Scoundrel (Lost Lords of Radcliffe Book 4) (23 page)

He appeared to nod, but didn’t reply. He motioned for her to hurry away, but now that they’d settled matters she couldn’t bear to be separated from him. She was anxious to tell Rowena what they’d decided, but she couldn’t blurt it out.

There were plans to make and schedules to arrange. She’d announce the situation later, when the details were finalized and she need only walk into her new life.

“Faith!” Rowena called again, and Faith spun away.

“I’m here, Rowena. Over by the rail.”

She flitted away from him but couldn’t resist glancing back. He’d slipped off in the other direction.

“Where have you been?” Rowena asked as she approached. “When I couldn’t find you I was worried.”

“I was looking at the stars,” Faith lied, “to see them one last time before we arrive. They’ll never be this brilliant again.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” Rowena muttered. “Are you excited to get to the convent?”

“I guess I am.”

“You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”

“It’s been quite an adventure.”

“Yes, it has,” Rowena agreed.

“It will be hard to adjust to the quiet and solitude.”

“Have you thought about not going back?”

Faith stayed very still, not willing to betray herself by the slightest change in her expression. “No, I’ve never considered it.”

“Really? Why not?”

“If we daydream and fantasize, it will be more difficult to return.”

“Who’s daydreaming?” Rowena said. “I intend for it to happen.”

“You’re not…thinking of leaving,” Faith carefully responded, not sure of what her opinion should be. If she was contemplating the very same, was she in any position to judge or offer advice? Rowena was young and reckless, prone to bad choices and bad behavior. Shouldn’t Faith counsel caution?

But Rowena merely laughed and shrugged off Faith’s remark. “I ponder it constantly. You know that.”

“Yes, but we’re intricately bound to the Sisters of Mercy, Rowena. We paid money and we spoke vows of loyalty and devotion.”

“You may have, but I had my fingers crossed. I never vowed a single word.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“If I run away, I’m not breaking any oaths. Besides, my parents paid the money. Not me. I don’t mind if they lose every farthing they shelled out to lock me away.”

“If Ralston asked you to remain with him,” Faith inquired, “would you?”

“Absolutely. How about you? You seem awfully cordial with Mr. Hubbard. If he asked, what would you say?”

“I’d say I’m returning to the convent, but I wouldn’t ever have to make the decision because he’d never suggest it.”

“Wouldn’t he?” Rowena chided.

“No.”

Rowena studied her, then chuckled. “No, I don’t suppose he would. He’s the type to flirt and woo, but he’d never keep a promise.”

“He’s not like that. He puts on a good front and likes others to view him as a cad and blackguard, but he’s not.”

“You’re wrong, Faith, and you should trust me on this. I’ve had much more experience with men than you. He’s a confirmed bachelor. If he ever wed, it would be to glom onto a fortune. You don’t have one.”

“He’s more honorable than you deem him to be,” Faith insisted.

“No, he’s not, Faith. Ralston has told me all about him. He’ll always be a bachelor—unless he stumbles on an heiress. You better watch out.”

“Why would you scold me about him?”

“Because you like him more than you should. I’m your friend, and I’m warning you.”

“Warning received.”

“He’d have to be hog-tied and dragged to the altar. He’d never go willingly. Even for an heiress, he’d have to be dragged. Even then, I’d lay odds he’d vanish right before the ceremony. He’s that sort of wretch.”

“No, he’s not, and after all he’s done for us, I’m not about to stand and listen to you denigrate him.”

“I’m not denigrating him. I’m simply telling you the facts.”

“Again, Rowena, facts received. Thank you, but I’m calling it a night.”

She stomped off, went to the hatch, and climbed the ladder into the hold. Though she tried to ignore Rowena’s comments, though she tried to pretend she hadn’t heard them, she entered her cabin with a terrible sense of foreboding.

Chase had
promised
. He’d said they’d marry in the morning. She believed in him much more than he believed in himself. She wouldn’t let Rowena frighten her, wouldn’t let Rowena weaken her resolve.

Chase would follow through. She had no doubt.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Chase lay on the bunk in his cabin. A candle sputtering in the wall sconce had just flickered out. The area was so small he could reach over and touch both walls at the same time. There was room on the floor to stash his portmanteau, but that was it.

