Authors: Desiree Wilder
“Okay.”
I headed to school. Dr. Miller had given me a lot to think about, but I had to focus on getting through the day first. I also had to talk to Brynn later. I had to make things right with her.
As soon as I got home from school I called Brynn. My heart skipped a beat when I heard her voice.
“Hi, Sean,” she answered.
“Hi, Brynn. How was your day?”
“It was good. How was yours?”
“Long. Can I take you to dinner? I want to see you.”
I didn’t like the small talk. We were so far past that.
“Yeah. I just took a nap, give me time to shower.” She sounded sad. It gave me an anxious feeling and I wanted to get to her as soon as I could.
“Okay. I’ll see you soon.” I leaned back in my chair and took a deep breath. I couldn’t wait to see her.
I jumped in the shower just to make time go by faster. I picked out a pair of jeans I knew she loved and the shirt she’d helped me pick out when we
’d went to the mall.
***
As I heard the locks being opened
, I felt nervous. When she opened the door and I saw her beautiful face, the nervousness dissipated. I hugged her and took in her sweet scent. She hugged me back and I felt some relief.
“I’m sorry about last night,” I told her. “I want to talk it out. I want to
fix it and make things right. I don’t want you to be upset with me.”
“It’s all right,” she said. “I know you didn’t mean to make me feel like you did. I just want to spend a couple of hours together before I have to get ready for work.”
I pulled away and held her at arm’s distance. “I think we should talk about it.”
“Sean, we’ve both had a long day after a short night. I’m over it and I want to eat. Can we please just forget about last night?” She was
sincere and looked tired. I felt bad about the short night, knowing it was because of me.
“Okay. If that’s what you want.”
We held hands as we walked to the car. She leaned against my arm, and before I opened her door, I leaned down to kiss her. She met me halfway and it felt as good as ever. I took her to the hotel to one of our favorite restaurants. I’d called ahead and asked them to save a semi-private table so we could talk.
“Tell me about practice,” I said as we waited for our dinner.
“It’s going to kick my ass,” she said. “Well, the fact that I waited until the last minute to learn the routines is going to kick my ass. If I would’ve started a month ago like everyone else, I would’ve been okay.”
“You’re a fantastic dancer
though; you can learn it and kick its ass.” I smiled.
“Most of these girls have been dancing since they were little. They’ve had professional training and have been in big time shows like this one. I’m in over my head, but I’m going for it
—I have to.”
“Why do you have to?” What was she saying?
“I just do.” She looked out the window. She looked sad. I didn’t want her to be sad.
“You seem down
. I want to lift you up. Will you talk to me about it?”
She slowly turned her head back to look at me. “I’m just tired.” She did look tired.
“Brynn, I want you to know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk. When was the last time you saw your doctor?”
“Today.” She looked out the window again. “He thinks I need a break.”
“He’s right. Maybe you should take a couple…” I started.
“From you,” she whispered.
I was silent as I stared at her sad face looking back at me. “Why?”
“You can’t give me what I need.” Her words stabbed me in the heart.
“Yes, I can.” I knew I could and I’d prove it to her and her damn doctor. I had to get out of pause mode and show her I could give her everything. I moved my chair as close to her as possible and took her hand. “Brynn, don’t give up on us yet and I’ll show you. Give me another chance to make it right and give you what you need.”
She looked into my eyes and saw
that mine were begging her. I wanted to say so much more, but I saw her soften and it reassured me. I’d said enough, enough to make her give me a chance, but not too much. I couldn’t risk scaring her away. I couldn’t lose her.
“Please,” she said. “Please give me what I need.”
“I promise,” I told her. She smiled and squeezed my hand. My heart filled with hope and anticipation.
Our food came and I stayed right beside her as we ate.
I’d only witnessed her eat an entire meal on two occasions, and that was one of them. She was happy. We went back to her place after dinner and made love. It was slow and romantic, beautiful and all consuming. I wanted to hold her for the rest of the night, but I had to drop her off at work instead.
When I got home
, I did some homework and then put some serious thought into what Dr. Miller had asked of me that morning. I was overwhelmed with it all by the time I finally fell asleep.
***
“So, Sean,” Dr. Miller said when I sat in the chair in his office the next morning. “Did you think about some things yesterday?” I nodded. “What did you come up with?”
I took a deep breath. “Gretchen and Gia were experienced with love and emotion as children. They both had strong families who nurtured them and gave them acceptance.”
