Say You Love Me (2 page)

When Kelsey and Jean had come to live with Aunt Elizabeth eight months before, Kelsey had been too much in mourning over the deaths of her parents to notice anything amiss. She hadn’t even thought to wonder why Uncle Elliott was home more often than not.

She supposed it wasn’t something they thought it necessary to tell their nieces, that Elliott had lost his job of twenty-two years and was so distraught that he hadn’t been able to hold another position for very long since. And yet they had continued to live as if nothing had changed. They’d even taken in two more mouths to feed when they could hardly afford to feed themselves.

Kelsey wondered if Aunt Elizabeth even knew the extent of their debt. Elliott had been living on credit, which was a standard practice for the gentry, but it was also standard to pay those creditors before they took matters to the
courts. But with no money coming in, Elliott had already borrowed all he could from his friends to keep the creditors at bay. He had no one left to turn to. And the situation was out of control.

He was going to lose Aunt Elizabeth’s house, the house that had been in Kelsey’s family for generations. Aunt Elizabeth had inherited it, being the older sister. And the creditors were threatening to take it away. In three days’ time.

And that was why Elliott was drinking himself sick, hoping to find some courage in that bottle to end his own life, because he didn’t have the courage to face what was going to happen in the next few days. It was his duty to provide for them—for his wife, anyway—and he’d failed miserably.

Of course, killing himself wasn’t an option. She’d pointed out how much worse it would be for Elizabeth if she had to face eviction and a funeral as well. For Kelsey and Jean, well, they’d already faced one eviction. Yet they’d had somewhere to go that time. This time…Kelsey simply couldn’t let it happen. Her sister was
her
responsibility now. It was up to her to see to it that Jean was raised properly, with a proper roof over her head. And if that meant that she had to…

She wasn’t quite sure how it had come up, the selling of her. Elliott had first mentioned that he’d already thought of marrying her to the best offer, but he’d put off broaching the subject with her for so long that now it was
too late for that, and he’d explained why it was too late, the need for serious deliberation for something that important that couldn’t be done in just a few days.

Perhaps it was the drink that had loosened his tongue, but he’d gone on to relate how the same thing had happened to a friend of his many years ago, how he’d lost everything, but his daughter had saved the family by selling herself to an old reprobate who prized virginity and had been willing to pay extremely well for it.

Then, in almost the same breath, he told of approaching one gentleman he knew fairly well to find out if he’d be interested in a young wife. The reply had been, “Won’t marry the gel, but I’m in need of a new mistress. Pay you a few pounds if she’d be willing…”

Which was how the talk of mistresses in relation to wives had arisen, how some rich lords would pay very handsomely for a fresh young mistress they could show off to their friends, especially a girl who hadn’t already made the rounds of those friends, and pay even more if she happened to be an innocent in the bargain.

He’d planted the seeds well, showing her the solution without actually asking her to sacrifice herself. She’d already been shocked by the talk of mistresses and heartsick over the situation and how it would affect them all, but mostly she’d been desperately worried about Jean, and how this could ruin her chances for a decent marriage one day.

Kelsey could find a job, possibly, but hardly one that would keep them much above the level of poverty, especially if she took on the responsibility of supporting them all. She couldn’t imagine Aunt Elizabeth working, and Elliott, well, he’d already proven pathetically that he couldn’t be depended on to hold a job anymore, not for very long.

It was visions of her young sister resorting to begging on the streets to help out that had prompted Kelsey to ask, albeit in a mortified whisper, “Do you know of some man who would be willing to—to pay enough if I—if I agreed to become his mistress?”

Elliott had looked so hopeful, and so damn relieved, even as he’d replied, “No, I don’t know a single one. But I know of a place in London that the rich lords frequent, a place where you can be presented to receive an excellent offer.”

She’d stood there, silent for a long while, still so hesitant about such a monumental decision and so sick to her stomach that this did, in fact, seem to be their only option. Elliott actually broke out in a sweat before she finally nodded her consent.

