Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows) (25 page)

I sighed deeply, and snuggled closer to him. I hated talking about his mother. Nothing good ever came from it. “
I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s one strange bird. She say anything else?”

“No, and I think that’s part of what’s got me bothered with the whole situation. She didn’
t ask about you or Annie. Nothing! Strange doesn’t even begin to cover it. I just don’t get it, you know. She’s always been cold and indifferent, but I swear, there’s something wrong with that woman. I don’t think she has one mothering bone in her body.” Disappointment, and even a little hurt, seeped through his voice, but most of the scars on his heart were old and scabbed over.

Just the thought of her hurting him all over again made me angry, but I tried to keep that from coming through my voice. “Baby, you can’t let this get to you. You’ve got to
o many things on your mind right now that you’re already dealing with. Don’t let her be another issue. I know it’s easier said than done, but please, just try to forget it.”

“I’ll try, I promise.” He pulled the car into the driveway, parked, and then turned to face me. “I guess I’ll never understand why
she is the way she is. But she was different today. I don’t know the word I’m looking for. Maybe, erratic? Crazed?” He opened the door, and sliding me across the seat, pulled me out and into his arms. “Whatever it was, I’m just glad that we don’t have to be around her very often. If we lived closer, I’m pretty sure she’d make our lives miserable.”

I gave an exaggerated shiver. “Ooh, scary thought. Thank
God, we’ll be here for quite a bit longer. Now, let’s get these two sleepyheads in the house so we can all go to bed.”

His arms tightened around me as he pressed a firm kiss to my lips. “Bed. Now that sounds like an excellent idea.” And there it was.
My
smile.

Bringing Papa back with us was the best idea ever. His very presence seemed to lift some of
the worry and guilt from Tripp’s shoulder. Because he believed in the old adage, he was in bed early every night, and up early every morning. When Tripp would come in from his morning workouts, he and Papa would sit in the kitchen and talk over coffee before Tripp showered. With an extra person in the house, Tripp was back in his ‘water conservation’ mode, and I really enjoyed the alone time with him. By the time we would make it into the kitchen, Papa would have Annie dressed and fed, and ready to head out to the park. Seeing those two together made my heart smile, and I knew that she was helping him through the heavy mourning period.

Because we lived on post, there was a time limit on how long a guest could stay with us.
As we neared the end of Papa’s ninety-day clearance, the days seemed to fly past us. Summer had faded to autumn, and the green leaves changed to beautiful reds, oranges, and yellows, and then finally fell to the ground. Annie was nearing her second birthday, and we made plans to head home to Highlands to celebrate it and Thanksgiving with our family.

The Monday before Thanksgiving started out like every other day. Tripp worked out, visited with Papa over coffee, and came in to wake me up for our quiet time together. When I sat up in bed, a familiar wave of nausea washed over me. With one hand covering my mouth, I pushed Tripp away with the other and made a mad dash to the bathroom where I proceeded
to noisily lose the contents of my stomach. Gentle hands soothed me and a cool, damp washcloth made its way to my neck.

“Ugh!” I plopped down on my butt and rested my head on my knees. “Here we go again.” At least this time, I had some idea of what was happening.

Tripp almost managed to hold back his chuckle, but when he lost the struggle, I raised my head and attempted an evil glare. Judging by the look on his face, I’d have to say it worked. He immediately worked to smooth out his grin.

“Sorry
, babe. I know, not funny.” That darn grin was trying to come back. “I knew this was coming. I’ve just been waiting to see when it would start.”

He wasn’t joking. He turned to the cabinet,
opened the door and reaching under the sink, he brought out a sleeve of saltines, and a ginger ale. I could only stare at him in shock.

He opened the soda and passed it to me. “Sip it, slowly though. We don’t want it coming back up.” He watched me, making sure that I followed his directions, and when I’d taken a few quick swallows, he handed me two crackers. “Take it slow, babe.” Then he sat down, wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me onto his lap. “
You looked surprised. Did you really not know?” I just shrugged my shoulder and slowly shook my head, praying that the movement didn’t make me sick again. “Babe, how did you miss the signs this time?”

I laid my head on his chest, and melted into his warmth as I listened to the steady beat of his heart
, and nibbled on my crackers. Tired and emotional—check. Irritable and snappy—check. Strange, but not scary dreams—check. All of these things had started happening over the last several weeks, but the biggest sign I should have recognized was that slight queasy feeling that just would not go away. I snuggled closer to Tripp and sighed. “You know, sometimes I feel so stupid. I should have known, but I haven’t been paying attention to the clues my body was giving me.”

Tripp just chuckled as he rubbed his cheek against the top of my head. “You
have
been kinda busy lately, what with keeping up with an active monkey and a senior citizen. Between that and trying to work around my crazy schedule, you’ve not had much time to just sit down, relax, and think.”

“Just tell me one thing. How the heck did you know this before me, AGAIN?”

