Scars and Songs (33 page)

Nothing made sense.

I slumped past the nurses’ station. One of the young nurses eyed me and smiled a mouth full of bright white teeth. “Sir,” she called. “Did you know we have a chapel on the first floor of the hospital?” I stopped in my tracks.
Why in the world would she think someone like me would want a chapel?
“Many of the families of our patients here find peace with their situation after theyʼve lit a candle there or said a prayer.”

A large golden cross lay against her
collarbone; it rose up and down with the rhythm of her breathing. Once again, it never ceased to amaze me, the well of faith that most humans had despite their ignorance of heaven. How they could believe in something but had never laid eyes on it; maybe that was what was so special about humans; that complete blind faith.

“Thank you,” I nodded. I followed her pointed fingers to the elevator and pressed the down arrow.
Some sort of angel better be there to make sense of all this to me, because I was seriously starting to formulate some major apocalyptical visions in my head
.

The elevator doors opened to the harsh stench of alcohol and whatever cleaning fluid hospitals used to try to cover the smell of death. I choked back my gag reflex and stepped in. If Grace
ʼs body was going to die, I needed to take her out of here. This was no place for her soul to linger. My body shuddered with fury at the thought of her dying here. It took every ounce of my strength not to scream out.

When the elevator ceased its downward motion, I could wait no longer, I pried the doors open with my hands and thrust them into the sleeves of the wall. The reoccurring beeping sound vaguely alarmed me that I might have broken the doors, but I didn
ʼt stop to care; there would be a hell of a lot more shit broken if I didnʼt find the answers to my questions.

I followed the faded brown signs towards the hospital chapel and yanked the doors open furiously.

The only source of light in the small room was from the blaze of glass-covered lanterns that posed as prayer candles. Leaning against the farthest wall was the archangel, Gabriel, with his mighty arms crossed in front of him.

I stormed towards him and got right in his face. Of course, the
idiot made no move, not even an expression creased his features.
Heartless angel
. “Tell. Me. Everything.” I growled.

Pushing off the wall, Gabriel took a step forward. Something about the slow way he moved made me think he wouldn’t put up a fight. But, I felt a burst of raw energy pulsate from his body warning me to step back. I didn’t. I wouldn
ʼt step back,
not now; not ever
.  Not from
him
.

“I will not cower before you when it comes to her!” I hissed. “Tell me what
ʼs going on, Gabriel!”

He searched my eyes for whatever answers he needed to find. I felt the energy that pulsated off him in waves recede; my heart receded with it.

“Michael told me she would be taken to heaven;
spared
,” I whispered.

Gabriel shrugged his shoulders awkwardly. “She was supposed to be,
but she didnʼt want to go without you. So, I gave her a chance to try to find you.”

I staggered back at hearing his answer. “She chose
me
over heaven?” I let my body collapse onto the rickety wooden bench that acted as a pew. I crossed my arms over my stomach to try to stop myself from heaving on the floor.  All the anger drained out of me, only to be filled with the deepest sorrow I’d ever known.

Gabriel sat beside me and tilted his head to watch me. “I do agree with your thoughts, it was a foolish decision on her part.  You are far from worth it. 
Even when you did have wings
.”

“I was never
with her,
Gabriel. You
know
that, you saw what happened between us.  You.  Watched.  Us.  We kissed once, yet we were punished as harshly as the rest.  We were INNOCENT!  I didn’t
violate
her.  Now you’re telling me that she’s been searching for me?  For two thousand years? 
ALONE!
  That’s worse than anybody has ever been punished.  That’s worse than
MY
punishment.”

Gabriel laughed heartily, which made my fists clench. “I disagree with you.  If I didn’t stop you, you would have been with her,
tarnished
her.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, making him look almost human. “I couldn’t let you. And no, she wasn’t alone, because she
always
had me here.”

I snapped my eyes wide as his words touched my ears, “What the HELL does that mean?”

“She had my companionship. You know we are not supposed to really get involved in the affairs of humans, so I could only do so much to help her. I did lead her to you though,
eventually
.”

I jumped to my feet. “And in all your divine glory, it took you
over two thousand years
?”  I could no longer control my rage.  “You were my
brother
, Gabriel!  And you
BETRAYED
me! 
YOU KNEW I LOVED HER!
”

Gabriel offered me a small tight smile. “Well, let’s just say I’ve struck out on my own for a while and I don’t believe in that
angelic brotherly bond
any longer.  Enough. Go sit by your human. Pray as hard as you can. See if
he
answers
you
. Then, if
he
does and Grace lives, see if she will forgive you for all your
time spent
with other human women. And after that, try and keep her alive as Grace.”

“You won
ʼt help me, after everything you did?  Do you want the apocalypse to come?”

“You wouldn
ʼt understand Shamsiel, or should I just call you
Shane
? You are more human than an angel now; you could do nothing to stop me.  Apocalypse, very funny.  You’ve been imprisoned in hell for thousands of years, how do you know that already hasn’t happened yet. Good luck, you weak pathetic human.” He took a step away from me to leave.

“Gabriel, I
need
her. I love her.”

Gabriel snapped his head back and glared at me. “You
ʼre not the only one. 
Shane
, forget the girl. 
She’s with me now
.”  Then he was gone.

