Scars and Songs (25 page)

Oh fucking hell
. 

I was so aroused that the muscles of my body quivered just from looking at her in her little bra and panties.  Like a fucking bull in heat, I charged at her.  I was beyond angry; I was tormented;
fucking tortured
.  No one deserved to hold this fucking kind of power over me. 
No one
. She fucking twisted my soul and left me struggling to breathe all the fucking time.  This had to be the cruelest punishment, never to be able to have her believe I was more than the piece of shit she thought I was.  “Right, sure.  Well, why not, let’s talk about shit that doesn’t matter.  Lea is sleeping and I made the freaking coffee!  What is it, too strong for you?  And let me just put this out in the open, so that I don’t get accused of playing games or whatever the hell your warped mind thinks I do. I am so freaking glad I
didn’t
sleep with you, Grace, because you and me would be horrible. The sex would suck and I wouldn’t have to look at you and pretend you were more than a hole to stick my dick in for the next six weeks!  There, happy now?  That’s all you want to believe of me, right?”

Swallowing hard, I could feel all the color drain from my face.  I gave her exactly what she wanted to hear.  Let’s see how she freaking handled that.  I grabbed her robe off the closet door and threw it at her.  Looking at her was ripping me apart.

Catching the robe, she walked right in front of me and dropped it at my feet.  She looked me deadpan in the eyes.  “Thanks for the heads up on how sex would have been with you.  But, honestly, Shane, I just wanted to know if you actually had gone out of your way to know the exact way I take my coffee, because that just would have been...
sweet
.”

What.  The.  Hell?

She grabbed an armful of clothing, without even looking at any of it, from one of her drawers and dashed for the door.

“Grace, stop.”

“Go screw yourself, Shane.  Consider your duty to babysit me done, since you stayed here last night to protect me and I still ended up hurt,” she whispered as she walked out the door and closed it behind her. 
Yeah, she actually whispered it, like I really did hurt her
.  Shit.

I ran after her but she locked herself in the bathroom.

My shoulders collapsed and I dragged myself into the kitchen.  Lea was leaning against the counter, arms crossed, with a steaming cup of coffee next to her.

“What the eff are you two screaming about?”

“I messed up.  I said a bunch of bullshit to get her pissed off, because I was pissed off at something she said.  I’m like fucking Tucker right now. I. Am. A. Douchebag.”

Then Lea hugged me.  It felt so fucking weird, because she squeezed the muscles in my arms and asked me to flex. 
I’m surrounded by sixteen years olds
.

“What am I supposed to do now, Lea?  She’s driving me crazy; I can’t take the shit I said back.  She’s fucking killing me.”

“Well, I don’t know what you said, but I do know that whatever you did last night had to have been pretty packed with all sorts of awesomeness, because she’s never had a guy spend the night in her room with her since we’ve lived together.”

“Yeah, but how long have you lived with Grace?”

She gave my cheek a pat.  “Since we were fourteen.  So yeah, Shane, whatever you did last night, keep doing.  But, um…what did you guys do last night?”

“Nothing.  We kissed, that’s it but…
God, Lea
.  I don’t mean to sound like I grew a pussy, but it was the fucking best kiss these lips ever felt.”

“Wow.  She aced on your slutty lips.  That’s just…wow,” she laughed.

I chuckled too.

Grace chose that moment to rush through the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

“Where are you going?” Lea asked.

“For a run,” she said, completely avoiding my stare.

“Alone?” she asked looking from me to Grace.

“Lea.  This is New York City.  Eight million people live here, I won’t be alone,” she laughed and walked out the front door.

I talked with Lea for a few more minutes and then made my way back home.  I sat on the couch in my living room and stared at some movie on the television that I wasn’t paying any attention to.  I just knew it sucked.

