When they got back, it was well past 2 pm. He unsaddled the horses and Chloe took one of the brushes and helped him wipe them down. She was patting Rocket on the neck and talking to him as she cooled him down. It was a beautiful sight to watch, his girl communing with nature. When they finished with the horses, they walked them out and Derek opened the fence. They released them into the meadow and stood there hand in hand watching as the beautiful creatures once again ran free. When they made it up to the house, Samantha had iced tea and homemade cookies waiting for them.
Chloe laughed when she saw the cookies. “You’re trying to fatten us up, aren’t you?”
“Maybe just a little,” Samantha said with a smile. “Neither of you look like you eat enough to me.”
“How was the ride?” Trevor asked.
Derek downed a glass of iced tea and said, “I think it may well have been my best one ever.”
He winked at Chloe and for the first time since he’d met her he saw color rise up in her cheeks as she blushed. It was cute and it made him want to kiss her again. He wasn’t surprised though. Pretty much everything she did lately made him want to kiss her...or more.
“So Derek did you still want to run into town with me?” Trevor asked him. “Samantha has added a “few” more items to our list.”
Derek laughed. “Yes, I’d love to go. I’m just going to clean up and change really quickly so I don’t smell like a horse.”
He gave a kiss to Chloe before he went upstairs. It was just a peck, but it would satisfy him...for now. After he took a quick shower and re-dressed in jeans and a t-shirt he went back downstairs. He found the three of them in the den looking at family photos. He quickly checked Chloe’s expression. He was hoping that it wasn’t upsetting her. So far, she seemed okay.
“Are you ready, Derek?” Trevor asked him.
“I’m ready,” he said. He bent down over the couch and kissed Chloe on the cheek. Trevor kissed her too and his wife and they headed out, armed with Samantha’s list. Trevor headed for the garage and Derek said, “Why don’t we just take my car since it’s already out. I know that you’re dying for a ride in her,” he said with a grin. “We can drive with the top down. The day is so beautiful.”
“You read my mind,” Trevor told him, “She is a beaut.” As they drove out of the paved driveway towards the main road Trevor said, “New toy?”
With an almost embarrassed smile Derek said, “Yes, part of my obsession. I collect classic cars and restore them to do their original 110 mph and yet I can hardly bring myself to do sixty.”
“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Trevor blurted out.
Derek glanced sideways at his father-in-law and then looked back at the road. “Chloe?”
“Of course, Chloe. How many women are you in love with?”
Derek laughed and said, “None, but just for argument’s sake, would it bother you if I was?” he asked.
“Not at all,” Trevor told him. “Quite the contrary in fact. I love her. I love you. I want you both to be happy.”
“Thank you,” Derek said. Then after a few seconds of silence he said, “Chloe and I haven’t talked about love yet...or a future. The past and the present have been consuming so much of our time.”
Trevor nodded. “That will change, and if you do love her don’t wait too long to tell her. You know as well as I do that sometimes we only get one chance and then that quickly,” he snapped his fingers, “It’s gone.”
Derek nodded solemnly. He turned onto the main road and as they started up the incline over the bluffs he turned on the radio. He and Trevor were talking about the song that came on...something by Credence Clearwater, when they reached the top of the hill. The slope on the other side wasn’t steep, but it went into a sharp turn near the bottom and the speed limit was only twenty MPH because it was blind. You couldn’t see what was coming up the other side until you got there. As they began to descend, Derek tapped the brakes. A sick feeling began to pulse in his gut when he realized how loose it felt. He pushed in on it and it went almost to the floor, barely slowing the car. He felt the panic rise up into the back of his throat as the curve rapidly approached him. He didn’t want to panic Trevor but when the older man realized Derek wasn’t slowing down, he looked over at him.
“Derek?”
“Hold on and say a prayer, Trevor. The brakes aren’t working. I’m going to do my best to maneuver this without them.”
Trevor nodded. He looked numb but he didn’t say anything else. Derek let the car glide in the center of the curve. As long as nothing was coming up the other side they would be okay.
“Please let nothing be coming,”
he chanted in his head as he felt the car going into a slide around the curve, now practically on two wheels.
