Scorched Fury: A SkinWalker Novel #5 (DarkWorld: SkinWalker) (34 page)

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, my tone a little too sharp.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch." He snorted. "All I meant was that you'd arrange this seance or whatever the shit it is you're doing to contact me, and you'd do it only because someone else needs your help. Not because
you
may need it."

"What? Are you trying to imply that I should be talking to you for myself? Because I'm not dealing with my own grief?" I was beginning to get annoyed.

"Are you?" he asked simply.

I let out a sharp breath. "Look. I won't pretend that I'm fine. We failed to apprehend Storm in time. We failed to save your life. And it may well be possible that we will fail to save Logan too." I swallowed hard. "So, no. I'm not fine at all. I'm struggling to deal with your death. I miss you and I blame myself and I see the pain that Lily is in, and all I want is to yell for someone to stop this insane ride so I can get the hell off and get some peace. But this is my life and my life never goes the way I want it to, so I'm sucking it up and moving on."

I came to a barreling stop on a rush of air.

"Then why make contact with
me
?" I could have sworn that where he was, he was smiling.

"Don't flatter yourself, dude," I said, choking on a laugh. "It's Lily that I'm worried for."

Nerina's body stiffened, her features tightening and Anjelo grew worried. "Is she okay?"

"Yes," I answered. Then I sighed. "No."

"Kai-"

"Yes, I know. Stop talking in riddles." I groaned and held my forehead, forgetting for that moment that I was talking to Anjelo through Nerina. I was getting way too used to making contact via a deathtalker.

I really need to get out more.

I inhaled harshly. "Look. I was worried about talking to you about this. That's why I took so long to make contact. But, to be totally honest, there isn't any other way to say this." I paused, taking another quick breath. "You need to leave Lily alone."

Silence was all I got for a long while. Then Nerina bent forward and Anjelo said, "Now, why in the name of Ailuros would I leave her alone? She needs me."

"That's where you're wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't need you. What she needs is time to heal. To get over you. And right now she can't, what with all the late night ghosts-of-christmas-pasts visitations."

"Geez, can you get anymore dramatic?" He was annoyed but there was a hesitation in his voice, like my words had made some sort of unexpected sense to him.

"Anjelo, listen to me. When people die, those they leave behind take time to heal their hearts and their minds. There's anger and grief, fear and frustration, all rolled in with regret and longing. Right now you aren't giving her the space to feel these feelings. You're still around, however transparent you are. Next thing you know the two of you are going to break out the pottery wheel and get all muddy together."

Nerina snorted on Anjelo's behalf and I couldn't tell who was truly responsible for that amusement.

"What I'm trying to say is this . . . isn't healthy. You're not helping her."

"So I'm the problem?"

Defensive much.

"Yes, you are."

"So what do you want me to do?" More defensive.

"Leave her alone. Move on to the Afterlight. Shoo." I even made a shooing motion with my hands before realizing he couldn't see me.

Another snort.

"She's not strong enough to handle this, Anjelo. You're killing her slowly."

"But . . . I thought I was helping her."

"So how long were you planning on sticking around?"

He didn't respond.

"Months? Years?" I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "What happens if in two years you can't hold on anymore and you have to go into the light? Then what? You're going to break her heart all over again. How is she going to live her life, meet someone to love, have a family?"

More silence.

"She can't do any of that with you hanging around," I said softly. "As much as I love you and want to spend time with you, even I know that the Graylands is only a temporary stop. You'll leave again and then break her heart twice over. She's too fragile for that."

"What do you mean? Fragile?"

"She's still having problems with being Pariah. My father's giving her some treatment. And what if it works? What if she gets better and can move on, don't you think you're going to hold her back then?"

Anjelo sighed. "Guess I didn't think about that." He was silent for a few moments and Nerina's face remained unmoving and pale. "I didn't realize . . . All I wanted was to comfort her. I was terrified that she'd blame herself for my death. You know how she is. But . . . I guess I was wrong."

"I'm sorry." I really was. This was so hard to do, getting him to let go of her and move on.

"It's okay."

"It's not as if I want you to go."

"Come on, Kai. I know you want me to leave."

"Yes. I do."

"See?"

I shook my head and smiled. "You need to move on. Find peace. Figure out whether you're going up or down. Then do it. You can't live in limbo forever."

"But I thought I could help you." He sounded earnest now.

I sat back. "Help me how?"

Nerina shrugged for Anjelo. "Liaise between the worlds. Help you with information. We hear a lot from here. It's like a network of crossed wires all concentrated in one place. We hear things."

I took a chance on him. "Hear anything about the ash trees?"

"Nothing about ash trees but something about planes."

"You been talking to Agent Chou?"

"That's the one."

While on a case, our paths had crossed with Chou, whose misguided grief over his father's death made him join an off-the-books CIA project that injected subjects with paranormal DNA. We'd been forced to kill him and I'd ended up meeting him in the Graylands when I went to look for Anjelo and Lily.

"I remember him mentioning planes in our last conversation but I was a little out of it."

"Yeah. He's not one to trust. As it happens, it's not air planes you should be worried about. It's something to do with a poison."

And things just got more interesting.

"A poison?" I asked, holding my breath.

"Not sure what it's about or what type of poison it is. All I know is I overhead him talking to someone and mentioning that he sent you on a wild goose chase with the planes suggestion."

"He didn't. I haven't had time to pursue that, thank Ailuros."