And then he’d tried to console her, as if anything could just then. “It won’t be so bad, Kelsey, really it won’t. A woman can make a great deal of money for herself this way if she’s smart, enough to become independent—even marry later, if she chooses.”

That wasn’t a bit true, and they both knew it. Her own chances for a good marriage
would be gone forever. The stigma that would be hers when she went through with this would follow her for the rest of her days. She’d never be welcomed in polite society again. But that was her cross to bear. At least her sister would still have the future she deserved.

Still in a state of shock over what she’d agreed to, she’d suggested, “I will leave it to you to tell Aunt Elizabeth of this.”

“No! No, she mustn’t know. She’d never permit it. But I’m sure you will think of something reasonable to tell her to excuse your absence.”

She had to do this, too? When it was doubtful that she’d be able to think of anything other than the appalling truth of what she’d agreed to?

She’d been ready to finish off that bottle of spirits herself by the time she left him. But she had come up with a weak excuse to tell the others. She’d told Aunt Elizabeth that Anne, one of her friends from Kettering, had written that she was seriously ill, the doctors not offering much hope. Kelsey had to visit, of course, and give what comfort she could. And Uncle Elliott had offered to escort her.

Elizabeth hadn’t noticed anything amiss. Kelsey’s pallor could be credited to worry over her friend. And Jean, bless her, didn’t badger her with her usual hundreds of questions simply because she didn’t recognize the name of this particular friend. But, then, Jean had matured a great deal during the past year. A trag
edy in the family had a way of interrupting childhood, sometimes permanently. Kelsey would almost have preferred the hundreds of questions from her twelve-year-old sister that used to test her patience. But Jean was still mourning.

And when Kelsey didn’t return home from the visit to Kettering? Well, she would have to worry about that later. Would she ever even see her sister or Aunt Elizabeth again? Did she dare, when they might discover the truth? She didn’t know. Right then, she only knew that nothing would ever be the same for her again.

2

“
Come on, dearie, it’s time.”

Kelsey stared at the tall, thin man standing in the open doorway. She’d been told to call him Lonny, the only name given when she was turned over to him yesterday. He was the owner of the house—the person about to sell her to the highest bidder.

There was nothing about him to suggest that he was a purveyor of vice and flesh. He dressed like any lord. He was pleasant-looking. He spoke in cultured tones—at least while Uncle Elliott had still been there. As soon as her uncle left, however, Lonny’s speech slipped occasionally into the not so refined, indicating his true background. Yet he’d continued to be kind.

He had explained to her, very carefully, that because such a large sum of money was going to be paid for her, she wouldn’t have the option of ending the arrangement as a normal mistress would. The gentleman who bought her would have to be guaranteed that he would be getting his money’s worth for as long as he wanted it.

She’d had to agree to that, which in her mind seemed just short of slavery. She’d have to stay with the man whether she liked him or not, whether he treated her well or not, until he no longer cared to support her.

“And if I don’t?” she’d dared to ask.

“Well, dearie, you really don’t want to find out what would happen in that case,” he’d told her, and in such a tone that she’d felt her very life threatened. But then he’d gone on to further explain, in a more chiding voice, as if she should know all this already, “The arrangements I make, I guarantee personally. I can’t have my reputation ruined on the whims of a girl who decides later that she doesn’t like the bargain she’s made. No one would participate in these sales if that were the case, now, would they?”

“You have many sales like this?”

“This will be the fourth one that I have held here, though the first from your background. Most of the gentry who find themselves in your predicament manage to marry their daughters off to rich husbands to settle their difficulties. A shame your uncle didn’t try to make a match for you. You don’t strike me as the mistress sort.”

She hadn’t known whether to be insulted or pleased by that, had said merely, “There wasn’t enough time to arrange a marriage, as my uncle told you.”

