Saving Sam (The Wounded Warriors Book 1) (13 page)

“Sam, it's -”

“Don't! Just don't say it, Amy, okay?” Sam sat up on the edge of his bed, dropping his head into his hands. “You're going to say 'it's okay' and 'you're fine' just like you always do, but I can't… I can't stand to hear that right now because it's not, you're not. Look, this has to stop.”

“What are you talking about?” It was Amy's turn to appear overcome. “What are you saying exactly, Sam?”

“I'm saying I don't want to see you anymore,” Sam snapped, jumping to his feet. “I'm no good for you and every time you're around me, you get hurt. I need…
you
need to just… stay away from me, okay?”

“No!” Amy jumped to her feet. “No, I can't do that, Sam!”

“Is everything okay in here?” Janie sounded alarmed as she entered the room. Dusty and Major Hansen followed close behind her. “I heard raised voices.”

“No,” Sam complained loudly. “Everything's not okay. I want Amy to go and I don't want her coming back!”

“You don't mean that!” Amy cried.

“I do!” Sam stormed.

“But… but what about?” Dusty looked between Amy and Sam, uncertain what to say or do. “Did you tell him?”

“No,” Amy barked at Dusty, sounding bitter and harsh. “He wouldn't let me talk.”

“So tell him now!” Janie ordered.

“No,” Amy decided abruptly. “No. You heard him. We're done.”

Amy dashed from the room, sobbing. Janie immediately took off after her, trying to calm her while Dusty stood rooted, staring at his son with an unreadable expression. Major Hansen watched the two men pensively, waiting to see what was to come.

“What?” Sam demanded from his father. Dusty just shook his head in response, his disappointment becoming his most prominent expression. “What?!”

“She's pregnant,” Dusty blurted.

Sam's mouth dropped open. He wanted to speak, but no sound came out. Instead, he dropped to his bed as though his legs had given out beneath him, no longer able to support his weight. Dusty regarded his son for a minute longer and then he simply turned and walked away, leaving Sam in stunned silence.

“Sam?” Major Hansen tried to talk to him, but Sam closed his eyes, lifting his hands in surrender.

“Please,” he whispered. “Please, just… go.”

The doctor sighed deeply, nodded and turned to go. Before he reached the doorway, he called back to Sam, “This is a turning point, Sam. The only question remaining is what direction you plan to take now.”

Sam looked up at the major. “I don't understand.”

“You're at a crossroads. Will you succumb to your disease or will you rise above it, embracing the woman you love and the child she carries? You have a chance to correct this and to be happy, if you're willing to work hard and take the risk.”

Sam averted his gaze from Major Hansen, unwilling to respond.

“Just think about it,” the major ordered and then he left too.

* * *

Amy wiped angrily at the stinging tears burning her eyes.
He's not worth it. Stop crying, you fool!

Though Janie was following her, pleading with her to stop so they could talk, Amy stubbornly ignored her, pushing forward blindly. People openly gawked at Amy. Some scowled at the rush of activity while others peered curiously. Amy remained oblivious, lost in her internal pain.

“Amy, stop!” Janie ordered, finally reaching the young woman, grabbing a hold of her arm, halting her progress.

“Let me go!” Amy demanded, trying to push Janie's restraining hand from her.

“Amy!” Janie huffed.

“You were right,” Amy fumed. “You always are, so I don't know why I thought things would be different!”

“I'm not right,” the chef insisted.

“You are!” Amy was panting from her flurry of activity as much as she was from her sobbing. “I was stupid to think things could have been… Ugh!”

Janie was still trying to catch her breath from chasing Amy. “Don't, Amy, don't give up!”

The young woman scoffed and yanked away from her friend, resuming her flight from the hospital. Janie ran after Amy yet again, her pink boots clattering on the floor tiles.

“Amy!”

“What?” Amy snapped, stopping to face her friend.

“You just need to give him time, honey. He… he was feeling…”

“I don't care!” Amy bellowed, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“You don't mean that,” the chef gently chastised.

“I do! Didn't you hear, we're over,” Amy choked on the last word, a fresh wave of pain flooding over her.

Janie sighed, wrapping her arms around the distraught girl. “You're not. I see that now.”

“I'm glad you do because I sure as hell don't!” Amy sobbed, shaking the older woman off, too tense to be held.

