Searching for Moore (17 page)

She woke up her sleeping computer screen, clicked her email icon and started to scan her email. Geez — in just a few hours fifty-seven unread new emails — Junk, junk, junk, deal with later, delete, delete, delete, Business Journal, NYTimes alert, junk, Advertising Age, Facebook friend request from Schooner Moore …

Facebook friend request from Schooner Moore.

She just stared at the email subject line, her heart racing, the air in the room disappearing. Breathe, Mia, breathe, she consciously told herself. Facebook friend request from Schooner Moore. Ho-ly Shit! She opened the email.

She looked at the little block with the confirm button. Schooner had sent this. This day was getting stranger by the minute.

Schooner had sent this. He had sent this to her. Ho-ly shit!

Mia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She tried to still her thoughts, but every cell in her body was in overdrive and each and every one of those cells, including the ones in both her head and her heart (which rarely agreed), were in perfect harmony.

Mia hit confirm.

Holy shit. Schooner just friended me, Mia was astounded.

She quickly logged onto Facebook and went to her friends list. There he was, she clicked his name and went to his page. He had one friend. She was his first and only friend. Holy shit.

She clicked on the picture and it came up full sized and she heard herself gasp. She was looking at Schooner. He was smiling at her. His real smile. He was a grown man now. Still so handsome. She could see the crinkles in the corners of his eyes. Those beautiful clear eyes. She realized she was smiling at her computer screen. She also realized there were tears in her eyes and her throat had tightened. In her mind, he had always been nineteen. Not this man she was looking at. But this was Schooner. This stranger, who was not quite a stranger, was Schooner.

She heard the ding and the message screen popped up.

Schooner: Mia, are you there?

Mia: Yes

Schooner: What’s your phone #?

She just stared at the screen. Her hands were shaking. Literally shaking.

Schooner: Mia, what is your phone #?

Wow. He was forceful.

She typed in her cell number, with badly trembling hands and hit send. A nanosecond later, her cell phone rang, the display portraying a number with a 949 area code, she realized she was somehow expecting a 714 area code. Their old area code. Times had changed.

“Hi,” she tried to keep her voice even, but it came out breathy.

“Hi,” it was his voice. A little more mature sounding. But it was Schooner.

She knew it was her turn to speak next, social grace’s would dictate a “How are you?” but she had paused for a moment and he jumped right in, this time his voice hoarse and tight, “Why did you leave me?”

Wham to the solar plexus. She literally was thrown back in her chair. The air momentarily knocked out of her.

“You told her what happened to me.” They both knew to whom she was referring.

“No. I never told her. Mia, I never told her anything,” his voice was adamant. “Did she tell you I told her?” She could hear the tension crackling off his voice.

“Schooner, it was a long time ago.” Mia could feel the pain, as if it were yesterday, and she didn’t want to revisit it.

“Mia, I didn’t tell her. I never would have betrayed you that way. All I ever wanted to do was protect you. And I didn’t know why you left me. I never knew why you left me. But I swear, I never, ever told her.”

They were both silent, clearly equally reeling from one another’s revelations.

He was the first to speak again, “If she told you that she knew, then she was bluffing and she played you.” Mia let out an involuntary sob and he paused and then sighed, “Holy Fuck,” as if he’d come to some huge realization. Mia thought she was going to be sick.

“Please believe me, Mia. You know all I wanted to do was protect you.”

And with those words, it all came flooding back. Now with twenty-four years of hindsight, Mia finally realized that she had been played, and CJ had gotten the knee jerk reaction out of her that she had intended. Mia had played right into her hands and the enormity of the ramifications of how it had changed her life and how she had hurt Schooner came down on her with a weight so heavy she thought her chest was going to cave in.

She started to cry, “Oh my God, Schooner, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry. Oh my God.”

“Do you believe me?” His voice was soft.

“Yes,” she managed between sobs, “I do.”

She heard him sigh.

“Schooner, how do I begin to apologize for being an immature sixteen year old, for not trusting you, for believing what she said. I am so, so sorry I hurt you.”