“Yes, but still, a pity. Now, shall we get you settled in for the night? You will be presented tomorrow night, after I’ve had time to
send out the word to those gentlemen I feel might be interested. Hopefully, one of my girls will have something appropriate for you to wear for the presentation. A mistress must look like a mistress, if you get my meaning, not one’s sister.” And he’d given her a critical once-over. “While your ensemble might be lovely, dearie, it’s more appropriate for a garden tea. Unless you’ve brought something suitable…?”

She’d had to shake her head, actually embarrassed to be looking so…ladylike.

He’d sighed. “Well, we’ll find something, I’m sure,” he’d said as he led her out of the parlor and upstairs to a room she could use for the night.

Like the rest of the large house, the room was very tastefully furnished, and she’d politely remarked on that. “Very nice.”

“You were expecting something tawdry?” He’d smiled when her look said as much. “I cater to the
ton
, dearie, and have found they are much more willing to part with their money if they feel at home while doing it.” And then he’d laughed. “The lower classes can’t afford my prices, don’t even make it through the door.”

“I see,” she’d said, not that she did. Men would take their pleasures where they found them, and there were houses of ill repute all over London to prove that. This just happened to be one of the more expensive ones.

And before he left her, he’d stressed once more, “You
do
fully understand this arrange
ment you’ve agreed to and how it differs from a normal arrangement of this sort?”

“Yes.”

“And that you will receive nothing for it yourself, other than what presents your gentleman decides to give you during your time with him?” She’d nodded, but he still wanted it perfectly clear, continuing, “A minimum figure will be set, the amount your uncle requires, and that will go to him. Whatever is paid beyond that I will have a share in, for arranging the sale. But no amount at all will go to you.”

She did know that, and prayed a good deal more would be offered, at least enough to tide her family over until Elliott got a new job and stuck with it. Otherwise, she would have made this sacrifice for nothing more than a temporary postponement of disaster. But on their way to London, her uncle had sworn to her that he would get a job and keep it, no matter if it wasn’t up to his standards, that he would never find himself in such a ruinous predicament again.

What worried her, however, considering just how much Elliott owed, and what she finally asked Lonny, was “Do you really think anyone
will
pay that much?”

“Oh, yes,” he replied with complete confidence. “These rich nabobs have nothing else to spend their money on. Horses, women, and gambling are their major pursuits. I’m happy to supply two out of three, and any other vice they have a desire for, short of murder.”

“Any vice?”

He’d chuckled. “Dearie, you would be surprised what some of these lords—and ladies—request. Why, I’ve got one countess who comes here at least twice a month and pays me to supply her with a different lord each time who will whip her—carefully, of course—and treat her like a lowly slave. She wears a mask, so no one will recognize her. In fact, the gentlemen I send to her merely assume she’s just another one of my girls. Would be happy to supply the service myself, her being a looker like yourself, but that isn’t what she wants. What titillates her the most is that she knows each of them personally, but they don’t know it’s her, and she sees them all at the
ton
gatherings, dancing with them, playing cards across the table from them, knowing their dirty little secrets.”

Kelsey had gone red in the face, as well as being rendered speechless, after hearing that. That people actually did such things—and paid to do them and have them done. Never would she have conceived of such a thing!

Which was why Lonny said in disgust, “Gah, them blushes are well enough for now, but you better get used to such talk, girl. It’s going to be your job henceforth to supply the man who buys you with sex, however he wants it, you understand? A man will do things with his mistress that he
won’t
do with his wife. That’s what a mistress is bloody well for. I’ll be sending one of my girls by to ex
plain that to you in more detail, since your uncle obviously didn’t see fit to.”

And he’d done just that, to Kelsey’s further mortification. A pretty young woman named May had come by in the night, bringing the gaudy gown that Kelsey was now wearing, and had spent several hours discussing the facts of sexual life with her. May had covered everything from how to avoid unwanted pregnancies to every way imaginable to pleasure a man, ways to incite them to lust, and ways to get what
she
wanted out of them. The last had probably been something Lonny hadn’t intended Kelsey to learn, but May had seemed to feel sorry for her, so had volunteered that information too.