Authors: Robin Alexander
Chapter 32
Blake was sitting on Quinn’s porch when she arrived that evening to shower. “How’d you get here?” Quinn asked as she climbed out of the truck.
“I walked, and I’m feeling really proud of myself. I only screamed twice and scared a bird and some kid on a skateboard.”
“It’s three miles between your house and mine.”
“I know,” Blake said with a smile, “but I’m a big girl.” Her smile slowly faded as she walked over to Quinn and touched the puffiness beneath her eyes. “Are you okay?”
“I am. I’ve had the best day, Blake.” Quinn kissed her and smiled. “Come inside, I’ll tell you about it while I get dressed.”
*******
That evening, Quinn got a good dose of Rhonda Taylor. Quinn took Blake and her family to dinner at the House on the Bayou. Rhonda made Dani drive around the parking lot three times in search of a parking spot that would be the most lit when they returned to the car. Rhonda sent her chicken back twice because she feared that it had not been cooked thoroughly, even though Dani assured her it was. The view of the bayou wasn’t pretty because Rhonda was certain it was filled with gators and the nutria rats she’d read about. Everything that Blake mentioned as a positive about Cypress Glade, Rhonda countered with a negative.
“Danielle, now that you’ve gotten acquainted with Louisiana, I’m sure you won’t be entertaining any more ideas about moving here,” Rhonda said as she waved off Blake’s offering of a bite of her pecan pie. “No offense, Quinn.”
“As I told you earlier, Mom, Susan would never leave Connecticut.” Dani’s frustrated gaze fell upon Quinn. “I’m sure Blake told you we moved around a lot as kids. I won’t do that to mine unless it’s absolutely necessary. I do like Louisiana, though. I’m sure it’s much hotter in the summer, but I don’t find the heat as stifling as some make it out to be.” She threw a glance at her mother. “But more importantly, Blake likes it here, and if she stays, I will bring my family to visit often.”
“Don’t put any ideas like that in her head,” Rhonda snapped, then tried to cover with a smile. “Blake needs to make up her own mind.”
Blake had been mostly quiet through dinner but pushed her dessert aside. “And I will,” she said firmly.
Dani nodded and raised her coffee cup with a smile. “Coming here has been great for you.”
“Yes, it has. I’ve realized that some of my perceived phobias weren’t truly that at all. I took the first step, and I met someone who didn’t mind holding my hand while I tested barriers.” Blake smiled at Quinn. “So I’m sure y’all will understand when I say that I’m not in any hurry to get back to New York.”
“You all, not y’all,” Rhonda corrected.
Blake jutted her chin as she raised her wineglass. “I hope
y’all
have a safe trip home tomorrow.”
*******
When dinner was over, Quinn could not wait to deposit Rhonda at Blake’s place. She and Blake walked them inside, and when she got a moment alone with Blake, she said, “Since they’re going home tomorrow, do you want to stay here tonight?”
“No, I want to go home with you,” Blake said, meeting Quinn’s eye. “I’ll see them off in the morning.”
Quinn waited patiently as they visited for a while, even though every time Rhonda made the statement to Blake “when you get back to New York,” it made Quinn wince. Every obvious suggestion Rhonda planted reminded Quinn that her future with Blake was uncertain. Blake was going through a rapid evolution/revolution, and though Quinn wanted to believe that Blake truly did care for her, there was some part of Quinn that feared that what Blake was attached so firmly to was comfort. Once Blake truly realized that she could stand on her own two feet, Quinn feared that she wouldn’t be needed. It made her stomach turn to realize that she and Rhonda shared the same fears because Jacob had been right—she was falling for Blake and couldn’t stop it.
Fear sometimes makes the fool, and Quinn was eaten up with it when she and Blake walked out to her truck. Instead of opening Blake’s door, Quinn leaned against it and said, “I think you should stay here tonight. They’re leaving in the morning, and you still have time to visit.”
Blake replied irritably, “I’m pretty certain I said earlier that I didn’t want to do that.”
“Do you remember the first night we made love? You were referring to sex when you said something like ‘it’s not about being ready, but what happens next.’ Have you considered what’s next? I mean, where’re we going? Are you just gonna gird your loins until spring, then go back to New York? You’re changing so fast, I don’t know what my role is. I don’t know what you want from me. I don’t want to get hurt—again. You need to take some time and think about those answers.”
