Authors: Suzanne McKenna Link
One afternoon the last week in June, my cell phone rang just
as I was finishing up at the senior home. I didn’t recognize the area code.
“Hi, this is Claudia,” I answered.
“Hello, Claudia. This is Caroline Watson. I’m with
admissions over at USC. I have your application for our Davis School of
Gerontology here in front of me. I see it was put on hold, and, well, we called
to see if you were still interested.”
I froze. “Yes,” I answered on a delayed inhale.
“Then I think it might make you happy to know we’ve had a spot
open up, and it’s yours if you want it.”
I hadn’t yet left the Sterling grounds. I was so surprised
over the news, I dropped down onto one of the wooden benches by the front
doors.
“Oh, wow. This is seriously fabulous!”
Caroline Watson laughed. “From your transcript, it looks
like you’ve maintained excellent grades, and with all your activities, you’d be
an asset to the school. Transfer student orientation is the second week in
July. I have your email address here. I’m going to send you a packet with entrance
instructions. Get it back to us as soon as you can. Okay?”
“Sure, yes, absolutely!”
“Welcome to USC, Claudia.”
I immediately called my mother with the news. She promised
to talk to my father about hashing out the financial details. This was going to
happen!
I drove straight from Sterling to the Fayes' house. I
couldn’t wait to share my news with them. It was after six o’clock, and Toby
was already home.
Mrs. Faye was sitting on the living room couch reading an
inspirational magazine, one the church ladies seemed to share with each other.
“Hey,” I smiled. “I got some amazing news. Where’s Toby?”
Mrs. Faye lowered her magazine. “Finally fixing that molding
in the bathroom.”
“Be right back,” I told her, and went to find him.
Toby stood in the doorway of the small downstairs bathroom,
his hands raised up over his head. His tee shirt pulled taut over his arms as
he held a hammer poised to hit the head of nail.
I eyed the tool belt and the extra nail he held between his
lips. “What a cute handyman you make.”
He pulled the nail from his mouth and smiled. “Boy, you sure
have a shit-eating grin on your face. What’s going on?”
“I got a call today. A good one,” I said, pressing a kiss on
his mouth as I took his hand. “Come into the living room. I want to tell both
you and your mom.”
Toby stood idly next to the couch where Mrs. Faye sat. With
both of them looking on in anticipation, I blurted out, “USC called me. I’m
in!”
“Oh my, congratulations!” Mrs. Faye exclaimed, rising off
the living room couch and lifting her arms in a hug. As she embraced me, I saw
that Toby didn’t exactly seem enthused about my news.
“Your dad is okay with this?” he asked.
Mrs. Faye and I both stared at him. I put my hands on my
hips. “Hey, whose side are you on here?”
“Yours,” he said. “But I thought going away to school was
off the table.”
“My mother and father are working out the details as we
speak,” I said. “You’re not happy for me?”
He ran a hand over his face. “No, I am. It’s what you
wanted,” he said, and then smiled. “Claude, it’s great news.” He pulled me into
a hug and kissed the top of my head.
“Thank you,” I beamed.
He held up his hammer and started to back away. “I want to
finish up this molding tonight. I’ll talk to you when I’m done.”
A moment later, the banging of the hammer echoed through the
house. Mrs. Faye patted the couch next to her. “Come sit down and tell me all
about it.”
I settled down and told her about the call and the immediate
things I had to do to get ready for my orientation in two weeks.
“I had really given up hope that this would ever happen.” I
confided in her how strained things were at home since my father had found out
about the application. “I haven’t seen my father since I learned about the
acceptance. I’m nervous about talking to him.”
Toby walked back through the room. He gave me a quick smile
as he passed by into the kitchen. I heard the back sliding door open and snap
shut. Mrs. Faye sighed.
“What?” I asked, wondering what she was seeing that I
didn’t.
“He’s not going to do well with this,” she murmured. “You
should go talk to him.”
“But he seemed fine. It’s not like anything is going to
change,” I insisted.
“You have two men in your life, both are afraid to lose you.
One tries to control you, the other gets quiet and retreats,” she said.
I glanced up towards the back of the house where Toby had
‘retreated.’ I hesitated. It suddenly dawned on me how hard leaving would be.
Before I started working there and dating Toby, I didn’t mind leaving
everything behind and starting anew in California. Everything was different
now.
“After I got wait-listed, I kind of forgot about going away.
The call was such a surprise, I haven’t really had time to consider how it will
change things,” I said. “You and Toby are my life right now. If I go, I’ll only
see you every few months—for the next two years.”
Mrs. Faye pulled me into her arms and hugged me. Though thin
and frail, her embrace was strong. “I’m going to miss you terribly myself.
You’re practically like family now.” She stroked my hair. Her embrace and words
brought tears to my eyes. “But when you love someone, sometimes letting them go
is the only way to show them how much.”
She pulled back and smiled at me. “My dear girl, you’ve
brought so much happiness to this house. I love you for it. And, more than
anything, I want to see you happy, too.”
