Seal All Exits (Tangled Web #3) (14 page)

“Nah.  We’re not gonna be gone that long.”

She nodded and walked toward the door, which he held open for her.  She looked both ways before exiting.  Kiefer might have been getting a little lax about their agreement but she wasn’t in any big hurry for anyone to know.

Fortunately, Kiefer was walking toward an alternate outside door, not the two near the front of the house.  There was one off the back wing that Heather hadn’t known existed and he held it open for her while she stepped into the warm clean air.  He said, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but did I hear you playin’ a little Shock Treatment before you answered the door?”

Aw.  That was one of the cute things about Kiefer.  He couldn’t hide his enthusiasm.  It was contagious.  She glanced over at him.  “Why?  Would that be a huge surprise?”

“No.  I’d be awesome, though.”

“Well, your hearing’s fine.  Yes, I was.”  She looked around, wanting to get away from the potential eyes in the house.  She had no problems spending time with Kiefer, but she didn’t need everyone to know that was what she was doing.  “So where are we headed?”

He shrugged.  “I dunno.”  He pointed at the small clearing in front of them that became a gentle slope up the hill directly behind the house.  “That look good?”

“Looks perfect,” she said and felt herself a little shocked that she had to stop herself from grabbing his hand.  What the hell was this guy doing to her?

Chapter Sixteen

KIEFER COULDN’T TELL if Heather’s walls were breaking down or not.  She seemed a lot more relaxed about him, but he knew she was continuing to make sure no one saw them together.  That told him one thing:  he had a long way to go if he was going to convince her to take him on as a real boyfriend.

Maybe times like this would help.  That was the plan anyway.  He’d decided that trust was mutual, and he couldn’t expect her to open up more and rely on him if he didn’t do the same thing.  So, yeah, the walk was, on the one hand, time alone together, which he knew was always good, but it was also a reason for him to tell her more about himself—things he’d never told her before.

It wasn’t that they were secrets.  No, because it wasn’t something he’d ever hidden.  Hell, Johnny knew everything there was to know about him and Kiefer wouldn’t have cared if he’d told everyone he knew.  His past wasn’t pretty but it was nothing he was ashamed of.

It was just painful sometimes, and maybe Heather would feel closer to him if she knew his past wasn’t rainbows and roses either.

As far as the walk, he didn’t care where they wound up; he only knew he wanted to be alone with Heather, so once they were out of the earshot of anyone who might have decided to wander outside for a while—whether for a smoke, like Mickey, or just to sit on the deck—he started talking.  “So how was your girl time?”

“Really nice, actually.  What about your boys only time?”

He chuckled.  “It was fuckin’ cool.  I wrote the lyrics to two songs.  That was a first, and Johnny even took me aside to give me some tips.”

“That’s cool.”

“Very cool.  But…you know, that’s Johnny.  He’s always been a good friend—and a mentor.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.  I think I told you about how we met.  He really did save me from myself.”

“He did?”

Kiefer swallowed as they chose the lower path.  They could have had a hell of a workout and climbed the hill but, instead, they followed the dried-out gully between that hill and the rise of another beside it.  He hoped his pause wasn’t pronounced, but he wasn’t sure how much to tell her or even where to start.  “Yeah.  I look back now, and I think if he hadn’t come along when he did, I would have eventually killed myself with my lifestyle.”

Heather started laughing, then said, “Oh, sorry.  It’s just—I’ve never heard of anyone killing themselves with pot.”

“It wasn’t that so much as I had no direction, and I guess it was harmless, but really…it wasn’t.  I was numbing myself out.  Weed just happened to be my drug of choice, but I had plenty of other escapes.”

He took a deep breath, glad they were taking a leisurely pace.  If they’d decided to hike in earnest or had had a specific goal in mind, he would probably be out of breath and unable to talk.  “I never knew my dad.  My mom never talked about him, but I got the feeling maybe she didn’t even know who she was.  She’d been kind of a free spirit when she was a kid and didn’t seem to care much about anything like that.  I also have the feeling that she would have been happier without me.”

Heather frowned and took Kiefer’s hand in hers.  Okay, so that did more for his heart than he would have expected.  It gave him courage and strength and he wanted to go on.  “I know exactly what you mean.”  He knew she did.  From what she’d told him about her childhood, he knew her dad was a real piece of work.  At least his mother hadn’t acted out of malice.  Heather’s father, from what she’d said, seemed to operate from a place of hatred, even if he did wind up just ignoring his daughter.  Kiefer’s mom literally seemed to half the time not even know he was around or remember she had a son she needed to care for—neglect instead of intentionally turning a blind eye.