“Then let’s go to your house and talk about it,” Blake said. “And would you look at me?”
Quinn kept her gaze averted. “No. It’s too soon to talk about long-range plans and living together. You just need to stop and think about all of this.”
Blake ran a hand roughly through her hair. “You’re not making sense. Yes, it’s early, and yes, I remember the first time we made love because it wasn’t that long ago. I think about these things, but I don’t know how you feel, and since we’re in this together, we should talk about it
together
.”
“I’m not ready.” Quinn walked around the truck and opened the driver’s door. “Spend time with your mom and sister, and we’ll talk later.” Blake walked slowly toward the porch as Quinn backed out of the driveway and drove off feeling like a neurotic mess. She was mad at Rhonda and Dani for showing up and disturbing her new world. But Quinn was furious with herself for allowing Rhonda to make her into a scaredy cat.
She drove home mentally arguing with herself. The fearsome side told her to pull away now. Though Blake didn’t behave like Shay, there was still the opportunity for disaster. She wanted and needed Blake to make it easier on her and swear that she would stay in Cypress Glade forever. The other more sensible side implored Quinn to consider that Blake was not Shay and that she was being a fool. Common sense stepped in and reminded her that they’d only been technically dating a little over a week, and the whole mental argument was premature. By the time Quinn got home, she was absolutely livid and slammed every door she came in contact with.
She tore open the refrigerator door and found the rotten beer that Jacob couldn’t open. “It’s what men drink when they need to chill,” she said, quoting Jacob. Quinn twisted off the top and took a swig. She felt the compulsion to spit, then burped. She looked at the bottle. “This explains a lot about men.”
She sank into her chair by the window and stared out at the street. It was her place to think, where she contemplated her loneliness and how her life seemed to be going nowhere as the cars passed by. It had been going somewhere until that evening when everything seemed to derail, and she’d been in the conductor’s seat. She’d panicked and overreacted.
The question was what to do about it. Close her eyes and just jump, or play it safe and stay on the platform while Blake swung away from her. She smiled ruefully, remembering how she’d told Jacob that Blake was the brave one; she hadn’t realized how true that was until now.
Quinn stared into the darkness for a while when something darted past the window. She jumped, spilling some of the beer onto her pants as her brain tried to reconcile what she’d seen, then the pounding began. Quinn got up and went into the kitchen and opened the door.
“I need…to…go…to…the…gym because I think I’m dying,” Blake said as she doubled over.
Quinn walked down the steps and put a hand on Blake’s shoulder. “Did you run all the way over here?”
“I didn’t want to have to go back inside and explain to Mom and Dani why I didn’t leave with you. Mom would’ve seized on that. I’m still working through the whole dark thing,” Blake said breathlessly and held her side. “There are a lot of shadows…things…that make weird noises.” She grabbed the bottle from Quinn’s hand and took a swallow that was immediately followed by a burp. “Excuse me, that’s revolting.”
“It is.” Quinn tossed the beer into the outside trash. “I’m sorry about earlier. Can we just chalk that up as an anxiety attack?”
“No.” Blake shook her head as she caught her breath. “We need to talk. I ran over here in the dark. I think that should show that I’m very concerned about the way you feel.”
Quinn took her by the hand. “Come inside, let me get you some water.”
Blake followed and asked as they walked into the kitchen, “Is your power out?”
“I didn’t bother to turn on any lights.” Quinn flipped the switch to the one over the sink, filled a glass with water, and handed it to Blake, who drank. Her blue eyes narrowed as she studied Quinn’s face.
“Right now, you scare me,” Blake said as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
Quinn shrugged. “I don’t like me very much at the moment.”
Blake took her by the hand and led her into the living room, switching on the lamps before they settled on the couch. “So what I gathered from what you said earlier is that you think when my time is up here that I’m just going to leave.”
Quinn pulled a knee up and wrapped her arms around it. “Not exactly…maybe…kind of.”
Blake pursed her lips as she nodded. “You’re right, it is early to be discussing long-range plans, so we should stick to the here and now. We’ve basically known each other for roughly a month and a half. Every minute I spend with you makes me like you more. I like your humor, the way you think, everything about you. I think you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met. I’m not about to walk away from you unless you tell me you don’t want me anymore. I have an apartment in New York. Eventually, I will have to go back there, but what I do with it depends on what happens here. If we continue on the path we’re going, I fully expected to have your input on that decision.”