“Shhh, don’t Baby Girl. You were a victim in this, too. What she did was malicious with the intent to hurt you and to put an end to us. And my whole freaking life has been based on a lie.” She could hear the anger in his voice and it was then Mia realized that Schooner had married CJ and her tears began anew. She won. She fucking won. She played a dirty game and won.

There was a soft knock on her door and Seth peeked in. She motioned for him to come in and he put the bag with her lunch on her desk. His eyes telegraphing alarm at coming in and seeing her so distraught.

“Schooner, my assistant just came in and I’ve got to prep for a 2 o’clock meeting.”

“Schooner?” Seth mouthed. “Schooner?” and muttered “Are you talking to a boat?”

“What time are you up until at night?”

“I’m kind of a night owl, usually between midnight and one.”

“Mia, are you going to answer the phone when you see my number come up?” His voice was very soft.

“Yeah.”

“Say it, Mia.” His voice more forceful.

“I will answer your calls, Schooner.” Seth was looking at her, brows knit in a “what’s going on here” look.

“You promise?”

She smiled, “Yes. I promise.”

“Ok, I will call you later.”

“Ok.”

“Mia. It’s really good to hear your voice.”

And that caused another sob to escape. “It’s really good to hear your voice too, Schooner,” She replied, softly.

“I’ll talk to you later, Baby Girl.” A torrent of tears flowed from her eyes at his final two words.

“Ok. Bye,” and she hung up her phone.

Seth sat there looking at her, completely speechless.

“Am sure I look lovely,” she smiled at Seth, wiping her running nose on the sleeve of her sweater.

“Schooner?”

“Schooner.”

“First off, who names their kid Schooner? Is this some WASP thing?”

“Might be.” Mia laughed, tears still running down her face.

“Was he totally teased for being named Schooner?” Seth was obsessing over Schooner’s name.

“No. Not at all. It totally fit him. Am sure there’s a generation of little Schooner’s out there born to women who were crushing on him.”

“So who is he and why were you crying hysterically?” He unwrapped her turkey sandwich for her and put the straw in her Iced Tea and slid them across the desk to her.

“Schooner was my college boyfriend freshman year. He was my first love.”

“Go on,” she clearly was not going to get away with the abridged version with Seth.

“Do you remember I told you about being raped in college?” Seth nodded. “Well, Schooner was the one who found me that night and took me to the hospital. And then he didn’t leave my side the rest of the semester. The last night of school he went back to his dorm to study for his last final and his ex, this bitch CJ — who I think he probably married, showed up and said a bunch of stuff that lead me to believe he told her what had happened to me and I freaked. I thought he betrayed me and I cut out early the next morning and got an earlier flight home. I just left and never said goodbye or spoke to him ever again, until, well, you just heard it.”

“Oh my God.” Seth’s hand flew to his mouth. “What did he say?”

“He asked, why did you leave me?” A small sob escaped, accompanied by a fresh gush of tears, “and I told him that he betrayed my confidence with her. He was adamant that he never told her and that she was probably bluffing and that she had played me and that I fell for it.”

“Holy shit, Mia. Do you believe him?”

She nodded. “I do. He was clearly very angry. That fucking bitch played me.”

“And so he never knew why you left him. Until now. Oh God, this is so tragic. You loved him?”

Mia nodded, “I loved him so much, Seth. No one has ever come close, not even remotely.”

“Mia, he came and found you.” More tears.

Seth flipped open his iPad case, “What’s his last name.”

“Moore”

He began typing. “Schooner James Moore of Newport Beach, California. Is that him?” Mia nodded. “Ok, there’s a Wiki here on him. Schooner James Moore, American Entrepreneur, age 43, his birthday was just two days ago, wow, it was Saturday. Holy crap, Mia he owns Level 9. Totally famous health clubs in LA. The Real Housewives work out there. Oh yeah, he married her, Colleen Janice (CJ) Moore, two kids, Holly, 19 and Zac, 17. Let’s Google Image him.” He looked up at Mia, mouth hanging wide open. “YOU are the Queen BBC!” He yelled. “The Queen. The Ultimate!” His mouth hung open and he was pointing a finger at her.

BBC was their acronym for “Bitch Be Crazy” — women who acted crazy or did wacko things or were just plain loopy were known as BBC’s.

“Why?” laughed Mia.

