III
Easter was the following weekend. In the interval I loafed, smoked and vegetated, unwilling to think deeply about the future and telling myself I needed a few days of absolute rest in order to recuperate from the horrors of London life. I did toy with the idea of reading
Honest to God
but the desire to escape from my problems by being intellectually mindless was so strong that I could only reread Primrose’s childhood collection of Chalet School books.
Finally I was roused from my torpor by the spectacle of Easter in a great cathedral. I avoided the Good Friday services but attended matins on Sunday morning and was rewarded when Aysgarth preached a most interesting sermon about how Christianity was all set to undergo a dynamic resurrection, recast and restated for the modern age. The Bishop, who was ensconced in his
cathedra at
one end of the choir, spent much time gazing up at the east window as if he were wondering how it could possibly be cleaned.
The next day Aysgarth was obliged to supervise the conclusion of the special services, but on Tuesday he was free to depart for the Hebrides; he and Eddie planned to drive to Heathrow airport and leave the car in the long-term car-park. At half-past eight that morning after Primrose had departed for her office I wandered across the courtyard of the stables to say goodbye to him, but no sooner had I entered the house by the side-door than I heard Dido’s voice, throbbing with emotion, in the hall. Automatically I stopped dead. I was still well out of sight beyond the stairs.
‘... I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I absolutely
swore
I wouldn’t break down like this, but I do so wish you were coming to Leicestershire — I know horses bore you, but you could read quietly in the library and —’
‘Darling —’
‘— and at least you’d be
there.
I just think it’s so sad for Elizabeth and Pip that we’re never together on our own as a family —’
‘But that’s not true!’
‘Not on our
own,
Stephen — there’s always someone from your first marriage there — all right, we won’t talk of Primrose, but it just seems so wrong that we’re not going to be together —’
‘But when Lord Starmouth offered me the lodge the first thing I did was ask you to come with me!’
‘How could I when I’m ill every time I try to go in a plane?’
‘I was quite prepared to go overland, but since you were adamant that nothing would induce you to go to the Hebrides —’
‘I thought you’d back down and come to Leicestershire. I never dreamed you’d run off instead with Primrose and Eddie and — my God! — Venetia —’
‘What’s wrong with Venetia? Isn’t she Primrose’s best friend and the daughter of one of my own oldest friends?’
‘I don’t give a damn who she is, that girl’s sly, not to be trusted, a trouble-maker —’
‘My dearest, I really don’t think this conversation does you justice —’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just that I feel so depressed, so alone, so utterly
abandoned —
’
There was a silence. I guessed he had been driven to silence her with an embrace. Pressing my back against the wall of the passage I held my breath and waited until at last she said tearfully: ‘How I hate separations!’
‘I’ll write every day.’
‘If only there was a phone at this stupid place —’
‘I’ll try and phone from the nearest village.’
‘Promise?’
‘Of course I promise.’
‘Oh Stephen ...’ Another silence elapsed before Aysgarth said abruptly: ‘Here’s Eddie with the car. Quick, take my handkerchief and dry your eyes — where are the children?’
‘I don’t know ... Elizabeth! Pip! Your father’s leaving!’
At once I slipped silently away.
IV
Primrose and I began our journey north twenty-four hours later after the day-long diocesan conference of the Young Christians for Peace, an event which Primrose had helped to organise and which apparently could not take place without her. Primrose had always been an enthusiastic organiser. She had acquired the taste for power when she had become a Girl Guide leader, and since then the local branches of the Student Christian Movement, the Bible Reading Fellowship, the Missions to Africa Fund and the Inter-Faith League had all benefited from her efficient interference.
‘You really ought to get interested in some worthwhile cause, Venetia!’ she exclaimed as she returned, flushed with triumph, from her conference. ‘If I were to do nothing but read dated schoolgirl books, watch television and listen to Radio Lux., I’d go mad in no time!’
I refrained from argument; -I was all for a quiet life, and since I was a guest in her flat I had a moral obligation to be docile, but I realised then that Mrs Ashworth had been correct in deducing that Primrose and I had reached the parting of the ways.