Tears escaped and rolled down my face. Mrs. Faye offered me
tissues, and, embarrassed, I mopped them up.
“If I go, do you think Toby and I will be okay?” I looked at
her hoping for some kind of intuitive insight she could share.
Mrs. Faye smiled and shook her head. “I’m not going to say
anything but that God has a plan for each of us. You are obviously being led
towards yours. As for Toby, I think he chooses different paths than the ones
God opens up to him. You might be the only gift God has planted in front of him
that he hasn’t ignored. I’m thankful for that. His life has been messy and
difficult, but I know once he chooses to have faith, he will find his joy.
Hopefully, while you’re away at school, he can focus on completing those
classes he’s signed up for and land himself a better job. Then when you’re
finished, you’ll both be prepared to move forward, and maybe, think about
making a commitment to each other.”
I covered my mouth to hide my shock. “Mrs. Faye, Toby and I
are a really long way off from any kind of commitment.”
She smiled and patted my hand. “I’m an old romantic. I dream
of having a daughter-in-law just like you.”
She was so sweet, I didn’t want to squash her dreams by
telling her I wasn’t getting married anytime in the near, or not so near,
future—if ever.
I gave her another hug and kissed her cheek. “I already feel
like family.”
“You’re a doll.” She smiled, and clutched my hand. “Honey,
if this is important to you, don’t let anyone hold you back.”
“I won’t,” I promised. “Do you need help going up?”
“No, I’m good,” Mrs. Faye reached out and touched my cheek.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I watched her climb the steps. Alone now, the house was
quiet. I thought about what Mrs. Faye had said about Toby and me making a commitment
to each other. Why would she have brought that up? Could she tell I was falling
in love with her son? Had he said something to her about his feelings for me?
From outside in the yard, I heard a dull thump followed by a
cracking noise. After what his mother said about him not taking my good news
well, I wondered if instead of building something, Toby was out back destroying
something. I took a deep breath and went to find out.
The light in the garage was broken, and it was getting too
dark to do anymore work after I cut the last piece of molding. The barn had all
the tools I needed to fix the bathroom molding, but I hated being inside it. It
reminded me of Big Al.
Pulling off his old carpenter belt, I slung it over the
workbench and picked up the bottle of beer I’d been nursing. I thought about
how my day was turning into a complete pileup of shit and how much I wanted a
goddamn cigarette.
Frustrated, I picked up an adjustable wrench and chucked it
across the space. It hit the textured plywood wall with a loud thud and fell to
the floor with a metallic clink. It didn’t create near enough damage to make me
feel any better. Gulping down the beer, I gripped the bottleneck and flung it
tomahawk style. In the fading sunlight, I watched it spin in full circles as if
it were in slow motion until it exploded against the garage wall, the glass
shards spraying the floor.
Neither Claudia nor Julia had any idea that not an hour
earlier, Van Sloot had made an appearance.
I was making myself a sandwich in the kitchen when he barged
in the front door as he’d done hundreds of times throughout high school.
Without a greeting or any explanation, he hurled some heavy
information at me.
“That illegal developed some kind of serious infection and
died. The fucker died!”
We stood on opposite sides of the room staring at each
other. I didn’t know what to say.
“The cops have been following me around,” he continued, his
eyes wild. “And when I asked them what the hell they were doing, they said
they’d gotten a tip—‘a source’ willing to testify against me,” he snarled. “I
can’t believe you would do that to me.”
“Whoa!” I held up a hand. “I have nothing to gain by
testifying against you. Come on, man, this is typical cop M.O. When they don’t
have any evidence, they buzz around and stir things up. They’re waiting for
someone to slip or crack up. And anyway, if I had tipped the cops off, you’d
already be in jail.”
“I don’t trust you anymore,” he grunted. “And I’m warning
you, man, if you so much as hint to those fuckers that I had anything to do
with this, you’ll go down with me.”
“Down with you? Yeah, right. I wasn’t even there, asshole.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he lobbed at me. “Remember that knife?
Well, now it’s a murder weapon. And, it has your fingerprints all over it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
He grinned. “I paid you a little visit at work the next day.
I tossed it to you. Boy, your expression was priceless. You sure thought that
knife was the shit.”
A sickening chill ran up my back.
“Ahh, now you remember,” he jeered. “Believe me, it won’t
take much to get you arrested along with me. If the cops come for me, I’ll hand
over the knife and tell them how I tried to stop you.”
I grabbed the kitchen chair in front of me and threw it
across the room. It smashed against the cabinet, the harsh sound vibrating
through the house. Dev twitched, but stood his ground, staring at me through
narrowed eyes, as the chair, with a final, defeated clatter, fell over.
“Go to hell.” My bitter words further blackened the air.
His lips rolled back from his teeth. “Maybe I’m on my way
there, but I swear, I’ll take you with me.” Glancing down, he swiped the yellow
sweater Claudia had left on the back of a chair and flung it at me. “And maybe
someone you care about, too.”
