Searching For Captain Wentworth (33 page)

‘And the sky is
such a dramatic backdrop, almost as if the
artist knew he was painting someone very special.’

Standing before
the painting got me thinking. I couldn’t
remember any specific mentions of portraits or
paintings in Jane’s
books or
letters, but one of her novels came leaping into my mind.

‘There’s a
passage in
Mansfield Park
when
Fanny Price goes to
dinner at the
Grants. She wears a new white dress with glossy spots
just like that one, a present from her uncle.
Perhaps it was a
favourite gown
of Jane’s and why she remembered it when she
wrote her novel.’

‘I don’t think I
know
Mansfield Park
that
well to comment,’
said Josh.
‘Isn’t that the one where the heroine falls in love with her
cousin?’

‘Yes, but it
doesn’t ever look as if it will work out, though
Fanny does marry Edmund in the end.’

‘Look at the
locket, Sophie. It’s the painting in it that intrigues
me because there’s definitely something there. The
family says that
her Great Uncle
Francis had her portrait painted. Perhaps the
miniature round her neck is of him.’

I was suddenly
reminded of another book of Jane’s. ‘Oh, that’s
Sense and Sensibility
! Now, who is it? I can’t remember exactly,
I’m going to have to look it up, but it says something
like Marianne
and Willoughby
had not known each other long before she wore his
picture round her neck, but then it turned out to
be only the
miniature of her
great uncle.’

As we stood
there trying to remember who’d made the
comment and whether we’d remembered it properly,
Alison the
receptionist
appeared.

‘Excuse me
interrupting. You’ve got a visitor, Josh,’ she said,
in that triumphant way people do when only they
have privileged
information.

‘Oh? Who is it?’

‘I’m not allowed
to say.’

She winked conspiratorially
at me.

‘Alison, please.
Can’t you work your magic and make them
go away for half an hour.’

‘I can’t. She
said it’s a surprise and she won’t take no for an
answer.’

‘Please tell me
you’re joking,’ Josh said, with a weary sigh.

‘No, look, she’s
over there by the door.’

I saw Josh’s
eyes follow Alison’s pointing finger. His
expression changed dramatically from disappointment
to one of
complete
astonishment and joy.

Over by the door
was a girl. Tall, dark-haired and dressed in a
sheath of peacock blue, which set off her glowing
skin and hair, the
whole room
turned to look at the attractive beauty who presented
herself like an extra special birthday package. All
she needed was
a huge satin bow
to undo and the image would be complete.

Without another
word, Josh was pushing through the crowd,
threading his way through the throng of people to
reach her side. I
watched him
greet her with a shout to stun the whole room into a
moment’s silence, before he picked her up in his
arms twirling her
round and
showering her with kisses.

‘Who is she?’ I
asked Alison.

‘I don’t know
exactly,’ said Alison rather coolly, taking it all
in with an expression that clearly showed she
hadn’t taken to the
young lady at
the door. ‘She said her name is Louisa and as far as
I know, that’s the name of his girlfriend.’

It was a shock
to hear that and suddenly, without being able to
reason why, I felt completely deflated. Josh had
never mentioned a
girlfriend,
though I remembered hearing about Louisa from Alison
before. Why I’d imagined that such a good-looking
guy wouldn’t
have someone is
anybody’s guess. I’d never heard him talk about
anyone, but then we hadn’t exactly discussed
affairs of the heart.

‘I knew she’d be
beautiful,’ murmured Alison and didn’t say
anything more, but I could guess what she and every
other female
in the place
were thinking. If they’d only had a slim chance with
Josh before, they had absolutely none now. It was
impossible not to
watch them. They
were so animated, it was as if they only had eyes
for the other and appeared so clearly in love.
Suddenly, I felt
completely in
the way. I didn’t want to hang around any more and
I certainly didn’t want to play gooseberry.
Besides, I was feeling
rather
woozy from too many glasses of champagne.

‘Oh, don’t they
look lovely together? Josh looks so happy,’ I
said in my breeziest voice. ‘You know, Alison, I’m
feeling rather
shattered and
I’m ashamed to say I think I’ve probably had a little
bit too much champagne. Could you give Josh a
message for me
when he’s not so
busy? Just tell him I’ve gone home and I’ll speak
to him tomorrow, sometime.’

It may have been
my imagination, but Alison’s expression
looked both haughty and gloating at the same time,
as if she had
seen through my
excuses to some other reason for my early
departure. I knew what she was thinking, that I was
upset about
seeing Josh with
his girlfriend, but I really couldn’t be bothered to
say anything more and knew that whatever I did say
would only
seem to confirm,
rather than deny her reasoning. At the earliest
opportunity, I slipped out and made my way home.