“Very good.” He nodded and smiled. “And Brynn?”
“Brynn was raised as an ‘accident
,’ as she calls it.” My heart felt heavy as I said the word, wondering how anyone could think or say such a thing. “She was lonely and ignored for most of her life, never given the opportunity to feel much emotion.” I was sad for her.
“And yourself?”
“I’ve been on emotion overload. The highest highs followed by the lowest lows. Not wanting to feel anything for a while, but then wanting to feel it all again. Closing myself off, and then opening myself up again. Scared, yet willing. Willing, but scared. It’s a conflict with me. I want it all, but I don’t.” I shook my head, knowing I’d been riding a roller coaster and I was either going to have to jump or be derailed.
“Who makes you feel like you want it all?”
“Gia and Ethan.” They have it all.
“Who makes you feel like you don’t?”
“Gretchen.” She took it from me.
“Where does Brynn come in?”
“Somewhere in the middle.” She could give it all to me, but she could take it all away.
“Did you and Brynn get a chance to talk yesterday?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Are you still dating?”
“Yes.”
Thank God.
“Did you tell her you loved her?”
“No.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I promised I’d give her what she needs.”
“What does she need?”
“She needs unconditional love and acceptance.”
“Can you give that to her?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Soon.”
“Why not now?”
“She’s not ready.”
“Are you?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Getting hurt.”
“
You’re hurting now.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s the difference?”
“She’s still with me.”
“For now.”
I took a deep breath. He was warning me. I knew he was right, too. I made Brynn a promise and begged her to give me another chance. I was stalling. I was still in pause mode. I was waiting to jump, but what was I waiting for? How long would she wait for me?
“Let’s get together again in a couple of days,” Dr. Miller said.
I wanted to skip classes and go find Brynn. I wanted to spend the day with her at the beach, living in pause and enjoying each other’s company, waking up knowing that we’d spend the day together laughing and having sex, but not worrying about the future or anything past the summer. I called her.
“Good morning,” she answered. I smiled at the sound of her voice.
“I miss you,” I told her.
She giggled. “I just got to the studio. I have a lot of catching up to do. Go to school, have a good day, and come pick me up as soon as you get out.”
And just like that we were back on track. We spent a couple of hours between my school and her work together on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I’d pick her up after work on Friday nights and she’d spend the weekend with me except for the hours she worked. We spent Monday and Tuesday nights together since she didn’t work, and there it was. We took care of our responsibilities and made time to be together. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked for September.
The night before auditions Brynn was feeling on top of the world. She was calm, confident, and ready. She’d worked really hard all month and I couldn’t have been more proud of her.
We’d had dinner at my place and
sat snuggling on the couch as she talked excitedly about what an amazing experience it’d been already and what it’d mean to her to be chosen. I loved what it had given her and hoped she’d get the part.
“I wish I could be there with you tomorrow,” I told her. “You have to call me as soon as you’re done and tell me all about it.”
“I will.” She nodded. Her smile turned naughty as she straddled me. My heart skipped a beat just as it always did when she looked at me with want in her eyes. “Remember the night we had our first fight? The way we made love at my place?”
“Yes,” I told her. It was a beautiful memory. The one and only time we’d had ‘make-up’ sex.
“I want to make love like that tonight.” She kissed me softly. It felt overwhelmingly loving and pure.
I picked her up and carried her to bed. We undressed each other slowly as we
locked eyes. Hers were so blue, like the ocean, and I often got lost in them. Our bodies were used to being close and they conformed to each other like pieces of a puzzle. I watched her face as I stroked her hair and felt her breath hitch.
Our mouths came together as our bodies did. They worked in unison, knowing what the other needed and meeting the need graciously. We didn’t need a lot of foreplay
in bed. Foreplay with us started as soon as we saw each other. It was a look, a touch, an unspoken word, and it was electric as it traveled between us.
She put a condom on me and held my eyes as I slowly entered her. She gasped and her legs wrapped around me, pulling me into her further. She felt warm and sweet as I slid in and out slowly, yet fully. Her neck was like home as I kissed it and
tasted the familiar vanilla. I reached back and touched her hip before I ran my hand up her thigh and back down again. She was always soft and my hands tried to show her how appreciative they were for it.
She raised her hips to meet my thrust and
to press her sensitive spot against me. She loved having both forms of stimulation and I loved giving her what she wanted. I wet my fingers in my mouth before I reached down and massaged her. She moaned and I pushed firmly against her. I had a hard time holding back as I watched her build up to her release.
