Searching for Disaster (15 page)

“I don't know how she knew my name. I never told her, and my badge was in the glove compartment—I had never put it up. I sat there in the hospital parking lot for a long time, then drove back to Dispatch, took another cab straight to rehab, and checked myself in.”

Izzy held her breath, hand pressed to her mouth. “You never told me.”

“I know. It was a long road back. First I had to forgive myself. Make amends. Take the time to heal my insides, where all the bad stuff lay in wait. You know the process, Izzy. Meetings. Talks with your sponsor. One day at a time. Eventually I got there, and I was allowed to be a husband and a father again. So, let me ask you this. Do you think I deserved to get you all back?”

She jerked back. “That's a ridiculous question! Of course. It was horrible what you did and how you hurt us, but you've been with us every day. You earned back our trust. I am so grateful to have you as my father.”

“And your mother? Do you think I deserved for her to give me a second chance? To spend the rest of her life wondering if I'd ever make another mistake and leave again?”

“Dad, she loves you. She made her choice, and you've never let her down. You never will.”

“Then why are you not allowing Liam to make his choice?”

Her head spun. She stared at her father, trying to process his words and realizing the truth of what he was saying. God, she'd never thought of it like that. Liam tried to tell her many times, but she was too stuck on not hurting him.

“That night you showed up at the house high and I kicked you out for good, I was destroyed. Not because of your sins, but because of mine. I felt responsible and guilty. I thought it was my genes that were damaged and I was terrified I'd made you into what I had been.”

“No. Look at Gen and Alexa and Lance. They're fine. It was me. Something inside me was . . . different.”

“I know. You're like me. I hated it. Maybe that's why I was always so much harder on you than Gen. I thought I could save you, but I couldn't.”

“Dad, there was nothing you could have done. I made my own path, and there were plenty of times I could have made other choices. I had opportunities not to use. I chose my path, and it has nothing to do with you.”

“Yes, I know. But a father only wants to protect his daughter at all costs.”

“I'm afraid,” she whispered. “Afraid I'm not good enough for him. Afraid I'll hurt him. Afraid I'll be weak one day and use again and destroy everything.”

“I'm afraid, too. But trying to protect people by being afraid is wrong and against everything they're trying to teach us. We're addicts, Izzy. But we're people, too. We screw up and cause pain, but we also fight through the bad stuff. We love fiercely and try hard and do everything we can to be the best of what we are. God forgives you. We forgive you. You told me you forgive yourself, but if that were really true, you'd let Liam love you.”

Yes. She hadn't allowed him to love her. She'd pushed him away, refused to talk about their relationship, and generally belittled his feelings. Still, he stuck by her, wanted her, loved her. Even to the last second when she walked away from him.

Dear God, what had she done?

“Personally, I think Liam is very lucky to have you. You're an extraordinary person. We don't realize that almost every person we meet has a story. Something in life tries to break them. Sometimes life succeeds, but if we fight back and eventually find redemption, do you really think we should be punished for the rest of our lives?”

No. She closed her eyes and reached deep inside, to that inner core of darkness that lay quietly in wait.

She found silence there. Kindness. And the knowledge she deserved to love and be loved.

“I know what I have to do now, Daddy,” she said, opening her eyes. “Thank you for helping me.”

She rose from the chair and hugged her father, and they held each other for a while.

“I expect him to be introduced at Sunday dinner next week,” he muttered.

Izzy laughed and hugged him tighter.

chapter thirteen

D
EVINE PULLED UP
to his driveway and froze.

Her car was here.

Dizziness overcame him. He stared at the closed door and wondered why she was here. It had been two horrible, painful, grueling weeks since she'd walked away from him, and he was still barely surviving.

Even Stone was worried. He'd brought over a casserole Arilyn had made, as if someone had died and food would make things right.

Something had died—his heart.

And nothing would make it right again.

He couldn't do this again. He'd fought as hard as possible and still lost. Because the battle was within her, and until she figured it out, he was helpless. And if she was here just for sex, well, hell, he was throwing her out. He was better than just a guy with a dick, able to give her a good time. He fucking loved her and she'd fucking left him. Hell, she could be standing naked in there, and he'd just calmly tell her to please leave, because he wasn't going through this type of agony again.

Love truly sucked.

Temper fueling his body, he got out of the car and marched into the house. It was time to take back his damn key, too, so she couldn't do any of these magical appearances to tear him up. Men had rights, too. Where was it written that women were always the ones who got stepped on and abused in a romantic relationship? Or used for sex and lighthearted fun?

He was done.
Finito
. Over and out.

Devine swung open the door, slammed it behind him, walked a few steps in, and got ready to demand she get the hell out of his house.

And then he saw her.

She was in a skimpy gold lamé bikini, exactly like in the scene with Princess Leia in
Return of the Jedi
.