Meanwhile we had to go on holiday together. Driving to Heathrow in my MG we caught a late-morning flight to Glasgow and arrived in the town of Stornoway, the capital of the Outer Hebrides, in the middle of the afternoon. Although it was the largest settlement on the island of Lewis and Harris, the town was small and the airport was primitive. On stepping out of the little plane I felt a soft damp wind on my cheek. A vast vista of white clouds and green treeless wastes stretched before me, but when I had an immediate impression not of desolation but of peace I realised my mood of torpor was at last beginning to dissolve.
‘There’s Eddie,’ said Primrose.
Eddie’s ungainly figure was clad in the English holiday uniform of grey trousers, a casual shirt and a tweed jacket, but he still managed to look like a foreigner; the uniform was much too well-tailored. He was driving a hired car, a faded white Morris which had seen better days but which bucketed along the narrow roads with surprising spirit. Lewis, I realised as I stared out of the window later at Harris, was the tame, domesticated part of the island. Harris was all bare hills and sinister peat-bogs and glowering little lakes with hardly a croft in sight. Yet I was intrigued. It seemed light years away from London, and beyond the village of Tarbert we appeared to leave civilisation behind completely. A single-track road adorned with the occasional hardy weed wound through brutal hills. Now and then the sea was visible as a lurid strip of midnight blue. Squalls of rain swooped down from the hills and swept away along the coast. Rainbows appeared fleetingly during improbable bursts of sunshine. The car groaned but battled on. I began to be excited.
‘Is there really anything at the end of this road, Eddie?’
‘Wait and see!’ He pulled the car round a hairpin bend, and
a
second later Primrose and I were both exclaiming in wonder. Before us lay a small bay, shaped like a crescent moon and fringed with pale sand. Overlooking this idyllic seascape stood an Edwardian house, not too big but solid and well-proportioned. Beyond a walled garden the brown-green moors, dotted with rocks, rose towards mountains capped by cloud.
‘Just like
Wuthering Heights!
’
remarked Primrose. ‘True romantic isolation! All we need now is Heathcliff.’
The front door opened as if on cue, and the Dean of Starbridge stepped out into the porch to welcome us.
V
Despite its remoteness the house turned out to be very comfortable, in that plain tasteful style that always costs a lot of money, and this comfort was enhanced by a married couple who did all the boring things such as cooking, shopping, cleaning and keeping the peat fires burning. At that time of the year in the far north the weather was still cold, particularly in the evenings, but having spent so much of my life at Flaxton Hall, where the heating was either non-existent or modest, I took the chill in my stride. In contrast, wretched Eddie was soon complaining of rheumatic twinges and saying that whenever he was in pain he was convinced he was going to die young.
‘In that case,’ said Primrose, ‘please do die now and save us from listening to any more of your moans,’ but at that point Aysgarth intervened, reminding Eddie lightly that life had been much worse in the POW camp on Starbury Plain and begging Primrose not to encourage anyone to die because it would be so annoying to have to cut short the holiday.
Our days in the wilderness began with breakfast at nine. Eddie then walked to the village and collected the specially ordered copy of
The Times;
on his return he studied it for twenty minutes. Another brisk trot followed, this time up and down the beach, but finally he allowed himself to relax in the morning-room with
The Brothers Karamazov
.
In contrast Aysgarth followed quite a different pattern of activity. After breakfast he sat in the drawing-room for a while and gazed at the sea. Then he dipped into one of his newly-purchased paperbacks (all detective stories) and read a few pages. More sea-gazing followed but at last he roused himself sufficiently to pen a letter to his wife. (‘The daily chore,’ cornmented Primrose to me once in a grim aside.) By the time the letter was finished Eddie had returned from the village but Aysgarth refused to read the newspaper in detail after Eddie had discarded it; he merely glanced at the headlines and tried to do the crossword. Despite his intellect he was very bad at crosswords, almost as bad as he was at bridge, and had to be helped by Primrose and me. The completion of the puzzle took at least twice as long as it should have done because we all spent so much time laughing, but once the last letter had been pencilled in Aysgarth invariably announced with regret: ‘I suppose I ought to take some exercise.’ He then staggered outside, inhaled deeply a few times and staggered back indoors again. As soon as the clock in the hall chimed twelve he declared it was time for drinks. Eddie, who preferred to abstain from alcohol till the evening, remained in the morning-room with
The
Brothers Karamazov
but Aysgarth and I would swill champagne while Primrose toyed with her customary glass of dry sherry.