“Let go with me, baby,” I told her.
She met my thrust with her hips and held tight as I moved my fingers firmly over her clit. We came together and it felt like waves crashing. I’d never get enough of her, ever.
I got up early the next morning and cooked Brynn a healthy breakfast for her big day.
She thanked me by taking me back to bed after we ate and fucking me like only she could. She said it was a warm up for what she was going to give me later and I was looking forward to another hot Tuesday night. We showered together and I dropped her at the theater on my way to school.
“Good luck, baby,” I told her. “Call me afterwards. If I can’t answer
, I’ll call you back.”
“Okay. Have a good day!” She gave me a confident, hot kiss. She was going to kick everyone else’s ass, I was sure of it.
School went surprisingly fast, considering I was anxious to hear from Brynn. I was headed to my last class when she finally called.
“I nailed it!” She told me. I knew she would. “We won’t know anything for a day or two, but I’m thrilled about how I did at the audition.”
“I want to take you to a nice dinner to celebrate,” I told her. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
***
I whistled when she opened the door. She was wearing a little black dress and heels. “Mmm, baby, you look fine!” I grabbed her and twirled her around, which made her laugh. She was in a fantastic mood.
“Thanks. I went shopping.”
I kissed her neck and buried my nose in her bouncy locks. “Mmm, you smell good, too.” She was wearing perfume, but I still caught a hint of her vanilla.
“You’d better stop that if you want to have dinner,” she warned. “I’ve been thinking of you all day and I’m about to combust already.”
“Oh, really? Tell me what you’ve been thinking.” I whispered, still kissing her neck.
“I’ve been thinking about tying you to your bed, but right now I’d settle for having my way with you right here.” She had her fingers in my hair and one leg around my thigh.
“What’s stopping you?” I reached down with both hands and cupped her apple ass, pulling her tight against me.
Her lips found mine and were devouring me in an instant. I lifted
her and she wrapped her legs around me, locking her ankles. She moaned as I pushed her back against the wall and pressed my hardness against her. She reached down, found my button, and yanked open my button flies. She pushed them down slightly and before I knew it, she’d released my cock and was stroking it. My knees went weak and my head went back. She handled me as well as if I were handling myself, or better.
“Brynn, you’re gonna make me come,” I warned.
She smiled as she reached between her legs and moved her black lacy panties to the side and rubbed my cock against her opening and up to her clit. She moaned and her legs tightened around me.
“Fuck the condom,” I said and I slammed into her. She felt amazing
, and from the look on her face, so did I. I held her against the wall as I plunged deep inside her, over and over. She was warm and wet, and the sensation on my cock was multiplied by ten with no condom. She sucked my neck and her fingers pushed hard against my scalp. Her body tensed and her mouth went to my ear.
“Yes, Sean, ahhh.” It instantly gave me my release and we melted into each other, panting.
“That was amazing,” she whispered.
“Yes, it was.” I kept ahold of her as I made my way to the bathroom, waddling with my pants around my knees. I set her on the vanity and held her face as I kissed her with my eyes open. “
You
are amazing as well,” I told her.
We cleaned ourselves up and headed to dinner. We talked and laughed, fed each other, and made out at our table. I’m sure it was sickening for anyone watching, but we didn’t care. Our table was fairly private and we were
completely into each other all night. It felt so good, so right, to have someone as close to me as she was. She made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered, the only person she saw, and I loved every second.
She did tie me up that night and had her naughty way with me. It was mind-blowingly awesome as she touched and teased every inch of me before she straddled me and took me to the moon with her. She loved experimenting and trying different things
and I loved being her lab rat.
Brynn was anxious for the next couple of days as she waited for the call to come about the audition. By Friday she was borderline depressed when I called her during my lunch
hour.
“Maybe you’ll hear something this afternoon,” I told her. “If not, then Monday
, I’m sure.”
“If I have to wait until Monday I might have a breakdown.”
“No, you won’t. I’ll take your mind off it over the weekend,” I flirted.
“Yeah,” she sighed. She didn’t want to flirt, apparently.
“I’ll call you after school, okay? Cheer up, baby.”
“Okay, bye.”
I thought about her for the rest of the afternoon and hoped she’d get the call. When I got to my car after my last class of the day I got a text from her.
Didn’t get it.