Posed in front of the fireplace, Leia and Han tangled and playing at her feet, she stood before him in perfect, mouthwatering, Eve-like sensuality. His gaze roved over the thrust of her breasts and the tiny triangles that barely covered her nipples. Her tat sat perfectly on the top of her right breast. The slope of her stomach, the hourglass of her hips. A minuscule piece of fabric covered her pussy, just enough to make a man ache to slip his hand underneath to find the hot, wet honey beyond. Smooth, golden skin displayed her glory in the flickering light of the fire behind her. She stood with her legs braced apart, like a warrior princess ready to do battle.

Her hair was curled and let loose to run wild around her shoulders. Her lips were painted a deep scarlet, moist and ready for his kiss. She remained still with perfect grace, waiting for him to get over his complete shock that immobilized his feet but not his dick.

Oh no, not his dick. That appendage had grown to full staff and was trying to strangle itself in his uniform. She was his fantasy come to life a few feet away, ready for him to take her.

“Liam—”

“I forgive you.”

He closed the distance between them, even as he was attacked by the joyous greetings of the twin terrors. They leaped on his feet, slowing down every step, but his gaze was focused on only her.

A husky, sexy laugh escaped her lush lips. “No, Liam, I have to tell you some important things first.”

“How about later?”

She threw her arms out and backed up, shaking her head so those silky waves lifted and brushed her naked shoulders. The straps barely held her straining breasts. He wondered if he made her leap back again if her breasts would escape their confinement.

“Liam, wait! Please let me talk first and then you can do anything you want to me.”

“Anything?” he growled. “You have two minutes. And talk simply, because all the blood has left my brain and gone elsewhere.”

“I love you. I love you with my heart and my soul and my body. You are everything I've ever wanted in my life, and I've been stupid—so stupid and afraid. All this time I've been trying to protect you I've really been trying to protect myself. By believing I'd never be good enough, I had a rational reason not to take a leap of faith with you.”

“I agree.” He took a step forward. “Go on.”

“I don't want to live without you. And maybe I'll always be scared of what could be, or of using again, but I refuse to insult me or you by embracing weakness. Because I'm not weak, Liam. I'm strong. And maybe I screwed up before and didn't choose you, but dammit, I'll never make that mistake again. I'll choose you every time. If you'll have me. If I'm not too late. And I'll do whatever I need to prove I'm not going anywhere ever again. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He reached her, snagged her around the waist, and pulled her in. His kiss was animalistic as raw hunger tore through his system at the first hot, sweet taste of her. As his tongue thrust deep between her lips, she gave it all back to him, shoving her fingers in his hair and pressing her body flat against his chest. His hands roved over her half-naked body, starved for the feel of her, as the puppies nipped at their heels and jumped frantically for attention.

“If I had known this thing worked so well, I would've invested in it a while ago,” she gasped, arching up and offering her delicious mouth for surrender.

“Where'd you get it?”

“Costume store.”

“I feel dizzy. Gonna pass out if I don't get you to the bedroom. Now.” He lifted her up high, and she wrapped her legs around his hips as he stumbled to the bedroom, the puppies following and almost tripping him a few times. He gave up grace for speed and pressed her down on the bed, his fingers furiously working to pull off his uniform while he pressed kisses over her neck, her breasts, her stomach.

Gently, almost reverently, he pulled off the golden fabric and bared her to his eyes. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispered, taking in her rosy-tipped nipples, the gleam of moisture between her legs. He touched her everywhere, swallowed her moans with his kiss, and pushed her thighs far apart as he poised by her dripping entrance.

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demanded, pushing in a few inches before he stopped, relishing the thrash of her head and the jerking lift of her hips. “Tell me.”

“I'm yours, Liam. No more running. I love you.”

“About damn time.”

He pushed in and seated himself deep inside her. Gritting his teeth against the fierce shocks of pleasure, he began to slowly move.

Interlacing his fingers with hers, he took the journey far up, where sensations and pleasure ruled and the connection between them burned bright and hot. Took her to the edge, and kept her there, drinking in her beloved face, thrusting hard, scraping against her clit once, twice, and then—

They shattered. Her cries filled the air, and he pumped his hips, releasing and binding this woman to him forever.

They came down to the reality of desperate barks and whines as the puppies tried frantically to jump on the bed. He pressed his forehead to hers and stroked back her sweat-dampened curls.

“I love you, Isabella MacKenzie.”

“I love you, Liam Devine.”

“Shall we complete our family?”

She smiled and his heart filled. “Yes.”

He scooped up Leia and Han and they rolled and licked, climbing over them in a crazed tangle of joy.

And on his bed, with the woman he loved and the puppies who had stolen his heart, Devine finally felt complete.

epilogue

“N
OW, THAT IS
an epic love story,” Kennedy announced, sipping her apple martini.

“Agreed,” Kate and Arilyn chimed in.

Izzy grinned and glanced around the circle. “I think so, too,” she sighed. “Not many men would stick around that long.”

“Oh, I don't know. Nate put up with a lot of my shit before I had to do something grand and surrender. Of course, I never thought of a gold lamé bikini. You're smart, girlfriend.”

Her sister laughed and grabbed a piece of pizza. “Izzy doesn't play. When she decides to snare her man, she goes all out.”

“Are you ever going to put poor Nate out of his misery and marry him?” Kate asked curiously.