One movie blended into the next and before I knew it, Ethan and Brayden were throwing our beer pong balls at me. 
Hard
.  I’m talking whaling them at me. Ignoring them, I jumped in the shower, threw on a pair of jeans and an old shirt and walked to Boozer’s.  It was snowing again, but the hushed silence of the falling flakes did nothing to soothe my soul.

Boozer’s was empty, thank God, because I wanted to wallow alone in my self-pity.  I grabbed a beer from Mollie, one of the waitresses (NO!  I never banged her- Alex has a huge crush on her) and climbed onto the stage.  I sat on one of the gray metal folding chairs and played my guitar.

I stayed there for four hours.

Yeah
, four hours.

I realized the bar was getting full and it was closing in on the time for our gig when Grace walked to the back of the stage and stopped abruptly in front of me.  Probably startled at me being there.

I lifted my head only slightly when I noticed her, but I didn’t stop playing.

“Hey,” she said.  “What’s doing?” Then she pushed my legs off the second chair I was leaning them on.

“Oh, are you talking to me?  I thought we hated each other.”  I knew I sounded pathetic, but I didn’t care.

Then, you know what she freaking did? 
She SMILED AT ME!
  She smiled at me, and a deep fiery-red splash of crimson colored her cheeks.

My heart thudded to a stop.  “Stop smiling, Grace.”  I leaned forward, giving her a slow sexy smile.  “A smile like that can give a man hope.”

Neither of us stopped smiling.  Smiling and staring into each other’s eyes, until Ethan walked up to us and cleared his throat.  “What is with the two of you?”

The crowd screamed for us to play, and when we emerged from the back of the stage, the sound was deafening.  Looking at Grace, I struck a chord that silenced the audience.  We played as if we were on fire, a scorching inferno tearing through the crowd as they screamed for more.

We kicked the set off, immediately bursting with raw energy and power.  We played each song like we danced through our friendship, full of angst and intensity. 
I would never get enough of playing next to Grace
.

After the set, we all jumped off the stage.  Once again, I held my arms out for Grace and without hesitation, she dove right into me.  Sweaty and on fire, we ran to the bar to try to quench the flames.

At the bar, Ryan lined up shot glasses of Kamikaze shooters for us,
dumbass fruity girly drinks
.  I gulped one back anyway and slammed it on the bar, not taking my eyes off Grace.  I was freaking thirsty.

Then some fucknut walked right past me like I wasn’t standing there.  He leaned against the bar next to Grace and asked, “May I buy you a drink?”

Grace looked at him as if he had grown a dick right out of his forehead.  Which probably would be useful in other situations, however,
not this immediate one
.

“Hi, I’m Steve,” the fucknut said, then pointed to her empty glass, and repeated the question, “May I buy you a drink
?”

She smiled politely at him, “Thank you, but the band has a running tab at the bar, so there’s no need.” 

Damn that was hot.  She said
NO FUCKNUT!

Yet, fucknut did not get the hint.  He stayed
.

Steve the fucknut
, smiled down at her with wagging Tucker-like eyes.  “You were amazing up there,” he said.  “I’m sure you hear this all the time, but you are incredibly sexy and your eyes...I’ve never seen a more beautiful color.”

Grace smiled at him.  And before I could think clearly, yes, I know I was showing blatant signs of psycho-like-possessive-violent-bat-shit-crazy tendencies, I shoved my body between the
two of them. “Hey, excuse me, um, Steve was it?  Yeah, well Grace and I have band things to take care of, so goodbye.”  Then I stood there glaring down at him (like a foot down, he was even shorter than Grace) until he backed away.  “Walk the fuck away from her right now; she’s not up for grabs,
Steve
.”  Okay, so I may have acted a bit immature.

Steve kept his hungry little eyes on Grace, “She’s not up for grabs?  Calm down, jackass. I just wanted to buy this beautiful woman a drink.” 
This guy was seriously trying to commit suicide
.

I stepped in closer to Steve, blocking his view of Grace.  “Just walk away, dude.”