He didn’t see the car until he heard Trevor yell out his name. He pulled to the right to keep from hitting them head on and that was when the car went off the side of the steep embankment and began to roll end over end. The car flipped over and over...so many times that Derek lost count. He became disoriented even before he sustained the concussion that would cause him to slip in and out of consciousness.
He was aware of the taste of iron in his mouth, but unaware that it was blood. He was vaguely aware of someone screaming...someone was with him, but who? Sarah! Oh dear God! I killed Sarah...His mind was trying hard to stay awake and alert as the car finally stopped rolling and came to rest at the bottom of the ravine. He tried to turn his head, he needed to see Sarah...
No, Sarah wasn’t there, and she couldn’t be. I already killed her. Sarah!
He sobbed out her name and again but he couldn’t hear any sound. Was he deaf, or was this conversation only happening in his head?
Who is here? There’s breathing to his right...gasping, maybe. He tried to turn his head again, willing it to turn. Is it Chloe? Oh God! Chloe! Did I hurt you? Chloe! Where are you? Where am I?
It was so cold and the light at the edges of his vision was beginning to fade. His eyelids fluttered and he entertained the thought that maybe he was home in bed. He tried to take a deep breath and smell the air.
Am I on the yacht? I’m so sleepy. Maybe I’ll just close my eyes for a minute. It’s freezing in here. Where are my covers?
He let his eyes close one last time. He was too tired to fight it. Everything was beginning to hurt.
Why did everything hurt? Where is Chloe?
Just before the darkness consumed him, he heard the distant sounds of sirens. Fire trucks...or police cars...maybe an ambulance? His last thought before he slipped under the deep end was that he hoped no one was hurt.
******
“T
his one is my favorite, I think.”
Chloe was holding up a picture of Sarah in a fairy costume. She had on a hat with pointed ears made out of foam and a green dress that was made to look like an upside down honeysuckle and shoes that came to a point at the toe. There were leaves in brilliant fall colors attached all over the costume and hat.
“She wanted to be a “wood sprite” she said, so that’s what we came up with.”
“It’s brilliant,” Chloe told her, honestly. She felt that pang again in her chest that was becoming familiar to her lately, the pang of regret for all of the things that could have been.
“How old was she?”
“She was nine. Between nine and eleven it was all about fairies.”
Chloe smiled. She never believed in fairies or Santa Claus or the tooth fairy...or even God. She’d convinced herself that if any of those things were real, one of them would have saved her from the unimaginable horrors that she was living through. She turned the page in the album. There was a picture of a younger and thinner Derek. She ran her finger over his face and smiled again. “Was this taken right after they met? He looks so young?”
“Yes,” Samantha said, looking over at it. “He met us at Martha’s Vineyard that weekend. I was always taken back by how handsome he was when I first met him.”
“So was I,” Chloe said. “I think it would be hard not to be.”
“He’s as good inside as he is out,” Samantha said.
Nodding, “I know. I’m so lucky he found me.”
“He loves you.”
“What?” Chloe felt her heart speed up just a little bit at the word “love”. Derek hadn’t said that to her and although she was sure that was what she was beginning to feel towards him, she hadn’t taken the time to evaluate it yet and she definitely hadn’t said it out loud.
“I’m sorry,” Samantha said. She must have seen the look of panic in Chloe’s eyes. “I thought you knew.”
Chloe laughed, but it was much more nervous than amusement.
Does he love me? If so, what does that mean?
“He hasn’t said anything,” she told her mother.
Sam gave her an indulgent smile and said, “He doesn’t need to. His actions and the look in his eye when he looks at you or talks about you, says it all.”
Chloe took a deep breath and Samantha put her hand on the younger woman’s shoulder. “Does that frighten you, Chloe?”
She nodded; surprised that she was admitting it.
“You know, when Trevor and I first brought Sarah home from the hospital I tried not to love her.”
“You tried not to love her?” Chloe repeated that. It didn’t make sense. Samantha was one of the most loving, maternal people that she’d ever met.
She nodded sadly and said, “I was so afraid that if anything ever happened to her that the pain I felt at losing you would be intensified with every hour I spent loving her. But not loving her was an impossible task, just as not loving you would be.”
“It must have been so hard for you, losing her the way you did.”