At some time during the morning Primrose and I would have been out, either scrambling along the rocky coast or following the path up into the stark wild hills. It rained regularly, but since we always wore macks and sou’westers the weather was never a serious inconvenience. Besides, the rain never lasted long. When the sun did shine we continually marvelled at the colours around us: the sea was a sapphire blue, the waves bright white, the sands dark cream, the moors green-brown mixed with ash-grey rock. Primrose took numerous photographs while I tried to impress the scenes on my memory and wished I could paint. Often as we scrambled along the low cliffs we saw seals playing near the beach, and several times in the hills we glimpsed deer. There were never any people. As the days passed my sense of peace increased until I even began to wish I could have been one of those ancient Celtic saints, dedicated to a solitary life in a remote and beautiful place in order to worship God. At least I would have been spared the rat-race in London and the hell of attending the Great Party of Life as a wallflower.
After lunch every day Aysgarth retired for ‘forty winks’, which usually lasted half an hour, Primrose and I read
The Times
and Eddie wrote letters. Then at three o’clock we departed with a picnic tea for an outing in the car. All over the long island we rambled; on two consecutive days we stopped on the road to Leverburgh at a point above the vast sands which stretched across the bay towards the distant range of blue mountains, and twice we visited the remote church at Rodel on the southernmost tip of Harris. Then I, who was so very bad at worship and so very reluctant to be ‘churchy’, found myself thinking of Jesus Christ, living thousands of miles away in another culture in another millennium, writing nothing, completing his life’s work in three years, a failure by worldly standards, dying an ignoble death – yet still alive in the little church at Rodel on the remotest edge of Europe, still alive for his millions upon millions of followers worldwide, not a despised, rejected failure any more but acknowledged even by non-Christians as one of the greatest men who had ever lived, etched deep on the consciousness of humanity and expressing his mysterious message of regeneration in that most enigmatic of all symbols, the cross.
‘What are you thinking about, Venetia?’ said that pest Eddie, ruining my rare moment of feeling religious as I stood staring at the church.
‘Elvis Presley,’ I said to shut him up. Eddie loathed pop music.
By then I was missing my daily dose of the pops on Radio Luxemburg which seemed to be unobtainable in the Hebrides; perhaps the weather conditions were unfavourable – or perhaps Luxemburg was merely too far away. The BBC in those days devoted little time to musical trivia so my deprivation was severe, but on the other hand there was little time to tune into the wireless. When we returned from our picnic the moment had arrived for a gin-and-tonic for me, whisky for the men and another glass of sherry for Primrose. During dinner we sampled a claret or a white burgundy – or possibly, depending on the menu, both; Aysgarth was taking seriously his absent host’s invitation that we should help ourselves to his well-stocked cellar. After dinner we played bridge or, if we were feeling frivolous, vingt-et-un. Conversation, spiked by all the drink, sparkled. Even Eddie shuddered with mirth occasionally.
‘Father,’ said Primrose late one evening after Eddie had scooped the pool of matchsticks at vingt-et-un and Aysgarth had suggested a nightcap of brandy, ‘isn’t this holiday turning into a distinctly Bacchanalian orgy?’
‘I hope so!’ said Aysgarth amused.
‘So do I!’ I said at once. ‘Primrose, these poor clergymen spend months on end being saintly and strait-laced — why on earth shouldn’t they let their hair down on holiday?’
That idiotic Eddie was unable to resist sighing: ‘Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die."‘
‘Well, I’m not dying yet!’ declared Aysgarth robustly. ‘I’ve still got a lot of living to do!’
A chord twanged in my memory. "I’ve gotta —
whole
lotta living to do!"‘ I sang, imitating Presley. "Whole lotta loving to do — and there’s-uh no one-uh who I’d rather do it-uh with-uh than you — COME ON, BABY!"‘
‘
Venetia!
’
exclaimed Eddie, appalled by the vulgarity, his eyes almost popping out of his head.
‘
Venetia!
’
cried Primrose scandalised, casting an embarrassed glance at her father.
‘What a splendid song!’ said my Mr Dean naughtily, unable to resist the urge to shock them still further. ‘Does it come from the repertoire of those young men Pip likes so much?’
‘The Beatles? No, it’s an Elvis Presley number.’
‘Ah, Mr Presley! The Bishop thinks his records ought to be banned — which inevitably means they’re first-class fun. "Charles," I said to him after I’d supported the publication of
Lady Chatterley
’
s Lover,
"the real obscenity in our culture isn’t sex. It’s violence." But of course he refused to agree. Funny how Charles takes such a dark view of sex — it’s as if he can never forget some very profound sexual sin which affected him personally in some quite unforgettable way.’