“I know you do.  When I was really little, her dad—my grandpa—would take me for weeks at a time.  He was a nice old guy but he probably drank too much.  Still…he gave me love, lots of it, and it’s what I’ve carried in my heart to this very day.”  Oh, God, that sounded so feminine to his ears.

But that didn’t matter.  He didn’t sense any judgment coming off Heather, and it was something he wanted to tell her, a story he’d never intentionally told a soul, although he suspected in some of his higher moments of youth, he might have slipped and said something to someone else…but he knew that the other someones had been just as high as he’d been, and he doubted anyone remembered anything he might have said in a moment of illicit delirium.

“Anyway, grandpa died before I started school…and I only started school because the state intervened.  My mom was probably what I was trying to become.  She hardly ever had a job, and I don’t quite know how she managed to hang onto anything.  For a few years, I was with one of her friends whose kid was in the same grade I was, but my mom made an attempt at being a real mother when I was in middle school.  And after she fucked that up a couple of years later, I was pretty much on my own.  Yeah, she’d come in and out…and we lived in my grandpa’s old house until we were evicted when I was in high school.  I couch surfed after that and only went to school to hang with my buddies, but there was a counselor there, a guy who reminded me of my grandpa, and somehow he convinced me to graduate.  I don’t know how I did, because I hardly remember even being in class.  My mom, though…I saw her one last time.  I think I was about twenty.  I don’t remember how she found me or anything, but she wanted money.  I think I told you I didn’t really hold a steady job till Johnny took me on, so I didn’t have anything to give.  I’d taken care of her enough the few years she was in my life, but I would have given her money if I’d had it anyway.

“I sometimes wonder if she’s dead, because I haven’t seen or heard from her in so long.”  He grew quiet as the incline rose slightly and they kept walking, but that hadn’t been nearly as painful as he’d expected.  He held no animosity toward his mother or even toward life.  He wasn’t bitter or angry and he didn’t expect anything from life, and maybe that was why he just rolled with it.  Whatever life gave him, he’d take it.  And it had been beyond amazing the last few years.  Heather was a part of that.

She squeezed his hand, and it made him glad he’d told her.  She’d see that maybe they weren’t exactly kindred spirits, but they definitely belonged together.  “I’m sorry, Kiefer.”

He stopped and she followed suit, turning to face him.  “Don’t be.  You know…I think I turned out all right, in spite of all the shit, in spite of the way I
could
have turned out—hell, the road I was heading down even.  That’s why I’m so grateful to Johnny.  I could have easily turned out to be the loser I was working on becoming but, instead, he’s helped me become a whole lot more.  I’m doing something I love,
really
love.”

She seemed to be at a loss for words, but she stroked his cheek.  That gesture meant way more than anything she could have said.

He started to tilt his head and get closer to her face, because he wanted to kiss her, but there was a rustle in the leaves, not far from where they were, and Heather’s eyes grew wide.  “What was that?”

He smiled and shrugged.  “I don’t know.  A zombie, maybe?”

Her voice dropped to a whisper.  “That’s not even funny.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing.”  He touched her lips with his and, even though he could feel the tension in her body, she relaxed and kissed him back.  When it ended, they opened their eyes and he said, “I don’t know what the future holds for me, Heather.  All I know is I want you in it.”

Her body got stiff again and she said, “Remember our deal, Kiefer.  This week only.  Then we’re back to just friends again.”

Really?
  After all they’d been through, all they’d shared, and she was still holding him to that stupid agreement?  He wanted to shout…loud enough so that Johnny and Katie and their houseguests—even their neighbors—could hear.  He felt like shaking her, hoping to knock some sense into her.  But he knew that wouldn’t work.  She had to come to it on her own or not at all.  It was just frustrating and he could feel a sadness building inside him because of it.  He tried to find a new argument inside of him, one that would convince her to change her mind, but he couldn’t.  Before he could even say another word, there was another rustle close by.  “Seriously, Kiefer, did you hear that?”

“Yeah, but I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“I’m sure it’s
not
just nothing.  We’re deep in the woods here.  It could be a bear or a mountain lion or…”

He wasn’t going to drop his voice.  He didn’t feel like he was in danger, even though he maybe should.  “So what do you want to do about it?”