“Babe, really? I know you inside and out. And you know I can’t take my eyes off of you. I’ve noticed your restless sleep and the faint circles under your eyes. And you never crash on the couch while Papa watches
Jeopardy
and
Wheel of Fortune
. But here the past couple of weeks, you’ve had to fight to keep your eyes open past eight o’clock. What really made me wonder though was when that Folgers commercial came on, and you cried like a baby.” That rat started chuckling again. “I mean, really, a few tears or sniffles are one thing, but you were sobbing. I think you call it ‘ugly crying’. It just reminded me of when you were pregnant with Annie and any little thing would set the waterworks off.”

Oh man, he mentioned
that
commercial, and the tears started leaking from my eyes. “But it’s such a happy commercial when that soldier comes in on Christmas morning, makes coffee, and then surprises his family.” I sniffed, and as I wiped my eyes on Tripp’s shirt, his body started shaking with his laughter. That earned him an elbow to the ribs, and his swift grunt made me feel a little better. “I know it’s stupid, but that one gets me every time.”
Oh my gosh
. He was right. I
was
overly emotional, and was only proving that fact by sitting on the bathroom floor, crying over a commercial that I’d seen a week ago.
Good grief.

“Uhm, babe, I hate to say this, and it may earn me another elbow, but you’re kinda proving my point.” He was smart enough to wrap his arms around mine, and lock them to
my sides. Otherwise, yeah, he probably would’ve gotten another quick jab. “Now, come on, we’ve gotta hurry. Papa and Annie are going to wonder what happened to us.”

As we showered, my mind traveled in a million different directions. I was so sick for the first several months when I was pregnant with Annie,
and I could only hope that this time was easier since I’d have to keep up with her and her endless energy. And with Papa going home later this week, I wouldn’t have his help around here anymore. When I added in Tripp’s upcoming drills, I knew that I was going to have to bring my A-game to the table or I was going to be in a world of hurt. My thoughts had me so distracted that I didn’t even notice that the water was off, or that Tripp had gotten out until he gently wrapped me in a large towel, and guided me over to sit on the commode lid.

After
he towel-dried my hair, he knelt down and pressed his forehead to mine. “We’ll do this together, you know. When I can’t be here, we can ask Papa to come stay, or if I’m going to be gone for very long, you can always go spend some time with your parents.” He pressed his hands to my stomach. “You know I won’t let anything happen to you or our baby, and we’ll just hope and pray that you aren’t as sick this go ‘round.”

We put this plan into action, and every few
weeks, I found myself traveling back to Highlands. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy my mom and dad spoiling Annie and me, but I missed not being with Tripp, and was always more than happy when it was time to go back home to him.

Thankfully, I wasn’t
anywhere near as sick with this pregnancy, and when I was about eighteen weeks along the ultrasound showed that we were, once again, having a girl. Having kept most of Annie’s baby stuff and clothing to pass down made it easier on me, but I worried that Tripp might be disappointed that he wasn’t getting the son that most every man wanted. He quickly wiped that concern away, and immediately enlisted Annie’s help in finding the perfect name for her baby sister. This led to some lively discussions because she didn’t quite understand why we vetoed every Disney Princess name under the sun, but eventually we were able to agree on a name. On June 27, 2006, we welcomed Rebekah ‘Bekah’ Elizabeth Tidwell to our little family. She greeted the world with a hushed cry, and slipped quietly in through the seams of our hearts.

Annie’s
“terrible twos” morphed into “terrifying threes,” and I found my hands full with a colicky Bekah who wouldn’t let me put her down, and a defiant toddler who insisted ‘I do it myself’ at every turn. Postpartum blues didn’t help the situation, I found myself to be short tempered, snarky, and even more prone to those horrible panic attacks. When Tripp suggested asking Papa to come help, I jumped at the chance to have an extra set of hands.

Over the next few
years, we developed a balanced routine that gave us all great joy and pleasure. Because of his kind, loving nature, the girls and their papa became inseparable, and the sight of those three together became some of my favorite memories. I took picture after picture, and while I never quite developed the talent of scrapbooking, I did know how to frame the most special snapshots. Soon the walls and shelves were covered with a visual testament to the love these three shared, and the refrigerator door held various pieces of their artwork.

Each time that Papa left when his ninety-day clearance was up, Tripp and I discussed moving off post. While I loved the idea of having more room for our daughters to grow, I knew that we would miss the
convenience that living on base afforded. Even though we took the time to go look at other options, in the end, we both realized that, for us, staying where we were was the best option. After all, during the times that Tripp was gone, and Papa couldn’t be here, other wives who were going through the exact same thing as me surrounded us. The fact that Lori and Tiffany were only doors away may have factored into my decision, too. Even though our husbands now had different jobs and schedules, we still made it a habit to spend as much time together as possible. Having a support system in place was definitely a must-have for us Army wives, especially when so many things in the world were uncertain.

When Bekah
spiked a fever of 105 and developed a fine, red rash all over her body, Lori took us to the emergency room, while Tiffany took Annie home to play with her. They dried my tears the day Annie started Kindergarten in 2009 while Tripp was away at school. And they were the unfortunate ones to find me kneeling in front of the toilet, once again losing my breakfast on a hot day in June 2010.