‘Isn’t the most likely explanation,’ said Eddie, who had had a good deal to drink, ‘that he had a strong sex drive in his youth and that he was constantly afraid of giving way to temptation?’
‘I don’t know why you throw in the phrase "in his youth", Eddie!’ said Aysgarth more naughtily than ever. Why shouldn’t he still have a strong sex drive even now he’s past sixty?’
Eddie went pink. Primrose stood up and said brightly: ‘Who’s for cocoa?’
‘I thought we were all going to have a nightcap of brandy,’ I said. ‘Go on, Mr Dean! Do you think the Bishop and Mrs Bishop go in for Lady-Chatterley-style high jinks at the South Canonry?’
‘VENETIA!’ chorused the horrified voices of Canon Hoffenberg and Miss P. Aysgarth, Girl Guide leader.
The Dean could barely speak for laughing but managed to gasp: ‘Eddie, why don’t you keep Primrose company while she goes in search of cocoa? Venetia and I are going to discuss D. H. Lawrence!’
‘This is all your fault, Vinnie,’ said Primrose exasperated. ‘If you hadn’t mentioned Elvis Presley —‘
‘I’d very much like to hear this Mr Presley,’ said Aysgarth. ‘Could we tune into Radio Luxemburg on that radiogram in the morning-room?’
‘Not a hope, Mr Dean — unless the reception’s a great deal better tonight than it’s been so far.’
‘Eddie,’ said Primrose, ‘let’s leave them to their decadence.’ Eddie said drunkenly: We draw the line at rock-’n’-roll, Stephen!’ and stalked after her.
‘Snob!’ I shouted after him before adding to Aysgarth: ‘The mystery about that radiogram is that there appear to be no records to go with it. Wouldn’t you think that the Earl’s teenage daughters would keep a supply of old favourites here to wile away the rainy days?’
‘Let’s have a search!’ exclaimed Aysgarth, leaping to his feet.
‘Tally-ho!’ I cried, leading the charge into the hall. Then I stopped. ‘But it’s no good searching the morning-room,’ I said, ‘because I’ve already done that. I’ve searched the drawing-room too. Perhaps the attics —’
What about that cupboard over there under the stairs?’ We bowled over to the cupboard and I dived inside. ‘There’s probably a light,’ said Aysgarth as I floundered in the darkness. ‘Thank heavens this place has a generator and we don’t have to rely on candles ... ah, well done!’
I had found the light switch and was now surveying a jungle of mackintoshes, wellington boots and bric-à-brac which stretched far back below the stairs. Ploughing forward I nearly disembowelled myself with a fishing-rod. ‘Bloody hell,’ I muttered before I remembered the Church. ‘Whoops! Sorry, Mr Dean —’
‘Oh, did you speak? I didn’t hear a word.’
The old pet! I adored him. Heaving aside a battalion of boots I struck gold in the form of six cases, all designed to carry records. ‘Eureka!’ I shouted, ripping open the first case of twelve-inch LPs, but found only the Beethoven symphonies with a dash of ‘Swan Lake’. Attacking the second case I glimpsed the word ‘Wagner’ and slammed shut the lid with a shudder.
‘Any luck?’ called Aysgarth excited.
‘Hang on.’ I opened the third case — and there, miraculously, was Presley, glittering in gold lamé and slouched in a pose to launch a thousand screams. ‘Whoopee!’ I yelled and staggered backwards past the maces and wellies with the record-case clasped to my bosom.
‘Jiminy cricket!’ said Aysgarth awed as I showed him the picture on the sleeve.
‘Just you wait, Mr Dean! This is the kind of stuff guaranteed to make the Bishop pass out in the pulpit!’
We plunged into the morning-room where I crammed the LP on to the turntable. Then I hesitated, holding the arm above the revolving disc as I tried to select the most suitable track. I didn’t want to bludgeon him into a coma with ‘Heartbreak Hotel’. A milder introduction seemed called for. Finally the decision was made, and the next moment Presley — Presley before he became decadent and bloated and corrupt — the young, unspoilt, unsurpassable Elvis Presley began to belt out ‘You’re Right, I’m Left, She’s Gone’.