He grew claustrophobic in the constricted space, which explained why he was often on the deck. But beggars couldn’t be choosers and he’d slept in worse places.

The voyage was almost over and he was having trouble relaxing. He considered climbing onto the deck again, but if he did, he’d likely run into Faith so he didn’t dare.

The entire trip from Africa, he’d avoided her. There was no point to fraternizing. He wasn’t interested in a continuing connection, was completely incapable of fidelity, and even if he could set aside his misgivings, he hadn’t the means to support her.

He had to stop pretending and leading her on. She had a strange opinion of him that didn’t match reality, and he liked that she viewed him as being a better man than he actually was.

He’d walked out onto a dangerous ledge with her, having agreed they’d wed the next day, but he would never bother the captain about it. Once they docked, Chase would hand his purse to Ralston so he could buy tickets for the ladies to travel on to Scotland. Then Chase would disappear without a goodbye. And he needed to remain gone until his ridiculous infatuation for Faith had waned.

Still though, he was so dreadfully lonely, and he liked her so much. He shut his eyes and tried to envision the life they might have had. He pictured a cottage in the country, a kitchen full of boisterous children, Faith leaned over and helping them with their school lessons.

Then he tried to insert himself into that picture, but it was impossible. He’d never wanted to be a father, had never wanted to live in the country. His obsession for her had to end! He was who he was: the illegitimate son of a wastrel French count, a libertine, a ne’er-do-well, the consummate scoundrel.

He shouldn’t have come within a hundred yards of a woman as decent and moral as Faithful Newton. It was insane to have trifled with her, but he’d warned her that he was unreliable and untrustworthy. Was it his fault that she refused to believe him?

No, it was not.

To his great astonishment, his door creaked as someone opened it. He couldn’t imagine who it might be but assumed it was Ralston.

He glanced over and was stunned to see Faith standing there. She was wearing a nightgown and robe, items he’d purchased for her in Portugal. Her hair was down and brushed out and she was barefoot. He suspected she was very, very naked beneath those two layers of fabric, and his cock sprang to attention.

“You shouldn’t be in here,” he said.

“I had to talk to you.”

“I can’t predict what will happen if you stay. Nothing good, I can tell you that.”

“I don’t care what happens.”

“You presume that now, but I doubt you still will in the morning.”

“I don’t want to be alone. Please don’t send me away.”

He pondered forever, then sighed. “All right, I won’t.”

He clasped her wrist and pulled her down so she was stretched out on top of him. For an eternity, he kissed her, loving the feel of her breasts and mons, her thighs and calves tangled with his own.

Eventually he slowed and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“If I say everything, you’ll think I’m a ninny.”

“
Everything
is wrong? That seems a bit melodramatic.”

“I was lying in my cabin listening to everyone breathe—Rowena snores—and I couldn’t bear it. I had to be with you.”

“It’s about time. I’ve been waiting for you ever since we left Africa.”

“You have not.”

“I have, but the only one who’s visited me so far has been Ralston, and he doesn’t provide quite the same excitement as you.”

“I’m delighted to have surprised you.”

“I simply wish you’d done it sooner.”

“I was mad to keep myself away from you. As I was fretting and stewing over my reticence, I tried to figure out why I did.”

“What did you decide?”

“I have no idea. Habit? Morals? What if we hit an iceberg—”

“An iceberg!”

“Yes, or encountered some other catastrophe and the ship sank. What if I never had the chance to know you like this?”

“I would definitely consider it to be a huge loss for you. Every female I’ve ever met has wanted to dally with me.”

She chuckled. “Vain beast.”

“So it’s your lucky night. You have me all to yourself.”

“It’s fine though, isn’t it? We’re marrying in the morning.”

She paused, anxious to be reassured, and cad that he was he said, “If you’re planning to tryst with me, I guess we’ll have to.”

“I can’t see how it’s a sin, can you? We’re just rushing the important part.”

“The vows are probably the most important part, but I suppose you’d view that as quibbling.”

“The vows and the intimacy make it official. We’ll get through the intimacy right now, and we’ll get through the vows when the captain performs the ceremony.”