And so was all my hope forever seeing Grace open her eyes again. And there was a whole hell of a lot more to this story than Gabriel told me. None of it made any sense.
How was she with Gabriel now?
And the slight thought of why would she turn down paradise to search the world for me made me want to tear my own skin off. Someone was lying. There had never been a thought in my mind about her being left on earth. I would have never thought that was a possibility. Michael wouldn’t have lied to me, he would have told me. He had agreed that I had done nothing wrong. I never pledged an oath with the other Grigori. I never took a human for a wife. I never fathered a Nephilium. I just kissed the human girl that I had fallen in love with on the last day I was to see her. Yes, if given the chance, I would have done so again. How could any man, human or angel, think past those lips? Even before the kiss, I went to the archangels Michael and Rafael for guidance. To try to find some way I could
become
human to be with her, or for some way to grant her immortality and wings. 
Michael knew I loved her
.  Why would Gabriel betray me?  Confused anguish and chaos raced through my mind.  Nothing was clear.  Michael told me she’d be spared.

That’s what was told to me, from the lips of an angel. 
“The child will be brought straight to paradise.”

But she’s been on earth the whole time while I was imprisoned in hell.

She was with Gabriel.

“She’s with me now
.”

When I returned to the room, Lea was alone, curled up next to Grace on her hospital bed. Life support machines chimed their morbid musical compositions in the background. Lea raised her tear-streaked face toward me; it pulled at my gut because I understood how desperate she felt for Grace to open her eyes.

I pulled one of the chairs that was lined against the wall right next to the bed and collapsed on to it. I slumped forward, leaned my elbows on my knees and pressed my forehead onto the hospital bed.

“Where did you go?” Lea asked sniffling.

“To the hospital chapel,” I answered looking up at her.  Her jaw dropped.
Well, that says a lot about what she thinks about my character
.

She’s with me now
.

She’s with me now
.

With me now.

Fuck me. 

Gabriel did this
.

I woke to the soft sounds of rustling at the foot of the bed, the putrid hospital smell still assaulting my nose; beeping machines still ringing in my ears.  I lifted my foggy head off of Grace’s bed, where I had somehow fallen asleep holding her through all the tubes and wires that invaded her body with my ass still planted on a crappy hospital chair.  I looked at her face in hopes that she had a smile to give me, but she didn’t.  My heart sank deep into my stomach; she hadn’t moved at all.  

Someone behind me was clearing their throat. 
I didn’t give a damn if someone was choking; I wasn’t leaving Grace
.

“Shane?  Shane Maxton?” The voice slowly dragged my attention from Grace’s closed eyelids.

“Yeah?” I dragged myself back and sat fully up on the chair that I had pulled close to Grace’s bed and fallen asleep on.  My back was on fire from the position I had been in and I twisted and turned trying to get all the aches out of it.  It didn’t help.

“Stand up,” the voice demanded harshly.

What?
  I snapped my eyes to the asshole that thought he could tell me what to do.  Two uniformed police officers stood threateningly over the end of the bed.  Both had their hands hovering over the open strap of their holsters; guns ready. 
A bit trigger happy?

“What’s this about?” I asked calmly.  I wondered what kind of music they listened to.  Mad World fans? 
Nah, probably just two disco-house-music-fist pumping prissy ass humans
. 

“I told you to stand up!  STAND UP!” 

I laughed.  Yeah, that just made them come at me.  “Whoa, officers!” I said smiling.  Lifting both my hands above my head, palms up, so no one decided to light me up with holes, I stood up.  Slowly. 

One of the officers tried to grab my arm while the other pulled out a pair of shiny silver cuffs. I felt my entire body turn rigid and on edge. I couldn’t control the response that was about to surge from my fists. 
There’s no damn way I was going to let someone cuff me
.  I lunged forward, barreling through both officers, causing them to bounce off me and flop to the floor on their asses.  It was too hard not to laugh so I didn’t even try to hold it in.  The officers were screaming behind me telling me to stop.  Laughing, I ran to the door and slammed up against Ethan’s solid body.  The look in my best friend’s eyes told me I was screwed.

“I swear, Shane, I hope everyone is fucking
wrong
about you and you didn’t do this to her.  But in the meantime, until I know for sure…” That’s when his fist connected with my face and the world went black. 

*  *  *  *

A feathery soft
something
brushed itself along my skin;
all of my skin
. 
Every inch
, as if I were lying naked on a beach, feeling the first rays of the sun fall gently upon my body.  It prickled all my hairs and aroused a deep desire of need in my soul; a need long forsaken.  Warmth and light surrounded me, and then a complete and utter
love
engulfed me until I could no longer breathe correctly.  I blinked my eyes open.  What the hell did Ethan just hit me with? 
His fist must be made of steel
.
I’m somehow going to have to find a way to get him to hit Tucker like that
.  I would definitely pay him for it. 

There were smells and sounds of thousands of familiar things; choirs of angelic voices and
purity; innocence
.  My old dead heart stirred as my eyes opened towards the heavens and the shadowy passengers traveling home.

“Shamsiel?  Shamsiel.  Shane!”  A voice called; a voice that I had longed to hear for centuries,
Michael
the archangel.

My eyes met Michael’s.  A fierce expression covered his usual stoic features.  His brilliant blue eyes shined with pure light as his wings lay over my body.  The touch of the angelic feathers stirred an ache in my soul of what had been taken from me.  A tall man,
a human
, stood next to him; his features so familiar to me.  I looked at both beings, folded my arms across my chest and narrowed my eyes.  “Oh, this should be
entertaining
.  Does anyone want to let me in on the joke?  Am I being
punked?”