Seeing Josh with
his girl in his arms left me reeling. I felt an
inexplicable stab of jealousy, or did I mean envy?
Either way, it
made me long to
see Charles and I knew that was impossible. I let
myself in and managed to get up the dark stairwell
before I burst
into tears. The
living room felt cold, it was too late to light a fire. I
turned on the lamp and slid into the winged chair,
shivering as I did
so, kicking off
my sandals to pull my legs up underneath me in an
effort to keep warm. I totally misjudged the
action, most likely due
to my
over consumption of champagne and ended up knocking
over the occasional table with such a force that I
sent a vase of
flowers, a photo
of my Dad and the rosewood box crashing to the
floor.

I saw
immediately that the secret drawer in the box had sprung
open. I carefully picked up the box to assess the
damage and to my
amazement found
that all was still intact. From within the drawer
came a gleam of gold shimmering through the layer
of paper that
bound it, which
made every hair stand on end. I could only just see
the curve of the back of a gold, oval frame, but
knew before I took
it out exactly
what I’d found.

Charles’s face
looked back at me, and the memory of that last
afternoon in Sydney Gardens came back with such
clarity that it
hurt. I held the
frame to my face as though doing so would bring
him nearer; bring him back to me. I knew it was
just my mind
playing tricks,
but his eyes appeared to look deeper than ever into
mine. He seemed to have even more of a smile about
to break upon
his lips, just
like he had on that magical day.

The sound of the
front door shutting made me jump. I heard
voices, laughter, and then Josh’s door shut with a
finality that made
me feel lonelier
than I ever felt in my life before. Rising up through
the floor, muffled voices trying not to be too loud
were punctuated
with giggles and
then there was silence. I’m ashamed to say I could
only imagine them kissing and that thought brought
me back again
to Charles. He’d
kissed my hand with feeling and tenderness. Such
a small gesture, but it was one that had filled me
with intense
longing.

Another sound
from downstairs had me sitting up. Josh’s door
banged shut once more and then I heard the thump of
footsteps on
the stairs. I
held my breath. There was a knock on my door.

‘Sophie, are you
in there? Are you still awake?’

I couldn’t
speak. The truth was I didn’t want to answer.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have rushed off like that, it
had been rude of me
not to say
goodbye, but my feelings were so mixed up. The sight of
Josh being so happy had the green-eyed monster
inside me
whimpering
pathetically to myself about my own feelings of
insecurity and envy. If I was quiet, he might think
I’d gone to bed.
I just couldn’t
face him.

Holding my
breath, I twisted into a more comfortable position
in the chair and rested my feet on the footstool. I
didn’t hear
footsteps going
away immediately, so I guessed he was still outside
waiting to hear for a response. It felt like ten
minutes passed by but
eventually
I heard his retreating footfall on the stairs. Heaving a
sigh of relief, I felt disinclined to get up now
just in case my
movements around
the flat betrayed the fact that I was still wide-
awake. In any case, the effects of the champagne
were making me
feel drowsy.
Still clutching the miniature of Charles, I gave in to
sleep which stole over me blotting out the world
sending me into
velvet darkness.
My dreams were so vivid that on waking once
more to daylight streaming through unshuttered
windows, I
couldn’t decide
which time I occupied at first.

There is nothing
like the beginning of a new day for helping you to
see things differently from the night before. Once
I’d realized I was
very firmly in
the present, I kept thinking how rude I must have
appeared to Josh by just going off like that and
resolved on getting
up and going to
apologize. I’d slept for longer than I’d realized, I
had a stiff neck from lying at a strange angle and
combined with the
inevitable
hangover meant not only did I feel rotten, but I looked it
too.

Charles’s
portrait looked even more spectacular in the light. I
wondered how long it had been in the box, but
guessed it must have
been for
some considerable time as the painting looked as fresh as
if it had been done yesterday. I couldn’t think how
it came to be in
the painting at
the museum and then decided that what I’d thought
had looked like a similar object might have been
something
completely
different, a piece of jewellery perhaps. Yet, I couldn’t
get away from the feeling that I had been meant to
find it, however
it had got
there.

By the time I
got dressed, attempting to make myself look as
if I hadn’t got bags under my eyes and a headache
that was
threatening to
turn into a spectacular migraine, it was midday. I was
just about to go out and call on Josh when one
particular thought
held me back.
What if his girlfriend was still there? I considered
that she might well be and there was also the
possibility that they
may not
want to be disturbed. That thought made me feel
uncomfortable without really knowing why. It was
silly, but I
almost felt that
I should have been the person allowed to vet his
girlfriend first to see if she was good enough for
him. I felt
protective
towards him, though I knew I had no right to feel like
that and rid myself of the thought. I’d just have
to wait, perhaps call
on him
tomorrow.

I was standing
in the hallway dithering as I weighed up the
pros and cons, when I spotted an envelope wedged
under the door.
It felt a bit
knobbly on closer examination and had “Sophie” written
on the front in Josh’s handwriting. I snatched it
up and took it into
the sitting room
to open. Inside was a folded letter and a key on a
keyring, which incongruously had the words,
“
You
pierce my soul
”
, written in fancy script, not unlike Jane Austen’s
handwriting
engraved on its
silver metal tag.