“It was,” Samantha said. “It still is. Some mornings it’s almost like it’s happening all over again because I wake up and forget. Once I’m fully awake I have to remind myself that she’s gone. But you know something?”
“What?”
“As much as it hurt to lose her I have to keep reminding myself how lucky we were to have had her, if only for a short while. I’m a different person for knowing her and loving her...just as I am for knowing and loving you. I suppose that’s where the saying “Live like you’re dying” comes from. When I die, I don’t want anything left unsaid. I don’t want anyone that I love to have to guess or wonder.” Samantha touched her face again and said, “I love you, Chloe.”
Chloe had tears in her eyes again. She hugged her mother tightly. She already felt a deep, emotional bond with her. It was too soon for her to say, “I love you,” but she felt it somewhere in her core. They were interrupted by the ringing of Chloe’s cell phone. When she went to pick it up, she noticed the time. The men had been gone for over two hours.
She looked at the caller ID. It said: Kevin Stark. Derek had put the number in her phone in case she’d ever needed anything and couldn’t get ahold of him. Her throat suddenly began to swell and her lungs were being constricted. As she pressed accept and put the phone to her ear she thought,
Please God, don’t let this be bad news.
“Hello?”
“Chloe, this is Kevin Stark, Derek’s father.” His voice sounded strangled...rushed.
“Yes Mr. Stark.”
“Chloe I just got a call from the hospital up in Albany. Derek and Trevor were in an accident.”
Her hand was shaking so hard that she could hardly grip onto the phone.
“Oh my God! Are they okay?”
“All they would tell me about Trevor was that he was stable...”
“Oh thank God!”
“But Chloe, they said we needed to come right away if we want to see Derek. They don’t think he’s going to make it...”
Chloe almost felt like she was watching herself in slow motion. She screamed and the phone slid from her hand as she dropped to her knees.
Samantha rushed to her, “Chloe, what is it? What’s wrong?”
Chloe’s heart felt like someone was holding it tightly in their fist, trying to rip it out of her chest. “They were in an accident...” she sobbed, losing herself again for a few seconds.
“Who?” Samantha said. “Oh God no! Trevor and Derek?” Samantha picked up the cell phone and said, “We’re leaving now.”
Chloe nodded numbly. “We have to go, now. Kevin said Trevor was stable but they need us to come right away. They-don’t-think-that-Derek’s-going-to-make-it.” She had to force each word out. She felt like she was in a fog suddenly. There was a thick cloud that had sat right down on her and she was trying to fight her way through it, back where her thoughts were clearer and more coherent. Suddenly Samantha was at her side, taking her arm.
“Come on honey. Let’s go.”
––––––––
S
amantha and Chloe got into the car and neither of them said another word on the thirty minute ride to the hospital, not even when they passed the place that they both knew had to be the place of the accident. Chloe could see the anguish in her mother’s eyes as the they came upon the guard rail that was shattered and they saw the tow truck with a mangled piece of metal on the back of it now in the same Marlboro red color that Derek’s sport’s car had been.
Chloe felt sick...desperately ill.
She wanted to vomit until nothing was left inside of her. Maybe if she could throw up, the pain would stop. Right now, it was practically intolerable and she could hardly breathe.
Samantha drove the car into the lot that said, “Emergency” and they both quickly got out of the car. They made their way through the sea of ambulances and paramedics wheeling patients in through the automatic double doors and they went inside. The place was wall to wall people. There were old and young and every age in between. Some of them looked sick or hurt, and others of them looked as if they’d just lost their best friend...Samantha went straight to the information desk and told the nurse sitting there, “My husband and son-in-law were in an accident.”
The only way that Chloe could tell what Samantha was feeling was by the strong quiver in her usually melodic voice. She had to clear her throat more than once, like she was trying to get rid of the lump that had gathered there.
“Names please,” the nurse asked.
“Trevor Whitemore and Derek Stark.”
“I’m Derek’s father.”
Samantha and Chloe both turned to see Kevin Stark and another man that could only be Jake. He was the spitting image of Derek, only in Chloe’s opinion, not quite as handsome. The two men were dressed in expensive suits and looked like they’d just come from a formal dinner party. The nurse punched something into the computer and then looked back up at Samantha with a somber expression.