Have an appt. Call ya later.
I immediately called her. No answer.
Shit!
I wondered what kind of appointment she had. I left a message.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I know how much you wanted that. Please call me as soon as you can. I’d like to see you before you go to work.”
I went home and showered. I was hungry, but I wanted to wait until I heard from Brynn in case she wanted to go eat before work. I did some homework and talked to Gia. She and Ethan were excited for their trip next weekend and I was, too. I told her about Brynn not getting the part and she felt bad for her.
“Tell her I’m sorry and that we’ll dance it off at the concert next weekend,” Gia said.
“Hang on,” I told Gia. “I think this is her on the other line.” I clicked over.
“Hey,” Brynn said. She sounded sad and I wanted to be with her. “I just got home. I’m gonna have a nap before I head to work, so I’
ll talk to you later.”
“Are you sure? I could bring some dinner over after you nap, and we could eat together before you have to work.”
“No. I don’t feel like talking. I just feel like having some time to myself.” I didn’t like that at all. I had to see her and make sure she was okay. I was, at the very least, going to give her a ride to work.
“Just a sec, Brynn. I’ve got Gia on the other line.” I clicked over and quickly said my good-bye to Gia.
She reminded me what time they’d be in next Friday and then I clicked back to Brynn. She wasn’t there. I called her.
“I’m sorry,” I told her. “Why’d you hang up?”
“I didn’t feel like holding. Like I said, I’m going to nap. I want to feel sorry for myself for a while, alone.”
“I’m worried about you,” I said. “Let me be your boyfriend and come comfort you like boyfriends do when their girl is upset.”
“No. I’ll be fine.” She was irritated by my insistence.
“Okay.” I backed off. “
Can I give you a ride to work, please?”
She sighed.
“If I said no, you’d show up anyway, so fine. I’m not opening my door until 7:30, so don’t show up early.”
“Thank you. Sweet dreams.”
I couldn’t be surprised or upset with the way Brynn wanted to handle her rejection. She’d always been alone and that was still how she felt the most comfortable. I wanted to change that, but I had to leave it between her and her therapist.
I ate dinner and
did some studying while I kept a close eye on the clock. I knew Brynn wouldn’t see a bit of humor in me showing up early. Plus, I didn’t feel like pressing my luck with her. She was too important to me. I left about five minutes early, just in case the traffic was heavy, knowing I could wait in the car if I had to.
I knocked on her door at 7:30 exactly. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard her little footsteps coming toward me.
She forced a smile at me before she locked up. I took her hand as we started down the stairs.
“You’re still beautiful with sad eyes and a fake smile,” I told her. I squeezed her hand and she fought a grin.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get a part…” I started.
“I got a part,” she said quietly. “I just didn’t get the part I should’ve. I was their second choice for the lead.”
“Brynn! That’s incredible! Second out of all who auditioned is something to be proud of.” I couldn’t believe she was downplaying first runner up.
“Always second choice.” She whispere
d as she looked out the window. “The girl they gave it to isn’t even one of the top five dancers. Not only that, she isn’t even one of the top ten singers. It’s just like I’m back in high school.”
“You said you got a part, though, that’s awesome.” I was excited for her but she was bitter. I was sure it had taken her back to some not-so-happy memories
, but she could turn it around and make it something great.
“It’s just as
one of the back-up dancers. Three songs in the entire show with a big group.”
“Well, I think it’s fantastic and I’m really proud of you.” I squeezed her leg and I almost saw a hint of a smile try to come across her pink pouty lips.
“You would,” she said as she shook her head.
I laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean? You just want me to join you in your pity party, but I’
m not going to. In fact, I think we should be celebrating and I want to brag to everyone about my talented girlfriend who’s in a big show.”
She shook her head again and a tiny grin appeared. “Thanks for the ride,” she said.
I pulled into the lot and parked. I turned toward her and took her hands, forcing her to face me. “You’re very welcome. I’ll cheer you up some more when I pick you up at two.”
“Okay.” She nodded.
“That’s my girl.” I gave her a kiss.
I felt a lot better as I watched her walk up to the door. She’d allowed me to be there for her, even though it was for a short driv
e, but I appreciated it and I know she felt a little better, too. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up some of Brynn’s favorite things. I wanted to dote on her this weekend.
I’d fallen asleep watching a movie and awoke about midnight to my cell ringing.
“Hi, Sean?” a voice on the other end said.