“You both just need some time,” the older woman soothed, petting Amy's hair in an attempt to provide comfort.

It was at that point Dusty finally caught up to the duo. He paused a moment, as though unsure whether or not he wanted to join them. Even in her grief, Amy noticed he looked stressed and uncomfortable with the emotional display before him.
That's right, Mr. Wallace. Everything will be better if we just pretend people don't have feelings.

“Let's go home.” Dusty cleared his throat, eyes darting about, taking in the onlookers.

“I don't think I can,” Amy announced.

“What does that mean?” Dusty's shoulders grew tense and his face froze.

“I don't know if I can stand to be at the ranch. There's too much of
him
there,” Amy tried to explain.

Dusty shot Janie a look of dismay and she shook her head her expression annoyed. “Hogwash! The ranch is as much your home as it is his. Besides, you can't run away from your problems, which is why I think you should go splash your face with cold water and then go back up there and speak to Sam.”

“What?!” Dusty and Amy shrieked simultaneously.

Amy looked indignant. “My mother abandoned me and no amount of begging convinced her to stay. It was humiliating and it's left me ragged and empty. I may tolerate a lot from people – especially Sam – but this… I can't… I won't ask him to stay when he doesn't want to; I won't do that again because I know now, begging never works.”

“Look, you need to resolve this,” Janie stated firmly. “Besides, you need to tell him about the baby.”

Dusty cleared his throat anxiously. “I, ah, I sort of already did.”

“What?!”Amy exclaimed and began crying harder.

Through her veil of tears, Amy could see Janie gave her lover a look of disapproval. “What did you do?”

“Nothing, I swear!” Dustin defended himself.

“Then what do you mean you 'already did,' Dusty?” Janie eyed him critically.

Looking a bit like a child being scolded by their mother, Dusty replied, “I just… happened to… mention it.”

Janie sighed in exasperation and then she readdressed her friend. “Amy, you can't leave without talking to him. If not for Sam, then for you. We both know you won't have a minute's peace until you hash this out.”

“She's right,” Major Hansen interjected.

No one had seen him walk up, so they all gave a little start at his unexpected comment. Janie had her back towards the building and was too focused on Amy and Dusty to hear his approach. Amy had been crying too hard to notice more than what was taking place around her. As for Dusty, he was just trying to blend in, so as to not upset the women any more than they already were.

“Oh, doctor,” Janie held her hand to her chest. “I didn't know you were there.”

The major smiled humorlessly. “Sorry if I startled you, but I wanted to be sure Amy was okay.” He turned his attention to the younger woman, “Are you? Do you want to lie down for a moment?”

Amy shook her head.

“Amy,” the major continued, “I agree with Janie that you ought to speak to him again before you leave. Perhaps take some time to calm down first and then I can take you back upstairs.”

Sniffling, Amy turned to her best friend. “Do you really think it'll help?”

Janie glanced at Major Hansen, who nodded at her, and then replied, “I do.”

Amy drew in a choppy breath, a tremble passing through her body. “Okay.”

“So we're not going home?” Dusty demanded, alarmed. Janie shot him a look of derision, hitting him in the arm.

“Good,” the doctor clasped Amy's upper arm in a gesture of comfort and encouragement. “Whenever you're ready, Amy. There's no rush.”

* * *

Major Hansen led the group into the inner sanctum of the psychiatric ward. After a brief tap on the door, the doctor announced their arrival and they all filed into the room in silence. Arrangements had already been made in advance to ensure Sam was ready to receive visitors, so no one was surprised to find him alone, looking remorseful as he sat on his bed. Amy tried to avoid eye contact, still overly sensitive and unsure how long she'd be able to hold her tears at bay.

“Sam, as you know, I asked Amy to come back to speak with you,” the doctor restated the situation. “I think it's important for both of you to discuss things now that you've had time to calm down.”

“I don't know what to say,” Sam confessed, his voice grief-stricken.

“Why don't you start by apologizing?” Dusty barked, clearly upset by his son's behavior.

Chagrined by the reminder, Sam found his manners once again. “Amy, I'm so sorry… for everything.”

“Everything?” Amy questioned, abruptly confronting him. “Even… even the baby? Are you sorry you're going to be a father?”