“We need to go back, slowly and
quietly
.”  She emphasized the last word, even though she kept her voice low.

He said, “Okay,” but then, as they started almost tiptoeing back the way they came, Kiefer felt like an idiot.  If it were a bear or a mountain lion, surely it would have attacked by now if it had felt they were a threat.  He didn’t
feel
any danger and he was curious as hell…
and
he felt like a chickenshit if he just walked away, so he stopped and turned around.  He glanced at Heather, and she grew wide eyed and looked like she was going to blow a gasket.  He tried to assure her with the calm look on his face and in his eyes, but he finally just began walking back again, hoping to find out what was shuffling in the pine needles and other dead foliage in the forest.

He navigated toward where they’d heard the rustling behind the trees and scrub oak and he didn’t see anything at first.  Then his eyes saw movement off to the right and when he saw the noisy creature, he almost laughed…but he didn’t want to scare them off.  He turned around and waved Heather to him.  She vehemently shook her head, her eyes still large in her skull.  He rolled his eyes and waved her over again.  She hesitated then, and so he whispered loudly, “Come here.  This is gonna make you laugh!”  He smiled and waited patiently.

She did walk over, reluctantly, and that was good, because it made her step cautiously, and that would keep her from scaring the noisemakers off.  When she caught up to Kiefer, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pointed in the distance toward where a group of turkeys stood, walking around and pecking at the ground.

Kiefer looked at Heather to make sure she saw the target…and she did.  She looked up at him and whispered, “Turkeys?”

“Yep.  I’d guess they’re probably more scared of us.”

“Well, yeah.  I’ve never heard of a wild turkey attack.”

He grinned.  “Maybe we could try to make it happen.  Let’s go pick a fight.”

“Kiefer!”  She looked at him at first as though she thought he’d been serious, but her features softened when she saw the big smile on his face.  God, she was beautiful, and it really was a shame that she couldn’t see what he saw.  It wasn’t just her looks; who she was on the inside and the way they connected made her an amazing beauty.  He couldn’t resist her charms and leaned over to kiss her.

She responded, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of the overwhelming relief she felt, knowing the turkeys weren’t going to chase her back to the cabin trying to devour her, or if it was because she felt the same inexplicable desire he did.  Well, desire, yes, but love, no.  He was certain of that and beginning to wonder if she’d ever be able to reciprocate his feelings.

Until they left Johnny and Katie’s at the end of the week, he was going to try to make that happen.

And one of the ways to do that, he thought, was to play on their physical desires.  She had no qualms telling him she felt lust for him, so why not try to use that to his advantage?  He reminded himself too of their friendship and continued to hope that it would help her break through her walls and feel more for him too.

She clutched the hair at his neck in two fists with a desperation that told him maybe they could do more than work up their appetites out here.  He broke off his kiss and moved his lips to her neck, then her ear, and he whispered, “Since there are no zombies…”—he nibbled her lobe—“…or bears or other creatures ready to tear your clothes off,”—he kissed her neck up to her jawline and then touched her nose with his—“how about I do it instead?”

“What?  Tear my clothes off?”

He raised his eyebrows.  “Sound fun?  Or I could leave them mostly on.  I can still take care of you without exposing you to all of nature.”

She giggled, but her eyes told him everything he needed to know.  They were dark, flooded with need.  He kissed her hard on the mouth then, hoping to tell her everything she needed to know through that kiss—the love, the trust, the desire to be by her side and help her through the dark times.  He hoped she knew that, could feel it, could find a way to let him in.  Right now, he was standing just outside, able to see in, but he was just an observer…and he knew she was perfectly content letting him stay there.

But he suspected she wasn’t
happy
.

Could
he
make her happy?  He didn’t know, but he’d love to try.  He didn’t know that she’d necessarily like the rock star lifestyle, but Johnny’s band wasn’t typical, and the man had made it a point to be that way.  He’d told “his boys,” as Johnny called them, that there were many traps out there, things to hinder their success, and he’d fallen for every last one of them.  He wanted to guide them through all that shit, help them experience the good side of rock and roll and avoid the dark side.  Thus far, Johnny had fulfilled every promise he’d made to them, and Heather might not have a problem with their brand of rock and roll.  He’d be surprised, in fact, if other bands didn’t call them the most boring partiers around, but they were still fun.  They didn’t need hardcore drugs to make them fun guys, and they knew it.