Science...For Her! (49 page)

Bacon and Butternut Pasta with Kale!!!!
Braised Chicken with Kale!!!!
Poached Chicken with Kale!!!!
Fried Chicken with Kale!!!!
Pasta with Black Kale, Caramelized Onions, and Parsnips!!!!
White Bean Soup with Kale and Chorizo!!!!
Sausage and Clams with
Chickpeas and Kale!!!!
Orecchiette with Kale, Bacon, and Sun-Dried Tomatoes!!!!
Two-Bean Soup with Kale!!!!
Borlotti Minestrone with Kale!!!!
Cajun Steak Frites with Kale!!!!
Wilted Kale with Bacon and Vinegar!!!!
Wilted Kale with Fake Vegetarian Bacon and Vinegar!!!!
Wilted Kale with Coconut, Ginger, and Lime!!!!
Wilted Kale with Farro and Walnuts!!!!
Wilted Kale with Golden Shallots!!!!
Wheat Berry, Kale, and Cranberry Salad!!!!
Turkey Meatball Soup with Wilted Kale!!!!
Kale-and-Caramelized-Onion Grilled Cheese!!!!
Cauliflower and Kale with Mustard Currant Dressing!!!!
Paleo Chorizo Kale and Sweet Potato Soup!!!!
Kale and Spinach Saag!!!!
Chicken and Kale in Parmesan Cream Sauce!!!!
Rustic Tuscan Soup with Kale!!!!
“Amazing” Lentils and Kale!!!!
Kale and Feta Salad!!!!
Curry Kale and Potato Galette!!!!
Italian Ribollita (Vegetable and Bread Soup) with Kale!!!!
Slow Cooker Chicken Chili with Kale and Beans!!!!
Pesto Spaghetti Squash and Kale!!!!
Pumpkin, Kale, and Black Bean Stew!!!!
Kale Couscous!!!!
Kale Salad with Pomegranate, Sunflower Seeds, and Sliced Almonds!!!!
Kale Chips with Honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here it is. The end. I knew it was coming, but it’s still a bit of a shock. It’s like Xander—I guess a little part of me always knew the end was inevitable after he told me we were breaking up. I just didn’t know when. And for our relationship, it happened to end right after he said, “This is over, Megan.” I had to learn that that’s guy code for “this is over.”

And it’s like my unnamed fiancé. The end came for us when I was kidnapped from my front yard by a strange man who was probably my neighbor. It was a very bittersweet ending to our love. The “bitter” part was, you guessed it, being kidnapped.

I’ve obviously been through a lot. The Xander stuff. The unnamed coman fiancé stuff. The dungeon stuff. But something happened to me recently that was SO good that I feel like I’ll never have to have anything good ever happen to me again. It’s so good that I’m not even crying, I’m just sitting and steeping in my own happy-juices (last chapter’s featured sex move! OMG I can’t believe I’m saying “last chapter”!).

Okay, so here’s the news. I was not able to break out of the dungeon. I hate to say “never,” so I’ll try to break out again after my yogalates has progressed and I’ve worked up my triceps and delts a bit. BUT everything is LOOKING UP for ol’ Megan—my luck is truly incredible. I have to thank G-d because someone up there is smiling on me. Get this—my captor turned out to be a PUBLISHER! I CAN’T BELIEVE MY LUCK! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What are the CHANCES that the ONE guy who would keep me in his basement for seven years would ALSO HAPPEN to be a
successful publisher in the print-textbook industry????? I am so grateful I just can’t believe it.

I gave him my manuscript and after some editing and back-and-forth and heavy beatings we were able to agree on a final draft that he felt proud to secretly publish under a pseudonym. I was so flattered, I may not try to escape again. I think maybe we should just get married!! Hey, he captured me, he deserves it! It’s a “you break it, you bought it” situation!

But this conclusion isn’t about my dungeon-boyfriend. It’s about
us
. Girl, we have been through so much together as best friends. We have changed
so
much. I don’t even recognize the girl who wrote “You are my best friend.” But crazily enough, that was me, in the first chapter of this book!

We have had our ups and downs. I for one have grown
so
much as a person. At the start of this science journey, I was a lonely NASA employee waiting for Xander to come crawling back. I would have never imagined that, at the end of this whole thing, I’d ever be in a publisher’s dungeon, let alone
engaged
to him! Eesh, I shouldn’t talk like that. We haven’t even discussed marriage, that was just an idea I literally just had. I am so clingy! How long do you wait to text the guy who’s keeping you in his dungeon about marriage so he doesn’t think you’re clingy?

And look at YOU! You’re barely recognizable! When you entered into this tacit pact with my book, you were ignorant, shallow, a fucking bitch. Now you’re basically a genius. You know everything. You got highlights. You have scallops for lunch (no carbs!). You can build an X-ray. You can capture the sun. You are a real woman.

No matter where your life takes you, remember that science can only make it richer. Whether you eventually get married or you eventually get married to the person whose dungeon you’re in, science will accompany you forever.

In conclusion, I will love you forever.

And again, here is an address where you can send me, Megan Amram, checks:

Megan Amram c/o Scribner Publishing,

1230 Avenue of the Americas,

New York, NY 10020.

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