“You walked out on this man? Bitch, you ARE crazy,” he looked up from his iPad, “I love him.”

“Let me see.” Mia grabbed at Seth’s iPad.

He pulled it out of her reach, “No. No. No. You are not taking Schooner away from me, Bitch.”

Mia laughed and got up and walked around to the other side of the desk. She looked over Seth’s shoulder. “It’s so weird to see him as an adult. He was so gorgeous when he was young.”

Seth shot her a BBC look, “He’s still gorgeous. Robert Redford wished he looked like this in his best days. Mia, this is your Schooner?” He flipped through the pictures.

She nodded and more tears sprung from her eyes, “That’s my Schooner.”

Mia paced around her apartment. Her cell phone had not rung and it was 12:10 A.M. I’m waiting for his call like a teenager, she sighed. Maybe he’d reconsidered after their brief talk today. He now had the answer to his question and after all, CJ was his wife. They had kids together. They had built a family. They were a family. Mia looked around her beautiful apartment, a place that usually provided her solace, but tonight she felt both alone and lonely. No kids, no family, no current significant other. Thanks, Schooner, she thought, you really needed to find me so that I can dwell on being forty and alone.

Finally, at 12:30, Mia crawled into bed and turned off the lights. Today has been so emotionally draining, she thought. Lost and found. Today was lost and found. And she realized that now she was scared it would be lost, found and lost again. How crazy is that, she thought.

She was in that quasi-sleep state having odd dreams of Schooner, when her cell phone rang. She reached for it and it displayed that 949 area code. It also said it was 2:47 A.M.

“Hi,” she tried not to sound sleepy.

“Hi,” his voice sounded like silk and she curled up deeper into her blanket, “I’m sorry it’s so late. No, go ahead and put those bags over there,” he said to someone else. “Sorry, I’m just getting settled,” he sighed, “I moved out tonight. I’m at the Ritz in Laguna Niguel.”

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Schooner.”

“This was a long time coming. I just didn’t know how long until today. What she did to you. What she did to us. There’s just no coming back from that,” he sounded absolute.

“Are you ok?” Her voice was sweet and soft. She wanted to comfort him.

“There’s a yes and no to that, Mia. Today has been a lot to process.” Mia was nodding her head on her side of the call, as if he could see her.

“If I could change things, Schooner,” she let out a long sigh, “I should’ve come to you. I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I wish you had. Everything would have been different,” he sighed, “Mia, I went to pieces when you left. I was so blindsided. I really thought we were going to spend our whole lives together.”

She was silent and he asked, “You still there?”

“Yeah, I’m just lost in thought and I’m listening to your voice. I never thought I’d hear your voice again.”

“Well, talk to me so that I can hear your voice, too.” She could hear him settling in on the other end of the phone.

“After I left California, I just sort of crawled inside myself for a long, long time. I don’t think I’ve ever been really great at relationships.”

“I don’t agree with that,” he whispered and she smiled. “I didn’t even ask, are you married?”

“No, never married, no kids. I own a small boutique advertising agency here in Manhattan. Been involved in a couple of semi-long term relationships, but never got married.”

“Well I guess that you figured out that I married CJ,” there was a silence.

“Why Schooner? Did you always love her?” Mia tried to keep the hurt out of her voice, but she could hear it creeping in. She realized that she was nervously twisting her blanket in her hands.

“Oh Mia. No, I didn’t love her. This is just so fucked up. I loved you, but I didn’t want to ever again hurt the way I did when I lost you. Best way to avoid hurt, don’t put yourself in a situation that can hurt you. That’s what I thought I was doing. I was in a situation I could control. What we had was out of control. I knew I would never be emotionally over my head like that with her.”

How sad, Mia thought. She was sad for him. The thought of him hurting was gut wrenching, but on some level she was so happy to hear him say he was with CJ because he didn’t love her deeply. There was something very satisfying in that knowledge, especially after today’s revelations.

“Are your kids wonderful?” She asked, needing to change the subject and get away from all the hurt they’d inflicted upon one another.

She could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke of them and she listened intently, hearing the pride and love in his words and tone.

“Schooner, things played out the way they were supposed to so that you would have your kids.”