Sam jumped to his feet. “No! That's not what I meant.”

Sam's taut stance paired with his wistful expression showed wanted to run to Amy, embrace her tightly and ease her sorrow.

“What
do
you mean?” Janie hissed with a warning visible in her stance as well as her voice.

“Amy,” Sam ignored everyone else, focusing solely on the woman he loved. “I'm thrilled we're having a baby, it's just… I've hurt you so much and… well, I just don't want to hurt you anymore – or the little one.”

Sam's body language expressed his sincere feelings; he looked defeated and exhausted, but everyone could see his love for the girl was real. His appearance melted the hastily erected walls around Amy's heart and gave the doctor an opening to try to encourage more dialogue; not just between the couple, but amongst the entire group.

“What do you think you're going to do to them?” Major Hansen wondered.

“I don't know,” Sam replied, never breaking eye contact with Amy.

“Do you really love her, son?” Dusty couldn't help himself.

Sam nodded, causing Amy to shiver. “Completely.”

“And you want to be there for the baby?” Dusty inquired further, wanting to hear the answer almost as much as he knew Amy did.

“I do,” Sam said earnestly, taking a step towards her. “Amy, I want nothing more than to have a life with you, but…”

“Why are you attaching stipulations?” Dusty demanded. “If you love each other then that's all you need.”

“Dusty, hush now,” Janie chided him gently, pulling him into the corner of the room, next to the window.

“'But' what, Sam?” the doctor asked, trying to get him to open up and begin talking again.

Sam shrugged, remaining entranced by Amy. “Even when I'm trying to give you pleasure I… I ruin everything.”

“What have you ruined?” Amy enquired in a low, almost inaudible whisper.

“I… I kill everything I love,” Sam struggled to get the words out.

Amy regarded him in bewilderment as Dusty asked Janie, “What the hell does that mean?” Janie shushed the blunt cowboy again, patting him consolingly.

“What do you mean, Sam? Why would you say that?” the doctor wanted to know more.

Sam winced as the memories pierced his brain. “Nothing.”

“See,” Amy complained in frustration. “If you want things to change then you need to stop shutting me out. I might not understand everything, but that doesn't matter; you should talk to me anyway.”

“I want to,” Sam professed. “It's just… I don't know, difficult, I guess.”

“And you think it's easy for me?” Amy took a step towards him.

“It's not easy for anyone to open up, baring their inner thoughts or feelings, being exposed and vulnerable,” Major Hansen interjected. “Still, it's a necessary part of all relationships. Sam, if you want to have a future with Amy, you have to let her in; that's how intimacy works.”

Sam sighed deeply, the sound ragged and quaking. “Okay,” he conceded, taking one of Amy's hands in his, “just promise you won't hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” Amy reassured him.

Sam nodded.

At last Janie spoke. “You can't deny the truth that Amy is the one person who will always be there for you… if you let her. The problem isn't really Amy, but your own fears about facing your demons.”

Sam bowed his head. “I'm not convinced I want to relive my nightmares, let alone confess them to others.”

“Son, you're out of time.” Dusty replied. “If he want to keep Amy and your child in your life, you needed to man up.”

Sam gulped, but slowly raised his head to meet one set of eyes after another, ending with Amy's. The pain in his soul flared like burning magnesium, too hot to look at. Then he dropped Amy's hand, stepping back to put some protective space between them.

“I still don't trust his reactions or my ability to tell real from delusion.” He began to speak when he turned his back towards Amy and Dr. Hansen, facing the scorching heat of Afghanistan.

* * *

Sam was scouting with his six man squad, assessing a small, seemingly unpopulated town scarred by the war. The sound of running water had drawn Sam away from the rest of the men in order to investigate the source. It was rare to find Sam and Jorge, his fellow airman, separated, but the group was trying to clear the building as quickly as they could before they got caught up in the bombing taking place in the not-so-far-off distance.

Jack and Mike were helping Sam to clear the first story, but Jorge had followed Ray and Asa to the second floor of the dilapidated building. The structure had once been a single-family residence, but now it was unfit for human occupation. The partially shattered toilet, obviously fallen through the unstable floor from above, leaving an exposed, leaky pipe was evidence enough of that. Sam kicked at it absently as he took in the rest of the small room; previously a kitchen.