
Cra
p,
I missed him taking his shirt off!
He lowered his face
into my neck, his breath hot against my damp skin.
I
almost lost it completely, all that
an
ger that I wanted to hold on to. T
he thought of him with Bliss,
the
way she strutted down th
e
hall
and him denying nothing;
I
turned around to face him
.
I slid my finger along the lines of his tattoo
.
"I'd love to hear the story behind this one day," I whispered kissing and gliding my tongue over the inked lines.
I looked up at him through my
long dark
lashes
.
Shane's
lips parted and I could feel his heart pounding against my chest
and
watched hi
m
pant
faster with each breath.
Know
ing that I was
the one that was
affecting Shane
like this made my insides pull
.
"God
,
Grace," he moaned. Shane bent his head down and rested his forehead against mine.
His
fingers
gently ran through my hair grasping
handfuls
and knotted them into his fists. Holding
onto my head firmly
he pulled my face to his and hovered his lips over min
e. Our eyes locked, it was intense and raw, his breaths hot and sweet over my skin. Then he took the
smallest nip of my bottom lip
and tugged
,
pulling back
. When he slipped his tongue inside my
mouth,
I just about came apart in his hands.
"
Ahhh
no
,
no. I can't do this,
"
I moaned and pulled away
.
"I'm done
,
Shane."
He pulled his face away, his eyes focusing on mine. He stood up straight and ridged, "What's that mean, Grace?"
"I'm. Done. Shane."
The handfuls of my hair he hel
d tightly in
his fists pulled tighter
.
He searched my face
and growled, "Grace, what are you done with?"
"You."
His hands flew off me like I was painful to touch. "Don't give up on
m
e,
Grace.
I'm here with
you
now.
"
I backed up and moved away from him.
I
laughed;
he was
here
with me
, NOW!
My brain was torn between asking him to follow me and throwing him out. I wanted him to make me forget what I saw, but I couldn't
ask him
, and he did
nothing to help me erase the thoughts.
"Shane," I shook my head slowly. "You have this special way of making any girl feel...
completely insignificant, and I couldn't care less what you say or do, I won't agree to be insignificant, inconsequential or easy replaceable for anyone
."
Walking down the hallway I left him standing there watching me. I closed t
he door quietly to the bathroom,
started the shower
and slid down to the floor wrapping my arms around my knees. I left the door unlocked, because, God forgive me for being so weak, I wanted Shane to come in. I wanted him to come in
after me
and tell me I wasn't insignificant and meaningless to him, that I
was
the one that was special.
The only one
.
And as I sat there, listening to the stream of the water hit the tub and feeling the warm moisture of the air I knew he never would.
That special connection I wanted, that intense crazy love that made you completely breathless, that
was
just in fairytales.
I dressed in a pair o
f tight low-
rise jeans and a tiny red shirt that left little to the imagination. The shirt was just a triangular piece of material that was completely open in the back, only held together by a thin black elastic band across my bar
e
skin. It showed off my broken angel wing tattoo and the
Nullum
Desiderium
,
Deus
solus
me
iudicare
potest
(No regrets, only God can judge me) scroll
ed across the middle of my back
that was always hidden under the strap of my bra.
I straightened my hair until
it was shiny and liquid black
reaching to my waist.
I added a
little bit of makeup
, but kept it light
.
"Um, wow,"
Lea
said as she opened my bedroom door. "That shirt is crazy! Please tell me you have one in pink for me!"
"In the box on top of you
r
dresser, it was an impulse, late night online purchase, enjoy." I laughed as she bolted out of my room. "I pretty much bought it for Conner," I called.
The squeals that came out of her room were hysterical. She rushed back into my room holding the pink top and a few other matching lacy things I bought when I thought I had someone special to wear them for.
Clutching her new
weapons of mass destruction
, her eyes widened and her smile disappeared when the realization dawned on her. "The pink
shirt that
was for me,
and
these beautiful, sexy, lacy things..." she held them out to me. "These were for Shane, weren't they?"
I shrugged.
"Believe me, Conner will appreciate them more."
"So that's it. Shane is not an option anymore?"