Kennedy grinned. “Yep. In fact, I'm planning to ask him to marry me. It's going to be major. I figure he's waited for me long enough, and I'm ready for the ring on my finger and a white dress.”

Kate jumped up and down, and Arilyn blinked away her tears. Izzy and Gen clapped with glee. “I'm so happy for you,” her friends said, giving her a quick hug.

“Thanks, guys. I'm still freaking out but in a good way. I'm so grown-up now. Kate, are my martinis so bad you don't want to even try them?”

A blush stained Kate's pale skin. “Well, umm.”

Arilyn gasped. “Oh. My. God.”

Kennedy stared. “Are you?”

Kate nodded. “I'm pregnant!” she burst out.

Another round of squealing, hugs, and threatening tears came over them. Finally, they all settled back in, chattering nonstop.

They were all seated at the bungalow, sitting cross-legged in a big circle. The puppies had finally been put to sleep in Izzy's room, passed out from too much excitement with all the company. Kate and Arilyn had brought over Robert and Pinky to play, but the puppies had exhausted even them. Now the dynamic duo snored in the corner, with Pinky curled up on Robert's back, her small head perched in between the pit bull's ears.

Two pizzas plus an array of cocktails lay in the center of the circle. Music played in the background and
Magic Mike XXL
was muted on the television. It was a perfect night with all the women Izzy loved.

“So, is it time to talk about the love spell?” Genevieve finally asked.

The women all shared a look. Izzy gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth. “I forgot about that!”

“You did it, right?” Gen asked suspiciously.

“Of course—a promise is a promise. But honestly, you don't all really believe in that stuff, do you? I mean, Earth Mother?”

Silence fell. Arilyn finally spoke up. “Umm, I kind of do. I mean, I think it's mixed with the power of harnessing our secret desires and putting it into the universe, but it worked. For every single one of us. Did it work for you, Izzy?”

Her eyes widened. Shock hit her. She remembered every single one of the traits on her secret list. As she mentally checked them off, she realized Liam was the exact match of every single one. No. Not possible. Was it?

Yet she'd met him right after the list was created. How odd.

“Okay, yes, he's everything on my list,” she admitted. “I just don't know if I'm ready to promote Earth Mother and love spells.”

“And that is why no one else gets the book,” Kennedy announced. “It served our purpose. We all found love. Now we need to destroy it.”

“I don't know,” Kate said worriedly. “What if Earth Mother gets pissed and reverses the spells and our perfect men become monsters?”

Gen shuddered. “I agree with Kate. Why don't we just hide it somewhere? Or give it to a used-book store?”

“Izzy, do you still have it?”

“Yep.” She got up, scooped it off of the bookcase, and returned to the circle. The purple fabric cover looked innocent enough, but they all knew what lay between the pages.

Kate shuddered. “I can't touch it—gives me a shock.”

Izzy tilted her head. “Do you still feel a jolt when you touch two people meant to be together, Kate?”

Her friend's grin was full of mischief. “Yep. And I felt it with you, Izzy. You and Liam.”

“What?”

“Yep. That day you did his intake, I touched both of you and that's why I fell on my ass.”

Izzy gasped. “But you tried to set Liam up with that awful Brittany woman from Kinnections.”

“It was just a setup to push you toward him. I knew you were fighting it. Figured you could use a bit of help.”

Kennedy burst into laughter. “Nice move, dudette. I love your quiet manipulations. Now, I know we agreed to never talk about it, but it's just us in the circle. I know you felt the connection between me and Nate, and Liam and Izzy. What about Arilyn and Gen?”

“Confirmed. Now I'm happy to say hopefully I'm done getting electrocuted when we all party together. Maybe I can officially retire from being a subconscious witch.”

Arilyn pointed to the book. “What's the agreement, then? The book helped all of us. It deserves to be taken care of, maybe for another generation.”

“Maybe you're right,” Kennedy said.

“I found it at the secondhand bookstore,” Kate said. “What if we wrap it up and send it out to another bookstore?”

“But which one?”

Arilyn grabbed her laptop. “I'll type in a search and we'll pick one at random. That way, the universe can work in the way it wants, and we've safely delivered it back out there.”

“Love it,” Gen squealed.

Izzy laughed. She still wasn't sure if she believed in any of it, but she adored her friends and would back them in anything. Even a love spell.

“How about the Ripped Bodice? It's actually a store that just sells romance novels! What do you think?”

“Hmm, even if they didn't want it, they respect books and would find a good home for it. Let's do it,” Kate said.

“Great. I'll take it and send it tomorrow.”

Arilyn took the book and stuck it in her purse, then rejoined the circle. “I'm so happy, guys,” she sighed, looking around. “You know, I think we've all found what we've been searching for, haven't we? I really love you all.”

Kennedy groaned. “A, you always get mushy when you drink.”

“No, she's right,” Kate jumped in. “This is special what we have. I propose a toast.”

Izzy raised her cranberry and seltzer and touched her glass to the group.

“To love.”

“To friendship.”

“To us.”

They clinked glasses and drank to the future, and to each other.

And to happy ever afters.