Chase thought it would be a tad more difficult than that. If they awoke and were in the channel of the Thames, or had already docked, the captain would be too busy to fuss with them.

But he didn’t tell her so. He was terribly conflicted, his body urging him to hurry, but his mind screaming that he shouldn’t. His conscience was whispering that he didn’t have a conscience so he was rationalizing. If he forged ahead, he’d be giving her an experience she’d never have again once she was back at the convent.

Since she would become a nun, her virginity didn’t have to be protected for some nameless, faceless husband in the future. She could bestow the gift on Chase and he would always cherish it. There didn’t have to be any genuine harm. He’d pull out at the end so he wouldn’t leave her with child.

“Are you sure about this?” he inquired.

“Very sure.”

“You’re not afraid we might be caught?”

“It’s the middle of the night. Who would catch us, and so what if they did? I have no parent or brother on this ship. My life is my own.”

“True, and I’m glad you’ve realized it.”

“If we’re discovered, we can simply explain our intention to wed.”

“Yes, that would work.”

It was shocking how much he resembled every libertine who’d ever lived. Scoundrels promised matrimony to get what they sought, but in Chase’s world, they never followed through. He was no exception.

“I’d like to show you something,” he said.

“What is it? Is it the marital act husbands and wives carry out together?”

“Yes.”

“That’s what I want too.”

“You don’t know what you’re really asking.”

She scowled. “Meaning what? Is it horrid? Will I hate it?”

“It will always be spectacularly fun with me, but it can be overwhelming at first.”

“What does it entail? No one’s ever told me.”

“It’s merely physical conduct, but it’s very different from what you imagine.”

“Is it along the same lines of what we’ve attempted previously?”

“Yes, but more involved than that, so let me ask you again. Are you sure? Because there’s no going back. After we’re finished, if you wish we hadn’t proceeded, we can’t fix it.”

“I understand, but how can it matter, Chase? We’ll be
married
.”

“Just swear to me you won’t regret it later on.”

“Regret it? You’d mad! I could never regret anything I did with you.”

“No regrets,” he said.

“Never, ever,” she agreed.

He gazed at her, frozen on a precipice, riddled with desire, but besieged by doubts.

What could it hurt?

The question echoed in his head. He’d lusted after her for so long and she’d come to him of her own accord, had willingly and eagerly climbed into his bunk. She was practically begging to be ravished.

He shouldn’t. He didn’t want to wed her or be a husband. It wasn’t that he was finicky or choosey. He was simply broke and needed an heiress, and until that grand fiancée crossed his path he would remain a bachelor.

But…he was amazingly smitten and she was
begging
. And he’d warned her repeatedly.

What was a fellow to do?

He eased her onto her knees, loosened the belt on her robe, and yanked it off.

* * * *

Very quickly, Faith was clad only in her nightgown. It was sewn from a very thin, light-weight fabric and her arms were bare, much of her bosom too. She was incredibly excited, and her elevated pulse had brought her nipples to life. They were taut little buds that pushed against the material, the shape of her breasts clearly visible.

He drew her to him, and she thought he’d kiss her. He dipped down and sucked on her nipples instead, and they ached and throbbed.

She shouldn’t have visited him, but she’d been alarmed by Rowena’s comments about his character, how he wouldn’t keep a promise. Finally it had dawned on her that there was a way to guarantee he’d wed her. If they had marital relations, he couldn’t refuse to behave honorably.

She’d been reared in a moral home, had been lectured about purity and chastity. So it was difficult to shuck off all that sermonizing. Yet she’d changed very much since she’d met Chase Hubbard, and she no longer believed that such stunning pleasure was a sin.

Nor could she accept that loving Chase was wrong. Yes, that was what had happened. She was wildly, passionately in love. She was positive he loved her too, and if they were in love nothing was impossible.

He abandoned her bosom to capture her lips in a torrid kiss, and she kissed him back with all the affection a woman could bestow.

She still hovered over him, on her knees, her toes digging into the mattress. Gradually he was raising the hem of her nightgown, tugging it up her thighs. For a moment, she suffered a virginal fright and nearly stopped him, but at the last second she prevented herself.