Searching for Neverland (30 page)

My hands instantly flew into his hair, holding his head in place, as if I never wanted to break the kiss. And I wasn’t sure I ever did. But we were in a public place, so we couldn’t get too carried away.

I let Josh pull back first
and felt empty as soon as he did, but then he hugged me again, squeezing me so tight that I almost stopped breathing, and the emptiness ebbed away.

“I missed you,” he mumbled into my hair, almost as if he was afraid to say it out loud.

I pulled back to look at him when he finally let me go. “I’m so glad you’re home,” I said, hugging him again.

“Uh,” he said then, pulling back from me, and I looked up to see a stunned look on his face.

I followed his gaze to see two dozen people staring and trying to hide smirks as they watched our floor show. My face turned bright red, and I turned and buried my face in Josh’s chest, finding comfort in the familiar scent of his shirt.

“We should probably go,” he said then. “Home. Where we can be alone.” I looked up at him, reading in between the lines, as he tried to hide the smirk on his face. “I mean, if you want to, that is.”

I nodded. “Yeah, let’s go home,” I said, taking his hand in mine, as he reached down to pick up his duffel bag.

He looked down at our joined hands on his way back up, shook his head, smiled, and mumbled something.

“What?” I asked.

He just looked at me in bewilderment. “Nothing,” he said, as he leaned over and kissed my temple. “I’m just really glad you’re here. Come on.”

I followed along silently next to Josh, grinning like a fool as we left the airport.

“Where’s your car?” he asked me, when we tumbled out into the late afternoon sunshine.

“Level Two,” I said, pointing up at the garage. “But I can leave it here. We can come back for it later.”

I
was in such a hurry to get home
that logic had left me. All I could think about was tearing his clothes off and finally doing all the things I’d fantasized about for the past three weeks.

“I don’t think I’m going to want to drive back here later,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me in question as if to see if I might be able to catch his drift.

“Oh,” I said, finally getting it. “Yeah, I don’t want to do that either.”

“Okay, then you’ll follow me home. I’m on Level Three, so I guess I’ll see you there,” he said, when we reached my car.

I bit my bottom lip. “Oh, you’ll definitely
see me
there,” I said, as I turned to unlock my car.

Before I could get the door open, Josh pressed his body against mine, trapping me between him and the car. I felt his erection through his jeans, as it pressed into my lower back. His breath was shallow as he lowered his head to my ear.

“You promise,” he whispered, his lips grazing my earlobe.

I smiled. “You have no idea what you’re in for, Josh Nolan.”

“You’re not going to pull away this time?”

I shook my head. “Not a chance in hell,” I said, as I pressed my ass back against him.

He groaned in response. “I wanted to talk first.”

I slowly snaked my hand back between our bodies and cupped the hardness I found beneath his jeans. “You sure about that?”

He shook his head against my shoulder. “Not at all.”

“Well talk later,” I assured him. “Now get in, and I’ll drive you to your car. There’s no way I’m letting you walk around here with that thing bulging out of your pants.”

And it was bulging. Just feeling the size of it had me excited. I’d been deprived for too long.

“Then stop rubbing it,” he commanded softly. “It’s not going to go away if you’re touching it.”

“Fine,” I said and regretfully released my hand.

His arms snaked around my waist. “You are a liability,” he said, as his lips landed on my neck.

Then he released me, walked around to the other side of the car
,
and sank into the passenger seat. I got in next to him and looked over, staring unabashedly for a few seconds.

“See something you like?” he asked brazenly.

I reached out and touched his cheek. “Something I love,” I said before I froze, pulled my hand away and started the car, suddenly afraid to look at him.

I couldn’t believe I’d said that. I’d been completely caught up in the moment.

“Something you what?” he asked softly.

I felt my face flame, but I didn’t answer him as I backed out of the parking space.

“Taylor?”

“Where’s your car on Level Three?”

I was freaking out, and I was sure he was too.

“Taylor, look at me.”

“Josh, I’m driving.”

In my peripheral vision, I saw him shake his head. “Aisle D, about halfway down.”

I stopped behind his black jeep, and waited for him to get out, sure I’d ruined everything. I’d opened myself up too soon. Josh hated when girls did that. I’d scared him away, and I knew it.

But he didn’t move. He just rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall into his hands. Then he looked over at me in question.

“Did you mean what you just said?”

I nodded my head infinitesimally, knowing that I’d put it out there. I couldn’t exactly take it back when my words had been so clear.

“I love you, too,” he said softly. “Taylor, look at me.”

I shook my head, as tears pricked the backs of my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I was crying, but suddenly, emotion was overtaking me.

“Taylor,” Josh repeated, sitting up straighter, as he reached over and turned my head toward him. “Did you hear me? Are you crying? Why are you crying?”

I shook my head in his hand and fought back the tears. “I’m not,” I said as confidently as I could, but as the words he’d said resonated through my mind, I was suddenly getting emotional for an entirely different reason.

His hand moved to my cheek, and he leaned across the gear shift and softly pressed his lips to mine.

“I. Love. You,” he said in between kisses, and then he pulled back and there was such tenderness in his eyes that I nearly lost it. “So much.”

I took a deep shaky breath. “Then why did you tell me you didn’t like me after that night we
hooked up
?” I asked, my lower lip starting to tremble.