Quinn scrubbed at her face, feeling incredibly stupid. “Your mother rattled me.”
“She rattles me, too. That’s why I came here in the first place. As much as I love her, I am
so
ready for her to get into that car and leave.” Blake took one of Quinn’s hands and traced the veins that stood out with her fingertips. “I agree with what you said earlier. I am changing fast. I still can’t look a squirrel in the eye, and even after the fight with Ester, birds still make me nervous. I can’t sleep in a totally dark room even with you. Aside from wanting to live a full life, my biggest incentive to face things is to be with you. Quinn, you make me happy, and I want to make you happy.”
“I get scared, too. I was afraid that your mother would convince you to go back with them.”
“Then why did you want to leave me there tonight?”
Quinn couldn’t look Blake in the eye and instead stared at Blake’s fingers as they continued to stroke the back of her hand. “I never told you about Shay. She was the woman in the photo you found here the day I taught you how to twerk.”
“For the record, I still don’t know how to do that, but I’m fine with it,” Blake said with a laugh. “I remember her as being the ‘one that got away.”’
Quinn nodded. “I thought we were in a relationship. Shay came here to go to school. After graduation, she stayed a while. I met her in a bar in New Orleans not long after I came out. We dated for a while, and she decided she wanted to go home. As I look back on it, I think she was done with Louisiana and me, but when I told her I wanted to go with her, she agreed. I think I knew she didn’t love me, but I wanted her, and I was eager to escape. I went with her to Boston, and we’d only been there for six months when she told me she didn’t love me and never would. I was crushed, even though deep down I’d known she didn’t.”
Quinn sighed. “I feared that I would see the same doubt in your eyes, especially after your mother harped on you about going back to New York. I panicked, and I couldn’t face you, so I came back here to hide away from what I couldn’t confront.”
“Ah,” Blake said softly, “that I understand.” She locked her fingers with Quinn’s. “Would you look at me now?”
Quinn’s gaze rose slowly. Blake held her stare and smiled. “We have something good. I’m very happy with you. Do you see the truth in my eyes?”
Quinn nodded and tried to smile.
“Let me hold your hand while you wrestle with your fears just like you do mine because that’s what couples do. I won’t let you fall.”
“I don’t think you can stop me.” Quinn watched Blake closely as her meaning settled in. Her heart skipped a beat when Blake’s smile turned radiant.
“Well, that’s the only exception,” Blake said before she leaned in and kissed Quinn.
*******
“You look like you spent the night having sex.” Dani moved in close to Blake and sniffed. “You smell like sex. Go wash your face before you hug our mother.”
“Is she a basket case?” Blake asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“Yep. She woke me out of a dead sleep howling great lamentations over leaving you behind in this ‘swampy hellhole.’” Dani laughed softly. “I like it here. I like Quinn, too, despite the fact that she wanted to stuff me in your tool shed. You’re both enamored with each other. I’m genuinely happy… Don’t hug me, you smell,” Dani said with a laugh as she wrapped her arms around Blake. “My only regret is now that you’ve come out of your shell, you’re so far away.”
Blake buried her face in Dani’s neck. “Come visit me. I’ll come visit you.”
“I will, I promise.”
“Make Mom understand.”
Dani sighed. “I’ll try, but you can’t worry too much about her and don’t let her drag you back down.”
“I’m too high, too crazy about Quinn to let that happen.” Blake released Dani and stepped away. “Right now, I need and want to focus on Quinn. Her mother’s dying, she won’t be around long, and Quinn has just reconciled with her after a long estrangement.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Dani said sincerely. “You take care of her. Dad and I will take care of Mom. Now go wash up.”
*******
The goodbye was tearful. Blake broke down in the face of her mother’s misery and the knowledge that they’d have to remain apart for a while. No matter how Blake explained it, Rhonda was inconsolable. The hardest thing Blake had done in a while was to close the car door and wave goodbye as her mother and sister drove away. Quinn had dropped Blake off, so she could say her goodbyes alone, but the minute the rental faded from sight, the red truck pulled into the driveway. Quinn took Blake by the hand, led her inside, and held her as she cried.