Steve shook his head, laughing and he held his hands in the air.  He leaned past me and spoke directly to Grace.  “Listen, my friends and I will be here for a while, so if you’d like to dance or something, come and find me.”

Oh, no.  I’m going to start a bar fight
.

I balled my fist and pulled back.

Immediately, Grace was off her barstool, smiling at Steve and placing her hands on my chest, softly.  All the anger in my body instantly evaporated.  “Thank you, Steve, but I’m wiped from the show, so I’m calling it a night.  I’m Grace by the way. It was nice to meet you and I’m glad you enjoyed the music.”  Then she turned her back to him until he got the hint and walked away.

Our eyes were locked on each other’s the whole time. 

Her hand still lay on my chest.  “I am leaving now.  Don’t ever do that again to me.  Don’t ever stop someone from speaking to me. I’m not your property. I’m barely even your friend,” she whispered.

I wasn’t letting this go.  “Do you want to go home with him?”

“What the hell is wrong with you, Shane?  Are you serious right now?  You’re the guy who has slept with almost every girl in this bar, and I can’t have someone buy me a drink?”

“You told him no thank you and he didn’t listen.  And Grace, I haven’t slept with anyone since you walked into this bar that first Friday.”

“Liar.  You’ve been here with girls, sucking their faces off right in front of me,” she replied crossing her arms.

“I haven’t slept with any of them, Grace.  Last night with you, Grace, was the best night of my life, I’m sorry about the coffee thing…this is all new to me…”

“Please don’t say anything else.  Please don’t.  I have to get out of here.  I’m exhausted and I don’t have the energy to fight with you.”

“Then, I’m taking you home and I’m staying.”

“Excuse me?” she asked. 

“I’m not letting anything happen to you, Grace.  Carl Sumpton is still out there somewhere and it would completely fucking crush all the guys in the band if you got hurt.”

“All the guys in the band, huh?” she asked with a coy smile.

“Yeah, Grace.  Especially me.  The insanely possessive one.”

Grabbing our guitars, we left and walked back home through the snow in silence.  Once inside her apartment, we raided the refrigerator.

With us both standing in front of the open refrigerator, cool air drifting against our skin, I grabbed her by the waist.  “How about I make some pancakes while you jump in the shower and get comfortable.”

“Sounds yummy,” she whispered.

“Yeah, the pancakes do too,” I teased.

I swear I think she giggled all the way to the bathroom.

I was mixing the second batch of pancake batter when Grace walked into the kitchen, wrapped only in a towel.  The spatula fell to the floor splattering pancake batter all over. “Pancakes are almost ready,” I whispered.

“There should be more hot water in about five minutes, if you want to jump in the shower,” she said.

I turned the burners on the stove off and lifted my shirt over my head.  Forget pancakes and showers, all I needed was her.  “Why, Grace?  You think I’m dirty?”  I stalked towards her slowly.

“Oh no, Shane, I’m betting on you being filthy,” she laughed.

Our bodies moved closer, until our lips hovered over each other’s and I could smell the soap she used on her skin.  She hooked her fingers through the loops in my jeans and pulled me closer.

“Woowhoo!  I smell pancakes in here!” Lea screamed from the front door.  Then
lots
of voices seemed to come from the direction of the front door.

“No. No, no, no.  Those sounds are just our imagination,” I said as I watched the most beautiful girl in the world walk away from kissing me.

So, yeah.  Five batches of pancake batter later, everyone was eating pancakes.   Thankfully there was only minimal food fighting.  Only one pancake was called in to combat on Alex’s face when he came in and asked me for
eggs and bacon too
and to
hurry it up
.  Jackhat.

A short time after, Grace walked in, joined us in the living room, and then she sat right next to me.  I reached out to her and rubbed my hands over the small of her back.  Her skin was so soft it melted under my touch.  I almost dropped dead right in front of everybody when she ran her hand through my hair.