Josh took my hand in his and stoked the pad of his thumb over my fingers. “Tay, I’ve had feelings for you for a while now, and that night was everything I’d been wanting for so long. I was so hopeful that you finally felt the same way I did, but then you stopped things so abruptly, and I just knew we were on different pages. I had to save face. We live together, we’re business partners, and we’re friends. I couldn’t have something so big between us, because I knew it would kill everything we had, and even though it wasn’t enough, it was better than nothing. So, I lied.”

I looked up at him from under my lashes. “But I
was
on the same page as you. The next day, I was freaked out, but then I saw you, and everything just sort of made sense, and I wanted so badly to tell you, because I knew you felt something for me, but then you told me what we did was a mistake, and that made me feel like shit, so I went along with what you were saying, but Josh, everything changed for me that night.”

He let his head fall back against the seat. “Seriously?”

I nodded.

“I’m so stupid,” he said, shaking his head back and forth. “I could have been with you weeks ago?”

“Yeah, you could have.”

“Dammit. I thought I just got lucky that Alex was being a douchebag the night of your party.”

“Is that why you thought I left with you?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I did. I thought you were hurt because he walked out on you, and when you kissed me, I figured it was because you were upset, and as much as I wanted to be the guy who could take your mind off of Alex for a night, I didn’t want to be with you just because it was convenient and you were upset.”

I reached out and ran my fingers back through his light brown hair. “I was the one who rejected Alex. I rejected him for you, Josh, because I wanted to take a chance and tell you how I felt and that I wanted to be with you. Because I love you.”

Josh sighed. “I didn’t know that. I was trying to play it safe.”

Well you did a good job of it.

“Is that why you didn’t make a move that night? Because I was trying really hard to get you to react in some way.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, and you damn near killed me with those lacy panties and that see through tank top. I fought during the whole damn movie to keep my hands off of you. I can’t remember one damn scene of it, but I remember the scent of your hair and how you felt in my arms and how badly I just wanted to kiss you.”

I shook my head. “I kept waiting for you to make a move, you idiot. And trust me, the only reason Alex was even around these past few weeks was because I needed a distraction so I could stop thinking about
you
. I did nothing but think about you for weeks, and it was torture. I even thought about you while Alex and I were . . .”

I trailed off, not needing him to know I’d fantasized about him during sex with another guy.

“While you were what?” Josh smirked.

I didn’t answer him.

“While you were what, Taylor?” he prompted, his hand moving to my thigh. “While you were – with him?”

“Yes,” I finally admitted, my face flushing crimson. “And other times – when I was alone.”

His hand inched higher. “Seriously?”

I looked over to see him grinning. “Yes, you pervert. I thought about you while I got off, okay?”

“That is so hot,” he said, as his hand cupped the apex of my thighs and his mouth moved to my ear. “I bet you looked incredibly sexy. I really wish I had a visual of that.”

His lips closed around my earlobe and sucked gently.

“I can make that happen,” I teased, and he groaned in my ear.

Then a horn honked loudly behind us, and we both jumped a mile. I was apparently blocking someone in. Josh glanced through the back window and then back at me with nothing short of longing.

“Drive fast,” he said, as he opened the door to my car. “And when we get home, I’ll make sure you get more than a weak fantasy.”

My stomach clenched at his promise as I watched him climb into his jeep. I pulled out of the parking garage, and he was right behind me.

I got a little ahead of him when he got stopped by a red light, so I took advantage of the time and changed into my sexiest, see through lingerie. Just as I heard the garage door open, I snuck into his room and settled in the middle of his bed, artfully positioning myself in what I hoped was a seductive pose.

“Holy shit,” Josh said when he walked into his room a minute later, his eyes widening. His duffel bag fell to the floor, and he crossed the room in three strides. “Is that for me?”

I reached between my legs and started to caress myself, giving him the visual he’d asked for.

“Jesus, Swift, what the hell are you trying to do to me?” Josh groaned, as he stood frozen in place.

“I’m sort of wondering why you’re standing there watching me when you could be doing this,” I said, as I pushed my barely there panties to the side and buried my fingers inside.

“Um, yeah, okay,” Josh spluttered, sounding like a teenage boy.

His fingers worked to deftly remove his jeans and boxers, and I watched his erection spring free – and sweet Jesus, if he wasn’t bigger than I imagined. He yanked his gray t-shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor before crawling onto the bed after me.

“No fair starting without me,” he murmured, as he moved his body between my legs so he was hovering above me.

“Feel free to dive in, baby,” I said breathlessly, as I continued to stroke myself rhythmically.

He brought his lips down on mine and with his hand, pulled mine way from my panties. “You’re done playing. It’s my turn.”

But instead of listening, I reached forward and wrapped my hand around him, stroking him evenly, as I kissed him feverishly.

“Tay,” he groaned, as he slowed his kisses down.

“What?” I breathed, as I continued to
move my hand up and down
his length.

“Slow down. I want to make love to you. It’s our first time.”

And it was then that I decided to take matters into my own hands. I rolled us, so I was on top and straddled his hips. With my finger, I traced his jawline. “Josh, sweetie, I love you, and I would love for you to take your time and make love to me, but first, can you just bury yourself in me? Please.”

He raised an eyebrow at me.

I started to move against him. “Here’s the thing. I have been having a lot of really dirty fantasies about you for weeks now, and all I can think about is crying out in ecstasy while you’re inside me, so can you please humor me first, and then we can do things your way.”

Josh swallowed hard and grinned at me. “I think that could be arranged,” he said, as he rolled me off of him and reached into his nightstand drawer.