Darkness was roused. I threw the sweater down and stepped
inches away from him. I flexed my arms, ready to trash him. We eyed each other,
both waiting for the other to make the first move. My fist itched to make
contact with his face. I knew if I went there, it would be a fight to end all
fights. And Julia was right up the stairs.
“If you go anywhere near her, I’ll kill you,” I bit out.
“Now get the fuck out of here.”
After a long, tense moment, he stepped back. He wiped his
mouth with the back of his hand and finally left, slamming the door behind him.
I didn’t want to admit it, but I was nervous. If he made
good on his threat, I could face murder charges.
When Julia had asked what the commotion was downstairs, I’d
told her I was working on the bathroom molding, a job I’d promised to do months
ago. Once I said it though, I actually had to do it.
Claudia’s ‘happy’ news had just added to the pile. I didn’t
even think it possible for me to do a long distance relationship—I was a
hands-on guy. Going a day without being with her was hard enough. I would go
insane if I had to go weeks, or months even, without being able to touch her.
Everything was such a mess, and Darkness was sneering,
howling at the injustice of it all.
I picked up another tool, a mallet, and imagined the damage
its weighted end could do to the wall.
“Toby?” I heard Claudia’s voice from the backyard. “Are you
in the garage?”
“I’m just finishing up in here.” I dropped the mallet and
moved towards the sound of her voice.
I saw her and was struck by how beautiful she was, even just
wearing her typical volunteer-day clothes, a white polo shirt and a tan skirt
that came about mid thigh. Snug enough that you could tell she had a good body,
but without flaunting it. Here she was, my schoolgirl crush, all grown up. Her
tan legs were bare, and as she walked, I admired them. I imagined the old
geezers at the home working one up over her, wishing they were younger. Wishing
they were me.
We met in the doorway, and I reached for her. As soon as my
arms went around her waist, she pressed into me, and the steam left me. It was
replaced by a crushing weight of worry. I wanted to forget she was excited to
go to a school that would take her away from me. I also wanted to forget about
the dead Dominican and that Dev was threatening me. Closing my eyes, I fought
to block it all out and concentrate only on the way her soft curves yielded to
me. I wanted to bury myself in the sweet scent of her body.
“Hey,” she whispered. “Your mom thinks you didn’t take the
news about USC as well as you appeared to. Are you upset?”
“Depends,” I shrugged. “Are you planning on breaking up with
me before you go?”
“No, of course not,” she frowned. “I really want to go, but
I also want you to be okay with it.”
“What do you want me to say, Claude? You’re going to be like
twenty-five hundred miles away.” I shook my head. “That’s not a good thing.”
“You know how much I wanted this. Don’t you remember how
devastated I was when I got the letter?”
“How could I forget? It was the day you kissed me at the
beach.”
Our eyes locked, and, as I stared at her standing there with
her mouth slightly parted, her eyes reflecting the last trace of sun, something
unraveled inside me. I felt unbalanced and my heart too tight inside my chest.
“This won’t change us,” she said, and rose up on her toes to
press a kiss on my mouth.
Her smell, the warmth of her breath on my lips—it mesmerized
me. She went to end the kiss, but I held her tightly and moved my mouth over
hers until she wound her arms around my neck and started to kiss me back. I
needed this. I needed her.
Pressing her back against the workbench, I ground my hips
into her. Devouring her mouth, I yanked her shirt out of her skirt and pushed
my hands inside her bra to squeeze her soft tits. I sensed her willingness and
dropping to my knees, I tried to tug her down with me. She resisted.
“Wh-what’re you doing?” Dazed, she blinked at me.
“Shhh. Just feel,” I whispered, rubbing my face against the
fabric of her skirt at the apex of her legs. I inhaled deeply and blew out a
long hot breath against her pelvis.
Her legs went soft, and she folded down against me. Her face
was flush with excitement as I pressed her back onto the foot rug that lay over
the cement floor. I wrapped a hand around her thigh and slid it up under her
skirt, to stroke her between her legs. Her sighs grew louder. Soon her hands
flew into a flurry of movement, grabbing at my hair and pulling my mouth more
tightly against her.
“Claudia,” I moaned her name, before guiding her hand under
the waistband of my pants. I wrapped her fingers around me. She gently squeezed
me. I closed my eyes and pushed into her hand, imagining how amazing she would
feel once I was inside her.
I licked my fingers and launched them under her panties. She
gasped as I began to pet her, teasing her with my fingers. Writhing under me,
her shoulders rounded, pushing against me—pushing away even as she held me,
stroking me and tried desperately to keep her mouth on mine. She was panting,
arching up into my hand, and I felt the give, the pliancy that told me she was
ready. I sunk two fingers deep inside. Her response was instantaneous. As her
sex tightened around my fingers, her eyes practically rolled back in her head.
With a breathy moan, her body jerked under me.
Insane with need, I whispered into her ear, “Baby, I want to
fuck you so bad.” I pushed her skirt up higher and snagging the elastic of her
panties, I dragged them down over her one hip.
“Toby, no,” she grabbed at my hand.
“Relax,” I took both her wrists in my one hand and held them
over her head. “We’re almost there. This is going to feel so good.”