"He's one of the reasons I didn't want to just up and disappear. I can be of help to you here. Even if it is for a short while."

I was beginning to see his point but I didn't want to concede so quickly.

"Fine."

Apparently, I have no self-control.

"But no more visitations with Lily," I said firmly. "If you want to talk, come find me. Just leave her alone until she heals."

Another long silence stretched painfully between us. "Okay. I will." He sounded like he'd just cut his heart out of his chest with a blunt knife. I knew the feeling.

I sighed. "You also need to accept that you're no longer part of our world. I don't want you hanging onto some pretense of helping us just so that you can retain a grip on your old life. It's over."

"You're hard, Kai."

"Someone has to be." I smirked.

"I hate it when you're right."

"I'm always right."

"Don't I know it."

And don't I wish that I wasn't.

CHAPTER 48

LOGAN

T
HE
AIR
BESIDE
L
OGAN
'
S
BED
shifted and he felt it move against his skin. Someone was in his room. Or rather, Kai's room. Which didn't matter in the least since he'd taken it over.

A part of him was already expecting Kai, but he knew something was different about his visitor. She smelled different.

Kai smelled of cinnamon and fresh cold air. The person standing beside him made him think of pink bubble baths, and toasted marshmallows over a hot fire.

He blinked, his eyes moving beneath his lids. He couldn't see a thing, and the inability to look around was extremely frustrating. He wasn't entirely sure how much longer he had left before he went crazy.

The woman shifted, the fabric of her clothing crinkled loudly in his ears. These past few days, lying here in the bed unable to see a thing, sounds had grown sharper. The tapping of footsteps, the creaking of the house, the beeping of the machines in the room. Even the low rush of water within the pipes in the walls. The mattress beside him tilted as she sat next to him.

"Logan?" she said. He could feel her leaning closer towards him, her warm breath drifting over his cheeks.

He tilted his head towards the sound. "Can you hear me?" she asked again.

There was a note in her voice that suggested she knew that he couldn't hear her.

The problem was he could hear her only too well.

He waited until she shifted, wriggling little. At last, she spoke again. "You told me to come." Logan's heart began to beat faster. "Kai fetched me. I have to admit all the cloak and dagger of it was quite exciting. But we left in a bit of a rush. I knew I had to come when I heard you were in a coma."

Logan could barely breathe. Could it really be her? As much as he had wished, no prayed, that she would come, a large part of him didn't believe it was even possible.

Even when he'd sent Kai off to look for her, he'd suspected she'd fail, that he'd die before he ever set eyes on his sister again.

And right now, he wished he could open his eyes and see her face. It wasn't enough that she'd come. Logan wanted to see her, talk to her, watch her smile.

But it wasn't like he had much of a choice.

She sighed, and he wondered whether it was fatigue or sorrow that weighed her down. "Right. I'm here now. What do I do?" Her voice was soft and filled with fear. When he didn't answer, she leaned forward and took his hand in hers. "I'm here. I'm not leaving. You need to tell me what I must do. How can I help you?"

Logan shifted, knowing that whatever movements he made would not transmit themselves to his limbs. Here, lying on the bed these past weeks, he'd found himself in a strange mental state. He moved all the time. Shifted his legs, and waved his arms, but all those movements were confined to his imagination. A result of stupid hope.

The people around him, the people that came to visit him had made the effort to spend time with him even when, as far as they knew, he was as sentient as a carrot. He wanted to assure them that he was fine, he was well, albeit frustrated and angry.

He wanted to tell Corin Odel that he appreciated everything the Alpha was doing for him. The man has shifted his duties from his Alpha responsibilities, to research and tending to Logan. He'd been attentive, caring, determined to help Logan however he could. Any other man would have left Logan to waste away. He certainly wasn't good enough for the Alpha's daughter. Even Logan knew that.

Probably one of the reasons Justin Lake had begun to pursue Kai.
He
knew what was coming. Logan was nobody, and Kai was Walker royalty. That he was human complicated the matter further. Not that it was so bad, what with Kai's mother being human herself.

But Logan was well aware of the problems that the alphas had with the Walker High Council and the new treaty.

He wanted to tell Kai how much he appreciated every single moment that she spent with him. He knew that she made time to see him, no matter what her work schedule was. These past weeks she would deal with her cases, then come to sit at his side and tell him everything she'd done. Sometimes she sounded eager, excited and other times her voice was filled with desperation. All he wanted was to sit up and tell her everything was okay. That he was fine.

But he couldn't. As hard as he tried, he couldn't.

Movement beside him reminded him that Sienna was there sitting in silence, patiently.

There was nothing he could do right now other than listen to her listen to him. Then she moved, short sharp jerky movement. "I just realized something," she said with a confiding tone. "If I could meet you in my thoughts all the way from Dracys, then can't I do the very same thing here and now?"

Logan would have smiled, had he been able, and he would have done so proudly. She was smart, and he'd expected nothing less. His sister had always been brilliant.

It didn't take long before he felt her touch his mind. Gentle probing, that made him welcome her searching mind.

Inside each other's minds they were both comfortable, and they fell into their routine; the small period of silence in which they absorbed each other's emotional state. An unconscious attempt to achieve a sense of peace before they travelled down emotional roads that could prove painful.

"Tell me what to do. I want to help you," she whispered.

"I'm not sure what you need to do. Maybe start by trying to use your fire."

"Firstly, I'm not sure I can do it again, and secondly, do you really think that's wise?"

Logan frowned. "Why would you think it's not wise?"