I sat down on my mattress, hauling my leather boots up my legs. "I know I should just pretend it doesn't hurt and it doesn't matter and just spend time with him. But God,
Le
a,
I can't sit here in front of you and pretend it didn't hurt like hell seeing them. I wanted to be the only one, not just Monday night's girl."
We walked down the hallway and into the living room for our jackets. "How would I act after? I mean, we are in a band together, what if he moved on to the next girl and I flip out on him? I was always an expert at pretending in my other lives, but with
Shane,
it's so hard. It's so real."
She opened the front door for me and I walked out after her
,
locking up. "Lea, he was the only one that ever made me forget about
Shamsiel
."
She hooked her arm in mine as we walked down the street, "Maybe because he was
Shamsiel
for a wh
ile. Does he remember anything?
Have you talked to him?"
I shook my head slowly, "When Shane and I are in the same room,
we
either fight or kiss. Although, yesterday at dinner he said he remembered everything, but I don't know what that means. It kind of got all weird and intense
after he said it
and we just wanted to get home and get our hands on each other."
We rounded the corner and walked towards Boozer's. "Conner and I were like that in the beginning too. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, but we were friends first, for a while."
Boozer's had a decent sized crowd, mostly people eating dinner and listening to a recorded
CD
of Mad Wor
ld. Shane's raspy voice echoed
through the speakers
sending shivers along my spine.
I couldn't get away from him, even if I tried, could I?
When our favorite waitress, Mollie, came over to say hello and we told her about our Boys Hater Club night, she threw her apron on the bar and joined
us. From behind the
bar,
Ryan laughed and shook his head. Another waitress came over and we ordered burgers, fries, milkshakes and chocolate chip cookies with vanilla ice cream.
When our milkshakes were
served,
we clinked our glasses together laughing. "Hey," Mollie said. "Just think about how great it would be to have a world without men."
"Lots of happy fat women with tons of sex toys?" Lea laughed.
"Oh, stop
,
Lea.
You have a GREAT boyfriend! Conner is good looking and he doesn't even notice any other girls, he's like perfect!" Mollie said. "God I wish I could get Alex to not look at anyone but me!"
I smiled at her, "Oh, you like Alex?"
"I would kill for his attention, but he just peeks down my shirt, or smacks me in the behind, and nothing else!" She lifts up her hands, "What does a girl have to do to get one of
those boys to ask her out?
"
When our food
arrived,
Marie slipped into our booth and giggled, "I, uh, heard that this was the Boys Hater Club. I need in."
I almost choked on my burger. "What? From who?"
She pointed a bright pink manicured finger towards Ryan, who laughed and flipped his bar towel over his shoulder winking at me. "So, can I stay?" She eyed me closely and waited. I wondered if we were both hurting from the same guy. I pushed my fries at her and nodded. "The ice cream and cookies are coming next," I smiled.
Marie's eyebrows rose
. "How come you're
her
e,
though? Y
ou seem to have Shane wrapped around you
r
fingers," she
said popping a fry into her mouth.
I laughed and sipped at my milkshake. "Yeah, right. Trust me I don't affect Shane in the least," I explained.
"Yeah, well, he wouldn't even give me the time of day because of you," she murmured.
"Wait! What?" Lea snapped.
"That night we were all here drinking. I practically begged him to come into the bathroom with me, he kept telling me about her," she jabbed her fingers at me. "And then you show up, and he kisses me to get you jealous, then leaves!"
"Huh? You didn't fool around with him in the bathroom?" I asked.
"Yeah, I wish," she said.
"But he's got a picture of you in the bathroom topless on his phone!"
She giggled, "They all do."
Holy cr
ap. Why did Gabriel's kiss show
me them together?
A heavily tattooed arm reached out in front of me to take my plate and in its place was left a shot glance full of a dark golden liquid. My eyes traveled up the
arm and saw Ryan. "
He
y,
Grace,
I thought maybe you girls could use a drink, from one of the nice guys.
It's on me,
"
he said as he winked and walked away.
"Well now," Mollie said. "I think Ryan has the
hots
for Grace!"